TONIGHT: Actor Jeremy Piven is your host, and his co-star in the movie “The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard,” Ken Joeng, is his co-host for tonight’s Raw from Mohegan Sun. We know Triple H will be in a handicap match against Ted DiBiase and Cody Rhodes, but that’s about all we know. With that out of the way.....
-Lilian Garcia announced the Raw guest host, Jeremy Piven. And she ran down all of his credentials in the process. Crowd cheered him. He came out in a car on the side of the stage, and his co-host Dr. Ken Jeong got out of the trunk dressed like a pimp, throwing money everywhere. Dr. Ken called Jeremy his “ace in the hole” and a bunch of other things that rhyme with that. Then Jeremy introduced Dr. Ken. He said we know him as the “Asian gentleman” from “The Hangover.” Dr. Ken did the D-Lo head bob on the bottom rope. Piven said he’s always wanted to do this and there’s one more thing he’s wanted to do. He went half-way up the ramp, raised his arms and the fireworks went off. He said it’ll be like July 4th all night long. Piven reminded fans that Triple H will battle Legacy tonight. Before he could get anything else out, The Miz walked out.
He started talking as he walked down the aisle and he asked Piven if he was enjoying his little pimp and if he enjoyed making a mockery of this show. Miz called himself an acclaimed TV star, which caused Dr. Ken to fall to the ground laughing. Piven kept calling Miz “Le Mis.” Piven said he’s a movie star and Miz was in a show where they drank, fell asleep in a hot tub and got paid. Piven said all the fans in the arena have “the goods,” and looking in Miz’s eyes, he definitely does NOT have “the goods.” I like Piven’s mic work thus far. Dr. Ken kept interrupting Miz so Miz told him to shut his mouth. Miz told Piven he wanted John Cena. He said Cena got lucky last week and demanded a rematch. He ordered Piven to make it happen. Then John Cena’s music hit and he came out.
Cena shook the hands of the movie stars and Dr. Ken even bent down and kissed Cena’s hand. Cena said the rematch can happen, but his match last week with him took two minutes. He said the WWE Universe and Cena knows that Miz is really not that good. “Miz bad” said Dr. Ken. Cena also said Miz has a face for radio. Cena said tonight needs to be special then plugged the movie again. Cena told Piven he needs to step up to the plate and make Cena vs. Miz interesting. Cena said when the sun burns out and the earth ceases to exist, people will remember two things: Seeing “The Goods,” and the time Piven brought “The Goods” to Raw. Piven said he’d make it a lumberjack match so Miz can’t run and hide. Miz sarcastically said, “that’s bold.” Piven said that if Miz lost, he’d be banned from “SummerFest,” but Cena covered and said “SummerSlam.” He also said he’d be banned from the Staples Center itself. Piven said, thanks to an idea from Cena, that Miz would be banned from WWE Raw permanently. OK opening segment, save for the “SummerFest” slip-up. I can see how a lot of people wouldn’t like it though. They began singing the “goodbye” song to Miz as he left.
-Michael Cole plugged Triple H vs. Legacy in a two-on-one handicap match.
(1) Evan Bourne vs. Jack Swagger Swagger wrestled Bourne to the mat with a rear waist-lock. Kick to the gut by Bourne, but he no-sold it and Bourne rolled him up with a forward roll for two. Kick to the head by Swagger with Bourne on the mat. Powerslam by Swagger after slamming Bourne back-first into the buckle. Gutwrench powerbomb and that’s....it?
Winner: Swagger, at 2:17. That was quite the squash job. I like Swagger but....jeez. There’s your even-steven booking.
After the match, Swagger hit two springboard splashes on Bourne. As he was about to give him another gutwrench powerbomb, MVP ran out to make the save.
-They plugged a Lumberjack match between Miz and John Cena later tonight.
-They aired what amounted to a Raw Rebound.
