JAY LETHAL AND SOCAL VAL GET MARRIED Hopefully this doesn't take a lot of time. Sonjay Dutt FINALLY turns heel. I expect to see a LOT of the undercard here, since there are a TON of people without matches this month. (Actually, I wouldn't be surprised to see a whole nother match added.)
KNOCKOUTS TAG TEAM MATCH Gail Kim, ODB & Roxxi vs. The Beautiful People + Mickie Knuckles Beautiful People are a well-oiled machine with a brand new enforcer, and the good girls are not. Heels win. Hopefully this sets up ODB vs. Mickie Knuckles in a First Blood match or something like that.
AWESOME KONG'S OPEN CHALLENGE Too early for someone to beat Kong, but it'll be less of a squash than normal.
TNA X DIVISION TITLE MATCH "Maple Leaf Muscle" Petey Williams vs. Kaz Kaz has a world title shot next week and I can't see him blowing two shots in a week, so I think he wins this one. Possible bonus: Abyss shows up and destroys both of them.
TNA TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH The Latin American Xchange vs. Team 3D LAX retains -- possibly by some sort of DQness.
TNA GRUDGE MATCH "The Phenomenal" AJ Styles vs. Olympic Gold Medalist Kurt Angle Normally I'd think Angle via shenanigans to continue the feud, but they've been tearing through this storyline like crazy, so I dunno. I think maybe this will end in a big schmozz leading to a multi-man tag match next month.
KING OF THE MOUNTAIN MATCH For The TNA World Heavyweight Championship Samoa Joe vs. Robert Roode vs. Booker T vs. Christian Cage vs. Rhino Special Enforcer: Kevin Nash Samoa Joe retains. Kevin Nash does something which may or may not be interpreted as trying to cheat Joe out of the title.
Last 5 movies seen: Iron Man **** - Dr. Cyclops *** - Strange Wilderness * - The Incredible Shrinking Man *** - The Brave One ***
Beautiful People win Kong beats the shit out of more than one person. Petey Williams wins with a rollup. LAX retains Styles wins relatively cleanly, I guess. I have no idea what's going on here, they've held off on shocking swerves for a long time so I don't think Karen gets involved. Joe retains, Nash teases turning on him but doesn't.
Beautiful People definitely win. They could easily set up both ODB vs. Knuckles and Angelina vs. Gail next.
I like Alex's idea, let Kong beat up two people at the PPV. Perhaps Becky Bayless and Amber O'Neal both want another chance?
I think Petey and Kaz is actually the toughest to pick out of all of them. On the one hand I don't think Kaz would lose twice in one week either. On the other hand I think with Steiner and Rhaka Khan at ringside this match is the most likely to be a screwy finish. Oh well, I'll say Kaz.
I think LAX definitely retains but how is tough. I'll say cleanly although Team 3D has been losing cleanly a little too much lately.
Angle is scratched from the last PPV and hasn't wrestled since. It'd be great to hold of on AJ/Angle for Bound for Glory but they can't count on Angle being healthy that far in advance. I don't think they can even count on Angle being healthy at the next PPV. He's probably not even healthy this PPV. AJ wins cleanly to end the feud.
Joe wins. Booker comes close or has some reason to argue he should be number one contender setting up Joe's next feud.
I'll say they do add at least one more match and that's Shark Boy/Curry Man against somebody and that's when Abyss comes out and squashes everybody.
Sonjay Dutt def. The Institution of Marriage Gail Kim, ODB & Roxxi Laveaux def. Angelina Love, Velvet Sky & Mickie Knuckles Awesome Kong def. Jobber(s) Kaz def. Petey Williams to win the X Division Title LAX def. Team 3D to retain the Tag Team Title AJ Styles def. Kurt Angle Samoa Joe def. Robert Roode, Booker T, Christian Cage & Rhino to retain the TNA Title
It's just what The Onion does. I have a lot less problem with this - which is at least meant to be amusing - than the guy on ESPN who (from what I can tell) just acts like a douche for the sake of being a douche.