TONIGHT: NBA star Shaquille O’Neall is guest host of Raw tonight. There are rumors he’ll wrestle, but with him being an active NBA player, I’d assume any actual contact is unlikely. But what about a face-off with the Big Show? We’ll have some Night of Champions fallout, including Randy Orton retaining the WWE Title with Legacy’s help, Jericho and his new tag partner, Kofi and the U.S. Title, and Mickie James taking Maryse down a notch. What will Miz have to say about that? Could Evan Bourne return tonight? And also, pray no more Hornswoggle vs. Chavo feud.
-Right to the arena they went, and Lilian Garcia. She introduced Jerry “The King Lawler,” also in the ring. He intro’d the guest host, running down Shaq’s credentials (and saying he was a 15-time MVP when he meant “all-star”). He came out dressed all in black and said he was in charge tonight. He towered over King and Shaq said we’d find out Orton’s opponent at SummerSlam in a five-man beat-the-clock challenge. That sounds like a WWE idea, not a Shaq idea. Shaq then told of the five guys participating- Triple H, MVP (ha!), Jack Swagger, Mark Henry and John Cena. King said one of those five men would face Orton at Summerslam. O’Neal asked the crowd if they were ready, then tried to pump them up even more. That was broken up by Chris Jericho’s music. Jericho came out in suit and tie as Shaq looked less-than-pleased.
Jericho stood chest-to-face with Shaq. Jericho said when he heard the most dominant NBA player in history was hosting Raw, he thought it was Kobe Bryant. Shaq called Jericho “Christina” and it didn’t take long for the crowd to pick up on that and chant it. Jericho was not happy about being disrespected by a guest host once again. He demanded being consulted with and catered to by everyone, including guest hosts. He’s said there’d be a problem if this continued, and Shaq asked “what kind of problem?,” then bent down and got in Jericho’s face. Jericho then introduced O’Neal to his tag team partner, the Big Show. Show came out, dressed all in black as well. The two went eye-to-eye and were almost exactly the same height. Big Show wasn’t intimidated and said Shaq had a better chance at hitting two free throws in a row (“OHH!” from the crowd) than intimidating him. O’Neal called him “fat boy,” then talked about his new show, “Shaq vs.” and challenged Show to a match right there. Show said he was about to pick his teeth with a seven-foot toothpick. Then he said Shaq was trying to goad him into a match where he would cripple and destroy O’Neal, then David Stern and the entire NBA would come down on him. So Show declined the invitation. Then Jericho walked up and said “yeah, I’m not gonna fight you either.” It was hilarious. Shaq said he knew that would happen, so he brought two guys who WOULD fight them. Then Cryme Tyme came out. Oh, I get it: Cuz they’re black. They stood next to Shaq as Show and Jericho backed out of the ring. Shaq said he’d be the special outside enforcer for their tag match tonight. Shaq chanted “Christina” at Jericho as the champions headed to the back. Good job by Shaq in this segment, and his name was booed at first, but putting him against Jericho and Show made him full face.
-The beat-the-clock challenge starts next.
Mark Henry vs. Carlito- Beat-The-Clock Challenge Match I like not having to manually time the matches, I’ve gotta say. Carlito wasted some time by going to the outside, as someone inevitably does every time they pull this gimmick match out of the mothballs. Shoulderblock by Henry sent Carlito down, then he rolled out of the ring. He tried to go up the ramp, but Henry brought him back. Why did he do that? He would’ve won by count-out. Carlito tried to jump onto Henry on the outside, but Mark caught him, pressed him, and threw him through the ropes. Left hand by Carlito was caught by Henry. Carlito again went out of the ring. At 2:40, Carlito hit his springboard back elbow to little effect. He came off the ropes and got smothered by Henry for a two-count. Big splash in the corner squashed Carlito. Henry fought off more rights and lefts from Carlito, then landed a standing kick to the son of Carlos Colon. Henry went for the butt splash, but Carlito rolled out of the way. Carlito choked Henry on the ropes and did a springboard dropkick at 4:30 that got him two. He put a sleeper on the big man, but Henry backed him into the corner. Not a lot of urgency from Henry here. Another sleeper locked in, and Henry fell to one knee. He quickly got out of it. Carlito jumped from the middle rope, but Henry caught him. Carlito got out and tried a back-stabber (wouldn’t that crush Carlito?), but Henry shrugged it off. Once again Carlito jumped into Henry’s arms, but this time, the World’s Strongest Slam ended it.
