It's time to WAKE UP! Wait...that's not right. Umm...what's the new song? Eh...forget it.
It's Monday Night RAW! LIVE from the Staples Center in Los Angeles California.
OPENING: DX has a big announcement at the top of the show. DX music hits and wait it's not HBK and HHH! Randy Orton and Edge dressed as HHH and HBK. Oh man...King: I have a feeling this will be good. JR: I'll agree with that. EDGE as HHH: ARE YOU READY? ARE YOU REAAAAAAAAADDDY! Crowd: You suck(repeat). Edge basically saying they don't need to do what "DX" does to get the people to like them or in this case hate them. Edge and Orton has two words for HHH and HBK. "You suck!" Where is Angle when you need him? Wait, that's right TNA. Oh, well. LA loves DX. HHH giving Edge and Orton a quick ego boost. Lets see what he does to cut them down. Apparently the crowd do think Edge and Orton are jokes. That is great...shirkage. More COCK jokes...lovely. Orton the number one downloaded superstar? Oh, in the gay community. MIDGET...JELLY BEANS! Orton and HHH tonight? Ok, pretty cool. Well, it finally erupts from a word shootout to a quick slug fest. Which has Edge and Orton going back up ramp and HHH and HBK standing in the middle of the ring. Also Mr. McMahon has a announcement about the triple threat champions match at Cyber Sunday
We're Back: Slam of the week Flair beats one of the Spirit Squad. Now that I type there name here come to ring for a tag team match. It's a non title open challenge match. Cryme Tyme! Crowd Shot: Cryme Tyme stole my sign. Well they got a pretty good responce coming out. JTG and Shad? Ok, in control of the match until a blind tag and bulldog takes JTG down. Now quick tag team work by the Sprit Squad which leads to JTG reversing a double team move to lead to the hot tag. Shad comes in clotheslines galore! Dude it big and makes it look like a truck is hitting the Squad. JTG stops the interference from the rest of the five member group. Which setup a double team move...into a DVD type position...JTG shoots off the ropes and grabs the guy by the neck at Shad drops down from standing. Ouch...that looked cool.
We're Back: The Squad break up begins? Look it's Melina and Johnny Nitro just happen to be standing by and they have a "A-LIST" celebrity stoping by to see them. They let us all know when they want us to know. Now, lets look at the debut of the Marine! Elsewhere King Booker is talking to Coach about being on RAW for the announcement. Cryme Tyme busts in for free food and can Shad says he can get Books big ring at flee market for 10.99 while JTG lifts his wallet! That was great...Booker doesn't speak Ebonics and he tells Coach to get there black asses back there as he's just been robbed! Next up another IC fatal four way for Jeff Hardy to try and make it out of.
We're Back: Hardy, Super Crazy, Masters, and Shelton in a fatal four way. Super Crazy nails a head scissors to send Shelton to the outside. Crazy and Shelton on the outside. Masters hits a clothesline on Hardy in the corner. Pulls him out and hits a suplex...2 count. Masters working shoulder into Hardy's midsection. 10 count punch by Hardy but goes to deliver the swinging dropkick by Super Crazy throws Jeff outside. Masters hit a power bomb on Shelton and Super Crazy at the top gets a superplex from the tower. Masters with a cover on Shelton...2 count...tries again...2 count. We get a run in from the ad break.
We're Back: Masters and Hardy in the ring. Master reverses a twist of fate attempt and sends him in a kick by Shelton. Masters throws out Hardy. Super Crazy and Masters in the ring now. Crazy with two quick pin attempts. Shelton hit a blockbuster to break Super Crazy out the Masterlock. Hardy hits poetry in motion taking out both Masters and Shelton. Shelton trying to get back in the ring but Hardy hits a dropkick and then a backdrop on Crazy as he charges him. Masters moves in and get a kick into a Twist of Fate. Swan-ton! 1...2...3! Jeff Hardy continues to win. Booker trying to describe who Cryme Tyme is when Show walks in and then Vince asking where Cena is because he wants to make his announcement. He sends coach to find him.