-Cole and Jerry Lawler talked on camera about Shaq hosting last week, and there’s a poll on WWE.com asking who would win in a match between Big Show and Shaq.
-Piven was backstage with Rosa, Alicia Fox and Kelly Kelly. Dr. Ken walked in and tried the get the ladies out, but Piven talked to him and said he looked like a nine year-old Bruce Lee. Piven said he needs to adjust his character for this audience. Piven told Dr. Ken to face Big Show and Dr. Ken called him the Big fat Show. He turned around....and there was Big Show. Dr. Ken squealed and Show said he wants Shaq back tonight so he can show him up. Piven said Show isn’t fat...maybe “puffy” or slightly puffy. They said they want to take Big Show to the next level. Show wanted to face Jeremy Piven so he could spread his goods all over the arena. Piven didn’t like that one. Piven suggested a U.S. Title match against Kofi Kingston. Show liked it and said Piven was good at this. Clips of Piven’s movie were playing on the TV in the background.
-Mickie James and Gail Kim came out for a tag match, which will take place next.
-They showed a preview of “The Goods.”
(2) Mickie James & Gail Kim vs. Beth Phoenix & Jillian Hall Kim went after the knees of Beth. Beth threw Mickie out of the ring but landed on the apron. Thesz Press off the top rope, but Mickie got hot-shotted by Beth across the top rope. Hall tagged in and she showed a bit of ring rust. Beth tried to cheat, but Mickie fought out of the heel corner. Hurricanrana by Mickie, and she made the tag to Kim to no pop whatsoever. She slammed her shoulder into the gut of Hall in the corner as Jillian threw some terrible right forearms. Dropkick off the top by Kim. Beth got knocked off the apron and Jillian threw a nice elbow at Kim. She missed her flip elbow in the corner. Blind tag to Beth who clubbed Kim in the back of the neck. Beth put Kim in the finisher, as Mickie apparently missed her cue because the camera caught her trying to enter the ring, then as Beth made the pin, Mickie was back outside, getting tripped up on the apron by Hall.
Winners: Beth & Jillian, at 3:22. Not good at all.
-They showed Triple H just missing beating the clock last week and they once again said Triple H didn’t want to be DQ’d for hitting DiBiase. Still not sure how that works.
-The Game was walking backstage with his angry face. His handicap match is next.
(3) Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase vs. Triple H- Handicap Match DiBiase did well against Triple H, but The Game set him up for a Pedigree, then back-dropped Rhodes when he tried to interfere. He threw Cody onto Teddy on the outside as the show went to break.
Hunter fought out of a rest-hold applied by Rhodes and DiBiase made the blind tag as Legacy missed the Sweet and Sour- Rhodes only connected with the clothesline. DiBiase really put the boots to Triple H in the corner, then alternated tags to kick The Game. Double suplex by Legacy for two. Scoop slam by DiBiase for two. Ric Flair-like knee-drop by Rhodes. Rhodes overshot a moonsault but Hunter moved anyway. Triple H went right after DiBiase and threw him against the barricade. He hit a vintage high knee on Rhodes inside the ring. DiBiase got back on the apron, but Rhodes got thrown into him and then Triple H hit a spinebuster. Pedigree, but DiBiase came from behind and hit Dream Street. Rhodes struggled to make it over for the cover though- he finally did, and got two. Cody waited for Trips to get to his feet and gave him Cross-Rhodes for the....win?
Winners: DiBiase and Rhodes, at 11:17. That’s a surprise....a good one, but a surprise nevertheless. A clean win (granted, in a two-on-one situation) by Legacy. Interesting.