Winner: Henry, at 6:49. OK for a Henry match, and Carlito looked at least semi-credible. Oh, and nice “Ludvig Borga” sign there in the second row.
-The new Divas Champion Mickie James, Kelly Kelly and Gail Kim were walking backstage....six-diva action is next.
-They showed the outside of the building and the Washington Monument.
-Some Washington Redskins, including QB Jason Campbell, were shown at ringside.
(2) Mickie James & Gail Kim & Kelly Kelly vs. Beth Phoenix & Rosa Mendes & Alicia Fox The heels were already in the ring. Lawler showed that he was alone at ringside, as Cole had been sent on special assignment to get an interview with Shaq. Beth picked Gail up and held her by the bottom of her feet, then flipped her over her head, but Gail rolled her up for two. Gail wrapped her up in a Vintage Gail Kim submission move, but Rosa Mendes involved herself to break things up. Alicia tagged in and landed a tilt-a-whirl back-breaker on Kim. Kelly was wearing a Washington Wizards shirt to continue her playing to hometown fans. The heels worked over Kim, but Kim finally fought back against Fox. James tagged in and hit some rights and a running clothesline. She knocked Rosa off the apron, but Beth jumped down. Kick to the gut by Mickie, then a neck-breaker for two. She set up for her jumping DDT, but Fox backed her into the corner. Mickie head-scissored out of it then hit a Thesz Press. Kim made a blind tag and dropkicked Fox coming off the top for the win.
Winners: James, Kim & Kelly, at 3:29.
-Cole was backstage with Shaq. He asked what else was in store. Before he could say, Hornswoggle walked in. BTW, Shaq’s office was huge and had a Cavaliers backboard and a bunch of Lakers gear. He asked Hornswoggle what he was doing in there, then said he was just joking and that the two went to high school together. Shaq told him to dunk, but Horny was rejected by the rim. “That was Shaq-alicious” said Cole. Shaq just shook his head and walked away.
(3) MVP vs. Chris Masters-Beat-The-Clock Challenge Match Masters still looked quite sculpted. Masters went after MVP with forearms and got a foot up in the corner. He couldn’t lock in the Masterlock, so MVP rolled him up for two. Masters was chewing gum while he wrestled, which looked dumb. Sunset flip, but MVP rolled through and clotheslined Masters down. I don’t know if the crowd didn’t know who Masters was or what, but they weren’t reacting much early on. Two minutes in, Masters again tried to lock in his finisher and the crowd finally started chanting “MVP, MVP.” Clothesline by MVP for two. Masters threw MVP out of the ring and kept trying to keep MVP out of the ring. As the ref was counting, Masters locked in the Masterlock and forced the double count-out.
Winner: Double count-out, at 3:39. Interesting finish. I was wondering how they’d get by jobbing Masters in his return, but they didn’t have to I guess.
-Triple H faces Cody Rhodes later on.
-Also, Shaq is guest referee for the Jericho & Big Show vs. Cryme Tyme match.
(4) The Brian Kendrick vs. Kofi Kingston Kendrick was already in the ring, jawing at Lawler. Kendrick got on the mic during Kofi’s entrance and yelled at Lawler, talking about how he embarrassed him last week on Raw. He threatened to slap Lawler ‘til he cries after the match. The ref kept telling him to get ready to start the match, but Kendrick kept saying, “I’m talking over here!” Finally, the ref rang the bell with Kendrick still working the mic. When he turned around, Kofi hit the Trouble in Paradise for three.
Winner: Kingston, at :09. Can we fast-forward to the rumored Bourne vs. Kendrick feud now?
-Triple H was walking backstage.....until Ted DiBiase took his leg out with a pipe. The Game was struggling to get to his feet as they went to commercial.
(5) Cody Rhodes vs. Triple H- Beat-The-Clock Challenge Match Headlock take-over by Triple H put Rhodes on the mat. No clean break from Rhodes in the corner, but Triple H did catch Rhodes with a high knee coming off the top rope. Rhodes finally took advantage of the game leg (or, “The Game’s leg”) and kicked him in the corner and also shoved it hard into the corner post. Rhodes went for the first cover almost four minutes into the match as he continued to torque the leg of Triple H. Triple H kicked him in the face with the other leg though, but as soon as he got to his feet, Rhodes dropkicked his leg out from under his leg. Cover got two. Rhodes appeared to be going for a double axe-handle off the middle rope, but Hunter kicked him in the gut and tried a Pedigree, but Cody escaped and went back to the knee. He locked in the Figure-Four as the crowd wooed, with 1:30 left. Trips kicked Rhodes off his leg, and Rhodes sailed shoulder-first into the ring post. Hard clothesline as they went under a minute. Hunter fought back and caught Cody in a spinebuster. DiBiase got on the apron with :25 left and DiBiase dared him to hit him. Hunter didn’t take the chance, instead throwing Rhodes into DiBiase. But his leg gave out before he could hit the Pedigree in time, as he did so only as time ran out.
Winner: No Contest, at 6:49. “Triple H has failed....to win....beat the time.” That’s according to Lilian there. Match was OK, but even with the leg injury, I’m surprised they’re letting Henry’s time stand this long.
-Shaq was playing Santino in scrabble backstage. His word was “Shaqzilla.” Santino asked how he got so many Q’s. Marella questioned the authenticity of the word “Shaq-tus.” Cryme Tyme walked in and greeted Shaq, who reminded them he was ref and they better make sure everything was above board in the match. Cryme Tyme did the “money, money, yeah yeah” thing with Shaq. Marella then came in with a sideways Cavs hat and tried his hand at rapping. The rhymes were fun, but CT told him to go away. After Cryme Tyme left, Shaq sat back down and said, “even Vince McMahon can’t beat me at this game.”
-They showed the outside of the Jefferson Memorial in Washington.
-Tonight, Cryme Tyme takes on Chris Jericho & Big Show with Shaq as special guest enforcer.
(6) Hornswoggle vs. Chavo Guerrero- Chavo Must Compete Blindfolded Oh God, make it stop! Apparently, the stipulation was by order of the guest host. Hornswoggle kicked Chavo in the leg from behind, then Chavo fell out of the ring. Chavo tried to stay close to the ropes so he had some base. Hornswoggle hit-and-run again, and Chavo thought he had him but ran into the buckle. Chavo caught Hornswoggle, but he ran through the ref’s legs, and Chavo got a double-leg takedown on ref Justin King. He took off his hood to see the ref, then got rolled up for two. Bulldog by Horny for two. Chavo took off the mask behind the ref’s back, then put it back on and dropkicked Hornswoggle. Instead of going for a pin, he appeared to try to find the buckle for a frogsplash. It took a lot of time and Honry played along for him. He got up and stood on the apron and Chavo tried to peek on the top rope. So the frogsplash missed and Horny hit the tadpole splash for three.
Winner: Hornswoggle, at 3:33.
-Randy Orton was backstage, putting his gear on and his title over his shoulder. Jack Swagger walked in and said he’s got good news and bad news. Good news is that Triple H didn’t beat the clock; bad news is that he will. He said he was bigger, stronger and younger than Orton, so he should be scared. He didn’t seem it. The camera went close-up on Orton, then panned back to reveal that Henry was standing next to Orton where Swagger was. Then Orton just walked away.
-They showed some men and women from the armed services in the front row.
(7) Jack Swagger vs. Evan Bourne Why he didn’t replace Big Show last night, I do not know. Swagger tried to take out Bourne’s legs, but Bourne was too quick. He did finally manage to take him down though. Hurricanrana by Bourne after a low dropkick. Swagger used his power to take advantage, including hitting a wheelbarrow slam. He worked Bourne’s left arm in a key-lock. Suplex with a bridge for two. Another suplex for two. He went for a running powerslam, but Bourne snuck out the back. Bourne went to the top perhaps for a Shooting Star Press, but we’ll never know as Swagger slammed him down. Swagger went to a waist-lock on the mat with 3:25 to go. Then he put him on his feet and tried his gutwrench powerbomb, but Bourne rolled him up for the win.
Winner: Bourne, at 3:41. Interesting decision there. I don’t mind it, actually. Match was good while it lasted.
-John Cena vs. The Miz is the final Beat-The-Clock match tonight. Ah, fuck. And it’s next.
