It's the top of the hour, and none of these boppin' hussies is HHH or Benoit. Coach has the honor of axing a tramp.
FOOTAGE! of the Benoit/HHH saga's past few months
Fighting evil by moonlight, winning love by daylight, never running from a real fight, because it is time to WAKE UP! It is, also, time for Raw, live from Pittsburg, PA...and a Fashion Report, too!
Edge (not Benoit or HHH, I note), in black "Edge" trenchcoat and black Edge-head tights, wearing the IC Title, prances to a ring full of other wrestlers. Mattitude, in black tshirt and red pants, comes out. Jericho, in cyan silhoutte tights, is out. So is Kane, in black tights with red barbedwire stripes. Evolution - Randy in red "Orton" undies with black scrawls; Batista in pewter "Batista" undies with flaming crotch; Flair in red/gold sequined "Nature Boy" robe and black "RF" undies, is out, too. Finally Bisch, in black suit and grey/white striped shirt, announces taht we're having a Batle Royale for the Number One Contendership. Right now. Regal, Tomko, and Pulambo are eliminated. AdBreak interferes.
During the Break, Val and Mattitude landed.
Cont. Hurricane, Mack (he's back?), Stevie, Rosie, Sylvan, Conway, and Tajiri are eliminated. AdBreak gets even more airtime.
During the Break, nothing much.
Cont2. Kane puts everyone down, then he and Batista have it out. Rhyno sports a new "Rhyno" singlet with a red Detroit "D" on the back. Flair, Rhyno, Kane, Maven, Batista, and Edge are eliminated. After eliminating Edge, Jericho shares a stare with Edge. Orton and Jericho circle each other before they exchange blows. Many teases ensue. The pair fights on the apron and Orton, after scrambling back into the ring, kicks an RKO'ed Jericho to the floor.
Coach hypes more Diva crap.
Fuck yeah, Fencing! Can you dig THAT, sucka?
The passel of strumpets tries to seduce (verbally) Kamala. Funny for the first go-around, but boring thereafter (this is when I typed everything up to this point).
On Smackdown!, Bradshaw and Undertaker happened. Vince showed-up for a brief face pop, Angle fired a bunch of people, so Vince fired him (back to wrestling). Well, that brief recap saved me two hours of my life - thanks, WWE.
Still to come - the Iron Man Match. They promise.
JR, in black suit, black hat, blue shirt, and red tie, and King, in white sportscoat and black tshirt, commentate.
NOOOO! Ivory, Stacie, and Linda McMahon invade the Democratic Convention - what an angle!
Coach sets the sluts in skimmpy suits to struting the stage. Make sure to vote (them all off the island).
In Evolution's locker room, Randy wishes HHH good luck so they can have a match at Summerslam. Flair and Batista look on.
Finally, HHH, in black iron-cross undies, vs. Benoit, in red tights with black slashes, carrying the World Heavyweight Title. Mike Chioda officiates, in black/white stripes. Lillian announces in a silver, white-trimmed tube top and black skirt. Chioda shows the belt, then gots over the rules with the contestants (and our camera). The grapplers lockup, slap each other, and break - repeatedly. When they get to actual matwork, Benoit has an edge. HHH shows no qualms about taking a breather on the outside. Seven minutes in Benoit starts to work HHH's left knee. HHH comes back with a DDT. Crossface rolled into a pin by Benoit. 1-0, Benoit. AdBreak does its thing.
Cont. Benoit is in control. Benoit sports a split lip. HHH regains control and does a number on Benoit's back. Both guys are starting to look tired. Benoit, with a dive to the outside, hits the railing more than he does HHH (ow!). Since they're both down, AdBreak gets pushed.
Cont.2 Again Benoit is solidly in control, holding a modified Indian Death Lock. Figure Four on H. Visual: Benoit, mouth bloodied, neck muscles straining, yelling "Tap!" H reverses, but Benoit gets the ropes. There's a vocal minority cheering for HHH. Triple Germans and a headbutt, but HHH rolls out of the way. HHH works Benoit's sternum - hard. Pedigree->pin. 1-1, even. HHH drops Benoit, chest-first, on the steps. Benoit is counted-out. 1-2, HHH. Benoit just lays on the outside, clutching his chest. AdBreak.
Cont.3 HHH is destroying Benoit; chest, kidneys - it's all good. HHH spinebuster->pin. 1-3, HHH. AdBreak.
Cont.4 Benoit struggles back, so it's pretty evenly-matched. Benoit has the sharpshooter->submission. 2-3, HHH. Walking/brawling. Crossface locked in, but HHH gets the ropes. Another Crossface->submission. 3-3, even. Flair and Batista strut out to the ring, alongside AdBreak.