After the match, Triple H got the mic. “Owww!” he said. “Alright, now that hurt. That did not go as I planned.” Funny, but kinda making light of Legacy’s win. Triple H wondered if its these guys are that good. He said they beat him everywhere he turned. Are they too much for him? He said he used to be pretty good at this gang warfare stuff. Maybe he should start another group. Maybe I’ll bring one back, he said. Maybe he’d bring back Evolution (boos). He said that won’t work because Randy’s a jerk and Batista is hurt all the time and Flair is at the VFW. WTF is this? He then said maybe he should make one phone call.....and if you’re not down with that, I’ve got two words for you. Great, another rehashing of DX. Can’t wait. Hope it’s just as good as the other 18 reunions. un thre [Commercial Break]
-Dr. Ken, now in a giant white fur coat, Piven and other divas were watching clips from “The Goods” backstage. Chavo Guerrero walked in and was star-struck. Chavo said he loved Piven in that show where the roaches crawl over all the contestants. Piven said that was Joe Rogan. Then he mistaked Piven for Jon Favreau. Piven called Chavo “Charo” and talked about Chavo having bad luck with Hornswoggle. He made a simple one-on-one match between the two tonight. Piven “hugged it out” with Chavo before he left. Chavo mistaked Dr. Ken for the guy from Heroes on the way out. Piven said after Chavo left that he has a plan for Chavo.
(4) Carlito vs. Primo Primo started out hot and headscissored Carlito out of the corner. Carlito threw Primo out of the ring and Primo landed on the apron. Flying clothesline by Primo for two. He then dove through the ropes and onto Carlito on the outside. Carlito recovered quickly, but on a pin, Primo grabbed the bottom rope. Primo came back and was all over Carlito, much to the apathy of the crowd. Primo missed a shoulder in the corner though and Carlito went for a backstabber. Primo rolled him up for two, but got hit with the backstabber from Carlito.
Winner: Carlito, at 3:10. Hopefully, this isn’t all from this feud.
-Another plug for Cena vs. Miz.
-After Chavo came out, Piven and Dr. Ken came on the screen and said that Hornswoggle got adult chickenpox and his cousing, Markswoggle will be replacing him.
(5) Chavo Guerrero vs. Mark Henry Henry was outfitted in a red body suit and a green hat a la Hornswoggle. Henry pounded away at Chavo and headbutted him. Chavo hit him in the back, but Chavo went to ringside. Henry brought him back the hard way and carried him around the ring before finally hitting the World’s Strongest Slam.
Winner: Henry, at 1:13.
After the match, Henry pulled the apron up and Hornswoggle ran out. Horny ran a few laps around Henry, then Horny got in the ring. Henry encouraged Horny to go to the top. He did and Horny landed the tadpole splash. Henry and Hornswoggle did a dance in the ring. God help us. Henry even clicked his heels like Hornswoggle.
-In a split-screen, both Kofi and Big Show were walking backstage. The U.S. Title is on the line next.
-Dr. Ken had a big purple coat on when Randy Orton walked in. Piven said he wants Orton to be special ring announcer for the main event. Orton asked who he thought he was. Piven got a cheap plug in for his movie. Orton got pissed and said if he could kick Vince McMahon in the skull, what makes them think he wouldn’t do that to them. Dr. Ken seemed rattled, but Piven said he’d take care of it.
(6) Kofi Kingston vs. Big Show- United States Championship Match That mixed theme song just doesn’t work for me. They went back to the WWE.com poll: 83% think Shaq would beat Big Show in a match. Jericho joined the commentary team for the match. Kingston got taken down with one leg. Jericho remarked that he just DDT’d Kingston’s foot. Front face-lock, and he just picked Kofi up off the ground in it. Show stepped on Kofi’s head. Big Show slammed Kofi in the gut with a shoulder. Show continued his dominance and he caught Kofi trying to cross-body him. Show splashed Kofi off the second rope (though his knees hit way sooner than any of the rest of him), but Kofi got his foot on the rope on the pin. Show stepped on Kofi’s gut. He locked in some sort of submission. Jericho went after Lawler, asking him how many titles he’s won. “A few,” Lawler replied, then Jericho clarified by saying he didn’t mean Bowling Alley championships. Show went for another Vader Bomb off the second rope. Kofi got a Trouble in Paradise while Show was on his knees. To the top, Kofi with a double legdrop, but Show easily tossed him off. Then he hit a spear and gave some shots to Kofi’s kidneys. He wouldn’t let Kingston out of the corner and was thus DQ’d. “What’d he get DQ’d for? Dominating the match?”- Chris Jericho.
