I wrote this yesterday, and am getting around to posting it now. I can't for the life of me find the Smackdown! thread, so I'm starting one just for this (and I didn't feel like adding baggage to the Workrate Report).
FOOTAGE! of last week. Pretty Eddie-centric. What - is Chavo finally turning? Oh, and Kurt Angle is around.
It's my life, my time, my rights, my rhyme. It's time for Smackdown!, from Huntsville, AL...and a Fashion Report, too!
Angle, in sleeveless blue "Freedom of Choice" tshirt and red "Team Angle" warmups, is out to talk. He calls-out Chavo, who does come out, to his own music, in sleeveless "Viva La Raza" tshirt, black bandana, and grey tights with yellow splats. Kurt tries to get Chavo to apologize, but Chavo comes-off as particularly heelish. Eventually Eddie, in red "Latino" tights with black/gold flames, is out. Kurt is a very Jerry-Springer-like figure. There is "mucho" tension.
FOOTAGE! of Holly getting DQ'ed last week. IN the back, Josh, in black shirt, queries BigShow, bandage on the forehead, in black one-strap singlet, the US Title over his shoulder.
Rikishi sings. Buy their CD!
Benoit, in red wolverine-headed "Wolverine" tights, vs. Paul Heyman (?), in blue suit, blue shirt, and blue tie, his index finger in a splint. No, it's versus the FBI, in a mini-battle-royal match. Johnny, in black "FBI" undies, is first. Nick Patrick is the official, in the blue shirt. Chuck, also in black "FBI" undies, arrives to make it 2:1. Johnny is eliminated. Lastly is Nunzio, in red "F.B.I." undies. Nunzio is eliminated. Chuck is eliminated. An average match.
Scotty, in red tank top and black pants, and Rikishi, in black manskirt with white dragon on red star, "Rikishi" belt and thong thereunder, vs. Bashams, both in black leather pants (coming through the crowd), with Shaniqua in silver bikini top and hot pants, carrying the Tag Team Titles. Um...non-match? Kurt Angle comes out on the stage; he announces that Heyman has booked Bashams vs. Guerreros.
Here is that match. Bashams, already in the ring, vs. Guerreros, arriving in a white/grey low-rider. They all wear the same as before. Nick Patrick officiates. Adbreak interrupts, since everyone is on the outside, anyways.
Cont. Shaniqua's got nice Egyptian-style eye makeup. Sit-down and holding the ropes, Bashams win. A nice match. Post-match the Bashams put a beatdown on Eddie; Chavo just watches. After the beatdown, Chavo gets his licks in on Eddie. Eddie spurts blood. Good storytelling.
Tazz, in black suit, purple shirt and tie, and Cole, in green/brown sportscoat and tan shirt, are your Greek Chorus.
ATrain, already in the ring, in black crested undies, vs. Cena, in retro Hawks (#4) jersey and cap, denim shorts, and lock 'n chain, rapping. Jim Korderas is the referee. FU-> pin. Average match.
In the back, Eddie is tended to. Angle arrives to express his dismay at how the situation worked-out. Eddie is on the verge of tears. What will Grandma say about this?
FOOTAGE! of Rey winning the Cruiserweight Title.
Rey, in purple/red mask and "619" pants, a black tshirt around the waist, carrying the Cruiserweight Title, vs. Akio, in black slacks, with Sakota, in white tshirt and black slacks. Hebner is the referee. WestCoastPop (scary-looking) -> pin. Average match.
Best of (?) Billy Gunn. He pins X-Pac for his first Tag Team Championship.
In the locker room, Josh interviews Holly. Meanwhile, Nidia leaves Noble a message. Heyman arrives to be heelish.
In the Wrestlemania moment, Lawrence Taylor beats Bam Bam.
Tajiri, in black pants with gold dragon and flaming left hem, vs.... Nidia, in genuine imitation mink coat, black v-neck and Daisy Dukes, escorted by Paul Heyman. Legsweep-> pin. Disturbing match. Rey comes out to make the save. Noble arrives and roughs-up Rey.
Brock, in sleeveless "Ring F5 Rage" tshirt and black warmups, carrying the WWE Title, joins commentary. BigShow, in same as before, with a chair, vs. Holly, in jeans. Hebner is the official. Holly wins with a chair-choke, making BigShow submit. A poor match.
Overall: What the heck was up with the announcing? Did they think we hadn't suffered enough with Raw? The show was okay.
Fashion Reporter Extraordinaire
Fear not the future. For that is where your dreams will come true.
Amen. Although it seems like we haven't even gotten the one column lately. And I was REAL disappointed when we didn't get a WrestleMania Running Diary. I mean, he did one for the OSCARS, for crying out loud.