TONIGHT: It’s the season premiere of Raw, and also, Raw Roulette! Emanating from Cincinnati, Bengals WR Chad Ochocinco will be guest host. Maybe he’ll bring along his new partner-in-crime, Terrell Owens. Also, John Cena faces Randy Orton six days before Night of Champions.
-John Cena and Randy Orton were backstage with Josh Mathews, in front of the Roulette wheel. Mathews was going to spin, but Cena told him to take his grubby hands off it. He wanted lady luck on his side, so Eve came in and spun the thing. It landed on Tables match. Oh, there’s a “____ on a pole” match too! Mathews reminded Cena that the last time we saw him in a Tables Match, Cena lost the title to Sheamus. Cena mockingly thanked him for reminding him. Cena said tonight, he was feeling lucky, and he spun the wheel again and walked away. The camera focused on the WWE logo in the middle as they went to the Raw Open.
-In the arena, they showed the steel cage hanging over the ring and the announcers talked about the main event.
-Justin Roberts introduced Chad Ochocinco to a great pop. They’re “guest stars” now, by the way, instead of “guest hosts.” Ochocinco played to the crowd for a bit. He welcomed everyone to the premiere of Raw and said there’s never been a guest star as handsome as himself. He said Raw Roulette was back, but The Miz’s music interrupted. Miz walked to the ring with a mic and said the Bengals are the fans’ team, but Raw is his show. He said it’s finally nice to be able to relate to a guest host: They both say what they want, when they want. Then, he said they are really nothing alike because he is a champion. He said Ochocinco would never experience a championship because he plays for the Bungles. Big heat for that. Ochocinco said he had two words for Miz: Child, please. Ochocinco reminded Miz that the Bengals won the AFC North last year, and they’re going to the playoffs this year. Miz made fun of T.O and Ochocinco for leaving the game early and Tweeting in the locker room. He asked if 85, his jersey number, was the number of passes he’d drop this season. Or it’s the age of Carson Palmer, and the age of which he moves like. As Miz finished his catchphrase, the GM chimed in.
Michael Cole read that it was enough talk, and it was time to decide Miz’s match. Alicia Fox, backstage, spun the wheel. It landed on Submission Match. Darn, right next to “Song and Dance.” Cole read the e-mail, saying it would be a non-title match, and the opponent of Miz will be determined by Chad Ochocinco. Ochocinco told Miz that he’d be facing Daniel Bryan in a submission match. Bryan walked out…the match is presumably next.
(1) The Miz vs. Daniel Bryan- Submission Match After about two minutes of action, Miz fell to ringside and grabbed at his side. He took the mic and said he had a hernia, so he’s stopping the match, which will allow him to defend his title at Night of Champions.
Winner: Bryan (no bell), at about 2:00.
Miz told Bryan he’d face his surrogate, Alex Riley, instead.
(2) Daniel Bryan vs. Alex Riley- Submission Match Riley quickly got Bryan in the Stretch Muffler, but Bryan turned it into the LeBell lock for the victory.
Winner: Bryan, via submission, at :37.
Miz charged the ring, looking healthy, and attacked Bryan. He trash talked him, saying he was average at best. He went for the Skull Crushing Finale, but Bryan turned it into the LeBell lock and Miz tapped early and often.
-Jillian asked someone backstage if they were ready, then she spun the wheel. She and Edge sang to “Right Round” as the wheel continued spinning into break. That was weird.
-Cole and Lawler gave a shout-out to military personnel watching on the Armed Forced Network.
-Other Bengals were shown watching in the crowd.
(3) Edge vs. Evan Bourne- Bodyslam Challenge Edge tried to slam Bourne, but Bourne got out and kicked at Edge. Bourne tried to leap over Edge in the corner but Edge caught him. Bourne held onto the ropes for as long as he could, to keep Edge from slamming him. Hard kick to the chin of Edge, and it looked painful. Edge was up and Bourne went for a slam, but couldn’t get him. Edge-O-Matic by Edge, followed by a bodyslam for the win.
Winner: Edge, at 1:13. Not much to it. Pretty dumb stip.
Edge readied to Spear Bourne after the match. He ended up spearing the kid. The GM chimed in as Edge’s music played, and Cole walked to the podium. The GM congratulated Edge, but since he took advantage of his opponent, he will have to face this man in a second bodyslam challenge….Mark Henry.