We're Back: Out comes Melina and Nitro. Who is the "A-List" celebrity that is going to visit RAW? Kevin Federline?!? Why does this smell like something "WCW" used to do? Well he's a heel. Nice, same people booing are the same people buying magazines with his face on it every week. NO! NO! Great. WTF? It's CENA and he's coming out to show Nitro and K. Fed what real life thug is about. LA loves CENA! Telling everybody to "Wait, wait, wait." We're going to have a RAP OFF! YES! This might be really good. Ok, well it's fair so far. OH!!! Cena spearing Britney! Great stuff. Cena tosses Nitro and we have the Big Show making his way to the ring. Here comes King Booker. Well, here he comes...Mr. McMahon. I wonder what kind of announcement this will be now...they're going unify the championships? My guess...lets see if I'm wrong. Oh, now one of the titles is going to be on the line. OH! We get to choose the title at Cyber Sunday!
Cena going back to K. Fed. Umm...K. Fed going to get a butt kicking...YES! K. FED FU! King: We're going to be sued! Does that every happen? Well, this will be on the Insider tomorrow night, probably not.
We're Back: Well, there's a real star. Steve-O. Here comes Carlito to take on Rob Conway. Springboard reverse elbow by Carlito. Conway moves from a corner attack and roles Carlito up for a two count. Out of no where...BACK CRACKER! 1...2...3! Carlito is the winner. Edge is talking to Vince McMahon. Tag team match against being setup for Cyber Sunday. DX vs Orton and Edge. Great who's going to be the "Guest Referee" for the match. McMahon mentions he's got a great future "kid". Nice. Decide the ref.
We're Back: This week in wrestling history leads into Todd Grisham in the middle of the ring. JackAss, wait these guys were just on TNA last week or at least the gimmick was. Hey, it's Armando. Uh oh...Steve-O going to get destroyed by Umaga. Do I EVEN CALL THIS?!? Is this WCW? We've had celebrities galore. Steve-O is dead...and so buddy...I don't remember is name. So now Umaga kills JackAss stars...great TV. Steve-O is laughing! Umaga starting to SHOOT on Steve-O as he's making, laughing instead of selling, him look like SHIT on TV. Great...wrestling is "REAL"? I feel like my world has been shattered! NOOO!!! Ok, now that I'm over that Maria is up next in the Women's tournement.
We're Back: Lillian reading off note cards...*pausing*...*pausing*...*pausing*...and final card. They couldn't get her a legal pad or something? Second chance, bra and panties, to advance in the ladies tournement. If Victora doesn't win I might be pissed. The only one that can really work the rest get buy with mostly leading each other. So it's a fatal four way Bra and Panties match. First woman stripped by an opponent wins. Whoa, out of no where Maria wins! Stripping Torrie Wilson. Umm...so it's the semi-finals start next week. The match was like three minutes...what a stripping.
We're Back: Here we go it's HHH vs Randy Orton. No, ARE YOU REEEADDY! Let's get ready to SUCK IT! Randy Orton getting ready to get his ass kicked. Here comes Orton with Edge. Well, they get started with hot and heavy action which quickly leads to HHH tossing Orton over the top rope. Where we get a run in ad break.
We're Back: Suplex by HHH. Suck it knee drop. Two count. HHH in control of the match. Here come Lita...a distraction for Orton who sends HHH over the top rope. Ref misses the DDT by Edge that puts HHH in trouble for Orton. Continues to punish HHH. A "neck vice" into a neck breaker...cover...two count. Chin vice on HHH by Orton. HHH working up. Shoot to the ropes...powerslam by Orton. Two counts three times. HHH and Orton in the corner. Orton beating HHH down. HHH recovers and it's fist fight. HHH nails rights hands to Orton. High knee by HHH. The Game now working over Orton in the corner. Wait thumb to the eye. Facebuster...attempt at Pedigree. Distracted by Edge...Orton catches HHH in the inverted backbreaker. Two count...Orton misses the RKO. HHH a Double A spinbuster. Edge hits a low blow with a distraction by Lita. HBK takes it to Edge. Lita distracts the ref again but HBK makes it in to hit Orton with the LOW BLOW! HHH steel chair to the head! 1...2...3! HHH wins with the chair to the head after the low blow. DX wins the first battle as JR says..."This war is just beginning." Fade to black.
To much other shit and not much wrestling...it was watchable unlike this report which might actually be readable then again may be not.
Never know who you'll find drunk, not me...I only have the goofy look, at an Irish Pub...Christie Ricci
Wow, it only took one week since they formed for Orton/Edge to make fun of DX. The rest was the usual DX humor....Cryme Tyme got a decent pop, but the match was nothing special....Their backstage segment was funny though, with King Booker and Coach....The four-way title match was non-stop action, and Super Crazy looked better most of the time than anyone else in the match....
I gotta say, they should sign K-Fed right now. He got the most heat of anyone in a long time, and can cut a promo better than half the roster. The segment was pretty decent, giving some rub(?) to Johnny Nitro....The Carlito/Conway match seemed pointless....I always like celebs getting involved in wrestling, even more when they get physicall involved. Hence, I liked the Jackass/Umaga segment....
I like how they have so few women to make a tourney out of, they have to have one of the losers advance in a first round match....I don't get this booking. The faces came out on top in both the first segment and the last. Why are Orton and Edge getting their balls cut off already?
It's nice to see that Cyber Sunday is boldly continuing the tradition of completely meaningless votes, and/or votes where the "right" option is presented with the subtletly of a sledgehammer to the face. Although I'm hoping folks stuff the ballot box for Eric Bischoff, just 'cause.
Still, could Vince have made it any *more* obvious that the Cyber Sunday champ 3-way is going to end in a no contest? Like they'd actually risk a title being moved around by us peons.
Cryme Tyme looked decent. Still, one quick match isn't enough to judge by. And someone call the cops on them, because they just stole Los Guerreros' lovable-cheaters gimmick.
So Triple H can make "gay" insinuations about Orton. Does that mean Orton can retaliate with "old" or "roids" or "shtupping the boss's daughter"? Somehow I think not.
And if this was WCW, K-Fed would be walking out of there with the IC belt.
"The object of persecution is persecution. The object of torture is torture. The object of power is power. Now do you begin to understand me?"
Well the champion that defends the title could, you know, actually win and thus no titles would move around. Under that scenario, the fans would actually be booking the winner and I can't think of any more power for the fans than that. Of course, having one champion go over the others may be a big assumption.
And if this was WCW, K-Fed wouldn't have to settle for the lowly I-C title, he would have been crowned the champion of champions.
The Bored are already here. Idle hands are the devil's workshop. And no... we won't kill dolphins. But koalas are fair game.
Steve-O completely no selling his assbeating was awesome. How the E could not know the guy who is a professional clown, punching bag, and shit-stirrer might do these 3 things in conjunction on national live TV is beyond me.
Cryme Time amused me and seeing King Bookah in action is really making me upset that I work on Fridays.
(edited by astrobstrd on 17.10.06 0246) Everyone loves the dream but I kill it.
I admit it, I marked out for Cena giving the F-U to Federline. That guy is a huge douche.
Speaking of which, I guess it was celebrity night on RAW. The funny thing is, Umaga beating the snot out of Steve-O and Chris Pontius was better promotion for the Jackass movie than all the Sabin-Dutt-Lethal garbage in TNA.
Originally posted by Shem the PenmanIt's nice to see that Cyber Sunday is boldly continuing the tradition of completely meaningless votes, and/or votes where the "right" option is presented with the subtletly of a sledgehammer to the face. Although I'm hoping folks stuff the ballot box for Eric Bischoff, just 'cause.
Wait...who's supposed to be the "obvious" choice that WWE is pushing for us to vote for? I had assumed that it was elementary that fans would avoid voting for Vince and Coach given their clear bias against DX. Bischoff thinks DX copied the NWO, but he hasn't got it in for them.
Originally posted by Shem the PenmanStill, could Vince have made it any *more* obvious that the Cyber Sunday champ 3-way is going to end in a no contest? Like they'd actually risk a title being moved around by us peons.
Why would it have to be a no contest? If the fans vote for the Smackdown title, Booker pins Big Show; if the fans vote for the ECW title, Big Show pins Booker; if the fans vote for the Raw title, Cena pins whoever.
I wouldn't rule out a brief title change, because they can always set things back at Survivor Series. But it's not like all three titles are on the line and they have to cover their asses with a triple-DQ or something.
I thought the K-Fed segment was terrific. Sure, he's not an "A-list" celeb, but that's the gag -- Nitro and Melina's gimmick is that they're deluded Hollywood wannabes, so of course they'd drool all over Federline.
And they FINALLY let Cena rap again! I cannot for the life of me understand why they stopped letting him freestyle, since it was the thing that got him over in the first place.
Scene: Mark DeRosa's brain. The year is 2005. Part of Mark DeRosa's brain: Come on, another position change? One day it's second base, the next day right field, now it's third? Why, I oughta go into Buck's office and throw his talking fish on the floor! Other part of Mark DeRosa's brain: Hold on, other part of the brain. We're making $500,000 this year. Last year we made $725,000. All for playing a damn kids' game. This is, as they say in Brainland, a no-"us"-er. We're not going to complain. Part of Mark DeRosa's brain: You're right, dude. Let's go back to looking at this crazy porn Teixeira gave us!
Originally posted by JustinShapiroOrton should be Parody Shawn Michaels all the time.
Agreed! Orton's Shawn put Shawn's Shane to shame. And the JACKASS stuff is like an object lesson to TNA.
Pretty good RAW. Even the DX mockery of the opening segment was funnier than the schtick they've been doing for the past few weeks.
To those who say people wouldn't look; they wouldn't be interested; they're too complacent, indifferent and insulated, I can only reply: There is, in one reporter's opinion, considerable evidence against that contention. But even if they are right, what have they got to lose? Because if they are right, and this instrument is good for nothing but to entertain, amuse and insulate, then the tube is flickering now and we will soon see that the whole struggle is lost. This instrument can teach, it can illuminate; yes, and it can even inspire. But it can do so only to the extent that humans are determined to use it to those ends. Otherwise it is merely wires, and lights, in a box.-Edward R. Murrow
The opening segment cracked me up. "You told me girls read that magazine!" Lately, DX has been hilarious in and out of the ring, what with Triple H goofing on his wacky facial hair and Shawn Michaels' wondering if they really were ripoffs of the nWo.
I was not a big fan of the show they put together last night. Too many low-tier celebrities in the ring for my tastes, most of the actual matches weren't great. I did like the dX opening promo and the IC four man, but the rest of the show didn't do it for me.
That IC match was great. Brilliant sequence with Super Crazy trying the wheelbarrow bulldog countered into the Masterlock and broken up by Shelton SAILING across the ring for a perfect Blockbuster. These recent IC mob matches are clearly suprassing the Impact X Division matches, and TNA should be ashamed.
Cryme Tyme is the blah. The big guy gives us big-guy offense -- a running shoulder, a running clothesline, a boot -- and the finisher looks like a Hart Foundation tag double-team rather than a match ender.
Why didn't the camera just cut away from Steve-O? This was taped. They could have edited his post-splash laughter out. Unfortunately, as we saw Umaga leaving up the ramp, we could see Steve-O calmly walking out of the ring on the opposite side.
Edge/Orton works only when Orton SHUTS UP. He embarrassed himself out there trying to make the challenge, and I don't mean the lame double entendre set-up. Strangely, a freshly-shaven Edge looks ten years younger. And the team needs a name pronto.
"To be the man, you gotta beat demands." -- The Lovely Mrs. Tracker
I was gonna write a Workrate Report for last weeks and was getting psyched into doing it and then I decided that if I did it, it would become pathetic and superfluous- like my penis. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! God, I'm rocking it ALREADY!