Just as a quick preamble allow me to point out that I started to write the following review of the Raw in Montreal just after the show, but stopped before I quite finished because I had to go to work the next day. ( So why are we finishing this review again? ) Oh. Hi. Allow me to welcome once again to the Recap position, the man in the parentheses: The Great and Mighty OZ! ( Yeah. Yeah. Enough sweet talk. Why are we doing this when I could be watching Bleu Nuit on TQS instead? ) Well, this Raw may have happened close to a month ago, but some of the things that occurred there still need to be commented on. Not to mention that it gives me the opportunity to make certain observations and comment on some things that other people have written. Plus I hate all the writing that I did do to go to waste. ( Translation: This is coming to you directly from the recycling bin at the bottom of your computer screen. Best to return it there now. ) Yes, well, in any case, the fact that this recap was written over a couple of different time periods will add a certain time discontinuity to the recap that I hope you will bear with as it happens. ( Oh Sweet merciful Jesus Christ! This isn’t one of those recaps where we know what’s going to happen a few weeks later and we talk about the inevitable consequences of actions that we are only just seeing now, is it? ) If I am parsing your grammar properly, I think so, yes. ( UGH. These always give a migraine. What is the proper tense to describe something when you see an event, and you know immediately that it is a horrible mistake, and then you travel to the future find out that it is even more of a dreadful mistake than you thought, so you travel back to the past when the event took place, so that you properly describe how big the train wreck that you are watching live is going to be? ) Retrograde Future Imperfect. ( You just made that up. ) No. I think that I swiped it from Robert Heinlein. In any case, we are writing in English which is a forgiving language grammar wise. God help us if we were writing in French or German. In any case, it is time now for the review proper to begin and for that to happen, I must use those two words that begin all of my live reviews, to whit:
It is I, Llakor, your fearless Montreal correspondant... actually, I don’t think that correspondant is the right word. Is there a word for a guy who promises to write to you, hints about all the great things that he’s going to write to you, doesn’t write to you for MONTHS and when he finally does write to you, writes so much stuff that you think that your head is going to explode? ( Yeah, it was 6 down in the New York Times Crossword puzzle on Sunday. ) So what was it? ( What was what? ) The WORD! ( Damned if I know, the New York Times Crossword Puzzle is IMPOSSIBLE. Take the clue for 1 Across for instance, “a word for forgetting the name of someone when you want to introduce them to someone else at the same time you realize you’ve forgotten the name of the person you’re introducing them to as well.” ) Right aka Obscure reference just for Tanya#1. ( I’m holding an envelope to my head. I’m guessing the Simpsons. ) No. Good guess, though. I should explain that Tanya is a columnist at slashwrestling who did a contest for an “obscure reference” that she dropped into one of her columns. Personally, I thought that the reference was a little weak in its “obscurity” so I thought that I would call her out a little bit by doing her one or two or ten better. Mind you the fact that she is never going to read this makes the whole calling her out a little moot, but, as always, I’ve gotta be me. ( Don’t you think that it would help to include the link to this article of Tanya’s? ) Absolutely, good suggestion.
( *KOFF* We are waiting for that link you know. ) No, *I* am waiting for the link. Providing them is YOUR department. ( How in the BLUE HELL do you figure that? ) To provide the link properly in HTML it has to be between brackets. Everything involving brackets or parentheses is your department. ( Damn. Hung on a technicality. ) So, at this time, you are no doubt asking yourself that all important question... ( You mean aside from - When the hell is Llakor going to get to the point? ) Right. The question that has no doubt been plaguing you... ( I am holding an envelope to my head and the answer is - Yes, and we are about to tell you. ) No, I don’t think those are the right answers, because the question I had in mind was - What was Llakor’s reaction to the great SlashWrestling blackout? ( I don’t think that was the right question. ) Now, for some reason, many people contacted me for my opinion on the blackout, convinced that for some odd reason that I would be upset about it. My reaction was (and remains) that the blackout was FUNNY, and a totally predictable follow-up to your line from a Nitro recap something like, “will the last person left in WCW turn out the lights?” But people seemed convinced that I would be furious that people could no longer access my deathless prose. Ignoring the fact that my articles were still on line for any body with half a brain to find... ( Well, *I* couldn’t find them. ) EXACTLY. Plus, I wouldn’t have any readers in the first place if you hadn’t published my articles and given the odd wink that my stuff just might be worth reading. Personally, I was no where near as upset as you were at the appearance of Eric Bischoff. I mean, I was upset at yet another example of short-term angle hot-shotting where we throw out all the storylines from the last two months in favour of a whole new storyline that bears no relation to the old storyline and in the process ignore logic, continuity, good story-telling and basic booking. So as an example of all of THAT, I was upset enough at the appearance of Bischoff to turn off the TV, and go stalk into the meadow and commit mass genocide on a perfectly harmless dandelion patch, scaring the beegezus out of Hodge-Podge in the process. But, otherwise, I am perfectly fine with him, although I can certainly understand your reaction. Obscure Reference Just For Tanya#2, by the way. ( I’m holding an envelope to my head. I’m guessing the Simpsons. ) No. Mediocre guess, though. Now, as I say, I predicted right from the start that the blackout was a temporary move, your walkout protest from Nitro writ large as it were. But even if it is a permanent thing, I just want to say... ( Dude? ) Just a second, let me finish. It’s been a great ride, CRZ. Thanks for the writing, thanks for recapping what I couldn’t and wouldn’t watch, so that I didn’t have to, thanks for publishing my stuff, thanks for publishing other people’s stuff like Brew, cfgb and cubs, and and Seadawg, and most of all, DrOp... ( DUDE! I have to tell you something. ) Just once, JUST ONCE, could I finish a thought!?! I’m tearing up here. Besides aren’t you supposed to be finding me that link to Tanya’s article? Most of all, Z, I wanted to tell you that at the end of the day, you are a writer and a great writer at that. And the function of a writer is to write. So, when you do pick up the pen or plug in the keyboard again, let me know, I’ll be there to read, even if it’s only to scratch my head at why an otherwise rational man would give a name to his car. There. Now what did you want to say? ( Oh, nothing, nothing. I was just wondering if you knew that slashwrestling was back up? ) WHAT?! When did that happen? ( Two months ago, more or less. ) Why don’t people tell me these things. You mean that I could have been sending in IWS recaps and When We Were Marks columns ALL THE TIME, ALL THE TIME, ALL THE TIME? ( If you had actually written any, SURE. But nice try to blame CRZ though. Well played. It’s certainly better than your usual “the dog ate my hard-drive” excuses. ) Right. Obscure Reference Just For Tanya#3, by the way. ( I’m holding an envelope to my head. I’m guessing the Simpsons. ) No. Predictable guess, though. Now the very NEXT thing that you are no doubt asking yourself, CRZ is - Was Llakor at RAW, and does he have any juicy tidbits for me? And the answers are - Yes, and we are about to tell you. ( I hate you. )
I arrived at what used to be the Molson Centre and is now the Bell Centre... ( Because nothing adds to a wrestling match or a hockey game like a cool, frosty... phone. ) I hadn’t purchased a ticket in advance, but just as with the last RAW in Montreal, the day after WrestleMania, I was able to get a ticket in the reds with no trouble, although my ticket this time (123-R-3) was by no means as good as my ticket at the Hogan love-in that I attended last time. The ticket was $52.50 Canadian. While waiting for the doors to open, I strolled over to St-Hubert and ordered “Le Choix du Rotisseur” for $6.04 after tax. Le Choix du Rotisseur is French for “You’ll take the leg and like it, BITCH.” This killed some time, but not enough, so I wandered from the Windsor entrance to the Lucien-Allier entrance and back again, just in case I ran into someone I knew. I did end up running into a member of the Red Army, I think it was Hooligan, who suggested that I go home and put on a Red Army shirt before going in. ( We told him that we would get right on that, and got away from him as quickly as possible. ) They opened the doors a little after 7, but it took FOREVER to get into the arena. Once in, I discovered that unlike the last two wrestling events held there, THIS TIME they were hanging onto people’s bags, so I grabbed my writing tablet, and left them my bag. ( Yeah cause our bottle of water and folio edition of the Hobbit will HELP THE TERRORISTS WIN! ) I made my way to the washrooms where I ran into Ram Hardy aka Stevie McFly. I passed up the chance to shake his hand, for well obvious reasons, settling for the manly punch to the shoulder as he tried to figure out who the fuck I was. ( I’m sure that high on the lists of reasons that Ram has for getting into professional wrestling is so that complete strangers can come up to him and punch him in the shoulder while he’s zipping up. ) Coming back from the washrooms, I picked up a copy of the program included as always in a current (W)WWF magazine. In this case, they were handing out two different magazines at random, so you either got the (W)WWF Superstars Poster Magazine or the Divas Undressed Magazine. I handed over my $5.00 and received the Divas magazine prompting me to wonder how the cute saleswoman in question had decided that I was a “Divas Undressed” type man rather than a “Superstars Poster” type man. ( Jesus Wept! Did you want the stupid posters? ) No, I wanted the Divas magazine. I’ve never understood the concept of posters magazine, because my inclination to keep things in mint condition flies in the face of the purpose of poster magazines which you are supposed to destroy. ( Great. Can’t you be happy that you got the magazine that you wanted, rather than obsessing about the significance of a random choice? ) Ummmm... ( Don’t you DARE! ) I’ve gotta be me? ( I hate you. )
I settled into my seat and began taking notes. It turns out my watch was at least five minutes fast, but I think it was consistently fast. So you can mentally add five minutes or so to the following times. ( Because God Forbid that WE should have to go to the trouble. ) At 7:55, the WWE Desire video played. The crowd gave a big pop to Andre, a bigger pop to Hogan and a HUGE pop to Bret. They booed Angle and Triple H, but cheered for Chris Jericho. At 8:00, the Fink entered to loud boos. He got the crowd off his back, temporarily, by introducing Ray Rougeau, who got a big Rougeau chant, made a few announcements in French about not throwing objects in the ring, and no laser-pointers, hugged Fink and then left.
The following matches all had the Sunday Night Heat graphic, but I don’t know how many will ever appear especially given that this Sunday’s Heat is the pre-PPV hype-fest. During all of these matches Fink’s mike was giving him fits, so a lot of the guys without titantrons, I was reduced to guessing who squeal*hiss was.
Justin Credible vs. Jobber in black trunks, Lil’ Naitch reffing. Bell rang at 8:05. Justin won with a pin following a kick at 8:11. In between was 6 minutes of BLEH, including two of the worst DDT’s that I have ever seen, one by Justin and one by the jobber. ( Be fair. Justin did pull out the hair pull take-down with the picking the hair out of your fingers sell, THAT was all dickish and mean. Plus the stupid Francophone sitting behind us bellowing “BORING” in our ear like a fog-horn didn’t help matters much. )
Johnny Stamboli & a guy in Red Trunks announced at 485 pounds vs. I think Steve Vick and a Non-Vick in black trunks. I think Brian Hebner was officiating. Bell rang at 8:14. Johnny put on an arm-drag clinic including a SWEET arm-drag shoulder-breaker. Needless to say that completely failed to impress the Philistines sitting behind me who were complaining about being force to watch nobodies. Red trunks became your face in peril immediately after pulling out a sub-orbital Atomic Drop. Vick and non-Vick blew a double-team, so Vick shooed off his partner and concentrated on doing all the shit-kicking himself including a violent underhook butterfly suplex thingy that just made me ACHE. Non-Vick tagged in to hit a float-over Suplex that barely got two. Red Trunks finally made the hot tag off of an enziguiri. After face on firing for a bit, Johnny grabbed the non-Vick, raised him into a Gorilla Press that he turned into a Power Bomb. This set up a complicated pin-fall, save, pin-fall, save, pin-fall, save train-wreck that ended with Red Trunks and Vick dead outside the ring, Johnny dead inside the ring and non-Vick sprawled on the ropes. Non-Vick tried to cover Johnny for the win, but Johnny was only playing dead and he rolled himself a Non-Vick cigarette for the win at 8:22. ( I feel compelled to point out that Llakor is just guessing at which of the two guys was Vick and which wasn’t. In the entirely likely possibility that he was wrong, please feel free to switch the words Vick and non-Vick.) A nice energetic match. High on formula, but formula has its uses. As Johnny Stamboli and Red Trunks made their way up the ramp, Fink got his microphone working enough to announce Johnny Stamboli’s partner as Charlie Haas. I was a little confused, because I had thought that Charlie had changed his name to RC to honour his dead brother. At which point the goombah behind me returned to bitching about nobodies and I had to restrain myself from punching him hard in the face.
It was now time for the TEST match. ( Two quick things before we talk about TEST. ) Yes. You are just doing this because you like taunting the Grizzly, of course. ( Of course. First that Tanya link. Second of all, you remember when I told you that CRZ and slashwrestling were back? ) Yes. ( CRZ’s gone again. ) WHAT? ( Yep. Apparently, he is helping his girlfriend Kim move across the country so that she can move in with him until they can get married. *Sniff* ‘S romantic isn’t it? ) Please excuse me while I go find something sufficiently hard to bash my head on. ( You know you wouldn’t have this problem if you just wrote a little faster. OUCH! Man that hurts just watching it. HEY! Not too hard! I live there! Plus, every time you do that you rearrange my furniture, and I just got the Feng Shui done properly. Not to mention that the last time my Tera Patrick signed and numbered print fell off the wall, and I had to send it out to be reframed. Well, while Llakor is busy reenacting some rite of self-flaggelation invented by the Fransicans, why don’t I tell you about the TEST match? TEST was wrestling some jobber whose name I didn’t hear. TEST was wearing those shiny trunks that the girls all seem to enjoy, but he still had the long hair. The crowd was solidly behind TEST the entire match, as is only good and proper. The bell rang at 8:24. TEST and the jobber did the lock-up and corner routine with TEST backing the jobber into a corner and TEST breaking clean, followed by the jobber backing TEST into the corner and breaking clean at which point TEST smoked him with a right hand. The jobber objected to this and a shoving match ensued won by TEST, only the jobber bounced off the ropes and slapped TEST hard across the face. The ENTIRE audience let out this huge “OOOOO...” as though we were all simultaneously thinking the same thing: uppity bastard’s gonna pay now. Now the very best TEST matches seem to have a singular feature to them. In the middle of them, TEST gets this huge grin on his face as he puts on an incredible shit-kicking on somebody. His blows seem to pick up a little zip and his entire body language seems to be communicating: “Here I am beating the ever-loving crap out of somebody and getting paid to do it. Do I love my job or what?” So, in answer to the inevitable question, immediately after getting slapped TEST got this ginormous ear-splitting grin on his face, and the beating began. For most of the rest of the match, TEST was just killing the poor jobber, which the ref kept admonishing him for, but that only got TEST over in the ref’s face. The other sub-story that was going on was that TEST seemed to have the opinion that he could end the match any time that he wanted, so the small flurries of offence that the jobber got through always caught TEST by surprise, none more so than after TEST hit his Pump-Handle Slam and pulled the jobber up at two, which by the way was when the crowd BEGAN chanting “TWO” which we kept up all night. ) Okay, I’m back. Where in the TEST match are we? ( I’m not sure that I understand the question. ) What moves have you told them about? ( DUDE. I don’t do “moves”. I do heel colour commentary. I told them about the slap, though. ) *SIGH* The slap was followed by a full nelson slam by TEST. He then picked up the jobber and threw him in the corner for an energetic corner beatdown followed by two BALLS-NASTY Short Clotheslines that damn near decapitated the poor jobber. When the jobber struggled back to his feet, TEST got his slap back, and then he took a jobber punch which he no-sold, and another jobber punch that he no-sold. ( As much as I dislike no-selling that was priceless. Especially when TEST made the universal symbol for “Come On! Give me your BEST shot! First one’s FREE!” ) At which point, the jobber fed TEST his leg and then OWENziguiried him into next week. ( So now TEST is hurt and pissed-off. Ugly combination. ) The jobber went up top but TEST caught him on the way down. TEST was shaking him like a rag doll but seemed undecided as to which flavour of pile-driver to inflict. The jobber took advantage of this indecision to wriggle loose. When TEST pursued him, the jobber trapped him with a nifty drop toe hold. ( Now TEST is working his way from Gray, smart Hulk MAD to Bright Green Stupid HULK SMASH mad. ) For the first time in months, TEST gets the full Pump-Handle Slam in and the jobber is D-E-A-D, but TEST pulls him up at TWO! Once again TEST gets the jobber up for a piledriver of some kind and once again the jobber wriggles free, but this time TEST is ready for his jobber offence and he takes his jobber head clean off with the Big Whitby Boot of Death and the pin at 8:29 (5:00?). ( WOW. That match was five whole minutes long. Time does fly when you’re having fun. By the way, where does the term “balls nasty” come from? ) Glad you asked, because that is Obscure Reference Just For Tanya#4. ( I’m holding an envelope to my head. I’m guessing the Simpsons. ) No. Awful guess, though. Following the TEST match we got a tag team match pairing Raven and Steven Richards against D’Lo Brown and Mark Jindrak. Raven and Stevie entered first. Jindrak came out alone, but refused to be baited into the ring and waited for his partner to join him. Raven got a very big enthusiastic response from the crowd, but D’Lo’s response was just a teensy bit bigger. The match started with D’Lo vs. Stevie, but D’Lo wanted nothing to do with Stevie and everything to do with Raven. Raven actually tagged with Stevie and entered the ring, only to tag Stevie back in immediately. Enraged, D’Lo chased Raven only to be ambushed by Stevie. Unfortunately, Stevie wasn’t able to maintain control of the match for long and D’Lo started wailing on him, dragging Stevie over to his corner to tag his partner Mark Jindrak who executed a very nice tilt-a-whirl slam. Before he could follow up on that promising beginning however, Raven blind-tagged himself in and ambushed Jindrak neatly. Raven and Richards double-teamed Jindrak with Raven executing a drop-toe hold and Richards dropping a splash on the prone Jindrak. R&R combined again for a double-team suplex before Richards returned to his corner and Raven started beating the shit out of Jindrak. Raven tagged back in Richards while taunting D’Lo but this back-fired as the ref with his hands full restraining D’Lo completely missed a chance for Richards to pin Jindrak. Richards put Jindrak into a full nelson which lead to a parade of intentional errors and intentionally missed moves that left both men on the ground and D’Lo frantically chanting for Jindrak to make the tag. He got his wish and D’Lo on fire leads to a frantic end sequence as Jindrak nearly pins Raven but Richards saves, D’Lo nearly pins Richards but Raven saves, Raven comes oh-so-close to pinning D’Lo before Jindrak makes the monster save, Jindrak tries to set up a pin on Raven, but Richards Stevie-kicks him out of his boots, only to get clotheslined out of the ring by D’Lo who grabs Raven and holds him up for a Jindrak drop-kick. Then rather than pinning Raven himself, D’Lo graciously allows his partner to get the pin at 8:40 (10:00?). ( I have no freaking clue who the legal men at the end there. Good storytelling in the match as Raven’s mind-games with D’Lo continue and end up costing him the match, and D’Lo ups the ante on the mind games by letting his partner get the pin. )
Next up at 8:44 was William Regal vs. Spike Dudley. The runt of the Dudley litter was favouring his arm, injured during the TLC match the week before. Regal, like a shark smelling blood zoomed in on the arm and broke out all of these wonderful, twisty, nasty, innovative ways to hurt an arm, none of which I could possibly do justice to. ( Translation: Llakor hasn’t a clue what they were called. ) That too. Fun though. All this perfectly legal wrestling technique brought out the inevitable “Regal Sucks” chant. After that died down, a small but vocal Regal supporter broke out a “Break It Off” chant. ( I have no idea WHO that could have been. ) Regal finally got bored working over the arm and gave Spike a chance to go to the back early by going for the pin, but Spike refused this generous offer by putting his feet on the ropes. ( Which in the category of Dumb Things that Wrestlers Do ranks right up there with Bret Hart putting his feet on the ropes against Dino Bravo after Dino broke his sternum. ) A trifle annoyed, Regal went back to punishing the arm punctuating his carny tricks with ramming Spike arm-first into the corner post, and then finally wrapping Spike into for the Regal Stretch and the submission at 8:50 (6:00?) ( Spike, it should be noted, got a big ovation for losing. )
At 8:51, they did the bit where they told us that they were going live for RAW so that they could get the crowd shots when they did actually go live for RAW ten minutes later, and as always we fell for it hook, line and sinker. ( I wonder if Pavlov watched wrestling? ) We started a Hogan chant at 8:55, which brought out... Lillian Garcia who looked like she had raided Stevie Nicks closet. Lillian sang the Canadian National Anthem in English and got booed. ( We should explain this rather unique to Montreal phenomenon. See, in any Quebec crowd you are going to get some seperatists who boo the Canadian National Anthem. To combat this, a few years ago, the federal government made the decision that the official anthem starts in French and finishes in English because that way fewer people would boo. ) That’s a cynical interpretation, but probably accurate. As it happens, I prefer the French lyrics to the English, because the original poem was written in French and is both more beautiful and easier to sing in French. Now, usually people singing along drowns out the boo-birds, but when Lillian started singing in English it threw us all off our stride. ( Plus some people who wouldn’t have booed the Anthem, started booing Lillian for not singing the Anthem properly. ) Right. Now singing the Canadian National Anthem in English is not as big a diplomatic faux-pas as hanging the Canadian flag upside down. ( Which we should point out US Marines did to OUR flag, years before Lance Storm did it to the US Flag. And how hard is it to figure out the flag goes anyway? It’s a freaking leaf, how many ways can it point? ) Ummmm... Two? Up and down? ( STOP HELPING. ) In any case, I wonder how Yankees would feel if Ginette Reno came to New York for a Canadiens/Rangers game and sang the US National Anthem in French? I’m thinking that the fur would fly a little bit. ( That would be so AWESOME. ) Remind you not to let you book any Ginette Reno appearances. ( No worries. I lost my booking privileges after I booked her at a birthday bash for a member of Hell’s Angels. ) RIGGHHHHT. In any case, once Lillian got to the part of the National Anthem that is SUPPOSED to be sung in English, the crowd was able to sing along and drown out the boo-birds. After the anthem, we were shown the My Sacrifice video. At 9:00 JR came out to the Oklahoma Fight Song. ( Remember, Llakor’s watch was five minutes fast. ) At 9:01, Jerry Lawler came out and he and JR shook hands to cheers from the crowd. At 9:03, bored, the crowd started an HLA chant which was interrupted by the appearance of Christian and Chris Jericho on the titantron as they were interviewed prior to their match for the tag-team titles. Terri asked them if they were happy to be back in Canada. “Back in Canada? Quebec isn’t Canada,” Christian replied. ( I hadn’t realized that Christian was a seperatist. We have a couple of Anglo seperatists in the Parti Quebecois, but I didn’t know that Christian was one of them. ) Jericho continued, “That’s right, Terri. We’re from the REAL Canada. Western Canada.” Christian chimed in with, “You know why that’s the REAL Canada, Terri, because we speak ENGLISH there.” ( Well aren’t we bringing just a heaping helping of HATE-A-RADE to the arena tonight. ) Jericho finished up the promo by declaring that, “Quebec is nothing more than Western Canada’s BITCH!” Lillian sensing some built-up hostility in the crowd, announced the start of RAW by saying, “Bon Soir Montreal!” ( Proving that she is merely unable to SING in French.) At which point RAW started. Since CRZ has already recapped this RAW completely, I won’t duplicate the effort, but I will add my own comments to his. ( CRZ’s report is here.)
1. CHRIS Jericho & CHRIStian defeat KANE and HurriKANE to win the tag-team belt. Not only did starting RAW with this match steal away our pyro, it also allowed Kane to leech off the pop for the beginning of RAW to make it look like we were really hot for him. I’m not saying that some of the crowd wasn’t excited to see him, but I don’t think they were THAT excited. Jericho got a surprisingly positive response considering that he had just insulted the entire province. As for the win, as excited as I am to see Christian continue to build his resume as the best damn tag-team wrestler of all time, and as pleased as I was by his unselfish strategy of luring Kane out of the ring to pound him into goo giving his partner the clear field to get the win... ( The master of picking nits strikes again. ) Yes, well, my big picture problem with RAW since Bischoff took over is that the booking took a complete dive into the toilet and has stayed there ever since. It is almost as if someone decided to parody how badly Nitro was booked by booking the worst possible show, in the process completely destroying any importance and credibility that the belts they are fighting for once had. It may just be me, but at the time that this RAW was held my impression was that on every RAW since Bischoff took over at least one title switch had occurred. ( I assume that you are counting the IC title that consumed belts as title switches? ) Naturally. ( I can see where constant title switches is bad because it weakens the importance of a belt if it is easily won, but what is your problem with THIS title switch. ) To begin with, Kane and HurriKane had only just won the belts what, two weeks earlier. Three title switches in less than a month completely undermines all the stability that Billy and Chuck and the UnAmericans had brought to the tag title belt with their long title reigns. Not to mention that it ruined the suspense for the match with Booker T and GoldDust. You knew that no matter what, they weren’t going to switch the belt four times in less than a month. The downside to that is that Booker T and GoldDust are beginning to threaten the Killer B’s for the claim to being the best (W)WWF tag team never to win the belt. ( Okay, I can see that, but how do you get the belts off Kane and HurriKane to set up the match with Booker T and GoldDust?) By never putting it on them in the first place. Keep the feud between the UnAmericans and BookerDust heading into the PPV. In fact, noone was more happy than me to see the tag-team ropes appear...
