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The W - Movies & TV - Review of 300 by someone else
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Eddie Famous
Andouille








Since: 11.12.01
From: Catlin IL

Since last post: 278 days
Last activity: 272 days
#1 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.90

I didn't come up with this, and I wanted to see the movie anyway, and I don't know where this is originally from, but here it is:

"I just saw a movie that'll give your eyes boners, make your balls scream and make you poop DVD copies of THE TRANSPORTER. It's called 300. I don't know what the title has to do with the movie, but they could've called it KITTENS MAKING CANDLES and it'd still rule.

It's about these 300 Greek dudes who stomp the sugar-coated shit out of like a million other dudes. I have a feeling that a lot of high school sports coaches are going to show this film to their teams before they play. Also, gay dudes and divorced women are going to use screen captures for computer wallpaper.

The movie takes place about a million years ago, and it's sort of like a prequel to SIN CITY. Except way less guns and cars but twice as much skull splitting.
If you watch this movie and go into a Taco Bell, and say to the cashier, "I need some extra sauce packets"
guess what? You're getting twenty sauce packets because your face will punch him in the brain.

I can't spoil the plot because THANK GOD THERE ISN'T ONE. Just ass kicking that kicks ass that, while said ass is getting kicked, is kicking yet more ass that's hitting someone's balls with a hammer made of ice but the ice is frozen whiskey.

TWO COOL THINGS ABOUT THE MOVIE AND ONE THING I DIDN'T
LIKE:

COOL THING ONE:
HEAVY METAL DURING BATTLE SCENES

Who gives a shit if the music isn't historically correct? LORD OF THE RINGS could've used some Journey.
This movie has that chu-CHUNG kind of metal that you hear in your head when your shift supervisor at Wetzel's Pretzel is telling you that you'll have to stay for clean up and you wish you had a sock filled with quarters in your hand.

COOL THING TWO:
FOES, MINI-BOSSES AND A BIG BOSS

Basically, the Greek dudes are fighting these Persian dudes, but the director, who must have a dick made of three machine guns, does it all like a video game. The Greeks fight through every death metal video from the last ten years. There's wave after wave of giants, freaks, ninjas, mutants, wizards, and a hunchback who looks like he's got Rosie O'Donnell on his back.

Would I have been happy if Dom DeLuise from HISTORY OF THE WORLD, PART I had shown up? Maybe, but this movie more than makes up for that glaring oversight.

NOT SO GOOD THING:
DUDE NUDITY ("DUDE-ITY")

These are Greek times, when there were a lot of naked women around. And there are some naked women in this film, but almost every naked woman scene has a muscular dude giving the screen an ass picnic.
Dude-ity is something directors put in their movies so people will think they're serious, I guess, and not just throwing in naked hotties.

Any directors reading this - IT'S OKAY TO JUST THROW IN NAKED HOTTIES.

Can't someone make a movie about naked Amazons and call it PAUSE BUTTON?

My final analysis is 300 the most ass-ruling movie I've seen this year, and will probably be the King of
2007 unless someone makes a movie where a pair of sentient boobs fights a werewolf."






As of 2/28/05: 101 pounds since December 7, 2004
OFFICIAL THREE-MONTH COUNT: 112 pounds on March 9, 2005
OFFICIAL SIX-MONTH COUNT: 142 pounds on June 8, 2005
OFFICIAL ONE YEAR COUNT: 187 pounds on December 7, 2005
As of 2/27/06: 202 pounds "I've lost a heavyweight"
As of 7/31/06: 224 pounds
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CRZ
Big Brother
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Since: 9.12.01
From: ミネアポリス

Since last post: 5 hours
Last activity: 5 hours
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#2 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.00
Looks like http://www.aintitcool.com/node/31520 for those of you scoring at home - and if you are...



I AM CRZ
Karlos the Jackal
Lap cheong








Since: 2.1.02
From: The City of Subdued Excitement

Since last post: 27 days
Last activity: 11 hours
#3 Posted on | Instant Rating: 8.00
And dude! Kurrgan's in it!

http://imdb.com/name/nm0537631/

--K



Last 5 movies seen: Stranger Than Fiction ***1/2 - Jericho (1937) *** - Pan's Labyrinth **** - Flushed Away **** - Babel ***
Quezzy
Knackwurst








Since: 6.1.02
From: The Moon

Since last post: 9 days
Last activity: 3 hours
AIM:  
#4 Posted on | Instant Rating: 3.62
    Originally posted by Eddie Famous
    It's called 300. I don't know what the title has to do with the movie, but they could've called it KITTENS MAKING CANDLES and it'd still rule.

    It's about these 300 Greek dudes


Well he's not very bright.



Lance's Response:

THAT IS AWESOME!
JustinShapiro
Scrapple
Moderator








Since: 12.12.01
From: Pittsburgh, PA

Since last post: 1 day
Last activity: 3 hours
#5 Posted on | Instant Rating: 8.48
Haha ya burnt 'em. Plus eyes can't get boners.

(edited by JustinShapiro on 27.2.07 0236)
CHAPLOW
Morcilla








Since: 14.5.04
From: right behind you

Since last post: 72 days
Last activity: 72 days
#6 Posted on | Instant Rating: 1.10
this is my favorite movie now, the best of the 21st century if you ask me.

A lot of people complained about the use of slow motion but its like, what, a film cant have a definitive style now?

The fight choreography was awesome, it definitely did have a plot, Leonidas is THE MAN, dont let people tell you what a good movie should be; go enjoy 300, what else can I say... GO WATCH IT



Wpob
Lap cheong








Since: 21.11.02
From: Williston Park, NY

Since last post: 54 min.
Last activity: 54 min.
#7 Posted on | Instant Rating: 3.26
I am pretty pumped to see this movie. it loks like somethign I will going to alone as it is not my wife's cup of tea. It also looks like one of those movies you should really see ont he big screen and not wait for the DVD.



Fry crack corn and I don't care
Leela crack corn I still don't care
Bender crack corn and he is great
Take that you stupid corn!

"just because you ARE a character does not mean you HAVE character.."
Reverend J Shaft
Liverwurst








Since: 25.6.03
From: Home of The Big House

Since last post: 13 days
Last activity: 15 hours
#8 Posted on | Instant Rating: 4.88
I saw this on Saturday. Fantastic movie.

No, there wasn't a whole lot of plot and drama outside of the fighting. Who gives a sh!t? I went to see cool special effects, sweet fighting scenes and a little bit of a story and I got all 3. If you went to see Lord of the Rings for the cool fighting sequences, this blows it away. Stylized just like Frank Miller's other story-turned-movie, Sin City. Highly recommended if you just want to relax and see some cool action.

EDIT: And yes, this is DEFINITELY something you should see on the big screen. It probably will not entertain as well on DVD.


(edited by Reverend J Shaft on 12.3.07 0959)
Wpob
Lap cheong








Since: 21.11.02
From: Williston Park, NY

Since last post: 54 min.
Last activity: 54 min.
#9 Posted on | Instant Rating: 3.26
Thanks Rev. I am hoping to see it sometime in the next week. Popcorn, DC and big screen violence. Who could ask for more?



Fry crack corn and I don't care
Leela crack corn I still don't care
Bender crack corn and he is great
Take that you stupid corn!

"just because you ARE a character does not mean you HAVE character.."
samoflange
Lap cheong








Since: 22.2.04
From: Cambridge, MA

Since last post: 315 days
Last activity: 307 days
#10 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.29
I saw 300 at the local IMAX on Saturday. Absolutely amazing film. From title sequence to credits I was completely enthralled. as soon as the fighting started I went into that state where I was so focused on the movie that I barely remember most of it.

The music was one of my favorite things. It went from mystical Enya-ish music to crunchy hard rock and I loved it. The only flaw in the whole thing was the scene with the wolf in the beginning -- it was perfectly good but not great like everything else. I thought it could have been a bit more exciting.

I read the graphic novel years ago and reread it in January. I love that this is such a huge hit with the general public. So far Frank Miller is 2 for 2 on great film adaptations of his books.



Ken Kennedy debuted a new finisher: Jeff Hardy fans will insist on calling it the Swanton Bomb, but it looks WAY more devastating when not performed by a 180-pound fruitcake.
-Rick Scaia 06.12.2006
Cerebus
Knackwurst








Since: 17.11.02

Since last post: 29 days
Last activity: 2 days
#11 Posted on | Instant Rating: 1.48
    Originally posted by samoflange
    So far Frank Miller is 2 for 2 on great film adaptations of his books.


People seem to forget that ROBOCOP 2 was his doing as well... it sucked.

300, however, is the best film I've seen since RETURN OF THE KING. Shit, this is easily up in my top ten.
Roy.
Pepperoni








Since: 25.2.04
From: Keystone State

Since last post: 2301 days
Last activity: 771 days
#12 Posted on | Instant Rating: 4.84
    Originally posted by Cerebus
    People seem to forget that ROBOCOP 2 was his doing as well... it sucked.


I read somewhere that the studio said that Miller's Robocop was "unfilmable" and basically took his script and changed it to something completely different. Isn't that why it took him so long to be convinced to do Sin City in movie form? And isn't the "Frank Miller's Robocop" comic book mini series from about 4 years ago basically the story he wanted to tell, before the studio messed it up?
StingArmy
Andouille








Since: 3.5.03
From: Georgia bred, you can tell by my Hawk jersey

Since last post: 18 days
Last activity: 15 days
#13 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.17

Holy crap, THAT was Kurrgan?? That guy was absolutely NUTS. I loved that scene. Life should be more like 300.

On another note, how about Paolo from LOST playing the role of Xerxes? I'm not ashamed to admit that I did not recognize him AT ALL, and even now doing side by side comparisons of pictures, I can barely see the resemblance. It probably didn't help that Xerxes was like 8 feet tall and Paolo is, well, not.

And on yet another note, I spent all movie trying to figure out if Ephialtes was real or CG. Well, according to this review, Ephialtes was all prosthetic except for one eye. That eye was CG. Probably explains my confusion.

- StingArmy

(edited by StingArmy on 12.3.07 1848)
hansen9j
Andouille








Since: 7.11.02
From: Riderville, SK

Since last post: 15 days
Last activity: 7 hours
#14 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.33
    Originally posted by StingArmy

    Holy crap, THAT was Kurrgan?? That guy was absolutely NUTS. I loved that scene. Life should be more like 300.


I loved all the stab scars on his body. Once I saw that, I was able to suspend my disbelief through his entire scene.

Favorite part of the movie was the one soldier laughing his ass off when the arros were raining down. "You had to say it..."




Proud member of the Dwight Army of Champions.

Word Up, Thome
Llakor
Landjager








Since: 2.1.02
From: Montreal, Quebec, CANADA

Since last post: 505 days
Last activity: 496 days
AIM:  
#15 Posted on | Instant Rating: 7.25
    Originally posted by Roy.
      Originally posted by Cerebus
      People seem to forget that ROBOCOP 2 was his doing as well... it sucked.


    I read somewhere that the studio said that Miller's Robocop was "unfilmable" and basically took his script and changed it to something completely different. Isn't that why it took him so long to be convinced to do Sin City in movie form? And isn't the "Frank Miller's Robocop" comic book mini series from about 4 years ago basically the story he wanted to tell, before the studio messed it up?


Yeah I just picked this up because they released it in hardcover and its basically unreadable.

Now mind you, it's not Miller's art, its someone else adapting his script.

My big issue with it is story flow and page design which seem designed to give you migraines rather than inform and the art is done by someone who wishes that he was Geoff Darrow but since he isn't it sucks.



"Don't Blame CANADA, Blame Yourselves!"
Big Bad
Scrapple








Since: 4.1.02
From: Dorchester, Ontario

Since last post: 7 days
Last activity: 18 hours
#16 Posted on | Instant Rating: 4.10
Wow, that was Paulo? I was just about to IMDB the actor who played Xerxes since he looked so weird -- how much of it was actually Rodrigo Santoro? Obviously a fake body, fake voice, heavy makeup. I think Santoro got more screen time in this flick than he did in a full season of Lost so far.

The movie was awesome. It was so good I actually enjoyed the 'queen fights with politicians' storyline, which was ostensibly there just as a break between the fighting. I loved the fake-out kneeling at the end, and man, the action scenes were just amazing. Big thumbs up.



I don't know what is more disquieting -- the fact that the rest of the statue is missing, or that it has four toes.
Dexley's Midnight Jogger
Pepperoni
Moderator








Since: 10.10.02
From: New Hampshire

Since last post: 206 days
Last activity: 121 days
#17 Posted on | Instant Rating: 7.82
I did not like this movie. Visually, it was fantastic. However, I didn't feel any connection to the characters and didn't really care about what happened to them. It would have worked better as a mini-series, perhaps.
JustinShapiro
Scrapple
Moderator








Since: 12.12.01
From: Pittsburgh, PA

Since last post: 1 day
Last activity: 3 hours
#18 Posted on | Instant Rating: 8.49
Aw man, I'm a troll.

(THE) 300: Take that, black people! Should've been called FOURTEEN*, because between the blood, body count, boobs, and bluster about manliness and not taking any shit, this was like an adolescent boy's dream. A wet, bloody dream. It was kind of cool, I guess, but nothing you haven't already seen in Helm's Deep.

* not the sequel to Thirteen

And I know everyone else has already made this joke, but the physiques really were ridiculous. How in the course of training to be unstoppable warriors would you be doing that much pec and ab work? "At the age of 7, the Spartan boy is sent into the wilderness to learn of valor and of reverse crunches." Oh well. 300 would've been better realized as a video game, gay porn, or message board avatar.
Texas Kelly
Lap cheong








Since: 3.1.02
From: FOREST HILLS CONTROLS THE UNIVERSE

Since last post: 9 days
Last activity: 2 days
ICQ:  
#19 Posted on | Instant Rating: 4.03
Ladies and gentlemen, the following public service message is brought to you by your friends from D-Generation X, who would like to remind each and every one of you that if you're not down with that, we've got two words for you...

It's funny how everyone's making Lord of the Rings parallels with this movie and yet no one's mentioned that the narrator of the film (AKA the Spartan who loses a fucking eye in combat and just shrugs it off) is played by the same actor who played Faramir in the LOTR trilogy.

Anyways, it's well executed for what it was - a bunch of battle scenes strung together with a couple of side plots thrown in to allow the audience to catch its collective breath - but don't go expecting the greatest movie ever, because it isn't. It's a harmless waste of two hours - there's certainly many worse movies out there I could have spent my $11 on.

Oh, and Lena Headey is about ten different kinds of hot. Just thought I'd throw that in there.



e-mail me at texas (dot) kelly (at) gmailread a bunch of incoherent nonsense
now 52% more incoherent!
smark/net attack Advisory System is Elevatedsmark/net attack Advisory System Status is: Elevated
(Holds; June 18, 2006)
While the switch from Cena to RVD should alleviate some complaints, the inevitability of the belt's return to Cena (note where Summerslam is this year) and the poor initial showing by the new ECW are enough to keep the indicator where it is for now. The pieces are in place, though, especially on RAW, for improvements to be made to the IWC's psyche in the near future.
spf
Scrapple








Since: 2.1.02
From: The Las Vegas of Canada

Since last post: 29 days
Last activity: 3 days
AIM:  
#20 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.16
This movie is why IMAX was invented. By the end of the movie on the HUGE screen you are ready to go out and just start killing random food court employees in the name of freedom. I give it 100 billion stars.



I'm going bald to help kids with cancer! (stbaldricks.org)
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