EXCUSES, EXCUSES: It was Easter, I got sick, I should probably be sleeping right now, Rick wouldn't post this thing until Wednesday ANYWAY, &c.
CABLE GUIDE SEZ: Jerry Lynn battles Brodie Lee. Wow, that's a short one this week.
"You are watching a special presentation of Ring of Honor wrestling on HDNet!"
Opening - THIS is RING OF HONOR WRESTLING #4, coming atcher from The Arena in Philadelphia, PA 4/11/09 (taped 3/1) on HDNet!
PREVIOUSLY: If you missed last week, here are the results! Ha! I COULD tell them to you again, but then I couldn't give you a chance to relive the recap!
TONIGHT: Grizzled veteran takes on very large man! Don't miss it!
From in front of the green screen, MIKE HOGEWOOD and DAVE PRAZAK just cainnn't wait for our main event (taped before he won the championship, we are cautioned) - but don't think that means they'll give short shrift to any of our OTHER matches...
SMACKTALK: Hey, everyone. The name's KENNY OMEGA and well...I'm kinda the new guy in ROH. As the new guy, it's really easy to say that I'm not gonna make an impact, but oh no - I'm not gonna let this opportunity pass me by. I'm gonna put my...best foot forward, and show everyone that I belong on HDNet and ROH TV (makes Victory sign and geeky face)
THE 1...2...3!!! ON KENNY OMEGA: Unique individual / Budding rivalry with Claudio Castagnoli / Finishing Hold(s): Electric chair German suplex, cross legged brain buster
SMACKTALK: You're lookin' at the most complete athlete here in Ring of Honor. A spectacular, vascular vegetarian. A-double AUSTIN ARIES. The man who's done everything there is to do here in ROH - and now finally, on HDNet in front of a worldwide audience, everyone gets a chance to see why I'm not just A star...but I'm THE star.
THE 1...2...3!!! ON AUSTIN ARIES: Same as last week's
KENNY OMEGA (Winnipeg, MB - 221 pounds - refers to him self as the "King of Anywhere" match) v. AUSTIN ARIES (Milwaukee, WI - 205 pounds - despises the fans of Ring of Honor) Referee: TODD SINCLAIR TIME LIMIT: 15 minutes
I think they may have put the quote marks in the wrong place in Omega's popup graphic. "Austin Asshole" chant. "Watching Ring of Honor Wrestling at a friend's house?" crawl. Handslap of honor™ will get us to the bell. "You tapped out" chant fed when Aries darts his head to and fro. Lockup, arm wringer by Aries, reversed by Omega, rollout by Aries, fireman's carry, drops the leg, rolls back and floats over and does a few rotations. Everybody's up. Wow, that was pointless. It sounds like different chanting idiots are competing for chanting idiot dominance. Instead of chants, maybe we could see some wrestling action? Lockup, Omega with the side headlock. Powered out by Aries, Omega knocks him down. Up and over, leapfrog by Aries, Japanese arm drag, another, and Aries holds on. "Who is the star?" Omega back to his feet - powering out, shoulderblock by Aries puts him down. Up and over, leapfrog by Omega, armdrag by Omega, drop toe hold, big dropkick. Aries begs off while Omega strikes some poses. "O-me-ga" chant. Shove by Aries. Shove back by Omega. Knee by Aries and down goes Omega. Into the ropes, is reversed...kinda. Nobody's moving in the center of the ring. The sound of one man chanting is truly sad and pathetic. Somehow we get to Aries catching one leg but eating the other with an enzuigiri/mule kick. Into the corner is reversed, but Omega goes up and over, pointless somersault, dropkick is CAUGHT and Omega hits the mat hard. Lockup again - to the corner - cheap shot by Aries - chop (wooooo!) - now Omega turns it around, chop, chop, into the opposite corner, yippee elbow. Palm thrust (!) and Aries goes up and over to the floor! I guess this isn't a squash after all? I mean, Omega's interview SCREAMED out "I will be destroyed in record time." And now Aries is pulling Omega off the corner and down to the floor - maybe I spoke too soon! Here's the UPCOMING LIVE RING OF HONOR DATES of April 9 & 10 Philadelphia, PA (HDNet TV tapings) - oops, those have already happened by the time this show aired - and April 17 & 18 in Markham, Ontario. Log on to rohwrestling.com for ticket info (but not