*SIGH* And I continue to have difficulty cause I write too damn much. For the ending Click Here
(edited by Llakor on 20.11.02 2108)
(edited by Llakor on 21.11.02 1158)
(edited by Llakor on 21.11.02 1306) "Don't Blame CANADA, Blame Yourselves!"
Just for the record, Llakor is a blithering idiot.
Llakor Broadcast System
Saturday, November 16th, 2002
LBS#3: Raw is Montreal
Part Two of Two
*KOFF* ( Robotussin? ) I said, no one was more happy than me to see the tag-team ropes appear... ( Yep. I heard you. ) Your CUE! No one was more happy than me to see the tag-team ropes appear... ( Oh, RIGHT! Sorry.) But the (W)WWF missed an opportunity missed a glorious storytelling opportunity, when they casually threw them out there without an explanation. Imagine if you would, that Booker T and GoldDust got a title shot on RAW and Booker T pinned Lance Storm in the middle of the ring. As Booker and GoldDust celebrate their win, Fink picks up the microphone and announces, “Christian has asked me to inform you that this match was performed under International Wrestling Rules. As such, Booker T needed to be holding onto the tag ropes in order for the tag to be legal. Since the tag was not legal, Booker T and GoldDust did not win the match and your tag team champions are STILL Lance Storm and Christian.” Lance and Christian grab their titles and run leaving Booker T in the middle of the ring going, “What tag ropes?” When Booker T tracks down Eric Bischoff, Bischoff explains that Christian and Lance Storm had it put into their contract that all of their title defences were to be under “International Rules” not American rules. Booker T personally supervises the installation of new tag ropes, as JR grumbles that it was impossible for Booker T and GoldDust to have won the earlier match since there were no tag ropes, “They are using the rules to their own advantage, King!” Again in the rematch, Booker T pins Lance Storm, but this time Fink announces, “Christian has asked me to inform you that under International Wrestling Rules a title switch can only take place in a two out of three falls match. Your winners are Booker T and GoldDust but your tag team champions are STILL Lance Storm and Christian.” You can then do the TLC match with Booker and GoldDust replacing Kane and HurriKane, and the Spinnaroonie replacing the zombie sit-up at the end. Only instead of Booker T getting the belts, Chris Jericho runs in to take him out and Christian climbs the ladder to retain the tag team titles. This sets up the PPV match at which Christian pins GoldDust for the first fall and Booker T pins Lance Storm twice to win the titles. Then you do the disintegration of the UnAmericans on the RAW immediately after the PPV with Christian blaming Lance for getting pinned all the time. Christian takes out Lance and announces that he is exercising his right to a rematch but he is going to pick a new tag-team partner. He brings out Chris Jericho and they cheat to win the titles with Christian pinning GoldDust as Booker T is busy outside of the ring with Jericho. You have the same result, three tag title switches, but you build up both Booker T and Christian as winners. Plus you give Booker T and GoldDust that big win on a PPV against a team that you have made even more hated. ( And what pray tell would Chris Jericho be doing on the PPV, now that you have written him out of the tag-team title match? ) Make the match between RVD and Flair a three way match. If they built off Flair costing RVD the title and Jericho tricking Flair properly there would be enough animosity to go around.
After the match we got a “See the (W)WWF live” ad.
2. Backstage with Canadian CHRIS Connection and BookerDust and Eric Bischoff. Bischoff got a healthy dose of boos during this bit.
3. Lance Storm defeats Al Snow. We got a good “Let’s go Al Snow” chant going. Curiously, unlike with Christian and Jericho, they didn’t try to get us to boo Lance Storm, but we did anyway. ( The boy is just plain unlikable, and I ADMIRE that. )
4. Backstage with Victoria. After we got to see clips of Lillian’s “Shout” video. ( Oh JOY. Oh BLISS. Please Sir can I have some more? ) And then the Pete Rose Halloween ad, which got a big pop from the crowd.
5. Backstage with RVD, Spike, Jeff Hardy and Eric Bischoff. The sound was lousy for the TLC highlights. We saw the Tough Enough 3 ad and the Scorpion King ad. The Scorpion King ad got a surprising number of jeers.
6. Backstage with Ric Flair and Triple H. While it was not as bad as when I was at a house show and a Montreal crowd chanted “FAGGOT” at TooSexy, chanting “WHAT?” during this bit was pretty repulsive. ( KILLJOY! ) At least I have standards.
7. Jeff Hardy defeats Rico. Speaking of FAGGOT chants... (So Rico is a former American Gladiator champion, who left his boss to get stinkfaced so that he could score with a couple of Las Vegas showgirls, but he’s the one we accuse of being a homo and not Jeff Hardy?) Irony, thy name is RAW.
