Well, last week I missed most of RAW because my Colts were busy beating the Steelers on Monday Night Football, but judging from what I *did* see, I didn’t miss much. Chris Masters getting a shot at the WWE Championship? John Cena retaining the title *again* when “the odds are stacked against him” with a triple-threat, no-disqualification submission match? Tyson Tomko and Snitsky getting a shot at the World Tag Team Title? And the worst crime of all last week—Trevor Murdoch defeating Shelton Benjamin. Benjamin should be competing for championships and putting on five-star matches, not jobbing to fat cowboys.
I gave some serious thought to skipping the RAW Report this week and recapping Nitro instead, but… even if RAW *does* stink this week, at least hopefully I can make it stink in a way that’s entertaining to read.
Vince and Shane said last week that tonight it would be time to take out the trash, which we’re supposed to think means they’re gonna fire Bischoff. But that’d be too obvious, wouldn’t it?
Yeah, they refuse to see the change in me, WHY WON’T THEY WAKE UP?!
We come to you live from Charleston, South Carolina. And we’re talking all about Ric Flair’s road rage arrest, on television? Why?! I guess we’ll find out tonight, because Flair will be on the Cutting Edge tonight.
In our main event, Shawn Michaels and Shelton Benjamin take on Kurt Angle and Carlito. And the inconsistent booking of Shelton continues.
“No Chance in Hell” plays, and Vinnie Mac comes out in… is that Goliath from Knight Rider? No, it’s a garbage truck. If this leads to someone getting covered in raw sewage or putrid garbage… eh. They’re quick to point out that the rear of the truck is open, so, we’ll see.
“All right last week, last week, I told EB the current GM of RAW, I told him that if he didn’t achieve his objectives, that this week it would be time to take out the trash. And unfortunately for Mr. Bischoff, he failed yet again last week, so what we have here before you ladies and gentlemen is a trash truck. The only thing that’s missing is the trash itself. So with that in mind, it’s time to face the music, so allow me to introduce to you your current general manager of RAW, Eric Bischoff!” There’s a bit of a delay, but “Back in Black” plays, and here comes Eric. Maybe they *are* gonna fire Eric, but they’re simply being more literal about “taking out the trash” than I anticipated.
There are two podiums, and a chair on a platform, in the ring, I should point out.
EB: Mr. McMahon, [“You suck” chants] Mr. McMahon, this job, this is more to me than a job, Mr. McMahon, this is—this is not about what I do. This job is about who I am. And Mr. McMahon, I—before this goes any further, I’m pleading with you to please let me keep my job as the GM of RAW.
VM: Eric, Eric, look—before you go any further, and make a bigger fool of yourself, you might ask yourself why I have two podiums out here and a chair with a raised platform. It’s because I’m a fair man. Mr. Bischoff, I think everyone should have their day in court, and I mean that literally, because for the first time ever, tonight on RAW, will be the trial of Eric Bischoff.
Vince has appointed a prosecuting attorney, a defense attorney, witnesses and such… and his defense attorney will be the Coach. Bischoff doesn’t look pleased by this one—he’s probably already updating his resume.
JC: Eric, Eric, don’t worry about it, I got this, I got this. Your Honor, Your Honor, my client Eric Bischoff is an asshole. [Eric and Vince both look stunned by this.] You cheer that, but you see, EB is not your friend, EB does not get paid to be your friend, EB gets paid to deliver the most exciting show in sports entertainment week after week and he’s done that for four years.
Coach plans to prove that not only does Bischoff deserve to keep his job, but Bischoff deserves a raise. Coach believes that Bischoff is the single greatest general manager in WWE history. Yeah, but there isn’t much competition for that, is there?
And representing the prosecution will be… Mick Foley, huh? Interesting. And he’s got a suit on for probably the first time ever… and instead of a briefcase, he has a Batman lunchbox, hee.
MF: Your Honor, I can honestly state that no one has done more to benefit RAW than Eric Bischoff. You see, several years ago when Eric was running WWE, he went out and announced that Mick Foley, wrestling as Mankind, would win the WWE Championship. He attempted to destroy the greatest night of my career.
But ironically, half a million people switched to RAW immediately, and caused WWE to win the ratings war which it would never lose since then. But Foley will prove that as general manager, he was conniving, manipulative and deceitful, and he attempted to cheat the general public, including the public “right here in Charleston, South Carolina”—cheap pop.
The court’s adjourned for the time being, but by the end of the night we’ll have a verdict, apparently.
Interesting opening, I’ll give them that.
