UNLIMITED: Nothing, didn't show any of them coming out...I feel gipped.
It's time to WAKE UP! It's Monday Night Raw LIVE from Philedelphia, PA
OPENING: Review of last Monday and the DX skit from last week. Apparently they took a lot of crowd shot to show that people were actually laughing. Yep, Vince dancing...STAND BACK! RUN for the freaking hills! Vince comes out...porty potty lowers. What the hell is this? It's raining SHIT! Toilet flush...lets see if RAW sounds like that tonight. Coach with a crew of security...stuttering from HBK followed up with HHH going yeah. Coach askes HHH and HBK to leave...they walk away as HHH say something HBK and he snickers. What!?! Did Lawler just say Johnny Knoxville vs. Carlito. I didn't know he was a wrestler...they show Johnny Nitro's picture with belt and Melina. Edge is out and it's probably setup for the Triple Threat tag team match tonight. Lita is evil and evil shouldn't look that good. Lawler? Nuts...yep. Edge is going to own this Summer. Edge ripping the local sports team comparing them to RVD. GREAT thank you Spiecal WEATHER STATEMENT GET OFF MY SCREEN! Ok, now he's talking about Lita going against Tori Wilson tonight. Yes, we know that you're in a triple threat tag team match. Cena music hits right as Edge was going to announce his partner. Cena clears the ring and RVD music hits. Crowd very low so you can't hear the "You smoke pot" chant or the Cena sucks. Whoa RVD is on the mic...basically leads to saying Cena him tonight. There scrapping the Triple Threat tag team match for the Saturday Night Main Event match tonight...swerve or are we going to see an actual title change because of what the net has been buzzing about all day. Long limo which we haven't seen for a while and it's Vince. Coach tells Vince DX is gone as he starts talking about all kinds of things happen when a car load of girls pulls up to the arena. ***AD BREAK***
UNLIMITED: Edge is cutting a promo say kick Tori's butt Lita. Lita cuts a promo saying that she's going home with the new WWE Champion tonight. Lita's music.
We're Back: Tori is out and she's the cover girl for the WWE Magazine summer special. Lita suplexs Tori. Russin legsweep into a float over. Choke over the ropes. Lita pulls her up and a punch to mouth. Jack Doan saying open hands Lita. Clotheslines by Tori then a drop kick. Thrown to the corner Tori adjusts her puppies before running for the clothesline. Stink face? No Lita pulls Jack Doan into the corner and he gets to taste Tori's bum. Kick to the stomach and DDT. Lita covers 1...2...3! Meanwhile in Vince's office he says something up because things are clogged up. No one is walking around it's like ghost town. Coach says he's find out what is going on. ***AD BREAK***
UNLIMITED: Go buy Wreckless Intent we need to sell more!
We're Back: Highlanders are debuting tonight. A ten man tag team match...it's the Spirit Squad. The Fab five? Good grief it should be team Gimmick! Val, Eugene, Hacksaw, Snitskey, and Vis. Val starts the match who gets dragged to the corner by Mitch who tags in Micky. Micky attempts a suplex but Val hits the suplex and tags Eugene. Kenny is in and controlling Eugene. Mitch is in with a quick cover for a two. Quick tags in and out. Johnny now in and they continue to work over Eugene. Kenny misses Eugene in corner. In comes Snitskey...knocks them all down and sidewalk slam. Squad throw everybody except Snitskey to the outside. Kenny on one rope and I didn't see who was on the other. Hey it's the old Hardy Boyz finish except somebody's doing the Swanton instead fo the splash. 1...2...3! Squad wins hey it DX and they're have hotdogs and hamburgers outside for the Fourth of July. HHH says Squad can come join the because they have a lot of girls out there. One of the WWE Bus drivers comes up to get some food and HHH sends HBK to see Mr. Fuji as RAW gets RAW!!! I think we just hand quick nipple slip as our screen blacks out. Well, HBK is back and they basically say come out Squad because if you're not down with that we've got two words for ya...SUCK IT! ***AD BREAK***
UNLIMITED: Darn connection went out...so I'm guessing could've been anything.
We're Back: Highlanders debut and squash Rob Conway and Matt Striker. They give me a throw back Bushwackers feel. I'm not sure I totally like it but I'm digging the kilts. I even missed the finisher which I hope someone has a video of somewhere. Eh, any ways out at the cook out HHH is up against a table and starts stuttering to Candice. Wow the both ORGASM on screen after some pleasuring under the table. ***AD BREAK***
UNLIMITED: F*CK IT I can't keep the connection to it this week. I get to watch the show.
We're Back: Shades of the nWo as DX invades the production truck and reminds that we've never, ever, seen the inside of the production truck. We cut back to Jerry and JR who don't know if they are on TV. What DX is perverted! They're watching Vince pee in the restroom. Cue pee sound number 3. OMG Vince refering to his little Vince Andre the Giant 8th wonder of the World. Coach finally runs in and gets pee'd on by Vince. He finally points out he's on LIVE TV because DX thinks its funny to see him pee. ***AD BREAK***
Opinion: Ok, I've had the wool pulled over my eyes before but seriously the production truck. Almost saw it coming. Do you like the new t-shirts? They look like anime retro. Fairly cool.
We're Back: DX making a Vince promo for hard for him. As I continue to be reminded by Weather station. Well, now I'm having fun. Some fun with audio and a mircophone! First he's a chipmuck, now he's got a deep voice. YES THE TELESTRATIOR makes it's return to the WWE. Crowd: You SUCK COCK/YOU LOVE COCK. DX throws it's own edited video of the shit rain on Shane and Vince. Cut to Coach giving the barking orders. HBK knocks out Coach at with the production truck door. DX v. Squad two. Recorded laughter to Vince challenging DX. Vince gets crickets instead of his theme music which I don't think I've ever heard him ask for. There goes the Stand back music and he's on the tron..faster to get to the back. ***AD BREAK***
UNLIMITED: It's back...sign of the night! Best one let Paul E Run ECW. DX and Poop stuff. Highlanders welcomed.
We're Back: Out come Nitro with Melina...does it work that way? Carlito is out. Nitro starts saying Carlito poked him. Some off times moves leads us to Carlito in the corner fighting his way out and making a come back. Melina on the apron...back cracker. 1..2...Melina eye rake. DQ for Nitro. Out comes Trish and boy she's showing off a nice lace pink bra! Starts hammering on Melina. Carlito just stands back to watch. DX show nice clips of Trish BOUNCING to the ring and fighting Melina. ***AD BREAK***
Connection to UNLIMITED is out again...plus I'm sitting in a nasty thunderstorm crossing my fingers I dont' get struck by lighting to post this in about 35 minutes.
We're Back: Diva search 2006 British and GIMMICK HAIR! Not a to bad a batch.Vince wants to leave because DX has driven him crazy. UMAGA is out..Estrada gets interupted by HBK plugging the new DX shirt. Five moves later Umaga wins. Afterwords Estrada burps? Lame but once again funny enough for me. Vince going to his limo...wait he makes it and it's starts exploding in fireworks. WOW! He comes out covered in black. DX may be you should've let us in the building may be next week you'll let us in. ***AD BREAK***
UNLIMITED: Hey it's back again for me...Haas comes out and forces himself on Lillian still to almost no reaction. Remember Haas Pop? There going to start talking about Haas Heat. There I said it.
We're Back: This week in Wrestling History. The Hulk Hogan turn...the turn that shocked us in a one fail swoop. Orton is out...they are laying the ground work for Orton vs Hogan. I think it will finally be Hogan's last match. Well, Edge is ready to win the WWE title we'll find out next. ***AD BREAK***
UNLIMITED: Triva! Lets see how I do. KOR 1995 Philly. I got it...B Mark Henry...I got it. Texas Tornado 90 summerslam defeated perfect for the IC strap.
We're Back: You think you know me? Edge is out. Any so is the national weather service again1 Freaking weather...lets see who's out now...Cena is already out and now RVD. I like the ECW entrances tonight as they've been introducing them after they've gotten to the ring. Rob, WEATHER SERVICE ANNOUCNEMENT! Gawd...we're back and I see Cena and RVD are doing some one up manship. Edge to the outside sends us to an ***AD BREAK***
UNLIMITED: We have back and fourth punches from Cena and RVD. Cena=Boo...RVD=Yeah! They mix it up a bit until Edge finally gets up and pulled back in. Once again Boo/Yeah as the segement ends.
We're Back: Cena to the floor a couple of quick roll up by Edge who get caught cheating...the RVD to Edge for a two count. Action...every where. RVD a cross body to colaspe the suplex by Cena on Edge to put both Cena/Edge down. RVD is out of the ring while Edge/Cena are in the ring. Cena hitting his 4 moves of doom. Lita FU...RVD Van Damminator! Cena laid out...missed the Frog Splash...I'd be standing too! I'm trying to watch and type and it isn't working tonight! EDGE! EDGE! EDGE! EDGE! EDGE! EDGE! EDGE! EDGE! EDGE! We have a title change on RAW! It took a freaking out of ring GOOF to do it too! Edge is a two time WWE Champion! Lita is going home with the WWE Champion. Rated R Sex show celebration next week? On a WEEKEND WE Won't SOON FORGET!! Copyright into and fade to black!
Punishment! RVD drops the title nearly 24 hours after being pulled over by the Ohio State Police. If you didn't see it coming you've been living under a rock.
If you can't beat'em whack'em with a chair! and
______________Don't cross Mr. Cheese!____________Pam Anderson and Trish Stratus make that hot!
If you're going to have comic hijinks in the vein (HA~! silly dX puns!) of Police Academy, then if you're the so-called 'set designer,' find a taller table or, if you're the photog, DON'T SHOOT BELOW THE WAIST. That was crappy shooting, period.
So does this make Candice Michelle the Chyna-du-jour?
Liked the main event, even if I sort of saw the ending coming due to RVD's "bust" with Sabu. I absolutely hated all the dX stuff, and it absolutely RUINED the entire show for me.
I guess I'm just not part of that audience that WWE's going for with this stuff, as I felt this was the worst RAW I've seen in a long time. As mentioned previously, the only thing I was into was the main event, and the rest was either cringe-inducing, frustrating, or evoked a feeling of complete apathy. I don't care about McMahon being embarrassed, I don't care about dX, and for me burp/fart/butt/blowjob jokes are about as amusing as a two-hour marathon of "Yes, Dear."
I've sat through some bad wrestling. I've sat through some pretty awful episodes of RAW. However, after tonight, I find myself thinking for the first time in recent memory that I'd rather not watch RAW for awhile if that's what's going to be presented on a weeky basis.
When did did Kiss Cam (that was the one after Sign of the Night that you missed, jwrestle) on Unlimited become entirely about same-sex hijinks/awakwardness?
In the real world, WWE believes that no matter what our race, religious creed or ethnic background in America, we all share the common bond of being Americans. American-Arabs are a part of the fabric of America, and they should be embraced by all of us.
No surprise to hear of the change in the ME. I'm sure they want to get the strap off RVD ASAP....Torrie/Lita was a throwaway that wasn't good while it lasted....I like the 10-man tag idea, especially the faces that don't team together often. Could've gone longer....HBK looks for Mr. Fuji while chicks take off their tops. He's so edgy!....
Highlanders got a nice pop coming out, but only a two minute match?....The implied oral sex was just a weird segment....Was that John "Big" Gaburick sitting by the door inside the production truck?....I thought Vince's mic was seriously fautly at first, because Lita's mic went in and out on Unlimited. Kind of a funny segment, though I thought they'd play Doink's music when he left....
Man, Carlito hasn't been too impressive in the ring lately, and he wasn't great to start with....Nice of WWE to re-acclimate Orton to WWE by having him leering over Brooke....The three-way was decent, and I liked the finish.
Originally posted by GugsI am SO GLAD that Edge gets another run with the belt, and hopefully this one means more than "Guy who we use to inflate Cena's number of title reigns."
(edited by Gugs on 3.7.06 2320)
Eh, who knows, maybe Cena's the guy they're using to inflate Edge's number of title reigns.
Dammit, as much as I think Edge deserves another run with the title, I can't believe RVD could be so fuckin' stupid! This was his long-anticipated main-event run with the company, and apparently he's fucked it up! My guess is that RVD never sniffs the WWE Title ever again... hopefully his ECW Title reign will go on a little longer, though.
Jeez-- I hope they don't spontaneously just write the ECW Title off of television, using revisionist history to claim that Edge won the bling belt and therefore holds both the WWE and ECW Titles, and has unified them or something.
The DX jokes wore thin very, very quickly. The main event was pretty good, though.
(edited by ekedolphin on 4.7.06 0134) "All hail King Booker!" "Aw hell, King Booker!" --William Regal and JBL, WWE SmackDown, June 23, 2006
Five-Time W of the Day (5/27/02; 7/3/02; 7/30/04; 8/28/04; 12/16/05)
The Only Five-Time (and Last) N.E.W. World Heavyweight Champion
Certified RFMC Member-- Ask To See My Credentials!
I hadn't been online in the last couple of days, so I was genuinely surprised to see Edge win the title. I guess they're going to put a new title match together for SNME because I can't imagine NBC would want RVD in the main event of the show.
The HHH/Candice orgasm skit was one of the dumbest things I've ever seen on WWE TV, though I enjoyed the rest of the DX stuff.
"You know what the fellow said: In Italy for 30 years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci and the Renaissance. In Switzerland they had brotherly love. They had 500 years of democracy and peace, and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock." --- Harry Lime (Orson Welles) in The Third Man
I really don't think a program with Hulk Hogan could be classed as a reward for anyone at this stage. Orton attemptes to carry him, Orton jobs, end of story.
To those who say people wouldn't look; they wouldn't be interested; they're too complacent, indifferent and insulated, I can only reply: There is, in one reporter's opinion, considerable evidence against that contention. But even if they are right, what have they got to lose? Because if they are right, and this instrument is good for nothing but to entertain, amuse and insulate, then the tube is flickering now and we will soon see that the whole struggle is lost. This instrument can teach, it can illuminate; yes, and it can even inspire. But it can do so only to the extent that humans are determined to use it to those ends. Otherwise it is merely wires, and lights, in a box.-Edward R. Murrow
Outside of the main event, RAW was worse than Summer of Suck '99 WCW. Throw in no Mr. Fuji payoff and Shawn's babbling when selling the T-Shirt about boring promo's you've all heard before (you know, like the guy he went back to the hotel with babbling for 4 years about being the Parcheesi or something) and I was really beginning to miss Thunder. I know the whole purpose was to punish RVD. However, if they were going to split the title belts in a triple threat, have Edge cover Cena to win the title, thus the ECW title retains its legitimacy and RVD can drop that the next night on Sci-Fi to Angle, and at the very worst you still could build to a title re-unification match between Angle and Edge. Now, the ECW Title has almost as much value as the AWA TV Title.
At this point, you could argue that the Raw title is the only title in the company with value anyway. The reason is that Smackdown and ECW just don't seem like viable brands right now. Granted, in Smackdown's case, it doesn't help that Mysterio probably has a losing record right now. But even if he was booked strongly, his championship wouldn't mean much because the shape Smackdown is in. And ECW just hasn't been really established, as of yet, as its own entity.
Establishing a strong identity for ECW is more important to building the legitimacy of the ECW title right now than how any given champion is booked. If they don't establish the brand, the champion will seem weak by default.
The Bored are already here. Idle hands are the devil's workshop. And no... we won't kill dolphins. But koalas are fair game.
-Has Rob Conway become true JTTS material? Striker's "You're crazy" comment made me laugh -- why isn't he being pushed as a heel in IC-land?
-If dX really wanted to mess with Vince's head, why not lead one of the Spirit Squad astray... maybe with Candice Michelle as the bait? That way, you've taken Vince's girl and you're breaking up one of his programs. That would have been better than "our bodily function jokes go to 11."
I forgot about this, but yeah this was surprisingly terrible. He sounded like Kelly Kelly the way he was mumbling, tripping over sentences and not making any sense. It's never a good sign when you fuck up the one thing you are good at that badly.