8. Backstage with Kane and HurriKane.
9. In the ring with Kane and eventually Triple H. Oh. My. God. Was this ever brutal live. ( As much as I hate to agree, the “WHAT?” chants during THIS promo were inexcusable on the part of the crowd. Not that there was much that you could have done to make it worse. ) And I thought that it couldn’t get worse than the “Coffee Spill Feud” with Chris Jericho. As bad as this storyline was, the worst part is that the whole feud is just too damn busy. Kane wins and loses the tag team titles, Triple H accuses Kane of murder, Kane explains it, never mind the whole necrophilia angle. Lost in the whole shuffle is the fact that the IC title is about to vanish. Compare this to say the feud with Triple H and Undertaker before Wrestlemania 2001. Very simple. Triple H says, “I just beat Stone Cold. I have now beaten everyone in the (W)WWF.” Taker shows up and says, “Wait a minute, Spanky, what about me?” Nice, simple feud that started on a dime. And there was a nice simple storyline that they could have told here, too. Eric Bischoff comes out and says that after the PPV the IC title will disappear and that it is winner take all. Kane comes out and talks about the history of the belt, that it was the first belt that he ever won in the federation, refers to the Wembley match, the ladder match, and finishes up by saying, “I am the Inter-Continental Champion, and I will not let this belt disappear. You can have the belt when you pry it out of my cold, dead hands.” Then Triple H shows up and says, “That can be arranged.” And there’s your feud. Nice, simple, easy to understand, with the added bonus that all the net smarts would find themselves forced to cheer for Kane because they didn’t want the IC title to die. ( There are just two problems with that scenario. First, criticizing this feud is a little like shooting fish in a barrel. You could come up with a scenario involving Isaac Yankem and the Fake Diesel and it couldn’t possibly be any worse than what we actually saw. Second, making Kane the defender of the history of the IC title presupposes that somebody somewhere was willing to allow the on-air criticism of killing the IC title as a bad idea. ) Which points to one of the problems with Eric Bischoff as a heel GM. He’s not really EVIL. He is just a little swarmy. Instead of hating the guy, you just end up being mildly revolted by him. You need to have people standing up to him and telling him that he is full of shit. And I don’t mean Spike Dudley telling him to “Bite My Ass” either. You need Kane to oppose his plans, forcing Bischoff and Triple H to work together to get Kane. When Bischoff comes up with an idea like the strap match, you need him to be in with cahoots with Ric Flair and Triple H, so that it is obvious that the match is designed to punish RVD, and that the idea of trapping the baby-faces is all Bischoff’s idea. When he comes up with the elimination chamber as an idea, you need him to reassure Triple H that the order in which the contestants are released is not really that random at all. So far the battle between Raw and Smackdown has been the battle not between Good and EVIL, but between competent and incompetent. Not that that makes it hard to side with Smackdown and Stephanie, but it is a little hard to hate what the French refer to as “les incompetents”, you are much more likely just to feel sorry for them. That is Obscure Reference Just For Tanya#5, by the way. ( I’m holding an envelope to my head. I’m guessing the Simpsons. ) No. Man! You SUCK! After the PROMO FROM HELL, we saw the Jeff Hardy Desire video.
10. Jacqueline & Trish defeat Molly & Victoria. How sad is it that the RAW feud with the most emotion and the best build-up is the women’s division? ( It probably helped that live we didn’t have Lawler verbally masturbating in our ear. ) AMEN Brotha.
11. Backstage with the faces and the straps. After which we saw the Batista promo.
12. In the ring with Eric Bischoff and Pat Patterson. For the record, Pat said in French, “I am so happy to be back in the most beautiful city in the world.” Then we he turned to Bischoff, he said, “Mr. Bischoff, I don’t trust you.” Now, the other benefit of making Kane the defender of the history of the IC title is that you have him run in to protect Patterson instead of the Big Show which made no god-damn sense at all, at all. After Big Show chased off Three Minute Warning, D’Lo Brown helped Patterson out of the ring and Jeff Hardy helped Brisco out of the ring. The refs took over helping Brisco out of the arena so that Jeff could help D’Lo escort Patterson out. The Anthology ad got first cheers then boos once we figured out what it was. It also provoked a “We Want Bret!” chant. We also saw the “The Ring” ad.
13. Christopher Nowinski defeats Tommy Dreamer ( You think that Al yanked the cane away because he was trying to keep Tommy Dreamer from getting disqualified? ) SUURRRE.
14. Backstage with Terri and Triple H. We got a weird kind of black-out when Triple H left and did his Inspector Porfiry, “Just one more thing...” as though the technical crew weren’t expecting him to come back. Obscure Reference Just For Tanya#6, by the way. ( I’m holding an envelope to my head. I’m guessing the Simpsons. ) No. Have you considered getting a new envelope? ( Yeah. I think this one is defective. )
15. Rampway with Randy Orton. More on the Randy comments later. Afterwards we saw the Confidential ad.
16. Big Show defeats Booker T. What this really needed was for the NEXT week on RAW, GoldDust asking Booker T if he was upset about being pinned by the Big Show and Booker saying something along the lines of, “Being left behind in the Divas locker room to be nursed back to health by a half-naked Trish Stratus? Dawg, I LET HIM PIN ME! I was where I wanted to be!” ( You are forgetting the forklift. ) Right. For some reason, I thought that it was Al Snow driving the forklift. I was flashing back to WrestleMania, I guess. After this match, I guy near me got escorted out for no discernible reason. He did get the Na Na Hey Hey Goodbye song though. We saw the Lesnar/Taker Hell in the Cell promo.