We see a commercial for a Mario Kart DS sweepstakes in which Mercury, Nitro and Melina compete using three different Nintendo DS’s on their Wi-Fi connection. And of course, Melina is the king of Mario Kart DS. Cute commercial.
After the originally scheduled commercial break, we see a promo for Shawn Michaels’ new book, Heartbreak and Triumph: The Shawn Michaels Story, available now.
When we come back, they make a valiant effort to have a combined theme for World Tag Team Champions Big Show and Kane, and well, it was a nice try. It’ll be RAW vs. SmackDown again at Armageddon as Big Show and Kane take on Rey Mysterio and Batista. So much for the cross-brand stuff ending at Survivor Series. This is a Fatal Four-Way for the World Tag Team Title. Val Venis and Viscera, Tyson Tomko and Snitsky, and the Heart Throbs are also involved.
Viscera manages to splash Kane, but he comes face to face with Big Show and that distracts him long enough for Kane to sneak up behind him. Double-chokeslam for Viscera. Snitsky gets hit with a big boot. Romeo, Antonio and Venis are all destroyed. And this isn’t a match so much as it’s a massacre. Big Show and Kane chokeslam Antonio, Snitsky and Venis all at the same time and win the match. Styles immediately declares them “the most dominating tag-team in the history of WWE”. I’m not sure that’s the case, but they’re clearly having a lot of fun leaving a trail of bodies in their wake.
We go back to the trial, which takes place in an actual courtroom. Vince re-introduces the players, and we now have Chris Masters as the bailiff. Foley calls Stephanie McMahon as his first witness. Foley asks Stephanie if Eric comported himself properly in office, and says that she and Shane both think Bischoff should be removed. Exhibit A: Halloween 2002, in which Bischoff hides underneath a Vince mask, takes it off, and then kisses her. “Eric Bischoff impersonated my father and then violated me.” You weren’t actually fooled by that mask, were you? It’s been three years and Stephanie still hasn’t gotten the wretched taste out of her mouth. “Your honor, I object,” says the Coach. “SHUT UP!” replies Vince—“I mean, objection overruled.” Ha!
I’d find fault with this video evidence—clearly, in the middle of the kiss, Stephanie became a willing participant in it at some point. And we had a brief time in which there was some actual sexual tension between the two. Additionally, I wouldn’t call Eric’s impersonation of Vince to be all that convincing. It was a cheap rubber mask.
But it’s a damn show trial, anyway. Still, it’s got to be more entertaining to watch than the usual “15 Minutes of Crap” segment on RAW. Beats watching the Diva Search.
Coming back from commercial, we show highlights from WWE’s trip to Iraq last Christmas—and they’re going to have another Tribute to the Troops two weeks from now. We see that the coordinator of the whole thing is in attendance tonight.
Trish Stratus’ music plays, and Trish accompanies Mickie James down to the ring. Mickie will be wrestling Victoria (who’s accompanied by Torrie Wilson and Candice Michelle). Torrie brings a puppy down to the ring, which causes Lawler to make the requisite jokes. Victoria’s distracted by Trish, allowing Mickie to roll her up for two right away. Victoria quickly regains the advantage and throws Mickie to the wolves, but she fights off Torrie and Candice very easily, and when Victoria goes to help, Mickie punks her, too. But when they return to the ring, Victoria hits a powerslam, and begins an extended advantage that includes standing on Mickie for a few moments, moonsaulting her for two, and starting to work on her left wrist and arm. Mickie tries to punch her way out of the arm-lock, and a spin kick finally does it. But as soon as Mickie pauses to check her wrist, Victoria knocks her down. Mickie hits a Tornado DDT, a couple clotheslines, and some spin kicks. Torrie jumps up on the apron, and gets punked out by Mickie yet again. Mickie with another spin kick on Victoria, and she goes up top—but Candice grabs her (the star on top of her magic wand flying off in the process),
Back in the courtroom, Tajiri is testifying against Bischoff, apparently about his lack of a push. “I hope a pregnant rhinoceros shove its mighty horn up Eric Bischoff's anal crevice,” Tajiri is translated as saying. Tajiri: “I hope you get FAHRED~!” Bischoff whispers over to Coach, and Coach announces that Tajiri will be wrestling Triple H tonight. He’s not happy about that, and rushes the bench, but Masters carries him out of the courtroom.
Next witness for the prosecution is Mae Young, and if this ends in any way other than her exposing herself, I’ll eat a bug.