Cont.5 H distracts Chioda, so Batista tosses Benoit into the ringpost. Benoit's busted-up with seven minutes remaining. Double Germans. Benoit dodges a clothesline, but Chioda takes it. Benoit takes-out an interfering Batista and Flair. HHH with a chairshot - OH FUCK! - to the back of Benoit's skull. Bisch runs down with Jack Doan. Many nearfalls on Benoit. HHH decks Doan. Evolution with a beatdown on Benoit. From the crowd emerged Eugene, in white jacket and blue undies. He Stunners Flair, Rock-Bottoms HHH and dropkicks Batista before decking Bisch. Chairshot to HHH. Benoit drags himself to HHH and drapes an arm. Eugene tosses Chioda into the ring. Pin. 4-3, Benoit. And time expires. An excellent match.
Overall: The second half-hour was crap. Everything else was solid. A good show.
YOUR CONTINUED HERESY AGAINST THE WRESTLING GODS HAS DOOMED YOU TO SPEND ETERNITY WATCHING A MORDECAI VS. KENZO SUZUKI IRON-MAN MATCH (and Hiroko isn't at ringside for you to oogle).
The Kamala thing was funny. Probably not in the way they intended though. It was a "Ok, that's funny. The second time is funnier. Third time is hilarious. But now it's starting to get old. What the hell, they're still doing it? How many more times are they going to do this? They're going to go through EVERYONE? They're sending ANOTHER one in? I can't believe they think people will think this is funny. This is the dumbest thing I've ever seen! They're STILL DOING IT. DEAR GOD. Hey, you know...it's kind of funny in and of itself that they are just doing it over and over when it was old five minutes ago. Whoa, this is hilariously bad" thing.
I enjoyed the battle royal. Usually, battle royals suck. This one, however, was very well booked. I also genuinely thought that they might pull a swereve and have Jericho win it. As far as battle royals go, this was quite good.
God, that second half hour was god-awful! I mean, Kamala made it a little entertaining. But not one of these chicks appeal to me. I just can't fathom how WWE is ACTUALLY going to pay one of these girls $250,000. And devoting a whole THIRTY MINUTES to them. I can't wait to see the rating for THOSE two quarter-hours.
EXCELLENT main-event. I thought the thing was BRILLIANTLY booked, and both men more then held their own. I'd rate this above the Lesnar/Angle match. The last ten-minutes was a little over-booked, but nothing ridiculous.
It looks like SummerSlam will now be Orton/Benoit, Hunter/Eugene, Jericho/Edge, and Kane/Hardy. Which also means that they'll do the La Resistance/Tajiri-Rhyno match on RAW at some point, probably.
Although the second half-hour was probably the worst thing RAW has ever produced, the rest of the show more than made up for it. GREAT Stuff tonight.
The answer to WWE's financial problems...
Never 'Wiener of the Day', and is actually quite bitter about it.
YES! Benoit is still champion, NO! he is going to job to Orton in Canada. I am with mixed emotions about it, but it sounded like a hella of a match. Yes, I am still without cable till football season, then its on.
The Battle Royal was unexpected, but I'm a mark for them, so I liked it. Maven stayed in longer than I expected. And that looked like the Detroit Tigers logo on the back of Rhyno's singlet....As soon as Coach mentioned "former WWE superstar", I thought of Kamala, per the thread earlier tonight. My guess was way off....I'm sorry, but I couldn't watch these girls act like idiots. I watched their reaction to Kamala, then switched to the Cards/Reds game on ESPN. And back, and forth....
I guess those who said the Iron man match would start at 9 and those who said 10 were both right- supposed to start at 9, started at 10....The crowd seemed restless at some points, including what sounded like a Steelers chant. And the Triple H chants surprised me....I thought the finish was a bit too much, but it was a nice way to work Eugene back in. A good main event, but I thought last September's Smackdown Iron man match was a bit better.
In case there was any doubt the fix is in on Divasearch, tonight killed it. Mrs. Shem pointed out that Carmella isn't even bothering to try and showed all the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old forced to perform for guests.
As for the iron man match, well, I'd put it ahead of Lesnar/Angle but behind Rock/Triple H, which is about what I expected going into it. I was expecting Eugene interference, but I was hoping they'd avoid having him be the one to actually decide the match. Boy, was I wrong there. In spades.
S'io credesse che mia risposta fosse a persona che mai tornasse al mondo, questa fiamma staria senzu piu scosse. Ma per cio che giammai di questo fondo non torno vivo alcun, s'i'odo il vero, senza tema d'infamia ti rispondo.
Great Iron Man match, although it did indeed have a predictible ending.
