I'd like to go on record to say that I read several recaps of Raw, so I have a pretty good idea of what happened with Kane and Lita's wedding. However, it's obvious to any red blooded Wiener that some important details have not been added to make Lita a sympathetic character. SO, here's how I'd plan her wedding...
I'd keep the midgets and the band (they're cool!) I'd keep the minister (he's not bad) Hell, I'd keep Kane in a white tux (not too bad looking in it, must say)
No Bischoff making up Bible quotes (just the principle of the thing)
Okay, Lita was offended when it was said she couldn't wear white, but when she was offered a white dress she still refused? What does that tell ya? Black is not a good color for any wedding, so let's have a RED WEDDING DRESS!
Also, wouldn't it make more sense that if she really didn't want to marry Kane, she would've just pulled out the vows she written for Kane, threw them down on the floor and just cussed him out, like I would? That would make it seem like she REALLY doesn't want to marry Kane. Well, that and saying "F-You" at the I Do part.
"Do you Lita Take Kane as your husband?" Lita turns to Kane with a serious look... then... 'F-CK YOU!', then bolted, as I would do.
Or of course take a page from HHH's wedding and have Kane say I do for Lita before she gets a chance to say anything. Now THAT's how you feel sorry for the dumb skank. I'm referring to the character of Lita, Matt, go patch up your knee. I'd keep Trish, because she's 100% right about Lita. Hell, have Matt beat up Kane from behind while Trish and Lita go after each other. Now, THAT would be better, wouldn't it? So how would you guys rewrite the wedding if you were paid to do so? Comments about my ideas are also welcome.
I liked your idea a lot. Simple enough to execute, and it would have been a lot more meaningful than the three separate "surprises" that happened instead.
But you're totally right. If I were getting married to Kane (not that I would; I don't go for bald, freaky-looking, homocidal guys. Or guys at all for that matter), I would be protesting the entire way through, instead of wearing the Dress of Defiance (tm) and allowing everything else to happen.
I mean, why did she even show up? Because of a SummerSlam stipulation? Hey, at least when Brian Pillman lost his SS stip (the wearing a dress one shortly before his death), he had to be dragged kicking and screaming to the ring. And if memory serves, Molly put up a fight before getting her head shaved at WMXX. Yet, Stupid Lita just stands there looking (looking?) like an idiot, just waiting for it to happen. And this is her LIFE, not her hair or her pride, we're talking about.
Yes, I know it's just one of those "wrestling things" I should just live with, but they could have done something like Ringmistress suggested, to make it a little more plausible.
The thing that irked me was the contract basically implied it was a wedding for life.
Hello...we have no fault divorces in this country. The moment they are pronounced man and wife all she had to do was flip him the finger and leave and then it would be the divorce saga of the millenium.
But I liked your idea Mistress. Though I would of still had Bischoff come out to read from the bible. I mean that just oversold it...of course I would of had him read the right verse that he said he was reading.
But they should of had her say I Do last. It would of built up the drama and with her smiling and saying "you bet i do" as Matt Hardy is left in a pool of blood...thats the best way to have done it.
During the time that Matt had Kane down, and was trying to escape with Lita, I would have had him go to the altar and say “I do” instead of Kane. According to WWE Logic (like Shawn Michaels signing his name on the World Title contract between Triple H and Chris Benoit), that would've meant that Matt Hardy would've been married to Lita. Or maybe Matt, Kane and Lita would have to settle it in a triple-threat match, who knows.
“Nobody enjoys a good time more than I do, but this business of yours is as legitimate as a three-legged donkey-- which of course is illegitimate because as we all know, donkeys have four legs.”
--Lance Storm, WWF RAW, 1/21/02
Two-Time Wiener of the Day (5/27/02; 7/3/02)
Certified RFMC Member-- Ask To See My Credentials!
Originally posted by ekedolphinDuring the time that Matt had Kane down, and was trying to escape with Lita, I would have had him go to the altar and say “I do” instead of Kane. According to WWE Logic (like Shawn Michaels signing his name on the World Title contract between Triple H and Chris Benoit), that would've meant that Matt Hardy would've been married to Lita. Or maybe Matt, Kane and Lita would have to settle it in a triple-threat match, who knows.
With that logic, which is fantastic btw, they should have booked this angle to run in...SALT LAKE CITY! Then Hardy steps in, marries Lita, and you have an angle that lasts where Hardy AND Kane are married to Lita. My my, the places THAT could go...
I agree CDN Bulldog & RM, I saw more of a fuss & selling of wanting to get out of a "partnership" from wacky angles where a face & heel teams up and accidently win the Tag Team Gold... Lita was all ho hum, I'll wear my Dress of Defiance(love that term CB) and stand there talking tough. You think it would be more of an emotional pressure situation, she looked more like she was inconvenienced lol
Now that she's married to him it would mean that she's either A) She's being held captive against her will for all non-WWE scheduled events or B) She's a real good sport and knows a wrestling contract is not to be messed with and go through all her wife duties(even if it is half-assed)... One is a bit too criminal & the other seems like the situation ain't all that bad. Lita's mannerisms (not necessary her words) seem like she's going heel, but who knows.
(edited by Net Hack Slasher on 31.8.04 2345) smark/net attack wienerville advisory is raised to ORANGE alert - High (Benoit lost the title to some punk kid named Orton, lets look at the positive at least it's a heel not named HHH who has the title, which allows two fresh faces battling for the World title.. whaat? excuse me? what happened on Raw! well scratch that... Over to Smackdown we wave at Justin Bradshaws title reign, I think I'm getting sea sick)- 8/22
I've alreay pretty much posted my complaints in both the workrate report and over at toa.
But essentially if you start with the premise that Kane did "everything in his power" to ensure a pregnancy or whatever it was he said and well throw science out the window than you may as well throw law out the window and well Lita accepts that she has to marry Kane since she signed a contract for a match. No protest, she can squirm but you have to follow wrestling stips. Frankly this is improvement on WWE where in the past wrestling stips have been dropped---why wasn't Bischoff forced to give Stephany analingus? The whole PPV was built and sold around that match stip and then they failed to deliver. You announce stips you deliver---wedding had to happen.
That said there are things they could've done to improve it.
Lawler should have made some joke about Katie Vick during the till death do us part section..."and that doesn't stop Kane".
Kane should have stumbled over reading his vows. I didn't like that he was speaking extemporaneously, I liked Lita looking like she had put time into writting the vows and was clearly reading. Kane should have been reading too.
I think Bischoff should have read from a filthier section of the Bible, something about concubines.In the workrate report I suggested Judges 19.
Matt comes in to his music, Lita shows "relief" on her face, Kane makes his face show "a-ANGER" and then music stops while he fights off Kane, Matt grabs Lita and then the two run off untill stopped by Kane causing wall of flames....should have been alot better. that kind of goofy melodrama should have connected better. But really the whole thing needed background music the way silent film melodrama needs background music.
While watching it I kept on yelling at the pianist to play "Koo-coo kachoo Mrs. Robinson".
If they couldn't afford Simon and Garfunkle royalties then at least some Keystone Kops chase music.
It needed musical accompaniment...and there was a live harpist and piano player. No reason not to have musical accompaniment.
Monkey vs. Baby vs. Dead Goldfish triple threat next week? And who wins? The monkey can beat up Rey, who is the champ, but the dead goldfish can beat up Undertaker. The baby is clearly the weakest (beating up the Boogeyman? Pshaw!)