I’m now tuned in to Unlimited. Foley offers Mae something to drink, but she doesn’t need it—she’s got some bourbon stashed in her suit. She proceeds to drink damn near the entire bottle—after politely asking Vince if he’d like some, of course. She falls back into the chair, and Foley says, “Let the questioning begin.”
“That’s right, Eric Bischoff has no penis.” Coach objects to that, believing there’s no evidence to that fact. We see footage from Bad Blood 2003, in which Mae Young kisses Bischoff, kicks him in the nads, strips, and gives him the Bronco Buster. Mae Young shows the “cunnilingus” sign, and finally she’s out of here. Chris Masters is called to the stand, and asked his name, but before he can say another word he’s disqualified—his name is actually Chris Mordetsky, and therefore he’s disqualified.
Shawn Michaels and Shelton Benjamin are backstage preparing for their match, and they have an interesting exchange. Shawn starts out pumping up Shelton, telling him it’s his home-state crowd, and he accomplished a lot in high school and college amateur wrestling—but so far, his WWE career has amounted to a big, fat zero. Thanks for further trivializing the Intercontinental and Tag Team Titles. But he *is* getting somewhere with this—HBK, himself, has been accused of having an attitude problem, but he’s been successful. So what’s the deal with Shelton—does he want friends, or does he want success? Shelton is getting visibly more intense during this thing, and says, “You want an attitude? I’ll give you an attitude tonight, don’t worry about me.”
On Unlimited, we see footage of Chavo Guerrero’s victory over Rob Conway on Heat, and then Lance Cade comes out. Will he be facing Chavo tonight? That’d be very nice. We’ll find out upon our return!
But before we return, we see a commercial for the Abyss/Sabu Barbed Wire Massacre match at TNA Turning Point.
Coach is on his cell phone, and says that he’s been on the phone with a witness who will be here tonight, and will prove that Eric deserves to keep his job.
And yeah, Chavo’s the guy. Chavo will face Lance Cade. Cade clearly isn’t pleased by this. They lock up, Chavo gets him into the corner, Cade reverses, and hits a few kicks on Chavo. Whip into the opposite corner, Chavo makes him eat boot, and Chavo throws some punches and uppercuts. Whip into the rope reversed, but Chavo’s thrown over the top rope. Cade follows him out and slams Chavo’s back into the steel ring post. We’ve got hellafide “Eddie!” chants going on. Backbreaker gets two. Cade gets dropkicked, and European uppercutted, and Chavo starts pounding on him. But when he runs at Cade, Cade grabs him and slams him into the corner, beginning to stomp a mudhole in him. Cade sets him up for a vertical suplex, but Chavo reverses into a DDT—and he’s going up! Frogsplash connects, and that’s all she wrote!
Chavo wins, and rightfully so. I just wish it hadn’t taken Eddie’s death to get Chavo so over with the fans. He’s talented enough to have gotten over by himself.
Daivari’s on the stand, saying that Bischoff gave him a chance when no one else would, and is an honorable man, and moreover, Foley’s stint as commissioner sucked. But Vince wasn’t paying attention—he was listening to Ashlee Simpson on his new iPod—and man, she sucks. Coach offers to have Daivari repeat what he just said, but no need—Vince isn’t really that interested, anyway. And by the way, he won’t be refereeing Kurt Angle’s match tonight. So, is this trial a foregone conclusion at this point, or isn’t it? Vince declares recess, and recess means MOON PIES~! to Mick Foley.
On Unlimited, a bunch of techies come out with—is that a gigantic log? Oh, it’s a black carpet, which they quickly set up in the ring, along with two stools. They do a very quick, professional job, but I expected nothing less. Edge’s music plays, and Edge, Lita and the briefcase come out. Edge is wearing a (new?) “Rated-R Superstar” T-shirt. If his new gimmick is being controversial and pushing the envelope as much as he can, they found the right person for it. Whether that’s a compliment or not is in the eye of the beholder.
AC: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the first-ever historic edition of the Cutting Edge! You see this show is different, because we’re gonna ask the questions that everyone else is afraid to ask. We’re gonna push buttons, push the envelopes, cut to the chase. [He’s gonna say things that will piss off the locker room, but he doesn’t care.]
Everyone else on RAW is PG-13, because they’re afraid to come on the show, and rightfully so, because if they saw Edge destroy Dmitri Young at Survivor Series (that’s interesting revisionist history), they’d all wig out. But Ric Flair won’t be appearing on the show tonight, apparently on legal advice from his lawyer.
If Ric were on the show tonight, Edge would tell him that all the years he prided himself on being the dirtiest player on the game have taken their toll. He’s made more news outside of the ring than he ever did inside. He’s gone from “this”- the kiss-stealing, wheelin'-dealing, etc. son of a gun-- to "this"-—the mugshot-posing, handcuff-wearing [something else] convict. Hee.
Ric Flair’s been reduced to beating men on the street, and let’s not even get into his personal life, because—and Sgt. Slaughter and Michael Hayes (“Bartles and James”) try to cut the show, because he’s gone too far. Edge refers to them as two legends who currently earn a check by kissing Vince McMahon’s ass. There’s only one response to that, and both of them hit the ring. To Michael Hayes: “Someone told you I had a bottle of Jack Daniels and an eight-ball down here, didn’t they?” Michael says the show’s over, and he says that the kids today don’t have respect for the business that the two of them, and Ric Flair, created today. They go around with their rent-a-cars and guaranteed contracts.
“How many times have you been in the main event? How many times have you sold out the arena and turned them away? How many times have *you*… been World Champion? Let me do the math for you—ZERO!” Immediately, Edge demands that Hayes’ microphone be cut—“This is my show, cut his microphone.” And they do. Hayes tells him off-mic that it’s time for him to go. [paraphrasing] “You gonna make me?” Edge offers his chin for the first shot.
“You gonna beat me up Michael? No, because you don’t have the usual backup. You don’t have your best friend Terry Gordy. Terry Gordy’s DEAD.” Hayes loks down for a moment, and looks up in a rage. “You son of a bitch, the only reason you’ve got this show is because you’re banging Matt Hardy’s ex-girlfriend, now let’s go!” And the fight is on—culminating very shortly in both legends being laid out.
WHOA. That was an awesome segment. I don’t like Edge, but both he and Michael Hayes were *brilliant* in that segment.
Unlimited shows the two men being helped to the back, fades for a moment, and then comes back as Tajiri makes his entrance to the ring to get murdered by Triple H. I’ll put a dollar on him at 150-to-1 odds, and if he wins by DQ, dammit, *somebody* is gonna give me my $150 this week.
Coming back, the WWE Rewind shows Big Show telling Trips that he’s a piece of shit last week.
As Triple H mounts the turnbuckle for his pose, Tajiri interrupts him—underneath the advertising—and assaults him with punches and kicks. Handspring elbow is blocked by a clothesline, though, and Trips punches Tajiri in the corner before hitting a vertical suplex. Trips mocks Tajiri with a Muay Thi pose, but when he goes into the corner to attack Tajiri, Tajiri gets his foot up. He punches away on Trips, tries to apply the Tarantula, but Trips throws him out of the ring, beats on him, and rolls him back into the ring—only to get superkicked. But when Tajiri tries to capitalize, he hits a spinebuster—and the Pedigree. Triple H wins, and I’m out a dollar, but you can just take it out of the $200 you owe me from two weeks ago when I bet on Val Venis. By the way, I got that cancelled check in the mail on Saturday—thanks for that, Tribal Prophet.
Back at the trial, Coach *tries* to call Simon Dean, and indeed his music plays, but apparently The Boogeyman… ate him, or something. He appears from behind the witness stand. “Now Eric B, you listen to me. As the time grows near, the future becomes more clear—that *you* don’t belong here! I’m The Boogeyman, and I’m coming to get ya!” He smashes a clock against his skull, and goes back down.
On Unlimited, we see a bunch of horrible signs put together by the Charleston fans—though I give a half-point of creativity for the spinner WWE Title sign with the flashing lights.
Back to the show, Trips intimidates a backstage worker, and runs right into Big Show. “There you go, walking around like you’re a tough guy. Let’s see how tough you really are when you’re facing me across the other side of the ring.”
Back in the trial, Mick Foley calls Maria as a witness. She wants him to ask with Mr. Socko, and so the sock is added to the prosecutorial team. Mr. Socko asks Maria if Eric should keep his job. Maria uses at least seven or eight words that I wouldn’t have given her credit for knowing the meaning of, hee. “Malicious”, “capricious”, and so on. Essentially, he abused his power last week when he booked Maria in the “match” against Kurt Angle, and he should be removed from office.
Coach wants to call another witness, but Vince says he’s had enough witnesses, and they’re gonna recess again (no doubt meaning some more MOON PIES~! for Mick), but they’ll re-adjourn back in the ring for closing arguments.
We show a SmackDown! Rebound that talks about the Orton/Undertaker-related incidents since Survivor Series, and our wrestling main-event is next.
On Unlimited, we show highlights from Eric Bischoff’s never-ending feud with John Cena—including the firing of Chris Jericho, and we (again!) see him carried off by security in disgrace. As if it wasn’t annoying to watch the *first* six times.
WWE plugs Three Wise Guys, and then Kurt Angle comes out with Daivari in his corner, wearing a pretty nice-looking white suit. The censoring is still in effect, and still annoying. Carlito’s his tag-team partner, and call me biased, but it’s always good to see him in main-events.
And I *am* biased about this next guy—“South Carolina’s own!” Shelton Benjamin. He should be in main events all the time, instead of jobbing to fat cowboys. Hopefully that “pep talk” (if that’s the word for it) by Shawn Michaels will signal the turning of a new leaf for Shelton (or, rather, the way WWE’s been booking him).
Shawn’s out last. Shelton insists on starting the matchup, and he goes against Carlito. They tie up, Shelton keeps a headlock on him, and into an armbar, and a hammerlock. Shelton punches him, belly-to-belly suplex, and mounted punches on Carlito. Carlito is stunned as he’s thrown into the corner—but he tags in Angle, who looks eager to match up against his former protégé again. Shelton’s taken right down into an ankle hold, Shelton kicks out of it, Shelton tries for the T-Bone but Carlito interrupts, getting suplexed. Angle tries to German Suplex Shelton, but Shelton will have none of it, and he throws him from the ring. Shawn is all “That’s what I’m talking about!” as we go to commercial.
On Unlimited, Angle, Carlito and Daivari are conferencing outside the ring as a *massive* “Shelton! *bum bum*” chant comes from the crowd. Carlito’s tagged in, Angle goes over to the neutral corner and distracts Shelton to help Carlito gain the advantage briefly, but when he tries to catapult Shelton out of the corner, Shelton lands on his feet. Clothesline, and Carlito’s dragged into the face corner, where Shawn’s tagged in. Carlito and Shawn exchange punches, and Shawn chops him around but eats [I don’t remember what kinda move], and Angle’s tied in. Shawn is throwing Angle into the corner as we cut out.
Back on USA, Carlito’s the legal man again now, and exchanges punches with Shawn. Shelton’s tagged in, but Daivari distracts him, allowing Angle to hit Shelton from behind. Angle’s tagged in, stomps a mudhole in Shelton in the corner, but when Angle picks him up, Shelton punches him several times. Thrown into the ropes, and Angle hits an overhead BTB. Carlito’s tagged in again, more punchy-kicky, Shelton tries to break out of it by hitting Carlito in the gonads a few times, but can’t quite make it to his partner. Angle’s tagged in, German Suplex for Shelton, and Angle applies a rear waistlock on Shelton on the mat. They get up, Angle tries to hit the Angle Slam, but Shelton reverses into a DDT.
Both men are down, both partners are looking for tags, and the referee’s up to “nine” before HBK and Carlito are both tagged in. Flying burrito, inverted atomic drop, clothesline, clothesline, scoop slam, punch for Angle knocks him off the apron, and HBK heads up top for the Macho Man Elbow. And now it’s time to charge up the superkick, because that’s the finale of the Seven Moves of Doom. HBK tunes up the band, but Shelton blind-tags himself in. He goes for the high cross-body, but misses, and while Shawn looks at him in disbelief, Carlito rolls him up for three. Shawn looks disgusted, but he extends a hand to Shelton. Shelton’s so disappointed in himself that he doesn’t take it—and when HBk goes over to talk to him, Shelton pushes him away forcefully. HBK’s giving him the eyes, and is clearly trying very hard not to lose his cool, as Shelton leaves the ring.
We see a replay, and then a limousine rolls up, with Vince and Stephanie inside it. Triple H comes up and says that he thinks Eric Bischoff should stay general manager, because he’d rather deal with the devil he knows than the devil he doesn’t. Vince rightly replies that Trips just wants Eric on RAW because he can manipulate him. “Well, yeah,” Triple H admits, but before he can get in another word, Vince says he’ll take that under deliberation—and then “introduces” him to Stephanie (who hadn’t been in frame with Triple H the entire time until just then. “Hi,” says Stephanie. “Hi,” says Triple H. They share a meaningful look.
Back on Unlimited, the garbage truck is returned to his position in the entryway, the RAW theme plays, and Vince McMahon comes down, followed by Mick Foley, and then Eric Bischoff and his attorney Jonathan Coachman.
Back to USA now.
VM: “All right, the trial of Eric Bischoff will come to a close right after these closing arguments.”
Mick Foley will keep it short and sweet—“From HLA to Daivari’s appointment as Kurt Angle’s referee, EB has abused his power for far too long. We’ve got the truck, for the love of God, let’s use it, Your Honor, it’s time to take out the trash.”
Coach begins to speak, but Eric decides to represent himself. “You may consider my tenure to be a joke, but I don’t.” He admits that he’s done some horrible things, some of them to Vince’s own family, but controversy creates cash, and Eric has created a ton of both. “I don’t give a damn about these people, but I do care, I do care about their money. As I’ve proven time and time again, Eric Bischoff knows how to separate the people from their cash.” As proof, there are two words he wants to use: “Elimination Chamber.” It’s spiked PPV buyrates, it’s been in games and merchandising, and he even wants to use it for the next RAW pay-per-view (New Year’s Revolution?) Eric and Vince are both hated in the industry, but they’re both respected, they overcome obstacles and get things done. “So Vince what do you say? Please, let me keep my job as general manager of RAW, and together you and I will make a fortune!” Convincing argument.
“You’ve made some really good points. I’ll certainly have to take all this into consideration, no doubt about that.” And, yeah, I thought someone was conspicuously absent from RAW—here comes John Cena.
Cena: “All right, everyone just relax—Mr. McMahon, Your Honor, Judge McMahon, I’m not out here to tell *you* what I think of Eric Bischoff. Everyone already knows I think he’s a jackoff. I’m out here because Eric Bischoff thinks he’s a great man. But this great man has taken away the best part of Monday Night RAW.” When Kurt Angle comes down to the ring, the “you suck!” chants are censored. Cena says that Vince is an advocate of free speech, and Eric Bischoff is a pioneer of censorship. So Cena wants to admit the fans’ testimony—“should Eric Bischoff remain the general manager?” “NO!” “Do you want to see Eric Bischoff get fired?” “YES!” “It seems to me the people here have summed up your career in two letters—F-U!”
But Vince now asks the people if they’d like to see the WWE Championship defended in an elimination chamber. It’s 60/40 in favor. So everyone will see it, but Eric Bischoff will not—“YOU’RE FIRED! Take out the trash!” F-U for Bischoff, and Vince helps him up—only to scoop him and throw him into the garbage truck. They even *close* the compactor, hee. So it’s official, there will be a new general manager of RAW—but they don’t announce one yet.
DASCOOL!: The (wrestling) main event, the pep-talk Shelton got from Michaels and the possibility of an ongoing storyline with that. The trial had a funny moment from Maria in which she actually, for once, acted like she had a brain—bringing up the question of whether, the entire time, she’d simply been portraying a clueless character very, very well (as I’ve suspected for a little while now). Also, the Cutting Edge segment was fantastic. Edge really *will* say anything. And it’s always good to see Chavo.
YOU SUCK!: I could have done without seeing Mae Young’s bare ass today.
WHAT?!: For the second week in a row, they promise a Cutting Edge segment with such-and-such guest, and either the show doesn’t happen or the guest doesn’t show up. But don’t get me wrong, I think what they came up with instead was incredible.
(edited by ekedolphin on 5.12.05 2340) "You talk tough and you get so intense that you almost make sense, and that's what scares me the most." --"Cold War" (from Kilroy Was Here), Styx
Four-Time W of the Day (5/27/02; 7/3/02; 7/30/04; 8/28/04)
The Only Five-Time (and Last) N.E.W. World Heavyweight Champion
Certified RFMC Member-- Ask To See My Credentials!
- Bischoff’s facial expressions in the opening were great. After The Coach went to the Kevin Lomax defense for Bisch in his opening statement, Eric’s incredulous “What? Asshole?!?” reaction was tremendous. Between that and rolling his eyes at Mick’s shot at him for the whole title change thing as if to say “God, this again” – Bischoff put in a great performance.
- Mickie James’ EVIL LOOK~! was the highlight of the night. The Divas continue to be the best reason to tune into Raw, even if tonight’s match was lackluster.
- Gratuitous shot at Ashlee Simpson! Hey Vince, you’re the one with her on your iPod jackball!
- Is the Cutting Edge segment over yet? Michael Hayes should not try to emote, his “rueful pose” after the inevitable Terry Gordy reference made me laugh. Lita is like the World’s Worst Kathie Lee Gifford.
- I love the unintentional subtlety in the HBK-Shelton altercation. Shawn feels wronged, so rather than break up the pin (he was a step and a half away!) he stands there and takes the loss. Even trying to be the “wronged babyface” he is a self-righteous jerk.
- I’m not even going to bother with HHH’s superfluous “#1 guy in the company crack” – it was begging for McMahon to calmly say “Not a bad idea, have you seen John Cena?”
Like eke said, the opening segment was at least interesting, perhaps keeping people at least semi-tuned in to see what would happen...Hey, the tag division sucks again! That was quick. Maybe a reformation of "3 Minute Warning" can try and stop the two monsters?....I've seen better women's matches than Mickie/Victoria. I was expecting a bit more. It does seem they started the "Mickie turning on Trish" part of the angle tonight....
Mae Young. Used sporadically, she's pretty funny. And Chris Mordeski? Now that Vince has "outed" him, does it mean no more "Masters"?....eke- I don't think Shawn was devaluing the IC title- just trying to get Shelton pumped and angry, and ignored the IC Title reign to make his point....Chavo/Cade was okay, and I am still mystified as to why they broke Cade/Murdoch up. Neither is better off for it....
The Daivari courtroom segment was perhaps the funniest, from Vince listening to Ashlee to Mick and his moon pies...."Everyone" is calling Edge "The R-rated superstar"? Since when? I do think that is an interesting way to go with him, and I loved his segment with Michael Hayes. Great job on the mic from both....
When Simon Dean didn't come out, I thought he couldn't open the door because he was on his scooter....Maria's segment was pretty good too....The main event tag was good, and boy does Vince have a big ego (yeah, like we didn't know). I was hoping they'd name a replacement this week.
I really hope Bischoff's firing sticks. I know he's really good at what he does, but the show desperately needed a change after 3.5 years of seeing the same thing over and over again.
My favorite part of the night was the Boogeyman segment. While the promo was good in that creepy-funny way, it was the little things that made it. I nearly lost it laughing on the floor when they showed everyone in the courtroom reacting with fear (complete with Vince throat-bob) except for Mick Foley, who continued to calmly eat his MOON PIES~! at the prosecutor's table. :D
smark/net attack Advisory System Status is: Elevated (Holds; July 5, 2005) It's good to see that the WWE isn't backing away from Batista or Cena. There's still some questions lingering over a few of the draft moves they either made or didn't make (Jericho being a prime example), but the stage is set for a solid run to Summerslam that may send the indicator down. The longer Triple H stays away is also a plus...
Vince throwing Bischoff in a garbage truck in the Carolinas. The only thing that would have made Vince even happier was if he could do that to Jim Crockett. Since the 5 year mark is approaching on the death of WCW, can Vince move on. He won, we know. Please God, don't let Love Story Part II: Birth of the Spawn occur. Only problem with the Hayes vs. Edge segment is that probably 95% of the fans don't know who the Freebirds were, as they were in the WWF for 1 week. Plus, Hayes needed to use the term Badstreet at least once in return for the Terry Gordy shot being used. And, considering Slaughter was the former World Champ in the ring, he should have been the one who made the No World Titles comment. Only took a couple of weeks for the "Eddie is Dead" cheap heat tactic to be used by a heel in a match involving Kerwin, I mean Chavo. Was it worth ruining the Maria running joke on this? At least they are finally starting to move towards a Shelton Benjamin heel turn. Paul Wight must be overdosing on Lex Luger Brand Heel/Face Turn pills, as he changes from segment to segment.
Any complaints about the preceding post can be directed at the time traveling aliens who edited it.
Foley, his moonpies, and RC Cola made this show for me.
Overall, the court segments were mostly humorous for me. The Boogeyman and Maria had nice spots at the stand. The entire thing was just so badly acted that it made it humorous. Also glad that it looks that they have some direction to go in with Shelton.
Originally posted by redsoxnationOnly problem with the Hayes vs. Edge segment is that probably 95% of the fans don't know who the Freebirds were, as they were in the WWF for 1 week.
Was it never mentioned when he accompanied the Hardy's?
When Stephanie was testifying on the stand and they showed the clip of her and Eric in the deep passionate embrace, I was immediately riveted to my TV. Was it really possible that after 3 years they were finially going to pick up on that storyline that had been completely dropped and forgotten after that night in 2002 ?
But alas, it looks like it was just a flashback and nothing more. : (
Note: But it was kinda nice seeing Stephanie in that witches costume once again.
"Oh it's on like Donkey Kong !!!" - Stifler, American Wedding
Micheal Hayes never thought the day would come again where people like you and i actually marked out for him. He was amazing on the Mic tonight, stole the show from my standpoint. Reminded me a bit of Jake the Snake, don't know why..
the trial was so obviously "produced", but nevertheless, it was pretty funny.
i hope they don't get rid of bischoff, perhaps they can book him in a revenge angle of some sort...
honestly, raw hasn't entertained that much in a long time.
The whole court room scene was horrid. With Masters standing there with no shirt on it started looking like a bad porn.
Although Mick Foley's "Recess rule" with the Moonpies and RC was great.
Michael Hayes was awesome on the mic. He has gained a few pounds over the years though.
Big Show: Why is he getting the Intercontinental Title shot and not me? RVD: Ahhh...maybe 'cause you're a tool. Big Show: Look. I am 7'2". I am 500 pounds. I'm a giant. RVD: Oh ok. You're a giant tool.
Originally posted by redsoxnationOnly problem with the Hayes vs. Edge segment is that probably 95% of the fans don't know who the Freebirds were, as they were in the WWF for 1 week. Plus, Hayes needed to use the term Badstreet at least once in return for the Terry Gordy shot being used.
I can personally assure you that Carolina fans know exactly who the Freebirds are from the NWA/WCW days. At the very least, we are still haunted by Hayes constantly doing the worst white-man moonwalk in the history of God.
Between the Seattle Slaughter, Bravo showing "Chicago" and an episode-long skit, me and the missus were not watching this entire episode. For instance, there's no way I'll watch a diva match when I can watch the "When You're Good To Mama" and "The Cell Block Tango." If Victoria and Trish want my attention these days, I demand singing.
Is Joey Styles intentionally saying "CarlitA" when talking about him? The Lovely Mrs. Tracker noticed it a few weeks back. The ending of his tag match was lame, and I again wonder why this guy has a job. Can anyone else they bring in from OVW or SmackDown not do what he does: carry a tag match, work slow-burn offense, and win by cheating or exploiting a bad move? I applauded the end of the Cabana, but I have to say now its absence deprives him of his only strength -- talking. I do like the use of the Shawn/Shelton qualifying match to spark a heel turn, but I don't see this accomplishing anything more then the Shawn/Edge feud. Edge cheated and complained, but Shawn is the guy still in the main event while Edge is a high midcard at best, no matter how many gimmicks (the show, the valet, the briefcase) they give him.
"To be the man, you gotta beat demands." -- The Lovely Mrs. Tracker
I've seen a couple posts asking "who is the new GM going to be?" I thought that was made clear last week -- Vince was going to replace him with Shane. Wasn't the setup for Shane's intro Bischoff saying "there's no one who could do a better job" and Vince replying "yes there is ... and here he is"? I thought it was pretty clear from that if Bischoff left, Shane-o-Mac would return as the GM.
Originally posted by HokienauticI've seen a couple posts asking "who is the new GM going to be?" I thought that was made clear last week -- Vince was going to replace him with Shane. Wasn't the setup for Shane's intro Bischoff saying "there's no one who could do a better job" and Vince replying "yes there is ... and here he is"? I thought it was pretty clear from that if Bischoff left, Shane-o-Mac would return as the GM.
Yeah. But what I was getting at (and maybe what other people meant, as well) is that Shane seems like such an obvious choice that Vince might be pulling a bait and switch. After all, we didn't see Shane officially appointed as the general manager immediately after the trash was taken out last night, and WWE.com did post messages from fans suggesting who'd make a great GM. Debra, Bret Hart, Stone Cold Steve Austin and Mick Foley were among the names suggested by fans.
Shane seems to be a foregone conclusion, but he hasn't been named the guy yet, so the possibility still exists that it might be someone else.
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Shane is always the first choice when they want to tease a new GM. Usually, they pull the bait and switch and go with someone else. We shall see if that's whats happening here.
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I had forgotten how entertaining Michael PS Hayes could be. He was gold on the mic, and did FAR more for Edge in that segment than Lita ever could. In fact, I think a borderline alcoholic, old school wrestler who's stuck in 1983 would be a pretty entertaining GM.
Given the WWE's new relationship with WCCW/ Kevin Von Erich, the timing is **perfect** to give Hayes a push and familiarize the WWE fanbase with the Freebird persona and history. In fact, it makes such perfect sense... that I'm sure it'll never happen.
Big Show: Why is he getting the Intercontinental Title shot and not me? RVD: Ahhh...maybe 'cause you're a tool. Big Show: Look. I am 7'2". I am 500 pounds. I'm a giant. RVD: Oh ok. You're a giant tool.
Essentially, he just gave up. It seems he belongs in a breed of wrestler who once they reach a certain point...just stop trying. Billy Gunn Big Show Road Dog Rick Steiner etc... They stop trying? I stop caring.