to find out who the champion is - that info is BURIED. Omega positioned on the apron - Aries with a running knee to Omega's head. Aries back in and standing on the throat for several counts. Into the ropes, double thrust by Aries - 1, kickout. Hogewood: "The elbow right to the head!" Uhh....okay. Snapmares him over. And now it's time for the Vulcan neck pinch! Because...for some reason we need this match to go even longer. Omega back to his feet - elbow breaks the hold - elbow - clothesline DUCKED, Aries with a uranage - no, a knee to Omega's head from that position, and then driving him down with a leg sweep. Now posing for what I'm presuming is his own version of the Wacky Elbowdrop. 1, 2, no. Raking Omega's face across the top rope. Omega trying to fight back, nothing doing. Knee in the back by Aries - another knee. OH MY GOD it's the Kunze Stump Puller. This match is clearly going the full 15 minutes - God knows why. Aries sits on the neck. Brainbuster coming up? Omega staves off the attempt and counters with a few punches in the gut - breaks the attempt, but gets shrugged off as they both hit the ropes. After a backwards roll, Omega springs forward with a spinning kick. A real enzuigiri this time and Aries does a wacky timber fall. Omega psyching up - sledge! Sledge! Sledge! (Prazak: "Polish Hammers!" Good enough. Baaaaaaack body drop. Rolls him up - 1, 2, well, that was clearly 3 and bad timing but Sinclair manages to miss it and Aries finally dutifully counters into HIS rollup, check that, ANOTHER for Omega after they kinda Philly-roll for another 2. Omega off the ropes, ducks Aries clothesline, back to back over the top, didn't really land on his feet but he covers - up on the shoulders and taking him DOWN with a guillotine leg to the neck - 1, 2, Aries kicks out. Omega wants to finish him - oh, come on, he ain't winning - Aries on the shoulders - Aries fights off the electric chair attempt - to the corner they go - Aries rolled off, Omega sidesteps the charge, Aries somehow ties himself in the ropes, so Omega dropkicks him off and to the floor. He's gonna fly? To the corner - moonsault off the outside of the corner and ALMOST shooting Aries! Take a replay of that. Aries thrown back in, Omega with a bridge - 1, 2, no. Omega psyching himself up again - Aries clinging to the bottom rope. Seveal kicks by Omega. Trying to drag him to the centre - AGAIN, Aries grabs the rope. Forearm in the back by Omega. Knife-edge chop (wooooo!), knee to the head, knee, knee, electric chair attempt AGAIN - Aries to the eyes...throwing him into the corner. BIG running dropkick to Omega's head. And there's a big "slap myself" kick! BRAINBUSTER will do it for Omega - 1, 2, 3. (11:27) This match seemed about nine minutes longer than it needed to be. Aries demands that his hand be raised. Replay time: final kick, and the brainbuster. If there was a handshake of honor™ after the match, we missed it.
KYLE DURDEN stands with Jerry Lynn. Isn't HDNet great? "Oh, I feel excited! You know, it's a whole - it's always exciting to be a part of a company where something big is about to happen and just explode on the scene. But...you know...I'm just speechless." Mr. Personality, ladies and gentlemen. How about tonight's main event? "Well, you know when I first saw Brodie Lee, he's a young guy, he's a big monster and he's agile for his size, but what they fail to realise is when I broke into this business, I was one of the smallest guys in the business, so it's no surprise and nothin' new to me to be in the ring with a guy that size. The problem is, Jimmy Jacobs has got his meat hooks in him, and he's playin' mind games with him, but it all comes down to this, like the old saying goes, if there's a problem, the bigger they are, the harder they fall. No, you know what, the bigger they are, the harder they DROP.
MAIN EVENT NEXT! Jerry Lynn vs. Brodie Lee!
SMACKTALK: "Tonight, uh.....let's see....uh....yo. Yo, yo how much you get those shoes for, man?" PRINCE NANA: "Oh my God, oh my God, look how sad. (places a bill in Osiris' shoe) My friend, come with me...there's a lot to learn." "All right."