(4) Edge vs. Mark Henry- Bodyslam Challenge Edge dodged a charge and pounded Henry with fists. He tried to bodyslam Henry, but Henry just pancaked him. World’s Strongest Slam ended it.
Winner: Henry, at :34. If that was a regular match, Edge would’ve gotten squashed. Just not realistic.
-Still to come, Orton vs. Cena in a Tables Match.
(5) Ted DiBiase & Maryse vs. R-Truth & Eve Torres– Song and Dance Match What a coincidence! R-Truth, the rapper, in a Song and Dance Contest. Truth continued singing even after his music ended, which was funny. Each team has to pick someone to sing, and one to dance. The crowd will decide the winner. Truth’s music started playing, but he said he didn’t want that one. A new one came on and Truth rapped to it while Eve danced. It went on a bit longer than I’d prefer, but the live crowd at it up. DiBiase said this is Raw, not America’s Got Talent. He claimed the fans don’t want to see R-Truth rap. He said he should just forfeit and walk out….but he’s not going to. He said as Maryse knows, he’s full of surprises. DiBiase asked for a spotlight. He started to sing “My Way” as Maryse looked like she was doing some sort of interpretive dance. “You suck” chants from the fans. Ticked off, they heels attacked the babyfaces. So this isn’t so much a “match” as a competition. Eve turned the tables on Maryse, clotheslining her, then kicking her out of the ring. R-Truth countered Dream Street and kicked DiBiase in the jaw. Truth continued to rap what is presumably going to be his new theme song.
-Backstage were the Bellas, Chad Ochocinco and William Regal. Regal’s spin landed on a Trading Places match. Ochocinco explained that Regal has to dress as his opponent. His foe: Goldust. This has possibilities. Goldust handed Regal his wig and said he’d need that. The Bellas wanted their own turn to spin, but Sheamus walked in. Ochocinco said that if John Morrison can beat Sheamus next, Morrison will take Jericho’s place in the Six Pack Challenge Match. Sheamus told the Bellas to spin the wheel. It landed on the Falling Down the Stairs match, AKA a Falls Count Anywhere match. Sheamus made fun of Ochocinco’s name and said he’d wipe the floor with Morrison, just like the Patriots wiped the floor with the Bengals yesterday.
-Cole plugged WWE’s Facebook page.
-Edge was pacing backstage when Zack Ryder walked up. He asked what the problem the GM has with Edge is. He asked if Edge stole his girlfriend or something. Ryder again got upset when Edge called him a tool. Edge said when he wins the title, he’s holding out, going MIA in retaliation for the GM’s shenanigans. Sheamus walked in and told Edge not to hold his breath on winning the title. “Burn!” exclaimed Ryder. He got stared down and left the picture. Sheamus told Edge to watch what he does to Morrison next.
-Morrison warmed up backstage with pull-ups. As he came down, the camera did a weird close-up on him. He did some parkour down the hallway, then grabbed his glasses and jacket and was ready to go.
-Sheamus made his entrance for his match, which is next.
[Commercial Break]10:01:34 10:08:15
(6) Sheamus vs. John Morrison- Falls Count Anywhere Match Morrison started out hot and got a one-count on the Pale Warrior. He ended up throwing Morrison out of the ring, then back in. Morrison kicked Sheamus to keep him outside, then hurricanran’d him. He went for a cover on the outside and got two. Sheamus was sent over the barricade and into the fans. Morrison lined up and leaped onto Sheamus, pounding away with rights and lefts. Cover got two. Sheamus re-gained control and gave Morrison the Irish Curse back-breaker amidst the fans. Sheamus used the steel barriers to his advantage as they began to fight near the production area. Morrison was back on offense, but not for long. Things went up onto the stage. Sheamus appeared to go to for a powerslam to no avail. Sheamus tripped Morrison and sent him to the outside, but he landed on his feet. Nice move. Morrison catapulted off the side of the stage with a Flash Kick for two. Morrison was sent into the wall in the bowl area of the arena. Two count. Morrison countered Sheamus, but he ran into a back elbow. He got a steel chair on the stage and waited for Morrison down below…but Morrison was on the Titan-Tron ledge, about eight ten feet off the stage. Sheamus turned to see him and Morrison landed a cross-body for two. Chris Jericho came out and nailed Morrison in the back with a steel chair. Sheamus then picked up the win.
