So Smackdown has turned into a really great show while I can't imagine what an audience member must feel like sitting through a live episode of RAW. Its esentially a old Superstars taping with an occasional squash match, alot of mic work, bench press challenges and interview segments. I pity the dual taping audience that had to sit through this garbage to get to the Smackdown tapings. And I can't imagine the pain of the audience for the single tapings who get nothing but this garbage.
I'm including Phils solo review from last week too unsure which of us is more filled with hate:
Tom is out of pocket so this is solo
I liked the variation of kicks Tajiri used, felt like they should have brought Bischoff out to do commentary, so he could describe them all.
I SUFFER FOR YOU! I DON'T WANT TO SUPERKICK OLD MEN, BUT I MUST HAVE SHITTY MATCHES FOR YOUR SINS. I don't think Micheals can blade enough to do a Passion of the Christ gimmick, but I do think he will try, which I guess you have to give him credit for.
I liked that all the Diva search contest winners talents were just variation on stripper routines. At least they aren't pretending.
What Didn't Work
I think they should have just kept brining out old talk show hosts until finally bringing out Piper, have Ventura come out, Bruce Pritchard as Rio, Missy, Jake Roberts, Beefcake, Pritchard making a costume change and coming out as Brother Love, and finally Ace Orton with a pink cast carrying the embalmed corpse of Adrian Adonis. Would have probably killed less time then the worlds shittiest game of dozens between Carlito and Jericho.
Benjamin and Carlito was a whole mess of chinlocks for a long match ending with a countout. I am not a moves mark, but if you are going to go 20 you got to bring out something. I do like Carlito's facial expressions.
I think ECW and Russo kind of killed any chance of actually getting over Hardy as Pillman. I guess fake Loose Cannon does explain the ludicrous insane live journal rambling and home videos. I hope Hardy tries to stab Daniels at ROH or something, you want to get over as crazy, 2 count rollups and kip up face offs isn't the way to do it.
PAS: I actually liked the Benjamin v. Carlito. Last week their match was really boring, and this week it feels like it was booked by Robert Bihari, as Benjamin played the roll of sloppy green AAA luchadore busting out multiple slightly blown dives. Really should have had Carlito fake a foul, and blame Benjamin as the finish. I also am enjoying the booking of this feud, as it really feels like the booking we used to get in the Bay Area when I was a kid, WWF came to either the Cow Palace or the Oakland Coliseum every month, and you would have Greg Valentine lose by countout to Tito, just so Tito can come back with the no-countout match and then Valentine gets DQed. Benjamin is no Tito and Carlito is no Valentine but I enjoy the old schoolishness of it.
PAS: You can't hire the Backseat Boyz to guard your gold medal. It either going to get pawned for coke or lost inside of Dana Dameson.
TKG: I hope one of the WWE's lazy sitcom writers watches tonights show, sees Johnny Kashmiere and insists on getting him signed to walk around backstage asking people if their calves are real.
TKG: Liked Lawler under his breath to Ross "that's not a fan JR". Lawler worked the Snowman and maybe the only guy in the fed who knows how to pull off a worked shoot.
TKG: Wow that Kane vs. Edge match while sloppy at points actually had enough in it to be actually good. I Liked Kane's take of the DDT, although the set up was absurd. Liked the slamming Edge's face into wall followed by running boot. Liked the Lita kiss. Nice blade job. Not such a big fan of the guy kicking out of pin is the next guy on offense stuff. Normally one wants your wrestler to come out of a cage match looking tough. Odd in that neither guy left this looking particularly strong and really didn't feel like a blow off either. But despite all that, this was actively good.
WHAT DIDN'T WORK
TKG: Damnit both a Masterlock and an Angle challenge. Give me some wrestling!!! I liked the second Matt Martel vs. Angle, Angle challenge. Was really really disappointed that Martel didn't come back out for the Masterlock challenge. Chris Masters needs to work on his heel bug out eyes as his "I'm scared" facials were ridiculous. I guess Teddy Long's on the other brand. Chavo is now white and (although it kind of felt like they were running a Benjamin can't be hurt by headdrop angle) Benjamin hasn't been in the business long enough to know the Kingfish sell. I guess Coach knows how to bug his eyes. HOLY SHIT this show sucks when the only guy the rookies can go to for pointers is Coachman.
PAS: If he is going to work as Matt Martel in a Court Bower booked promotion, can I at least get some WWE.com columns about his moisturizer and rims?
TKG: So they learned their lesson and didn't give the divas a live mic. Instead all the diva contestants were pre-taped and told the exact format they needed to use to speak; "I think ____should be cut because she should be doing_____ instead". What kind of dull shit is this. I did like Elisabeth who was the only person who came across as legit bitchy where everyone else seemed to just be saying my competition is too good for this shithole.
PAS: Cover of Vouge? Teaching kids dancing? Why can't they just say better off lapdancing Bischoff's wife at the Gold Club.
TKG: Damnit long HBK and long Hogan mic work make me long for Helmsley soliloquies. Oh and speaking of longwinded guys... HEY MICHAELS : FUCKING WORK HEEL YOU PUSSY!!! Rock was smart enough to work semi heel against Hogan when he was booked as a face. this feud has you booked as a heel..work heel. Bug your eyes out. Coachman is more professional than you.
PAS: I live in a really gay neighborhood in DC, and usually RAW really looks like 2:30am at McDonalds where all the club hopping jacked guys try to pick people up while cheating on their diets by eating fries. This Hogan v. Micheals segment really looked like Sunday morning brunch with a pair of old queens bitching at each other over some perceived slight at The Tenth Floor 20 years ago. "You never met anyone with my passion Terry."
TKG: Wow the picture of HBK and Hogan that they put up between segments really made HBK look grizzled. The adds for Summerslam are going to look like a battle between two pieces of bacon. I've seen a million Hogan vs. Beefcake matches. they were never good. I don't see why I should want to see Hogan vs. Helmsley's Beefcake.
TKG: UGGH! That lumberjack match was AWFULL. Why make that so long. Cena did a really great job eating spinebuster. But outside of that. why does Cena need faces running in to take out the heel lumberjacks? Kane and Batista had a pretty shitty lumberjack match a bout a month or two ago which was saved by Viscera taking some nice big guy bumps. Tomko I think took some nice bumps in it too. Unfortunately Viscera is face now. This was AWFULL.
PAS: Yeah it is a shame what they did to Viscera, as a heel he could bump and sell, now he is stuck just doing a WWE comedy spot. Of course Scotty 2 Hotty still has a job ten years after he should be fired, so sodomizing comedy guy may be the best thing long term for his career. Still I miss heel Viscera.
Those PPV title match participant quizzes are deceptively difficult. I got 112/117 on 2012, missing a pair of Divas and a pair of midcarders, and 122/135 on 2011, missing a few midcarders and one prominent World Champion. Wrestlemania Title Winners: