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The W - Pro Wrestling - Raw 8-4-03
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ScreamingHeadGuy
Frankfurter








Since: 1.2.02
From: Appleton, WI

Since last post: 785 days
Last activity: 785 days
#1 Posted on
FOOTAGE! of Vince/Kane form last week, with a generous helping of Austin and Shane. So, here's the difference between the shows: Smackdown! is Vince vs. Steph, while Raw is Vince vs. Shane. How succinct!

Why won't they wake up? It's time for Raw, this week from scenic Vancouver...and a Fashion Report, too!

Shane, in pink-and-blue stripe shirt (top two buttons undone and untucked) and faded loost jeans, is out to talk. Yeah, way to pick on the guy in chains. Bischoff, in black leather jacket, black tshirt and blue jeans, is out to talk, too (and announce Kane vs. RVD for SummerSlam). When things heat up, Austin, in black "F*CK Fear/Drink Beer" tshirt, jean short, and knee braces is out to (you guessed it) talk, bringing up Bisch's lust for Linda. Blah blah blah. Book a match. 16 minutes of our lives. (King orgasms about a "dream match", I want to kick him - hard.) Still to come - a real match. No, really!

That chick on MNF isn't really all that hot - what was all the fuss about?

Bubba, in black "Dudleyville 3D" jersey and black warmups, with DVon, vs. Rene, in blue sparkly military coat, black beret with yellow trim, black "La Resistance" tights with French flag, and with Sylvian, in same, both wearing the Tag Team Titles, with a French flag. Charles Robinson gets to referee. Rene dances lots, and poorly. Two run-ins and one flag shot later, an average (if over-interfered) match.

In Evolution's room, HHH boozes while the other guys chat. Bisch comes in and Adbreak follows, saying "Nothing to see here, move along."

Coach, in grey tshirt and King, in black/white vertical striped sparkly shirt with gold scrollwork, commentate, and have FOOTAGE! of the trip to down-under. King is a dumbass (as always).

Steiner, in chainmail and black "Freakzilla" tights, with Stacie, in black top, pleated pink short skirt, and strap highheels, vs. Randy, in black "Randy" undies with hip-bolts. Randy gets on the mic to talk about his...nipples. King, shut your screed-hole. Stacie appears exhausted. Test is out, and thrown into the ring (and out again). RKO leads to the end. Slow, as expected, but an average match.

Evolution watches Raw, and Bisch comes in to hear that "they've got a deal".

Wait, you even ate Subway for breakfast? But they don't open 'til, like, 10.

Eat at Taco Bell and get gas - hey, THEY say it.

Rosie, in light blue polo and white visor, gets mentor'ed by Hurricane. But Christian! comes around to talk smack. Oh, he just got "Biatch"ed. Rosie has a home-made kit, oh boy.

Meanwhile, Shane is bouncing.

Meanwhile, Bisch is talking to Mack, when Austin barges in, and Bisch is forced to reveal his evil plot. Austin must ponder this turn of events - this could take a while. Please enjoy this Adbreak in the meantime.

Hurricane, in black/green "H" poncho, and black/green "H" suit, vs. Christian!, in red tights with black "C"s on white circles. Wait - who the hell is the ref? Pull the tights for the pin. And then Chad Patton (the ref, even though I don't recognize him)...um, reverses his decision? Best match so far, but still too short, so only average. For the save, Rosie, in white bedsheet, neon green/purple shorts, grey "Super Hero In Training" tshirt, orange shirt and tights, with purple mask. Pose!

In the back, Kane, in a van, with billions of Vancouver's cops guarding.

Flair, in purple "Nature Boy" robe with silver sequins, HHH joining commentary, vs. Goldbert, in white/black with white trim undies with white butt-barbedwire. Lillian's got hilights in her hair, and wears a silver sling top and black bellbottoms. Hebner the Elder officiates. Flair has black undies with red hips and sickly-purple boots udner that robe. Sign "Raw lacks Mattitude" - I concur. Is that a "Goldberg sucks" chant? Man, Goldberg spits a LOT. Flair bumps like only he can. Randy, with a chair, interferes. Nothing better than an average match, while it lasted. Get the hammer! Yeah, fuck him up! But Shawn, in black tshirt with radiant white cross, is out. This brings out Jericho, in black tshirt and green tights. Then Nash, in black "BD" tshirt is out. Now Austin is out, to make the Raw Main Event at SummerSlam into an ELIMINATION CHAMBER! Goldberg vs. Nash vs. Michaels vs. HHH vs. Jericho vs. Randy.