Winner: Sheamus, at 6:41. Pretty fun match. It happens that way when you don’t run these matches into the ground.
Jericho was sitting in the chair in the ring after replays and Sheamus’ celebration.
-Split-screen showed Cena and Orton warming up. Their match is still to come tonight.
-Jericho was still in the middle of the ring. After a long pause, Jericho said he wasn’t going anywhere until he gets exactly what he wants. He threatened to sit there all night long. Jericho said he’d sit there and wait until there is an e-mail from the GM saying he is reinstated into the Six-Pack Challenge. He said if he doesn’t get what he wants…he quits. He said he’d watch WWE go up in flames. Jericho waited, but nothing. He said he’d track the GM down before he leaves, and expose him to the entire world. The GM chimed in and Cole did the “can I have your attention please,” and Jericho interrupted, calling him an idiot and telling him to read it. Nice pop for that one. The GM said the ultimatum wouldn’t work. Not a chance. No chance in hell. Jericho said the GM is not Vince McMahon, because Vince is a man and would give directions face-to-face, and not from behind a computer. Another e-mail and again Jericho told Cole to shut up and read the thing. The GM said there’s something Jericho should know. He said he’d make it a Six-Pack Elimination Challenge. The GM is telling him that because he’s putting Jericho back in the match…however…but Jericho interrupted and wanted his moment before Cole continued. He promised he’d walk out WWE Champion on Sunday night. A final e-mail…but he didn’t finish! The GM says…don’t ever interrupt me again. Wait, what? Anyway, Jericho is back in only if he wins his match tonight. Right now, in fact. Jericho was in a suit. The GM said Jericho would compete in a handicap match against the Hart Dynasty. The match? It’ll be held inside steel cage match. Jericho went ballistic.
(7) Chris Jericho vs. The Hart Dynasty- Steel Cage Handicap Match Match was joined in progress. Jericho wrestled in his dress pants. Running powerslam by David Hart Smith. Both Hart Dynasty members have to be eliminated for Jericho to win. Hart Attack by the Harts. They both went to escape the cage. He stopped Tyson Kidd, but Smith made it out. Wait, I thought Jericho had to beat both of them to win? I just typed that! Jericho clotheslined Kidd after catching him trying to escape. Jericho beat up Kidd and yelled, asking the GM if that’s what he wants. Kidd crawled through Jericho’s legs and tried to get out through the door, but Jericho halted him. Tyson Kidd came back after fighting out of a rest-hold. Jericho attempted to climb out, but Kidd caught him and slammed his head against the steel. Kidd, off the top rope, tried a dropkick. But Jericho grabbed his legs and went for the Walls. Kidd countered into a roll-up for two. He locked in the Sharpshooter, but Jericho got to the ropes. Cole noted the ropes can’t force a break inside the cage, but he used it to help break out. Jericho tossed Kidd behind him, but Kidd landed on the top rope and began to climb. Jericho caught him and sent him to the mat, where he locked in the Walls for the win.
Winner: Jericho, at 5:14. Good last few minutes, but crowd didn’t seem totally into it.
-Cena vs. Orton, Tables Match, upcoming.
-Lawler told fans to stick around for a sneak peek of NBC’s newest comedy, “Outsourced.”
-WWE Hall-of-Famer Pete Rose was shown in the crowd.
(8) Goldust vs. William Regal- Trading Places Match Goldust was in the ring in Regal’s one-piece, with his face painted and a curly blond wig. Regal walked out with his face painted, the bodysuit and everything. No crowd reaction to this, sadly. Regal did Goldust’s big inhale and everything. He seemed to be liking it. But Goldust took out Regal’s patented brass knux and nailed Regal with them to win.
Winner: Goldust, at :27.
-Cena and Orton, again in the split-screen, were shown walking backstage. Match is next.
-The announcers plugged Night of Champions.
-Chad Ochocinco was in the ring to guest ring announce, I guess. Nope, he’s introducing the guest ring announcer. Oh wait, it was him. Then he intro’d Randy Orton.
(9) Randy Orton vs. John Cena- Tables Match Initial lock-up between the two went nowhere. Shoulder knock-down by Cena, but it didn’t keep Orton down long. Orton then knocked Cena down, but didn’t really capitalize. Lots of chants for Orton as he methodically took it to Cena. Then the Cena chanters made their comeback. With a table set up ouside the ring, Orton tried to suplex Cena from the ring to the outside. Instead, Cena got out and Orton barely avoided the table. The two stared at each other as they went to break.