THE 1...2...3!!! ON ERNIE OSIRIS: Little known fact: Ernie Osiris trained in capoeira when he was younger / Affiliated with Prince Nana / Finishing Hold(s): Bum's Rush, Blaze One
DIRTY ERNIE OSIRIS (The Dirty Water of Long Island, NY - 181 pounds - Panhandler / Also a known thief) v. DELIRIOUS (The Edge of Sanity - 189 pounds - Watch out when the bell rings) Referee: PAUL TURNER TIME LIMIT: 15 minutes
Delirious stoically sits in the corner with one hand out far enough for Osiris to grasp it - It's a CODE OF HONOR™, PEOPLE - and undergoes his astonishing transformation into a hyperactive masked guy when the bell rings. Osiris ducks - then goes out, Delirious follows and the chase is on. Back in the ring - Osiris up and over, up and over, Delirious grabs a waistlock, into a, into a...takeover, removes his shoe (?) and then throws it at him. Osiris is less happy - manages a boot up as Delirious comes in. Head to the buckle - well, that has no effect. Osiris with a double arm, and he's going to take Delirious' head to the buckle AGAIN - and again, that has no effect other than to get Delirious screaming. Knee by Osiris, head to the buckle, ahhhhhhhhhhh. This is hilarious to somebody. Osiris with...I dunno. NOW he's rubbing his armpit on Delirious, I think - we're taking a pretty wide shot for some reason. Delirious knocking him down. Atomic drop (possibly inverted) - has Osiris by the beard - beard takeover Swinging...no, just kind of a straight neckbreaker after all. 1, 2, no. Osiris manages a jawbreaker to take control. Osiris over the top rope to the floor, throating Delirious on his way out. Osiris climbing the corner..."I don't need my shoe!" Hogewood: "He's telling fans he needs his shoe!" Diving off the top but meeting with a headbutt to the chest by Delirious. Charging clothesline turns into 20 clotheslines (Prazak: "The Never Ending Story clothesline!") Off the ropes with a jumping lariat...and still only manages to get 2. Replay of the headbutt. Delirious has him on his shoulders - Osiris elbowing out - off the ropes, knee to the back of the head takedown - 1, 2, no. Osiris paintbrushing Delirious - calling for the Bum's Rush - but runs into ANOTHER headbutt by Delirious. Ohh, the Panic Attack running knee in the corner by Delirious! Shadows over Hell top rope splash to the back - rolls him over - 1, 2, 3. That was (relatively) quick. (4:06) Hey, Delirious shook his hand after the match! HONOR™! Replay of the Shadows over Hell.
Durden has Jimmy Jacobs and Brodie Lee. He mentions that people seem to get thrown out of Age of the Fall as soon as things aren't going Jacobs' way. Jacobs takes over. "Thrown out of it? No. People can't handle commitment, they're too weak for the fight we bring - Delirious, Tyler Black, Necro Butcher - but when I fight, I don't fight alone. Next to me is the big, six foot ten dirty mean trucker Brodie Lee. On the path of destruction, Brodie Lee pays the way. Brodie, tonight I want you to decimate Jerry Lynn. 'cause Jerry, you're just one boot away from retirement." "All day Jerry Lynn...ALL day."
SMACKTALK: "I've already told you what I'm capable of, and I showed you what I do in the ring and tonight, Daizee Haze, it'll be YOUR funeral!" LARRY SWEENEY: "Hahahahaha I love it, you know I don't know you too well, but it's like a casting call for Sweet 'n' Sour Inc and Larry Sweeney, let me tell you something sweetheart, hahahahaha with you and Larry Sweeney, and Sweet 'n Sour...it's no, no worry, no hurry, so bring the love...hahaha and bring the fury and no doubt about it. Hahahaha..." I THINK that's what he said. Anyway, it's more amusing to see him put his paws all over Sassy Stephie, who grimaces appropriately. Hmmm, no 1-2-3 on them. I bet that'll be the same for this second team...
SMACKTALK: "Sara Del Rey, you are one of the finest women's athletes out there. But I told you, you can't keep me down and you can't put out the fire that's within my heart. And with these added elements of a tag match...I have Neveah, and you have Sassy Stephanie, they're gonna act like gasoline on the fire in Daizee Haze. And let me tell you this - it won't be my funeral, but it will be you that gets burned tonight."
SASSY STEPHIE & SARA DEL REY (with Larry Sweeney - representing Sweet 'n' Sour, Incorporated) v. DAIZEE HAZE & NEVAEH Referee: BRYCE REMSBURG TIME LIMIT: 15 minutes
Hogewood lets us know that "Neveah" is "heaveN" spelled backwards. "Hogewood" spelled backwards is "doowegoH!" I think that says it all. Here's the COMMENTATORS popup - commentators names are spelled forewards. So we just had the Del Rey/Haze matchup two weeks ago...is this tag really necessary? Handshakes of Honor™ all around. Haze and Del Rey start. Waistlockb y Haz, leg trip, working the arm. Knee to the elbow, another. And one more. And now repeatedly kneeing the canvas while hanging onto the elbow. Back up - knee to the gut by Del Rey, Haze hold onto the arm on the takedown. Now with an armbar. Tag to Neveah - arm wringer, takeover, neck snap, clotheslie, 2 count. Tag to Haze. Double into the ropes is reversed into a meeting of the minds by Del Rey - off the ropes - but countered into the straitjacket takedown - Haze covers - 1, 2, Stephie was supposed to break it up but wasn't there in time - Del Rey kicks out anyway and now she's turning to have an unkind word with her own partner...Haze from behind with the rollup! 1, 2, no. Haze back to the arm. Tag to Nevaeh. Elbow in the back. Del Rey punches out of the arm wringer - off the ropes, big boot. 1, 2, Nevaeh kicks out. Knee by Del Rey, fallaway slam for 2. Tag to Stephie. Elbow in the back. Headlock - Nevaeh fighting out, forearm, Del Rey back in with a hairpull....and a shove for Stephie. Del Rey back out - and tagging herself in. Meanwhile, Nevaeh has ALMOST made it to HER partner, but not quick enough as Del Rey has her. Hairpullin' and tauntin'. Knee in the back. While Del Rey works over Nevaeh, let's shrink the picture really small and in the Double Feature, we can admire Larry Sweeney inviting a front row fan to a parking lot brawl after the show. When we come back, Stephie is back in and has a knee in the back. Nevaeh looking to reverse, two feet in the face, tags Haze, who rolls under, clothesline, clothesline, forearm, into the ropes, takedown by the neck, takedown, on the second rope - Del Rey over to try to stop her, SHE gets a few shots from Haze, Haze with a dropkick to Stephie, arm wringer, heart punch, "Yakuza kick" says Hogewood, leg is hooked, 1, 2, Del Rey breaks it up. Del Rey grabs Haze for the ragdoll choke - Nevaeh also in, forearm in the back has little effect - Haze is dropped. Dropkick by Nevaeh and Del Rey falls to the outside! Nevaeh outside - crossbody off the apron! Back in the ring - Haze with a snap snapmare on Stephie - 1, 2, 3! (5:09) Oh, I guess that was the Mind Trip and that's her move. Del Rey lets the cameraman know she did not lose the match. Replay of the crossbody block onto Del Rey and the Mind Trip on Stephie.
MAIN EVENT NEXT! Last time to freak out at Lynn's eyebrow.
Here's your TALE OF THE TAPE:
JERRY LYNN BRODIE LEE 217 lbs. WEIGHT 275 lbs. 1988 PRO DEBUT 2004 6/22/02 "Road to the Title" ROH DEBUT 10/25/2008 "Ring of Homicide 2" Minneapolis, MN FROM Lincoln, NE
THE 1...2...3!!! on BRODIE LEE: Feuding with The Necro Butcher / ROH Debut: 10/25/08 "Ring of Homicide 2" / Finishing Hold(s): Running big boot
THE 1...2...3!!! on JERRY LYNN: See #1
YOUR MAIN EVENT BRODIE LEE (Lincoln, NE - 275 pounds - representing the Age of the Fall - with Jimmy Jacobs - Newest member to the AOTF) v. JERRY LYNN (Minneapolis, MN - 217 pounds - can still fly with the best of them) Referee: Turner TIME LIMIT: Television time remaining (22 minutes to the hour)
Handslap of honor™ and away we go - lockup, Lee shoves him down. Lynn goes behind with the waistlock - back to the corner. Lynn out of the way. Back to the centre. Kick by Lee - gets him up but Lynn lands on his rfeet. Lee takes him down but Lynn avoids the clothesline. Lee has him - sets him on the top buckle and pats him on the head. Oh the disrespect!! Lee asks for the test of strength looks like Lynn is game. Here we go. Lee takes it. Lynn backed to the corner - Lynn climbing the ropes - kicks out one knuckle lock and manages a ten story arm drag using the other! Lynn dropkicks the ankles. Boots up on the charge. Lee manages a right hand of dishonor next time, though. Knife-edge chop (woooo!). Pulled back to the centre - scoop - and a slam. Big kneedrop - misses when Lynn rolls away! Sunset flip attempt - no dice - but Lynn misses the buttdrop. Cover, 1, 2, MASSIVE kickout. Lee with a forearm in the back. Now throwing Lynn through the ropes and onto the floor. Lee out after him. Euro uppercut. Punch - or elbow - dunno. Everybody's back in. ROHWrestling.com popup. Forearm in the back. Choking him on the second rope. Now standing on the throat. Lnn with a right, but Lee with one of his own. Lynn sent in, ducks the clothesline, crossbody is CAUGHT and Lynn is slammed down for 2. Lee I would say is "methodical." Headbutt. Backbreaker on the knee - holding on with one hand on the knee and the other on his neck. Weak "Let's go Jerry" chant. 