Slamball shill. Jericho gets squashed (ooo, I'll take him seriously in the Elimination Chamber).

In the back, Flair is in pain. Bisch learns his deal has fallen-through. Desperate people do desperate things.

Trish, in black top and black bellbottoms with pruple, vs. Molly, in blue one-strap top and black bellbottoms, wearing the Women's Title. (Fuck off, Lawler, Shane vs. Bisch is NOT a PPV-quality match, at least not for any PPV I'd ever buy.) Victoria, in red spider-top and black tights, messing up her knee, interferes. DQ, for a non-match. Gail, in red leather brace and lace-up skimpies makes the "save". Now the, um, turn (?) as Gail floors Trish. Idunno, can she actually turn if she's not really a face in the first place?

In the back, Shane attacks a van (but the van is impervious to pain).

Lance admits he has a problem with boring, and Golddust says he'll help, but not really by words, but rather by goosing Lance.

Back at the van, Bisch is about to unleash the beast (Kane). Foreshadowing ensues!

RVD, in blue-ish "RVD" singlet vs. Adbreak vs. Jericho, in green tights with metallic purple thigh shields. I will pay $100 million to anyone who cuts King's tongue out. A hard-fought affair and many two-counts makes for a good match. Post-match, Jericho utters a hair vs. hair match with Nash. Is this like thos push-up contests?

In the back, Bisch walks. And the van is empty. Yes, foreshadow!

Bisch, in same as before, but with a punching-pad, kicking the techie (which is why he's got the pad) vs. Shane, in same as before, too. Less than a minute into the "match" when Kane, in black spandex and red straps, is out to fuck-up Shane. You're fucking nuts if you think I'm even gonna dignify this with a rating. Lawler is even more of an ass post-match (not difficult to imagine).

Overall: Only ONE clean finish. Fuckit, says I. This was the worst Raw in months. I wish the RVD/Jericho match could be saved for another show, 'cuz it deserved better than it had tonight. Lawler really needs to get canned, 'cuz he subtracts from the product.

So let me see if I understand this: Kane, even though he's not been charged with a crime, is escorted ACROSS INTERNATIONAL BORDERS? I don't know if anyone has explained Kane's constitutional rights, but he cannot be held unless he's actually charged with a crime. Utterly horrible.

A look at the Elimination Chamber match: two old men, one injured, one has a severely limited moveset, one is young, and one has been getting squashed for the past few months. I'd say it doesn't look pretty. But who knows? Maybe, just maybe, the chamber will help out to make this into a decent affair.

(edited by ScreamingHeadGuy on 4.8.03 2215)


Fashion Reporter Extraordinare

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deadbeater3
Chipolata








Since: 17.11.02

Since last post: 4002 days
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#2 Posted on
Molly and Gail double turned!! Woohoo!!



The divas should not be about T&A, they should be about Kicking A.
Bullitt
Shot in the dark








Since: 11.1.02
From: Houston

Since last post: 14 days
Last activity: 14 days
#3 Posted on
Dear Coach,

It's called a Northern Lights suplex, not a "back bridge." Thanks for your time.

Love,
Jamie




You kids like the rock 'n roll music? Then here's Matthew Good.
The Great Thomas
Sujuk








Since: 17.6.02
From: Miami, Florida

Since last post: 3413 days
Last activity: 3413 days
#4 Posted on
Was it just me, or did Rosey's boobs look bigger in that S.H.I.T. outfit?

Also, a hair vs. hair match? I see a bald Nash. Unless...

Oh, and kudos to the cameraman for getting a good, believable angle on the Tombstone, not like on Linda 2 weeks ago.





New Kane Continues His Reign Of Terror!

shinstrife
Boudin rouge








Since: 5.10.02

Since last post: 169 days
Last activity: 9 hours
AIM:  
#5 Posted on
Y'know...I wasn't really enjoying much of the show until the RVD/Y2J match and Kane adding another McMahon to his list of people's he planted with the Tombstone.

Worst out of the "Pyscho Kane" main evented Raw, but that's for a rather subpar majority of the card. Hopefully things will be in order next week.

Oh yeah, Rosey in the super hero costume, was stupid but hilarious.