The “boo” “yay” punches were commencing as they came back from break. Orton got the advantage and Cena was on the apron, struggling to avoide falling on the table at ringside. Hilariously, he’d lose his balance and start to teeter, and Orton would just stand there and watch instead of seeing his opportunity to continue to push him over. Back in, Cena suplexed Orton and both men were down. Orton ended up landing on the back of his head and seemed genuinely hurt. He shook off the cobwebs and eventually got to his feet. Cena took him up for the AA, but Orton DDT’d him. With Cena incapacitated, Orton brought a table into the ring and set it up in the corner. Cena made his comeback with shoulder tackles and a suplex. Yawn. Five-Knuckle Shuffle found the mark, but Orton shifted gears and hit a clothesline and a scoop slam. RKO countered into an STF. As he had Orton in the move, Whatever Happened To Nexus ran out to attack Cena.
Orton RKO’d Michael Tarver, so Nexus went after him too. Meanwhile, Attitude Adjustment to David Otunga. Heath Slater was thrown to ringside, through a table. Wade Barrett gave Wasteland to Cena. Justin Gabriel and Barrett set up another table in the ring. Gabriel went to the top, readying for a 450 on Cena through a table, but Orton pushed him off and through another table at ringside. Barrett took out Orton. He attempted Wasteland on Orton from the ring to a ringside table, but Orton got out and pushed Barrett off the apron and through said table. Orton coiled for an attack on Cena. But then Edge and Jericho ran out and attacked Orton. Orton fought back against the heels, and Edge accidentally speared Jericho through a table in what looked like slow motion. Sheamus ran in and gave the Irish Hammer to Orton, then he kneed Cena to ringside. On the outside, Sheamus went after Cena again, but Cena gave him the Attitude Adjustment on the concrete. In a weird finish, Cena went for the Attitude Adjustment through the table, but it looked at first blush as if Cena was too close and just followed through by falling through the table. Orton also got a bit of it. The ref called for the bell and declared Orton the winner, with the announcers saying Orton caught him on the way down with an RKO.
Winner: Orton, at 16:53. A bit overbooked, even though they needed to hype the Night of Champions main event.
After replays, it did appear, especially from behind, that Orton hooked Cena for the RKO. But he still received the AA…all he did was hook his arm around Cena’s neck. Is that really saves you from that move? Anyway, Orton posed on the middle rope as the show faded out.
Originally posted by geemoney(8) Goldust vs. William Regal- Trading Places Match Goldust was in the ring in Regal’s one-piece, with his face painted and a curly blond wig. Regal walked out with his face painted, the bodysuit and everything. No crowd reaction to this, sadly. Regal did Goldust’s big inhale and everything. He seemed to be liking it. But Goldust took out Regal’s patented brass knux and nailed Regal with them to win.
Winner: Goldust, at :27.
Finally - FINALLY, 'dust got his revenge.