2 count by Lee. To the rear chinlock. Crowd not exactly on fire here, and who can blame 'em. Elbow by Lynn, elbow to break it up, but Lee lands another big forearm to the small of the back. Lynn shoved into the ropes, and AGAIN forearms the back on the rebound. Lee shoves him into the ropes again - this time Lynn manages a sunset flip for 1. Lee right back on him with a Michinoku Driver (who the HELL taught Hogewood what a Michinoku Driver was?) for 2. Lynn sent outside. Lee points at...something. Powerbomb coming up? No, Lynn with a backdrop of GREAT EXCITEMENT FOR HOGEWOOD "NOBODY EXPECTED THAT!" and meanwhile, the count's up to 9. Lynn wants one more big move - but Lee CATCHES him and runs him into the cornerpost. Lee breaks the count by coming in and back out. Lynn whipped into the barrier. Hey, there's JIMMY JACOBS! "He shouldn't be out here! What's he doing here?" Not that Lee needs the help at this point. Back in the ring. Whip into the corner and Lynn's back takes it hard. Big slap by Lee. Whip into the opposite corner, catches Lynn coming out and it's a big bearhug. Lynn trying to elbow out - Lee ramming him into the corner. STILL has the bearhug on. Another elbow by Lynn. Lee sets him in the corner - big running boot MISSES and Lee gets a high crotch as Lynn escapes. Jacobs starts squawking. Lynn off the ropes with a forearm (well, a clothesline that doesn't move him), another clothesline off the ropes, next one is ducked but Lynn comes off the ropes and snaps off a flying head scissors! Jacobs doing some more yelling. Charge in the corner but Lee eats the boot instead. Charging in again - but meets with a dropkick by Lynn! Lee rolls outside. Lynn's gonna fly now - tope con hilo!! Jacobs is UNHAPPY. Lynn back in and gathering himself. Lee tries a headbutt through the ropes but misses - Lynn guillotines him back in. But Lee manages a throaat shot. Scoop by Lee, Lynn goes behind - up on his shoulders for a TKO! 1, 2, Lee kicks out. Lynn going up in the corner - Lee over but eats an elbow - over AGAIN and this time he might get the superplex. Butterfly superplex, says Hogewood, I guess I'll believe him - 1, 2, NO! Replay of the - yes, I guess it WAS a butterfly superplex. Meanwhile, in the non-replay window Lee lands a big boot. Lynn ducks a second one but eats a sidewinder slam - 1, 2, NO! Lee going for ... a cloverleaf? I dunno. The reason I don't know is Lynn wraps him up in a small package instead - 1, 2, 3! Well, I'll be. (11:55) Jacobs is double perturbed. I think Lynn just pointed to his own head! Replay of the most exciting move in wrestling, the small package! Graphic says: "For music information log on to ROHWrestling.com" - if you can find me ANY music information on ROHWrestling.com, I'll give you a (virtual) dollar. Grahpic says: "Copyright 2009 Ring of Honor Wrestling Inc."
COMING UP ON RING OF HONOR: He's big, he's bad, and he's very European! Stop laughing, Claudio Castagnoli will be back next week to take on Brent Albright!
"You've been watching a special presentation of Ring of Honor Wrestling!"
I wonder who's gonna win that big title match between El Generico and Nigel McGuinness at Caged Collision 4/17 only on Pay-per-view! Hint: he lost to Jerry Lynn last week
"Get Out" is next! GET OUT!
I think after this HDNet ad we might get ONE more ROH promo...
I was wrong, we're done.
And so am I! See you next time (probably)!
Feedback is welcome via email, the OOForums or over at my own message board, The W.
On another note, the guy who paid two grand for onlineonslaught.com ALSO let THAT one lapse. (I slept through THIS year's "auction" and have no idea how much it went for this time around - probably more than I was gonna pay, I'm sure - especially a year out from it having any tangible "value" to anybody)
EDIT: It's working for me now, though, and I'm getting different WHOIS results...maybe he actually paid up this morning? COULD RICK HAVE ACTUALLY LEARNED SOMETHING FROM THE LAST FIASCO?!? (Not enough!)
Yeah, it was that Royal Rumble that really made me realize that Foley had really dropped in the depth chart. I would have been a little more embarrassed for him if he wasn't collecting a nice check in the process.