Which Colossal Death Robot Are You?
knightvibe
Salami








Since: 12.7.03
From: st louis, missouri

Since last post: 3609 days
Last activity: 3608 days
#6 Posted on
I thought it was a good RAW. it was made better by the Jericho vs RVD match with RVD getting the surprise win to build towards his surprise match with KANE @ SummerSlam.
I swore they were going with KANE vs SHANE.
Now what a stroke of genuis to pull out the Elimination Chamber match. If the net vthinks Triple H will be out for a while and a Goldberg squash is in order why not throw a bunch of contenders together to make some suspense in who will be champ. i think it's a great idea. Hopefully Jericho comes out as champ!
The Hurricane vs Christian match was fun too.
Bubba vs Dupree was fine. The womens match had some surprises. Now we're left to wonder where they go with Shane & Kane.
Overall I thought the show moved at a good pace and had enough surprises and good performances to make it fun!

(edited by knightvibe on 4.8.03 2325)


and thats all i have to say about that!
BigDaddyLoco
Scrapple








Since: 2.1.02

Since last post: 11 hours
Last activity: 8 hours
#7 Posted on
Now why would Bishoff have to sneak away for Kane to get out of the van? Isn't Kane on work release. Isn't Bishoff the boss? I don't know...

Jericho wouldn't agree to ... no ... would he?

Maybe it's just me but did the ending of Raw do anything for anyone tonight?



drjayphd
Scrapple
Moderator








Since: 22.4.02
From: Long Island

Since last post: 23 days
Last activity: 1 day
AIM:  
ICQ:  
Y!:
#8 Posted on
Admit it, though, you loved it when the crowd popped huge for Jericho, Coachman provides a sensible explanation, and is then silent when Nash gets booed.

Also, Edmonton is flooded with Keith's spooge over Jericho's quest... despite being faced with the potential loss of material. (reads the rant) Well, he's already started. Oh, and Edmonton's just cleaning up the spooge from the Cat Schwartz stuff, too. Although I'd rather Jessica Corbin than Sarah Lane... agreed on Morgan.

As for the local SS ad... I think that the kids would describe the ad, as well as most of Raw, as... how you say... teh s uck?



Today's Out-Of-Context Quote, Courtesy of hardygrrl:

"...between the grime layer and the Seventies game show host hair, I'd rather rim Undertaker after a White Castle/Schlitz bender."
OMEGA
Lap cheong








Since: 18.6.02
From: North Cacalacky

Since last post: 1978 days
Last activity: 1946 days
#9 Posted on
Wow. They sure did an EXCELLENT job building up Kane v. Shane McMahon at SummerSlam, didn't they?

What? It's Kane v. RVD at SummerSlam? Well, no one informed the RAW writing staff, did they?

Overall, I thought this show was pretty entertaining.

Jericho v. RVD was excellent.

I don't mind them switching the SummerSlam main event to the elimination chamber. I know Triple H v. Goldberg was the "Big Time" match. But I really don't think fans believe in Goldberg. And I think that more people will buy the show to see the "deadly elimination chamber" match, then they will see Triple H v. that guy from WCW who wore a wig and all the fans seem to enjoy booing. And I know the elimination chamber match doesn't look very good on paper. But were Triple H v. Goldberg, Jericho v. Nash, or Michaels v. Orton gonna' tear down the house anyway? Adding the chamber element might actually do some good.

I LOVED the Evolution/Jericho/Goldberg/Michaels/Nash segment, for the sole reason of hearing the fans boo the faces out of the building and cheer wildly for the heels. Then Nash pointlessly powerbombed Jericho and it killed it for me.

The first thing I thought when I heard "Jericho/Nash: Hair v. Hair match" was that Jericho HAD to win, because his hair is half his gimmick. Then I realized that Nash's hair is his WHOLE gimmick. Now I'm sad because I realize that this means Jericho is gonna' have to job to Nash. Dammit.

Breaking News: Scott Keith ripped into the Jericho/RVD match. Big surprise. Hey, I don't mind Keith, but give the guys a little credit. If Benoit had that same match with Jericho, instead of Van Dam, it would've been a "**** MOTYC CLASSIC!".

Oh well, I enjoyed it.




The answer to WWE's financial problems...
Battlezone
Potato korv








Since: 27.2.03
From: Seattle, Washington

Since last post: 2181 days
Last activity: 15 hours
AIM:  
Y!:
#10 Posted on
Pardon my ignorance, but WHAT is this great history between Eric Bischoff and Shane McMahon? Lawler kept blabbing about it, so there must be something. Right?

Austin's line about "big breasted, mature women like YOUR MOM" absolutely cracked me up for some reason.

And KUDOS to whoever made the "This Canadian RAW is 70% as good as an American RAW".

I'm glad the pulled out the Elimination Chamber, but for some reason, the cynic in me thinks that either HBK or Nash is winning the title now.

edit: When did Goldberg wear a wig? I keep hearing that brought up...





(edited by Battlezone on 4.8.03 2041)


"So you're Ben Affleck. You're sitting next to Jennifer Lopez, who's your fiancee, you're eating a eight-foot high sundae, and members of the Boston Red Sox are coming up to you and asking for autographs. If that's not heaven, what is?" - Tony Kornheiser, PTI
shinstrife
Boudin rouge








Since: 5.10.02

Since last post: 169 days
Last activity: 9 hours
AIM:  
#11 Posted on

    Originally posted by Battlezone
    Pardon my ignorance, but WHAT is this great history between Eric Bischoff and Shane McMahon? Lawler kept blabbing about it, so there must be something. Right?


I think he was referring to how Shane storyline wise bought out WCW, and then warned Vince that he shouldn't hire Eric as GM of Raw.




Which Colossal Death Robot Are You?
Mr Heel II
Lap cheong








Since: 25.2.02

Since last post: 17 days
Last activity: 4 hours
#12 Posted on
My wife also commented on the size of Rosey's breasts, claiming they were bigger than hers. I am NOT touching that one.

Great. Another hair match to get another wrestler to go with short hair. Why not...It worked SO well for Kiss in the "Elder" era.

Essa Rios! Oh...sorry Victoria.

Y2J/RVD - Worth watching the whole show for. I say "rematch" next week, but only because I'll actually be there...

So Kane was never really charged with anything, but he is under "house arrest", but he's allowed to go to work, but has to have the entire local police force and chains, but he's also allowed to leave the country?

I really can't complain about the Kane run-in, since Kane is who Shane wanted in the first place.

Okay show.



Underwater
Boerewors








Since: 5.10.02
From: Battle Creek, Michigan

Since last post: 3315 days
Last activity: 2964 days
#13 Posted on
I really don't like the elimination chamber. It seems to be that they're overcompensating for HHH's injury by rolling out a big match, when really all it's going to do is diminish the impact of Goldberg's title, if that even happens at this point. Would anyone be really suprised if they hotshotted the belt to Orton?

Orton/Steiner was pretty bad. Orton has been really unimpressive in the ring lately and Steiner is a giant bag of suck. Jeez, couldn't have Orton won a little more convincingly? If you're trying to build him up as something special he should be able to roll through someone like Steiner.

If HHH's groin is injured, shouldn't he not be able to perform in the bedroom? Or maybe he's gutting it out like he did with his quad.

Watching Jericho get the mega pop for his run in was beautiful. No matter how hard Vince tries, Jericho is GOD in Canada. Which is of course why Nash should powerbomb him. How dare he be more over than Michaels and Nash for a night.

FUCKING SHIT, Victoria is probably injured bad. Just when the division was starting to get more interesting. I'm guessing Gail's turn is to set up Trish as being the lone face constantly getting beat down until Lita makes her return. AND HEY! Gail used a new move!!! Yeah it was a spinebuster, but it's the thought that counts.

I really really liked RVD/Jericho. It wasn't a great match but they did a bunch of neat variations on their usual stuff and Jericho seemed fired up to try and carry RVD. Maybe Jericho is finally regaining his form. Jericho jobbing in Canada sucks, but they need to keep RVD strong for Summerslam, whereas Jericho will probably be irrelevant. I'm glad that they went with RVD/Kane at Summerslam, as the two of them could potentially pull off a decent match. Kane's offense isn't really body part specific, so RVD's random selling shoudn't be as much of a hinderance. The need to make it no DQ, so RVD can use all of his chair-assisted spots.

The only saving grace of this show was RVD/Jericho, but that's enough for me.

(edited by Underwater on 4.8.03 2345)


*cry*
OMEGA
Lap cheong








Since: 18.6.02
From: North Cacalacky

Since last post: 1978 days
Last activity: 1946 days
#14 Posted on

    Originally posted by Battlezone
    I'm glad the pulled out the Elimination Chamber, but for some reason, the cynic in me thinks that either HBK or Nash is winning the title now.