Winner: Kingston, via DQ, at 5:14. Pretty much a total squash of Kofi. This booking....I just don’t get it tonight.
-Lawler thanked Aerosmith for the Summerslam theme, “You gotta move.”
-They showed Legacy beating The Game earlier tonight.
-Lo and behold, Hunter was on the phone backstage. He told whoever was on the phone that he’s got a proposition. I guess this person has said he’d never come back before. Apparently, this person wasn’t watching the show. “You’re doing what? I thought you didn’t do jobs.” The Game simply asked, “are you ready?” Then we heard the dial-tone, signaling that person hung up. Hunter looked devastated at the rejection.
-Another preview for “The Goods” aired. Looks good.
-John Cena came out for his Lumberjack match with The Miz. The Lumberjacks and Miz will be out after break.
-They announced that next week, Sgt. Slaughter will be guest host next week in Calgary. Really, Calgary? For the guy who waves the American flag non-stop?
-Miz was out after break and Piven and Dr. Ken were on the top of the ramp. Piven said he was a fan of Cena’s, but he’s a big fan of Randy Orton. That’s why he hand-picked every single lumberjack himself. Dr. Ken told the crowd to shutup. “You shutup...I’m from Hollywood!” The guest hosts walked to the ring as Orton came out. Orton called for the Lumberjacks: DiBiase, Rhodes, Chris Masters, Chavo Guerrero, Carlito, Jack Swagger.
(7) John Cena vs. The Miz- Lumberjack Match Piven’s co-star, Alan Thicke, should come out and even things up, bringing face lumberjacks out. After elbowing Miz in the corner, he went out and gave a shot to Carlito, then came back in. Face-buster on Miz, then he clotheslined him over the top rope. Chavo and Dr. Ken checked on Miz. Miz missed a clothesline back in, and a distraction got Miz out of the STF. Cena was sent outside where Masters hooked him in the MasterLock. Miz covered Cena back in, but Cena got his hand on the bottom rope. Miz punched away at Cena, then clotheslined him hard. He choked Cena in the corner and then kicked him. Cena got the boots up in the corner and shoulderblocked Miz down. If Piven turned heel, why is Miz’s Raw career still on the line? Cena hit the ropes to do his five-knuckle shuffle, but Orton pulled the top rope down. Legacy attacked Cena on the outside. They threw him into the steel steps, then into the barricade. Cena was rolled into the ring and Dr. Ken handed his pimp cane to Miz. Miz missed and Cena picked him up for the Attitude Adjustment, hitting it and no-selling the attack on the outside.
Winner: Cena, at 5:19. Another mid-carder dusted. Sweet. I especially liked the full minute beat-down Cena got on the outside, only to have no effect on him once he went back inside the ring.
As Cena fought off the heels, Piven went to the top rope. Cena saw him and Piven jumped into Cena’s arms. Cena used his legs to fight off other heels until Dr. Ken hit Cena with the cane. Cena dropped Piven as Dr. Ken went crazy. He tried to say “we did it!” as if he was with Cena all along. He also argued with fans at ringside. Dr. Ken even massaged Cena’s shoulders. Cena extended his hand and Ken shook it. He picked Ken up and over his head. He tossed Ken onto the heels on the outside. They caught him, but Ken hit his head on the mat. He was either selling very well or hurt. Legacy looked on from the top of the ramp.
So let me get this straight: Jeremy Piven and Dr. Ken were babyfaces the whole show. Until Randy Orton threatens them. Then suddenly that turns them heel. Meanwhile, the Miz is placed in a stipulation match that bans from from the Staples Center and from RAW, even though he's a heel. Then the newly heel guest hosts "handpick" nothing but heels, which should benefit The Miz, who they put in this situation to begin with (when they were faces), and the Miz lost anyway?!