-Next week’s guest Raw host is three-time Emmy Award winner Jeremy Piven. Yeah right King, like YOU watch Entourage.
-Cole and Lawler re-set things, showing how Triple H did NOT beat the clock earlier tonight.
-Backstage, Josh Mathews was with Triple H. Hunter said by now, he’s mad at himself for not seeing it sooner, that being Legacy trying to screw with him to keep him from getting the title. He equated things to the tail wagging the dog, saying Orton is still the same punk he always was. He said that when you cut the tail off the dog, it dies. Uh, what? He challenged DiBiase and Rhodes to a handicap match next week. He pulled a Clint Eastwood, saying there are some people you don’t mess with and life, and he’s one.
-Miz came out for his match, talking junk about Shaq and made fun of the Washington Redskins. He talked about running the clock down tonight against Cena. He also knocked Obama as well. He’s the Miz....and he’s awesome.
-Randy Orton made his way to ringside as the show came back from break. He’s getting a front row seat for the next match.
(8) The Miz vs. John Cena- Beat-The-Clock Match Miz kept avoiding Cena and Cena was taking it slow. Miz went to ringside to avoid Cena, much to the chagrin of the crowd. Miz knew though that he couldn’t get counted out and he ran in at eight. Cena was waiting for him, metaphorically frothing at the mouth. Miz hit the ropes and went outside, but like last night, Cena read it perfectly and clotheslined Miz on the outside. Mark Henry was watching on a monitor backstage. Back suplex by Miz for two. He tried to wear down Cena. Flapjack on Cena, then Miz threw Cena into the steel steps. Cena made it in the ring before the ten-count, but barely. Miz tied Cena up in the ropes to take up more time. Miz did some taunting, but the ref helped Cena get out. Drop toe-hold by Cena, then an STF. Miz tapped almost immediately.
Winner: Cena, at 4:28. Ugh.
-Orton entered the ring and raised his title over his head. Then Cena’s music hit and he celebrated earning at match with Orton for the WWE Title at Summerslam.
-Shaq was walking backstage in referee stripes to be special enforcer for the next match, the main event.
-Lawler thanked Aerosmith for allowing them to use their song “You gotta move” for Summerslam’s theme.
-They plugged Legacy vs. Triple H for next week.
-Shaq came out to referee the main event.
(9) Chris Jericho & The Big Show vs. Cryme Tyme When was the last time a two-hour Raw had nine matches? They have really plugged Shaq’s new show as much as I expected. Jericho shouldered JTG down, then yelled at Shaq. Flipping shoulderblock by JTG, then a fameasser that looked pretty decent actually. I hope Cena was taking notes. Face-plant for Jericho as he was desperately trying to get the crowd into it. Eventually, Jericho took JTG down and tagged Show in. “Fists the size of mallets” said Cole in this week’s bodypart metaphor. Full nelson on JTG and he did it right in front of O’Neal. Shad got the crowd into it as Show tossed JTG aside. He took JTG out with a spear, and one-half of Cryme Tyme rolled to ringside to catch his breath. Show slapped JTG in the chest to get him back in the ring. Jericho tagged in and flexed in front of Shaq as the crowd chanted “Christina.” JTG worked out of a side head-lock. He finally made the hot tag to Shad, who press slammed Jericho. Shaq cheered on from ringside. Jericho tried to lock on the Walls, but Shad flipped out. Jericho fell near Shaq, sho gave him a little shove. Double team neckbreaker/Samoan drop got two, broken up by Big Show. Show cleaned house on Cryme Tyme, so much so that the ref called for the bell, since he overstayed his welcome as the non-legal man.
Winners: Cryme Tyme, via DQ, at 6:34. Not a whole lot to it, really.
Show threatened a double chokeslam on Cryme Tyme, but instead tossed them away and called Shaq into the ring. Shaq took off his ref outfit and got in the ring. Show gave O’Neal a little shove, and Shaq shoved harder back. He got Shaq in a choke, but Shaq came back with one of his own. They were at a stand-off, ‘til Cryme Tyme came in and knocked Show off balance. Shaq then shoulderblocked Show to the mat, and then the Big Show rolled out of ring. “Boomshackalacka!” screamed Cole. Shaq stood tall in the ring with Cryme Tyme as they showed a replay of the after-match activities. More celebration from the faces as they plugged Jeremy Piven as guest host live next week. Cole talked about the two-on-one match next week as Shaq started running up the ramp after Big Show, which ended the show.