Nash ain't winning the title. The company isn't THAT stupid. Are they? *knocks on wood*

I forgot to mention the Shane/Bischoff main event, so here goes: It sucked. And when Kane was tombstoneing Shane, and Coach was pleading for someone to come help, where the fuck was Rob Van Dam? Isn't he the man they're building as Kane's opponent for the PPV? Are you telling me that no one in the writing meetings thinks of simple shit like this?



The answer to WWE's financial problems...
Socks
Landjager








Since: 25.6.02
From: Ottawa

Since last post: 858 days
Last activity: 471 days
#15 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.21

    Originally posted by drjayphd
    Admit it, though, you loved it when the crowd popped huge for Jericho, Coachman provides a sensible explanation, and is then silent when Nash gets booed.

    Also, Edmonton is flooded with Keith's spooge over Jericho's quest... despite being faced with the potential loss of material. (reads the rant) Well, he's already started. Oh, and Edmonton's just cleaning up the spooge from the Cat Schwartz stuff, too. Although I'd rather Jessica Corbin than Sarah Lane... agreed on Morgan.

    As for the local SS ad... I think that the kids would describe the ad, as well as most of Raw, as... how you say... teh s uck?



What the hell does that mean??
They were in Vancouver....not Edmonton.......





"You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon.
Need I say more?"

Chris Rock
fuelinjected
Banger








Since: 12.10.02
From: Canada

Since last post: 3298 days
Last activity: 3298 days
#16 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.15
Rob Van Dam looked like he was enjoying his trip to B.C. just a little too much but really who can blame him? This is like his heaven.

Either Kevin Nash is jealous of Test or Chris Jericho is going to give up his rock star image for that of an average guy?

It was stupid to have Goldberg wrestle in Canada in the first place but then they have Shawn Michaels make a save and then have the faces beat up Chris Jericho. That's just lazy.

Rosey & Helms - WACKY TAG TEAM PARTNERS 2940
Goldust and Lance Storm - WACKY TAG TEAM PARTNERS 2941

Eric Bischoff versus Shane McMahon is a Dream Match? Man, I'd hate to see one of Lawler's nightmares.

How long before Tazz chokes out Christian brotha?

Hmmmm I wonder if Michaels or Nash will eliminate Triple H from the Elimination Chamber before Goldberg wins the thing?

The thing I liked the most about RAW tonight was that I didn't decide to go.
BigDaddyLoco
Scrapple








Since: 2.1.02

Since last post: 11 hours
Last activity: 8 hours
#17 Posted on
I forgot to add the highlight of the night was the SS spot where Brock F5'd that goddamn shark straight to hell.



darkdragoon
Bockwurst








Since: 26.8.02

Since last post: 3733 days
Last activity: 3733 days
#18 Posted on
Actually, you have to do a back bridge to do a northern lights, so Coach wasn't totally off as usual.

Gee, how many years has it been since Rob won with the split-legged. Nothing special about the match.

hmmm...a Gold Lance? a Dust Storm?

hmm, SS in the PPV initials, EC as a match. Oh, did I mention Suck as well? Let's see if Hunter can manage not to hurt himself further.
phil5329
Longanisa








Since: 2.1.02
From: scottsville, ny

Since last post: 2617 days
Last activity: 2536 days
AIM:  
#19 Posted on
if only paul heyman was around to remind us that rob van dam has a pinfall over chris jericho. oh and he woulda called THE MATCH too~!

BIATCH



-Phil
Shem the Penman
Toulouse








Since: 16.1.02
From: The Off-Center of the Universe (aka Philadelphia)

Since last post: 300 days
Last activity: 99 days
#20 Posted on
Look at the bright side ... the last time Trips jobbed the title was, yes, in the Elimination Chamber.

Anyway, not much to care about in this Raw. It just glided by mostly beneath my notice until the RVD/Jericho match, which was okay but which stood out like a ***** classic compared to the rest of tonight.



"I do have a degree in electrical engineering... from almost 20 years ago. Punchcard systems were just becoming obsolete, we had rotary phones in the dorms, and a modem was still a gizmo the size of a shoebox into which you squooshed the phone receiver itself. In short, we lived like animals.

The instant obsolesence is why I became a writer. The rate of punctuation in a sentence doesn't double every 18 friggin' months, and you never have some 22-year-old looming over your shoulder, shaking his head, saying "dude... you're still using adverbs...?"

-- Bob Harris
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