Christy annoys the HELL out of me, and I'm usually VERY lenient for my fellow redheads. God...can Carmella at least PRETEND to get in the game? But I now have a theory that Carmella is Johnny Nitro in drag (because it's the only way he can see to get his job back), and he wasn't excited during the Kamala challenge because the notion of hitting on another guy didn't appeal to him. With this in consideration, I ALMOST voted for Carmella. However, afros are cool, so I voted for afro chick again.
C'mon, TELL me you can't see the resemblance!
(edited by DarkRenegade on 27.7.04 0151) The REAL reason for the RAW Diva Search...
A presidential election should be used to elect the best candidate for a country, right? Then do what I'm doing this fall and use the power of the write-in vote to vote for an apple pie. Hell, it will probably get more votes than the Green Party anyways.
I'm not a fan of IronMan matches. I'd prefer they go traditional championship 2 out of 3 falls rather than IronMan, as the crowd can't just wait until the last 5 minutes to start caring. Solid match for the first 50 minutes. Complete and utter ECW at its worst clusterfuck for the last 5 minutes. It would have killed them to play it straight? I'm sure Trip has been trying to get some sort of Flair/Steamboat vibe out of this Trip/Benoit feud, but here is a big difference: One of the great things about Flair/Steamboat was they played it straight throughout. It was 1-on-1, no one interfering, no chairs etc., just 2 guys doing anything they could to beat the other guy in a wrestling match, not having chairs, an attack on refs and a clusterfuck decide the match. Anyway Richard Prior can reprise his Monty Brewster role for the DivaCrapFest and sponsor 'None of the Above'? That would be the winning choice by a landslide. Asking The Ugandan Giant (or Headhunter) Kamala if he is hula-ing and is from Hawaii? That was pathetic. AT least they could have had Kamala sacrafice the loser. Or, better yet, sacrafice them all. Why do they let Maven hang around in battle royales? Are they that desperate to justify the Tough Enough Bunch? And, by having Orton win the Battle Royale in the first hour, they telegraph the decision for the IronMan match.
I will make my prediction now: Orton won't make it to the Summerslam title match. He'll hurt himself beforehand. That head bump with Shelton was a symptom of his sloppiness and we saw it again in the ugly-as-sin ending to the battle royal.
I do not wish this kid harm. I have no reason to hope he gets hurt. But he's headed for another injury, and the increased attention will not settle him down and allow him to clean up his act.
Having said that, I can't decide if Eugene reminds me more of Hacksaw Duggan or Hillbilly Jim. They're cheerful, lovable brutes, and I'm rooting for Triple H to kill him dead because I'm Eugened out. I need a new side of Eugene to emerge quick like before I reach for the voodoo doll Kamala dropped as he danced with the divas.
Man, I sound bitter. I need to start drinking.
"To be the man, you gotta beat demands." -- The Lovely Mrs. Tracker
Whoever went the full monty and grabbed Kimala's breasts, that's the girl I would vote for (if I cared). Mr. Mala almost broke down after it, and I loved it. Other than that moment, I did the same as Geemoney and flipped around during the segment (although I was watching Reno 911 and not the baseball game).
Joe Wilson (looking at Interocitor manual)- Hey, here's something my wife could use in the house... Crow T. Robot- A man? Joe Wilson- An interocitor incorporating an electron sorter. Cal Meechum- Oh, she'd probably gain 20 pounds while it did all the work for her. Tom Servo- Cal, you bitch!
I like how the announcers decided to pretty much ignore Rodney Mack's return. Way to show the love.
These Diva-wannabes are so incredibly ignorant it's not even funny. Not only does it seem like none of them have even seen Kamala before (and really, even *I* have seen him before), they all have a very strange definition of "verbal."
The Iron Man match was excellent, pure and simple. All I can say is that I fell asleep during Angle VS. Lesnar (yes, I know, I'm a horrible, horrible person), and was uber-pumped for Benoit VS. HHH.
Was tonight's Raw worth missing Clinton's Bush bashing? Yes... yes it was.
Former President and First Lady Clinton honor President Reagan by catching some Z's (drudgereport.com)
I don't know. This show was defintitly a nice change of pace wrestling wise, but I'm not sure the Iron Man Match totally works for me. It really caters to a certain type of wrestler and although Helmsley hung pretty tough he's just not that wrestler.
The Battle Royal I liked, but it really looked like the last Battle Royal they ran. Rhyno probably got move of the night with his Spear out of nowhere and I liked everyone ganging up to throw the big guy out. Regal must not be all that cleared to wrestle if he's getting tossed so early.
muchacho means boy. So either it's some kind of spanish slang or he was calling RVD a boy. Either way, god bless babelfish. Oh, and I was baseing my Shane/Bischoff over Brock/Angle hype on: A) WWE.com's big splash page saying "Tonight. SHANE v....