17. Triple H defeats Rob Van Dam. And yet another example of self-defeating booking. It would seem obvious that in a non-title match before the PPV, Triple H loses to RVD. First of all, that makes Triple H look weak going into the PPV so that we think that Kane has a chance. Second of all, that gives RVD a built-in reason to challenge for the title no matter who wins. ( Never Mind the abortion of an idea of sending out Big Show with a strap with the heels, and both the Big Show and Three Minute Warning act as if they have no issues at all, as if they weren’t chasing each other less than half an hour before. I can sympathize with the fact that the writers sometimes can’t remember stuff that happened a year ago, but you would think that they could remember stuff that happened on the same damn FUCKING show! ) Not to mention the wrestlers. ( Not to mention the wrestlers. ) Which brings us back to they are deliberately parodying how bad Nitro was theory. In the every cloud has a silver lining department, Jericho was AWESOME the entire match acting as a ring leader and rallying everyone around to beat the shit out of RVD. It was literally difficult to take your eyes off him even when Triple H and RVD were both in the ring.
Which brings us to the end of RAW... ( You are forgetting something. ) What could I have possibly forgotten? ( The small matter of a certain chant. ) Oh. THAT. Curiously, a couple of days after this RAW, the (W)WWF posted an article entitled, “Montreal, Get Over It!” ( I would love to link you up, but sadly it is no longer on their web-site. The gist though was that Montreal fans should stop obsessing over the whole Bret Got Screwed Here thing. ) Right. Well let’s ignore the fact that he did in fact get screwed here. Let’s gloss over what exactly was the betrayal. Most people seem to feel that it was losing the title that upset Bret, when arguably what really upset him was that he had given his word to Vince McMahon that he would drop the title after the PPV. So Bret was upset not because he lost the title, but because Vince lied to him, and in the process showed that he did not trust Bret to keep his word. Of course, when you have never kept your own promises, the word of another man has no currency, making Vince’s actions understandable if not excusable. ( The whole counter-argument that compares Bret to Madusa is one of these -exactly how badly do you want to insult Bret anyway?- type arguments. Like they have anything in common at all. ) But glossing over Bret’s side of it and look only at Montreal’s side of it. The INSTANT that Bret lost the title, we understood something about Vince McMahon. He knew that what he had done would piss us off royally. He knew that he was perhaps destroying the Quebec market for his company for years to come. And he did not care. He was prepared to write off Montreal, cross off Quebec, walk away from Canada. Now, I’m not saying that from a cold-blooded, reptilian, business perspective that this didn’t make sense, any more than that the Los Angeles Dodgers make more fiscal sense than the Brooklyn Dodgers. But Mario Cuomo has never forgiven Walter O’Malley, and I see no reason for me to forgive Vince McMahon. We didn’t have a decent house show for nearly three years after Survivor Series, and we only got back on TV in the last year. But forget all of that. If the (W)WWF and Vincent K. McMahon want us to live in the now and get over it, fine, we can do that. But the (W)WWF has to get over it first. If they don’t want us to chant “You Screwed Bret” don’t play a completely unnecessary Anthology ad featuring Bret; don’t have Randy Orton come out and say “This is where Bret got screwed”; most of all, don’t send out Earl Hebner to officiate the main event. “Montreal, Get Over It”? You first, Vince. You first.
So, it’s late but it’s done, oh and I nearly forgot: I was never going to go to see RAW, but on the eternal chat Darryl talked me into it. So all of the above is his fault. I, as always, am blameless.
( RIGHT. Well, if Darryl is taking the blame than I am taking the credit. )
And that leaves me to end this review the way that they always do, as I remain, Yours Truly,
Llakor, That Lousy Canuck Former [slash] Contributour
You French Phucks. How dare you boo. No I'm not really worried about the anthem more then How Dare you boo Lilian. No wonder everyone can't stand you guys. What do you expect from her to sing some of it in french! How ignorant. This isn't some cheesy local singer it's Lilian Garcia... How bad was the booos. Could she hear them? Do you think it effected her? ahh I'm so pissed
If I was there I'd start throwing without a doubt. I'd make the Richard riots look like a pillow fight. I would go 2001 Quebec's Summit of the Americas on all your asses.
I'm sure it upset her and probably needed some consoling afterwards (umm). I hope Trish told her "Not to worry and these French people just like being obnoxious" Errr if you guys discourged her in singing the Canadian national anthem when she comes to my city I'm going to go to frenchy land with my (not PW)torches and pull a Rome 64AD.
(edited by Net Hack Slasher on 24.11.02 0745) Oh they have the internet on computers now!
DUDE! If our French Canadian singers, some of whom don't speak a word of English, can sing the US National anthem phonetically in the process showing respect to your country and your anthem, why in all that's holy can't Lillian do the same for the Canadian national anthem?
I would point out as well that singing the US national anthem is a bitch even when English is your first language. That song is not easy to sing.
Again I posit the reverse. If Celine Dion came to Boston to sing both national anthems in a Montreal/Boston game and sang the US National anthem in French, would she get booed? I'm thinking that she would be lucky to leave the arena alive.
Volume I Chapter EIGHT In Which the Fellowship Sets off on Their Journey, Only to Be Derailed by Acolytes Benoit is packing his tights for the long journey ahead. Shawn Michaels, looking much older and nearly bald at this point, prances in. Benoit: