This is ridiculous. I feel like I should throw a party. A concert review party. Best kind. Chicken fingers and mozza sticks for all. The DJ can make questionable choices. Patrick can rearrange the furniture and make the bathroom smell like oranges. A LOT of oranges.
Maybe this is a good stopping point. But I've felt like stopping for years, off and on, and here we are.
I want to put all these things in a book. Have I mentioned that? Self-published, because nobody would pay for these and they've all been free on the internet at one point or another anyway. An ebook, because it would be big and we all have too many books and books are heavy. Hard to move. Though maybe I'll order up a handful of print copies if I can pull it off without bankrupting myself, just for my own ego. I have a plan. I've had a plan for a while, if that isn't becoming apparent. Re-read everything. Edit everything. Fix typos. Don't fix horrible opinions. Restore self-censored content. Re-post the old reviews to the internet. Add pictures where possible. Scan tickets. Write a new introduction for each review. Introduce the cast of characters properly so you know why I want Patrick to make the bathroom smell like a lot of oranges.
I'm big on the "planning" part and not so much into the "doing." But now you can all publically shame me when review #300 rolls around and I've done nothing.
I may never get to #300. When the book goes to print, the reviews end. Or when the reviews end, I'll get the book ready. I don't know. Something like that, in some order.
I couldn't finalize the book and then write more reviews. I can't leave stragglers, waiting forever for a second volume that will never come.
I bought my dad a set of all the James Bond Blu-Rays for Christmas. It's very nice but it is also kind of silly. I mean, it's not like they'll never make more Bond movies, you know? He'll have this nice fancy box set and a stack of separate individual discs that he'll buy as future movies come out. So yes, when my concert review book is done, I'm leaving the game.
But can you live without my opinions of Gordon Lightfoot? Or Glass Tiger? Or this year's Folk Festival? I guess it's not like I don't know them already:
GORDON LIGHTFOOD: Good to see him, but would have been better to see him many years ago. Also, I don't know many of his songs and he skipped at least one of them. And I am NOT fixing that typo up there because "Gordon Lightfood" is the funniest thing I've written in some time.
GLASS TIGER: Not bad, all things considered, but I didn't enjoy them as much as Deserée did. Also, she was way more excited for Glass Tiger than anyone should be in 2014 - or, indeed, ever - but didn't do anything crazy like rush the stage to profess her undying love for Alan Frew, much to my disappointment (and probably to his).
REGINA FOLK FESTIVAL: This one will vary depending on the weather and my overall mood, but I expect I will like Friday night best of all because Joel Plaskett.
You know, if I only write a sentence for each review, I could keep doing this forever. But that's not what these are about, is it? These are about documenting all the shenanigans (or lack thereof) that surround these nights, and briefly touching on whether or not I actually enjoyed the performance and whether or not I thought it was any good, all while trying to camouflage my lack of musical knowledge. And with that in mind...
You know I love Ben Folds. I have been a fan ever since first being introduced to Ben Folds Five on a free CD sampler that came with CMJ New Music Monthly, back in the time before you could instantly hear every single song ever recorded for free. I have seen Ben Folds in Fargo (an eight-hour drive - each way - from my house), and with the Edmonton Symphony Orchestra (also an eight-hour drive), and with Ben Folds Five in Minneapolis (twelve hours). All three shows were great. I would gladly see him again anytime, though I could do without the long-distance drives. I don't ever expect he'll play Regina (even though Americans find it so fun to say), but c'mon, Ben. At only six hours away, even Winnipeg would be an improvement. And you have no idea how much it pains me to say that, though I admit that the sting is lessened by the knowledge that I am the first person ever in the history of all humankind to string the words "Winnipeg would be an improvement" together in that exact order.
My friend Candice likes Ben Folds a lot too. If memory serves, this would be her first appearance in an SLCR. She'd never seen Ben before. Whenever I've gone to see him, the timing didn't work out for her. This time, she made it work, so I made it work. Folds' last concert with the Edmonton Symphony was just over two years ago - March 29, 2012. Like I said, I loved it, but if Candice hadn't been able go this time, I don't think I would have bothered either. Between the travel time, the cost, and knowing that the set list was bound to be very similar (when you're playing with a symphony, your opportunities to mix things up are limited), I would have lived with missing this one. But with a good excuse to go? Couldn't miss out.
After much deliberation and schedule juggling and plan changing, I caught a bus to Saskatoon on the weekend before the concert. I had the whole week off, so I spent a few days with family and friends before Candice and her husband Ryan picked me up around noon on the day of the show. They brought me Wendy's! Delightful of them.
The drive was uneventful, which pretty much always beats the alternative. We listened to satellite radio comedy for most of the way there, which was its usual mixed bag. Lots of garbage, a few good lines here and there, and one of my favourite Bill Cosby routines (chocolate cake). And for the first time in a very long time, I found myself having run out of turns to play in my iPhone games.
When we got to Edmonton, we went straight downtown, not stopping at the hotel, to ensure that we had time to eat beforehand. Dinner was at a Ricky's. I don't think I've ever eaten at a Ricky's before and am in no great rush to do so again. It wasn't bad or anything; it was just one of those meals that could best be described as "a thing that happened." Completely forgettable... so, of course, I'm writing about it for future generations. Hey future Earthlings and associated spacemen! On May 21, 2014, I ate a Greek chicken wrap with a Caesar salad! It was acceptable! Please take this information and build your culture around it. I expect many songs and chants, which you can upload into the hard drive that now contains my consciousness.
If I'd been in the milestone frame of mind, I'd have had chicken fingers and mozza sticks, the only appropriate meal. But I have a question for you: am I just old now, or were mozza sticks maybe never really all that good? Ones from the oven are always disappointing, sure, but even the deep fried "good" ones? I guess I just don't know why anyone would get mozza sticks when deep fried dill pickle spears are a thing.
Anyway. We were only a few blocks from the Winspear Centre, so one quick walk and we were in our seats. After the last show, I remarked that the Winspear is a beautiful venue and I'd love to see something like it here. Candice said pretty much the same thing upon seeing it. Speaking of the seats, I did much better, ticket-wise, than the previous show - sixth row and close to the middle. Close enough to get hit with Ben Folds' spit if he was determined to do so, and that's what you're after in a concert experience.
Actually, no. We were close enough to justify me sending Jeff a picture showing just how close to the stage we were. He replied "Hate you so much" which is what I was truly after in a concert experience. Also, it's what he replies anytime I text him anything, or when I send a bottle of sparkling apple juice to his house. Hypothetically.
Showtime! As I expected, the setlist was very similar to the last symphony show - almost all of the same songs, just in a different order. They opened with Effington, and I still enjoy the choir singing "If there's a god, he's laughing at us and our football team." The first half of the show closed with Steven's Last Night In Town; the orchestra gives the song a swing/big band feel and it was one of the highlights of the evening. I like this version much better than the studio album. He came back out of intermission with Zak and Sara, and closed the second set with Narcolepsy (which followed a version of One Angry Dwarf which tore the place down - he could have had everyone leave after that one and then return for Narcolepsy as the encore and that would have worked well too).
I think the first half of the show also included (in some order) Smoke (also better with the symphony than on the record), Jesusland, Picture Window, and Landed. The second half featured Annie Waits, Cologne, Brick, and Not The Same. Of course, someone yelled out "ROCK THIS BITCH" - actually, in this case it was "JAZZ THIS BITCH" - so we got an impromptu, jazz-inspired number which again put the choir to good use. I wonder if he prepped them beforehand? "Hey choir guys, just so you know, there's a good chance that tonight I'll make you sing 'rock this bitch in Edmonton' over and over. Also, very pregnant lady, if you suddenly need to leave early, I totally get that."
Two songs from the previous show were dropped (Gracie and The Ascent of Stan) in favour of two movements from Ben's new piano concerto. I believe this was the first time these pieces had been played live since he debuted the concerto a few weeks ago, so it was neat to be able to hear these. An album release is planned but won't be for a while yet. We have established that I don't know anything about music proper, so I'll just say that I enjoyed these pieces and look forward to hearing the whole thing. Ben explained that back in the day, a great piano concerto could "put seats in asses," much to the amusement of the crowd and the conductor. This was not the conductor's first show with Ben, so he could also get away with sarcastically applauding Ben's choice of title for his piano concerto ("Piano Concerto for Symphony").
The symphony didn't play the encore; instead, Ben came out alone to do a few songs. Like last time, he did Army and The Last Polka. He also performed The Luckiest by himself and, earlier, had played Annie Waits with the symphony - at the last show, it was the reverse. (Thanks, mystery person who posted the setlist for the last show online. You saved me literally minutes of re-reading my own review!)
I will admit to a tinge of disappointment that he didn't surprise us with a new symphonic rendition of his song from Community. Don't you think a 70-piece orchestra could do fine work with Ass Crack Bandit? I think they'd class it right up. If I close my eyes, I can already tune out the outside world and hear the choir singing "A-S-S-C-R-A-C-K bandit." This must happen. I really needed to mobilize Twitter behind this cause before the next Ben Folds show I see.
We were seated close to the end of our row, with only one spot to my right before the aisle. I don't know if the girl who sat there was at the show by herself or just not sitting with her friends; either way, she was super excited for Ben Folds and mouthed along with all the songs, including the more obscure ones. Her enthusiasm was contagious and I found her to be delightful. Meanwhile, the guy ahead of me took a picture during the show and spent several minutes cropping it, selecting the right filter, perfecting the caption, and posting it to Instagram. This seemed like a massive waste of show time - there's a #latergram hashtag for a reason - but he later redeemed himself by going absolutely bonkers for songs like Army and Zak & Sara. Thank you, strangers! It is fun to be around fun people.
Speaking of fun people, Candice and Ryan seemed to really enjoy the show. I didn't doubt that they would, but I'd hate for it to have sucked after all this time. As for me, the evening did feel like a bit of a re-run. I expected as much, but even a lot of the stories were the same - Steven kept asking for parties, Ben made up a song on the spot about that astronaut, bringing in a rock star is basically the symphony's equivalent of a wet t-shirt contest. Having said that, I still had a fine time and have spent the past week with one song or another stuck in my head - usually ones that hadn't previously been favourites like Cologne, Last Polka, or Last Night in Town. And I'd still happily go see Ben again, especially if it was a solo show and/or closer. Preferably both.
On our way out of the Winspear Centre, some guy was handing out cards promoting the free download of his band's album. I like free! And you probably like free too. But I can't recommend you get something that might suck, right? Wouldn't it be nice to have a bonus album review right here? I thought so, but my iTunes Match is being a giant dick. My phone sees that I have the album but won't actually let me play it. Also, it is showing up as having been split into three separate albums for reasons known only to iTunes. So instead of a proper review, I will just say that I heard the first few songs the other night while I was making supper and I liked them well enough on first (distracted) listen.
After getting to the hotel, I slept, ate an expensive room service omelette, played black light mini-golf, lost to Ryan at air hockey in a nail-biter, lost to Ryan at air hockey in a blowout, ate a burger with bacon and peanut butter and jelly on it, got a ride to the airport, and flew home. In that order.
UPCOMING SHOWS • Regina Folk Festival (Serena Ryder, Joel Plaskett Emergency, Sam Roberts Band, Indigo Girls, Los Lobos, Mo Kenney, Geoff Berner, more - August 8-10) • Son of Dave (August 14) • Glass Tiger (September 27) • Gordon Lightfoot (November 7)
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Look at me! Writing a concert review in the airport! The future has arrived. I am traveling with a netbook, a BlackBerry, an iPod, and a Nintendo DSi. All that, and instead of having fun, I am writing a concert review for you. What a nice guy I am.