And I thought the fact that Piven and Ken apparently spent an hour fondling Kelly Kelly (face), Rosa Mendez (heel), and whoever the other one was and apparently showed them the trailer for The Goods over and over again was bad enough.
Why is it that the mandate was laid down where referees are no longer identified by name? Jericho said Charles Robinson's name and then corrected himself. "The referee."
Boy, do I love the getting DQ'd for punching too much in the corner rule. Jericho was right: DQ'd for what? For being too dominant?
Speaking of dominant, nice to see Beth Phoenix act like Beth Phoenix again. And Jillian is alive.
Meanwhile, Swagger squashes Bourne. Literally. So the MVP vs. Swagger thing is back on? No one cares anymore.
Triple H was totally out of control with insider shoot references tonight. I'd have hung up on him too.
wwe.com poll said 83% of fans pick Shaq to beat Show in a match. 83% have noticed celebrities never lose against wrestlers.
Sgt. Slaughter next week. No more self-serving celebrities, maggot! I hope next week is a better show, and by that I mean a show that's any good at all.
Worst RAW since the last worst RAW. I guess that's the ZZ Top episode.
They did a very good job of making Bourne's win last week look like an incredible fluke that would be unlikely to happen ever again. Way to go, fellas.
I hated Dr. Ken and found him to be incredibly annoying, particularly in the first segment. Maybe that's what they were going for, but I think he was supposed to be funny. I didn't think he was funny in The Hangover either, though. Aside from the flub, I didn't have a problem with Piven.
HHH's comedic rant after losing to Legacy trivialized the win in the same way that his reaction after Jeff Hardy beat him at Armageddon '07 took away from that one. It's refreshing that he jobbed cleaned to Rhodes and DiBiase, but that kind of ruined it.
Originally posted by Spiraling_ShapeDr. Ken may have been the most obnoxious, get-off-my-screen character in RAW history...and that's saying a LOT.
Hunter's post-match promo was also...totally wrong? Mocking his loss...throwing Batista and Flair under the bus?
Dr. Ken was incredibly painful to watch. Totally ruined Piven's performance on the show and most of the show itself. Why the hell was he even invited to do the show? Piven didn't need any help and was a big enough celebrity name to go it alone.
Looks like Piven continues to hold on to his celebrity prick image by the way RAW ended. Big props for him wanting to go off the top rope. He got some really nice air on that leap. Cena catching him was pretty impressive too.
Speaking of Cena, the Superman no-selling continues.
Unless it's gonna lead to some sort of future storyline, Hunter was way out of line for those mean spirited digs at Batista and Flair.
Jericho is God.
(edited by Kevintripod on 3.8.09 2135) The best part of waking up is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep.
Slaughter is the kind of placeholder host that makes me wonder if WWE really, really, really tried hard to get Bret Hart to host the show next week in Calgary. It would certainly boost ratings, if nothing else. And could WWE toss the Calgary fans a bone and have the Hart Legacy tape a Superstars match before Raw? The Harts would be welcomed like conquering heroes.
So, let me get this straight. For the last eight months, Legacy have been getting their asses regularly kicked by HHH and Cena on an individual basis, and have regularly lost handicap matches against either of the two.
But now, HHH loses one handicap match to Legacy and suddenly he's all concerned* and wants to bring in help? This seemed like the first match either Rhodes or Dibiase had won in ages. Rhodes' finisher is called the CrossRhodes? Who knew?
* = and 'concerned' in that irritating Triple H way of not actually being concerned, but just pretending to do so in order to bury your opponents.
Kirk, crackers are a family food. Happy families. Maybe single people eat crackers, we don't know. Frankly, we don't want to know. It's a market we can do without.
Jericho was fantastic on guest commentary. That bowling championship line to Lawler was hilarious. I really like the pairing of him & Big Show. It's almost like he's Show's manager who also wrestles and I love it.