Originally posted by me, in the [slash] wrestling RAW recap of Eric Bischoff's RAW Roulette (slashwrestling.com)GOLDUST (already in the ring - Hollywood, California - 250 pounds) v. WILLIAM REGAL (Blackpool, England - 240 pounds) in a Las Vegas Showgirl match referee: JACK DOAN I think Goldust is wearing the same peacock outfit Chyna wore atWrestleMania. Regal doesn't come out right away - in fact, SECURITY hasto drag him out - Regal wears red high heels, socks, sheer white tightsand...you know, he almost looks exactly like "Madame" and you have towonder if Wayland Flowers has a hand up his back (now THAT'S a reference,folks!) ...or perhaps somewhere a little lower, if you catch my drift. (and NOW you're just piling it on. Let the man rest in peace already andixnay on the aygay okesjay) Anywho, Regal's music changes from his own toa jaunty showgirl tune, and Goldy can't resist doing his own one-man(man?) kick line. Rock-ettes, eat your hearts out! (You know, you knowWAY too much about all this.) Well, I'm trying to show that it's okay toshare your knowledge, yet remain comfortable in one's own masculinity. (Because SURELY writing about something as homoerotic as professional wrestling AT LEAST twice a week isn't proof enough.) Hmm, touche. The reason we can fill line after line with text is that Regal is having great difficulty making it down the ramp - he's already given up on one of his shoes. Regal adjusts every strap he can adjust - ah yes, the old bikini bottom pull, how often have we seen that. There goes the other shoe. For some reason, Regal is also made up - lipstick and rouge and other things I don't really know the names of, but take my word for it, he's real purty. For a feller. Goldy's finally had enough of this wait and brings Regal in the hard way - wow, Ross makes a "Dame Edna" reference...that's another way to go, I guess. Right hand, right, right, into the ropes, butt butt - he's shaking his tail feathers! Right hand - setting up for Shattered Dreams (check out Regal's left calf - you can see the "MADE IN ENGLAND" tattoo through the tights) but before he can wind up and kick the field goal, he slides out of the ring, catching sight of LANCE STORM - right, right, right. Back in, Storm ankles him - 'dust kicks him off and Doan engages his full attention on Storm...allowing Regal to load up his left with the knux from his bra. Regal with a high kick, a sneer, and a cover. 1, 2, 3. (0:53) Regal puts his nose in the air, puckers up and shows off his lashes. Replay has a crystal clear shot of the brass knuckles. Storm and Regal walk off arm in arm - is Storm checking him out? Regal asks if his makeup is okay - haaa ha ha ha ha ha. That crazy RAW with it's no-wrestling!
Oh, my God, I have got to see that Trading Places match. Any chance of seeing that on Hulu or YouTube?
(edited by ekedolphin on 14.9.10 0056) "Say, the next time you want to win your daughter back, you could just try giving her a pony, the apocalypse doesn’t really cut it!" --The Prince, Prince of Persia (2008)
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I'm still surprised no one is mentioning that spot w/ Jericho stopping Kidd's huracanrana in midair, turning it into the walls, seeing that gave me a very uneasy feeling, one slip and Tyson Kidd's career is gonzo.
Originally posted by Packman V2 I'm still surprised no one is mentioning that spot w/ Jericho stopping Kidd's huracanrana in midair, turning it into the walls, seeing that gave me a very uneasy feeling, one slip and Tyson Kidd's career is gonzo.
I saw this part of Raw, and it did look pretty dangerous. To his credit, I think Jericho did the very best he could to make sure Kidd didn't land on his head.
Re: LeBell Lock: Are they actually calling the Omoplata Crossface that on air? What's the reference? My guess is that it has to do with Gene LeBell (en.wikipedia.org) but what's his link with Danielson?
Goldust does a pitch-perfect Regal - he was nailing every single mannerism. And count me in as someone else who liked Jericho yelling about the emails. The email thing just grinds the show to a halt - which I actually love. The faces and heels both seem like they're just dying when it happens, and Jericho was the perfect guy to finally lose patience with the whole thing.
I am glad someone finally did the hold Raw hostage storyline with the new GM. I just wish it would lead to who the GM is, we are on almost three months plus of not knowing this person is. I missed Raw due to being out and of course football. I am not sure what to make of it, so I'll just leave it and hope Night of Champions does some interesting things.
Originally posted by lotjxI am glad someone finally did the hold Raw hostage storyline with the new GM. I just wish it would lead to who the GM is, we are on almost three months plus of not knowing this person is. I missed Raw due to being out and of course football. I am not sure what to make of it, so I'll just leave it and hope Night of Champions does some interesting things.
Funny, not knowing who the GM is hasn't bothered me in the least. Yes, the interuption and "I have another email!" are annoying, but probably less annoying than having 3 segments with the GM in the back as we've had in the past.
The GM has been both face and heel, both pro and antiNexus and while playing a factor in booking matches hasn't truely dominated the show. I rather have this than having someone strut out and being the centerpiece of the main story.
I thought the Attitude Adjustment into the RKO was silly. It even had the live crowd confused (I think they TRULY felt Cena had just won).
When I saw John Morrison doing the weird chin-ups and then drop into a superhero crouch, I thought this was going to be the lamest segment ever. But damned if the freerunning wasn't totally awesome. I think when Morrison came out, the live crowd loved on him MORE for having seen that segment.
As horrible as the match was, Booker and Stevie deserve medals for doing anything in front of this crowd. I'm willing to bet around 40% of the people in that crowd have been to a cross burning at some time in their lives. 40% might be low.