FOOTAGE! of HHH, Mark Henry's attempt, and Bautista.
Why won't they wake up? Did the whole daylight-savings-time thing screw-up their internal clocks? It's time for Raw, live from Fayetteville, NC...and a Fashion Report, too! The ramp is camera right, and a steel cage is suspended over the ring.
Evolution - Flair, in black turtleneck and black slacks, Bautista in black tshirt and grey slacks, and Randy in tan shirt (top three undone) and black slacks. Flair gets the mic...as is proper. Then Bautista and Randy follow-up. Bischoff, in black leather jacket, black tshirt and blue jeans, with a package, is out to be all heelish. Woah - you CAN'T do away with the 30-day rule. This brings out Austin, in black sleeveless "F0CK Fear" tshirt, similar baseball cap, jean shorts, and kneebraces, is out to stand-up for the rules? He also books Goldberg vs. HHH at Survivor Series. Bautista threatens Austin; meanwhile Jindrak and Cade, in red undies, get some shots in on Flair and Orton.
WOAH - did you guys get that Craftmatic commercial, too? That is messed-up wierd.
Trish, in white bra, and LIta, in black bra, talk in the lockerroom. Trish is smitten by Chris, but Lita is wary of Christian!, so she'll investigate.
Booker, in black hot-crotch flamin' "BookerT" undies, vs. Rico (already in the ring), in white tights with maroon/purple tassles, with Jackie, in pink. Hebner wears the stripes. Scissors kick to pin. Rico is such a jobber. Post-match, Jericho, in blue/pink silhoutte shirt and pink/black tights, question's Booker's motivations. Oh, and Christian! and Steiner come down. The cage (slowly) lowers for the 3-on-1 beatdown, but Rob, with chair, makes the save. Rob aligns himself with Team Austin.
In the back, Jericho and Bisch strategize. Bisch books Rob vs. Jericho.
Mark Henry, in white singlet with red slashes, with Teddy, in grey suit with white shirt, blabbing, vs. Lance, in red undies. Chioda referees. But Shawn, in black HBK-fishy tshirt, with the superkick, causes a DQ.
In the back, John Heidenreich and Hurricane meet with Rosie. What kind of explaination about Little Johnny could take THAT long? (But we know for sure it's NOT his son.) Meanwhile, Lita confronts Christian!; he has a crutch. Also, meanwhile, Coach tries to scare Shane.
Hurricane, in black "H" cape and black/green getout, and John Heidenreich, in gold fullcuts with black stripes, vs. La Resistance, Rene in black "La Resistance" undies, sparkly blue coat and beret, Conway in black "Conway" undies with gold butt-wings, carrying the French flag. Basically Hurricane bumps a lot so John can come in, pick up guys, and dump them. WedgieDrop to the pin. An average match.
Shane, in red "ShaneOMac" jersey and black warmup pants, vs. Test, in black shortsleeves and worn jeans, with crutch and Stacie, in black skirt and black top with red feathers. Chioda referees. Test spends the match calling for help while Shane beats him. Trashcan-aided Coast to Coast kick to a pin. A long, plodding, bad match. Post-match, a long, plodding, bad promo by Shane. Oh, and the Survivor Series match is now an "Ambulance Match".
Trish, in black tied-up top, black pants, and black/red sparkly trenchcoat, vs. Victoria, in teardrop-open black top and black pants, with Stevie, in pink "Stevie Night Heat" fullcuts, vs. Lita, in red tanktop and khaki shorts vs. Gail, in tak lace-up bikini top and hotpants (with Victoria's music). Charles Robinson, in stripes, referees. Molly, in black leather jacket, lowcut red shirt, jeans, and LIPSTICK? watches on the stage. ANd is that blush? And curly hair? Lita with the DDT on Victoria for the pin.
In the back, Coach gets makeup. Oh, Janet, in black, WHY did you have to let Molly mar that beautious visage of hers with such trampy makeup?
Coach, in blue/grey polo, with "The Coach's Book Review" podium, gives his book report from the stage. Shill Austin's book while remaining in character. Austin interrupts so he can yadda yadda.
In the back, Terri, in pink, interviews Jindrak and Cade. They argue until Shawn arrives to mentor them. The younguns leave and Teddy arrives to have a word with Shawn. The book a match for next week - Shawn vs. Mark Henry. THEN Bisch arrives with the rentacops to escort Shawn out. Wow - that was ALL ONE SHOT!
JR, in greenish sportscoat, black shirt and black hat, and King, in black "Wrestlemania XX" tshirt, thank us for watching.
Jindrak and Cade, both still in their red undies, vs. Flair in blue "Nature Boy" robe with silver sequins, red "RF" undies thereunder, Randy in black "Orton" undies with red/silver hip bolts, with Bautista. Later, Maven comes down to ringside, too. Maven interference + a handful of tights allows Jindrak to get the pin on Flair. An average match. Post-match beatdown on the younguns. They ARE anti-Evolution (Creationists?).
Jericho, in same tights, vs. Rob, in black/green "RVD" singlet, the belt over his shoulder. Hebner referees. Bisch comes out to distract Earl. Walls of Jericho to a submission. A poor match. Austin comes out and books an on-the-spot Steel Cage Match. But first Adbreak! Rob by escape. Post-match Christian! and Steiner out for a beatdown. The Dudleys area out to make the save. Mark Henry is out to beatdown, THEN BookerT climbs the cage and jumps onto three men! As we fade out, Jericho, bloodied, perched on the cage, watches the carnage.
Overall: Except for the over-long Shane segment, a nice show.
Eh, a pretty uninspiring show. The ME and after-match extracurriculars were good, and the Helms/Heidenreich vs. Les Res was decent when Helms was in there. Other than that, not much else really grabbed me.
And, whooooooooo boy, does Heidenreich *SUCK*. Didn't stop JR from giving him the hoss blowjob, though.
I thought the show was pretty decent overall, so no real complaints at this time from me... EXCEPT--
Can somebody PLEASE tell me how this Kane/Shane feud is supposed to make sense? Why is it that Shane is made to look like a bigger monster than Kane? Jeebus!
Anyway, the end of show brawl was good, and at least they're trying to make an honest effort out of putting Mark Henry high up on the card. I'm not saying it'll work, but I'll give WWE props for giving it a go anyway.
Oh, and I want to see victoria vs. Molly NOW. Lita? Eh. Glad she's back, but Victoria is the best in the women's division to me. My future wife deserves GOLD, baby!
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Personally, I thought the best part of the main event was Booker's dive off of the cage at the end. I can appreciate the fact that they wanted to throw out something unexpected by having two title changes back to back, but the ending of the first one was horrible. Eric was supposed to get to the ref to keep him from breaking the hold, but RVD wasn't even at the ropes yet. On the upside, Y2J now ties Jeff Jarrett as a 6 time IC champ, and RVD has 5. But how was this match supposed to do anything for the IC belt? It needs prestige after being inactive for six months, tHHHanks to you know who.
And....was I just seeing things, or did Maven TOTALLY miss that clothesline? Good thing it was Flair, who can improvise.
Test yelling for Kane every 2 seconds was horrible. An awful match, and i actually liked the love her or leave her match in 99, sorry, anyways, the spot with the ddt on the trash can was nice. An ambulance match? Kane will be known as "the career killer" Kane Awesome after survivor series. Molly was hot!!! Oh and Jericho on top of the cage was a nice touch. Now it's Jericho/Christian/Stiener/Henry Vs. Dudleyz/Booker/RVD (sounds kind of like the team from invasion) i think they will be added Michaels, but who will be added for Bisch? Bisch himself? Survivor Series is shaping up nicely, and what's the deal with little johnny? gross.
Do you think of me...do you dream of me?...I always dream about you...
Another good RAW tonight, IMO. However, that Shane/Test/Kane segment nearly killed the show for me. Shane McMahon beating Test (even with a broken foot) cleanly and somewhat easily is ridiculous. TEST is the wrestler (make jokes all you want). Shane is nothing more than the boss' son! Having Shane look stronger than the monster Kane is about a hundred times worse. Shane McMahon is nothing more than a 30 year old backyard wrestler. THAT'S IT! He has no business even being a WWE wrestler, much less the most dominating looking one. People can complain about Triple H never losing and always looking dominant all they want, but at least he's a wrestler. Shane is an XPW mid-carder at best. ARRRGGH! This booking get's on my nerves.
Other than that, however, really no complaints. I'm not too thrilled that Lita was the one to get the title match at the PPV, but she's the one with the comeback and the new book, so I guess it makes sense. I'm not a huge Batista fan, but at least they seem to be handling him right so far. And Survivor Series looks to be shaping up into a pretty loaded card.
Hey, Shawn Michaels v. Mark Henry next week? I AM SO THERE!!!
The first segment wasn't too bad, except the best talker amongst the three (Flair) talked the least. Nice to see Austin play off of Flair's over-the-top reactions....Trish and Lita in the locker room was soap-opera style acting. AKA: not good....Poor Rico, gets the "already in the ring" treatment. That can't be a good sign. If he were 5 or 10 years younger, you can bet he'd be getting a nice push. Match was too short to amount to anything....Mark Henry v.s Lance Storm: second verse, same as the first. I never thought I'd see the day when Michaels feuded with Henry....I don't think I even wanna know who "Little Johnny" is....Hurricane/Heidenreich v.s La Resistance was, well, there. Heidenreich did NOT look smooth....
Shane v.s Test. I must say, this has to be one of the WORST segments I've seen on RAW. Seriously. Shane makes ANOTHER wrestler look beneath him. Then, we get the seemingly 15 minute wait for Kane. When he finally DOES come out, he looks like a wuss for not accepting Shane's challenge for a fight right there. This did NOTHING for anyone except Shane-O-Mac, surprise surprise....The 4-way women's match was okay, nothing we haven't seen before though. Molly was smokin' tonight....The Coach book review: why? Honestly, I switched to the MNF game....The Green Monkeys are STILL not over....The Main Event was okay, would've been better had Jericho won the title. I don't get why they don't try to go out the door more often. Overall, this was (in my opinion) one of the worst RAW's I've seen in a while. Just brutal. Must've been the lack of Triple H.
Heidenreich wasn't half as awful as I was expecting. That is to say he didn't stumble half as far as poor Nathan Jones did on his kick of death
Rest of the show wasn't bad.....wasn't good, but wasn't bad. But what the hell was with the payoff to this Shane/Kane feud? Shane burns Kane alive, Kane electrocutes Shane, Shane nearly kills Kane in a speeding car crash, and then Shane's big finale is "I'm going to put you in a hospital?"
I mean like, wasn't he just in one two weeks ago....? Gee, scare him why don't you.....
Anybody can kick people's asses. But it takes a true monster to kick people's asses AND breastfeed at the same time - Excalibur05
It certainly did look like Maven whiffed that clothesline, but the camera angles changed so quickly (and it's late and I'm too lazy to rewind the tape) that I couldn't really tell.
Batista doing the "L" on the forehead in the opening gabfest? Someone tell him that monsters generally don't use junior-high-school taunts. I give them credit for not just forgetting the Jindrak-n-Cade/Evolution feud, though.
Poor Test. Not only did he get his foot broken, not only is he booked to look like an idiot, but he gets to hobble his way through a match just to job to Shane.
La Resistance 1.5 is starting to look pretty good, dumb gimmick aside. Heidenreich's bicycle kick made me deeply appreciate the smoothness and fluidity of A-Train's. And no, I'm serious. What was that finisher? It looked like a spinning Rock Bottom, but JR called it a chokeslam variation. Of course, I know better than to trust JR's move calls.
RVD/Jericho was a lot like the Benoit/Angle confrontation on the last Smackdown -- I knew it would be a good match, but I've seen it so many times by this point I couldn't really care. Still, it served its purpose, building up for Survivor Series.
"I do have a degree in electrical engineering... from almost 20 years ago. Punchcard systems were just becoming obsolete, we had rotary phones in the dorms, and a modem was still a gizmo the size of a shoebox into which you squooshed the phone receiver itself. In short, we lived like animals.
The instant obsolesence is why I became a writer. The rate of punctuation in a sentence doesn't double every 18 friggin' months, and you never have some 22-year-old looming over your shoulder, shaking his head, saying "dude... you're still using adverbs...?"
*** Test now has my respect. Regardless of what you think about his personality, Test deserves our respect for wrestling with a broken foot. Sure, it sucked, but that was not his fault.
*** Shawn Micheals totally carried that backstage segment. Without his acting skill, it would have been kinda cheesy, but Shawn acting annoyed by Long and Bischov made it entertaining for me.
*** Lance Storm's skill kept my attention during his match. As an aside: MARK HENRY - GET A CUP! I would so be giving him low blows - just so he would start wearing some protection. Ahem, getting back to Storm, JR's comment about him being from Calgary was very respectful.
*** I don't mind Maven's blown spot, if only because I feel it adds to the realism. Bischov's blown spot, however, was not good, because he apparently has precognition, and that took away from the realism.
And if you think that its fake try to receive a chokeslam, a sweet chin music or a spear without scream or drop a tear..
Hurricane asked Heidenwhosy who Little johnny was, and Heidenwhosy took about 10 minutes to whisper it to Hurricane. Hurricane then told Roosevelt Somethingorother (who will never, ever meet Gregory Helms) that people thought he (Cane) was a freak. So, either Heidenwhosy really likes to talk about his dick, or it's actually possible that Little Johnny isn't Heidenwhosy's dick.
Josh Beckett is God. If you don't believe me, ask the Yankees (or what's left of them after Georgie Porgie goes nuts).
Man, when I saw Molly I started doing the math about how long ago Michaels made that "Sunny Days" comment, because she certainly looked like the love-child of Bret Hitman Hart and Sunny. Of course, for some odd reason that just made her look even hotter.
I'm just getting sick of Shane kicking everyone's ass. The guy is 5'5, 130 pounds, and he's booked to be a combination of Hulk Hogan, The Ultimate Warrior, Poker Face, and The Undertaker. For Christ's sake, he's a bigger "Unstoppable Monster" than Kane!
I almost thought I saw something (metal bar maybe) hit the mat from Maven's hand after he hit Flair. It was fast, but I'm assuming if something was there Flair missed it too and was expecting the clothesline. Good to see Flair have to pull the other guy over on top of himself by his tights though to get to the final pin. God, Flair's had his work cut out for him having to train 6 rookies a night for the last month or two.
Wrestling exists in the eternal present. What is, has always been, and when it no longer is, it never was. It has no past and no future, and sometimes even today is in question. - Madame Manga
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I suppose I could post it here if you still want to read it. What do you say? Edit: I turned my pop-up blocker off, and I didn't get a single pop-up from that link. Although I did get a cookie attempt from *this* page from zelda.