I loved the Jericho and Shaq interactions at the top of the show. Loved "Christina". Shaq has learned petty name calling from the best, brother! Wouldn't you agree, Kevina Nash? "Fatboy" and "Slim" was fun too.
Best part of the show for me was Bourne scoring the upset over Swagger. That was awesome. Do you think Bourne wants us to buy his shirt? I wish he would so something to indicate such.
I liked the battle of the goozles between Shaq and Show too. The Monster Meng would be so proud.
Originally posted by JustinShapiroPlus Michael Cole said boomshaqalacka in an ode to the video game Vince McMahon from Wrestlemania The Arcade Game.
I think Vince himself was doing a reference to Fake Marv Albert from NBA Jam. Both Midway games.
That's what made it so awesome/weird. You've got to give credit to Yo Ko Zuna.
Originally posted by geemoneyDX vs. Jericho & Show
One of my friends actually suggested Legacy vs. DX for Summerslam, but I guess that's more of a Raw match.
Yeah, I think if Legacy was going to get the PPV match, they would've been protected more in the booking, like how Spirit Squad actually got a superpush before the actual match took place (and it was all downhill for them from there). So it'll take a couple weeks to get there, but each of those teams needs big opponents, so they suit each other.
At least they have provided a counter-argument for those who complain about Cena vs. Orton again at SummerSlam: Did you people really want Mark Henry doing his King Mabel impression? How would Hunter have been DQ'd if he hit Dibiase? Only way a DQ could occur there would be for Dibiase using his head to hit Hunter's fist.
After that face off, I think Shaq vs. Show would do crazy business. The match would suck, though.
So we have the same title match from SS two years ago, plus hints of a DX reunion, which already happened three years ago (and numerous times since)? I like the guest hosts on Raw, but the rest of the show is pretty much crap right now. Thank God for Smackdown.
"I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ."
Booking Cena vs. Orton at Summerslam? Geez, why don't they show us something we haven't seen a zillion times already?
I'm starting to wonder about the way they're booking the Miz. He's great on the stick, he's good in the ring (better than some of their mainstays) but he's jobbed out every time he's facing a major star? Come on, that's pathetic. Put him in a feud against Evan Bourne or Jack Swagger, that'd be awesome. Did his feud against Morrison ever get closure?
Wow...it's Chris Masters. Uhhhh...carrying on...
"I have a feeling that waiting isn't as pointless as it seems. If someone is waiting, that place becomes a place to return to."
Originally posted by redsoxnationAt least they have provided a counter-argument for those who complain about Cena vs. Orton again at SummerSlam: Did you people really want Mark Henry doing his King Mabel impression?
Yes. I would also have preferred King Mabel.
Neither Henry nor Mabel would be my first choice for the Summerslam main event (that would be Sir Mo), but I'd be much happier to see either of them get the shot ahead of Hunter or Cena, even if it meant a significant drop-off in match quality. I'm just so sick of seeing the same guys over and over.
No one else noticed Shaq ripping up the Kobe sign on his way down to the ring after he was introduced?
Shaq was actually the most entertaining thing on RAW in a long time. Orton and Legacy have been so dulled down over the months that I literally have no interest in seeing Orton face his next unbeatable challenger in John Cena. I think Cena needs to take the title, since there is literally no point in Orton holding it anymore. Both him and the title have lost a great deal of prestige since he won it. Hasn't HHH faced Orton and Rhodes in a handicap match before? If not, I feel like I've seen it many times before, which isnt good. If Rhodes and Dibiase dont get beaten by HHH somewhat easily and HBK runs down AFTER Hunter makes his own save, I'll be shocked.
Even if Orton or Cena wins, there are no real challengers for the title besides HHH or a returning HBK. I am so sick to death of the unholy trinity of Cena, HHH and Orton hugging up the ME picture. All three need some time off to at least freshen up the title picture. I feel like we haven't progressed with this show since WM21.
So, that match in 1988 turned out to be a nice little hit, so Vince and the gang put it on PPV and upped the number of competitors from 20 to 30. There is still no reward here other than pride. Your announcers are Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse Ventura.