Where is The Great Thomas and his Smackdown! Reports when you need them (or at least a thread to append, a day later)?
It's my life, my time, my rights, my rhyme. It's time for Sssssmackdown!, from Washington, DC...and a Fashion Report, too! The show's opening is slightly different (from the last time I paid attention).
Already in the ring, Paul Heyman, in black suit, grey shirt and white/black tie, is interrupted by Vince, in dark grey sportcoat, black slacks, and blue shirt (only one button undone). Vince does the "do-you-think-I'll-be-faceish-this-time?" schtick. Heyman brings-up the past and says he'll create a new star now that Benoit has left Smackdown! Heyman books a half-Royal Rumble - all of SD!'s Rumble entrants (plus Eddie and Hardcore, minus Morgan and Benoit) - the winner gets a title shot at No Way Out.
Shaniqua, in red bikini top and hotpants, with crop, escorts the Bashams, both in black leather pnats, carrying the Tag Team Titles, vs. Paul London, in blue fullcuts with white zigzags, and Kidman, in blue "Kidman" fullcuts (Team Vanilla). Hebner is the official. Bashams work over London 'til Kidman gets the luke-warm tag. Top-rope DDT (nasty) on Kidman for the pin. An average match.
In Heyman's Room of Fun, Angle watches Dawn Marie-Wilson, in pink "see-my-boobs" top, spin the tumbler. Heyman watches on.
Ooo - a Rey Mysterio video. More and more like WCW all the time.
In the trainer's room, Chavo Jr. is tended to whilst Chavo Sr. offers some words of encouragement. Jr. cuts a promo of awesome proportions.
Meanwhile, Dawn spins and Eddie picks a number. Rey intrudes, bringing along Someguy, in a blue sportscoat and green shirt. Rey, Eddie, and Someguy talk.
FOOTAGE! of Cena messing up his knee. Now, Cena hits on Dawn, but Paul breaks-up the love. Cena proceeds to "pick (his) own ball". Next comes Rhyno - who exchanges words with Cena.
Noble, denim shorts, with Nidia, in genuine imitation mock mink coat, vs. Rey, in black mask , white "619" pants, and black tanktop, wearing the Cruiserweight Title. If you paid for it, you're a sucker. WTF!? Charles Robinson is now on Smackdown! and he's this match's referee. Noble focuses on Rey's back, like the heel he is (and what a heel in this match!). Finally Nidia reveals that she can see and Rey gets the win. A good match.
Cole, in green/brown sportscoat and tan turtleneck, rants, while Tazz, in black suit, white shirt, and orange tie and hanky, wonders what the hell's going on.
"Rue Dabona", some chick in red top with black neckline and black boots, talks crap about PLayboy. Fuhfuhwid!
Damn - that's a lot of cockroaches. Speaking of cockroaches, it's the Washington Monument. Look - a rocketship, a wiener, and a locomotive going into a tunnel.
In the Room of Fun, BigShow can't get his hand in the tumbler to draw a number. "Chicks dig it BIG" - hey, that's exactly what your black tshirt says, BigShow (could he be doing some shameless marketing?) Show says that he, too, digs it big - but he won't be getting screwed tonight. Oh - so it's NOT a double entendre, then?
Meanwhile, Brock's Belt, with Brock, whispers at Josh, who asks about Goldberg. This is an excuse to see FOOTAGE! of Goldberg announcin' his intentions to go ass-huntin'! Foreshadowing. Brock also announces an open challenge (non-title) next.
Meanwhile (x2), back to the Room of Fun, Dawn lets the WGTT pick. Shelton has the right idea, but Charlie keeps their minds on business (Kawshen - this would be great for captionomics). ProductionChick leads Heyman away to a fallen Eddie. The Chavos arrive and Rey, also on the spot, goes for Jr.'s face.
During the break, Eddie gets stretchered.
Brock, in black undies with butt ribs, wearing the WWE Title, vs. Jordan, in yellow undies with tigerface-butt. Jimmy Korderas is the official. Jordan sells everything like a snakeoil merchant. Brock Lock -> submission. An average match.
Earlier today, some superstars visited wounded soldiers.
FOOTAGE! of the freaky 'Taker-related goings-on from the Royal Rumble and Raw. Now Josh askd Vince about the 'Taker/Kane stuff, but Vince stonewalls.
Meanwhile, in the Room of Fun, Angle is upset about the attack on Eddie. Oh gosh - tease us some more with Angle's (maybe) turn, why don't you?
Mini-Rumble: 90-second intervals, over-the-top eliminations. Angle (1), in blue "A" singlet, with gold medals, and Adbreak.
(cont.)Angle and Rhyno (2), in black "Rhyno" singlet, start. Haas (3), in silver singlet with red trim. Benjamin (4), also in silver singlet with red trim. Bradshaw (5), in black "APA" tights with cards. Adbreak (again)!
(cont.2)During the break, TheCat (6) entered and was eliminated. Tajiri (7), in black pants with gold dragon and flaming left hem. BillyGunn (8), in pink "Mr. Ass" fullcuts with lips. BigShow (9), in black one-strap singlet (and all they guys perk up - ha! that so makes me think of Andre in "The Princess Bride"). Tajiri is eliminated. Bradshaw is eliminated. Cena (10), in white "Mitchell & Ness" jersey, denim shorts, "WW" cap, limping with a kneebrace. Curses, Adbreak (again again)!
(cont.3)During the break, Nunzio (11) joined and was eliminated). ATrain (12), in black crested undies, also joined during the break. Eddie (13), in black "Latino" tights with green/yellow flames. Atrain is eliminated. Rikishi (14), in black manskirt with yellow dragon on red star, "Rikishi" belt and manthong. Ha - I love Shelton's scream of utter terror before being stinkfaced. Holly (15), in black /blue "Hardcore Holly" fullcuts. Cena is eliminated. BigShow. Haas. Benjamin. Holly. BillyGunn. Rikishi. It's almost like an actual match when only Angle and Eddie are left. Finally, Angle is eliminated. Eddie wins! While I don't usually give a quality-rating to battle royals, I'll just say that this was a really entertianing one.
Overall: I liked this show. Smackdown! was right on this week. Well, except for that Rue Dabona bit. What the hell was that?
Fashion Reporter Extraordinaire
Fear not the future. For that is where your dreams will come true.
1. How exactly did Greg "The Hammer" Valentine become part of Rhythm 'n' Blues? A: *Shrug* The Dream Team broke up and Jimmy Hart's hobby was bringing teams together to take on his former clients The Hart Foundation.