What else happened? Oh yeah, HHH shit all over Flair and Batista for no reason. WTF was that about? Come to think of it, I dont think I've ever heard a wrestler reference another wrestler's real-life injury(s) on TV before. And all that went down immediately after he shit on Rhodes & Dibiase! What an asshole. Now we get to see the return of DX againagainagainagainagain?? Weak sauce.
I watched the asian dude hit his head on the ground in slo-mo over and over to watch Carlito & Swagger's reactions and try to make out what they were saying to him. They both kinda stopped selling and started staring and talking to Dr. Ken(?). I think he legit hurt himself. Not badly I hope.
Originally posted by http://twitter.com/HurricaneHelmsThe pic with me and Piven was from yesterday when I was teaching him to do a crossbody. Not bad for a beginner!
Personally, I enjoyed him throwing Flair under the bus. He has worshiped the man on and off-camera for years, one off-colour joke probably won't break Flair's little heart. And even if it does, Flair can dish out it out, so he may as well learn to take it. Triple H being a dick is nothing new, he's been doing this as long as he's been with the company, and he isn't about to stop being a dick now.
This show was awful. Jericho was great as usual but the rest was just unwatchable. Didn't bother finishing it, even though it was recorded.
Who did the Miz piss off? From being probably the only guy in the company not in the McMahon family who would ever be allowed to reference how shittily Cena's movies actually do at the box office, he has sure fallen off a tad. He enters into this segment with somewhat of a mainstream star and barely gets a word in edgewise, so some shrieking Asian dude can ponce around disgracing his ancestors? Jesus, he reminded me of the Landlord in that Audrey Hepburn movie...It escapes me now. But it was really racist. Bruce Lee walked out of the movie, I think. In Dragon: The Bruce Lee story. Someone must know what I am referring to...Ahem. Anyway, it was a similar vibe for me. This was almost as embarrassing as the ZZ Top experiment.
Smackdown is lookin better all the time.
EDIT: Thanks, Karlos and Kevintripod, right you are. I looked on Youtube for a clip of the portrayal, but all I found was a lousy trailer where the announcer calls Truman Capote Truman Ca-Pote. Which was amusing. Also, George Peppard was in it, and he later starred with Mr. T, who was in the first Wrestlemania! I even connected it to wrestling. Hooray.
(edited by Hogan's My Dad on 4.8.09 1819) Quiet, Or Papa Spank!
Originally posted by Hogan's My DadJesus, he reminded me of the Landlord in that Audrey Hepburn movie...It escapes me now. But it was really racist. Bruce Lee walked out of the movie, I think. In Dragon: The Bruce Lee story. Someone must know what I am referring to...Ahem.
Hi! Yes. Breakfast at Tiffany's, featuring Mickey Rooney as the "Japanese" neighbor.
Last 5 movies seen: Watchmen **1/2 - The Great Buck Howard *** - Coraline ***1/2 - Miss Potter **1/2 - My Darling Clementine ***
Originally posted by Hogan's My DadHe enters into this segment with somewhat of a mainstream star and barely gets a word in edgewise, so some shrieking Asian dude can ponce around disgracing his ancestors? Jesus, he reminded me of the Landlord in that Audrey Hepburn movie...It escapes me now. But it was really racist. Bruce Lee walked out of the movie, I think. In Dragon: The Bruce Lee story. Someone must know what I am referring to.
It was Mickey Rooney in "Breakfast at Tiffany's".
Dr. Ken reminded me of a 1950's Jerry Lewis doing a version of a modern day pimp asian.
(edited by Kevintripod on 4.8.09 0025) The best part of waking up is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep.
Hey everybody: I've been searching for the lyrics to RVD's new song for awhile. I finally found them, and I'm posting them for all to enjoy (since they're indecipherable on TV). It's "One of a Kind" by Breaking Point: [edit: