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The W - Baseball - Randall Simon: Supermoron
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Grimis
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Since: 11.7.02
From: MD

Since last post: 1272 days
Last activity: 1069 days
#1 Posted on | Instant Rating: 7.29
Simon booked after hitting Brewers' racing sausage
BEN WALKER, AP Baseball Writer Thursday, July 10, 2003


The Italian sausage was a hit with Randall Simon.

In a bizarre scene during the popular sausage race at Miller Park, the Pittsburgh first baseman took his bat and delivered a two-handed chop that knocked over a woman dressed in costume Wednesday night.

Simon was booked for misdemeanor battery and released after the Milwaukee Brewers beat the Pirates 2-1 in 12 innings. He will meet with the district attorney's office Thursday, and it will be up to prosecutors to determine whether formal charges are filed.

"It was very strange," Pirates outfielder Reggie Sanders said.

The race is a fan favorite at Miller Park. Held between the sixth and seventh innings, people dress up as a bratwurst, hot dog, Polish sausage and Italian sausage and run around the field.

As the group went past Pirates' third-base dugout, Simon reached over a railing and hit the Italian sausage character from behind, causing the 20-year-old woman wearing the outfit to tumble. When she fell, the woman portraying the hot dog also went down.

"They both were treated at the scene for scraped knees, but at this point I don't think they have any other complaints," said Deputy Inspector Sherry Warichak of the Milwaukee County Sheriff's Department.

Pirates outfielder Reggie Sanders said he thought the weight of the head on the sausage costume contributed to the fall.

"It maybe made it look worse than it was," Sanders said. "It was an unfortunate situation and, hopefully, it gets resolved."

The Brewers wound up winning on Wes Helms' infield hit with two outs in the 12th.

Brooks Kieschnick, a slugger who always had trouble making contact, earned his first victory since reviving his career as a reliever.

Kieschnick (1-1) singled as a pinch-hitter in the 11th, then pitched a hitless 12th for the victory.

"I can't even describe it. I'm so excited," Kieschnick said. "This was a good, all-around win for us."

In other NL games, Arizona beat San Diego 8-3, Colorado stopped San Francisco 11-7, Philadelphia blanked Montreal 2-0, Chicago defeated Florida 5-1, Houston routed Cincinnati 12-2, Los Angeles edged St. Louis 6-5, and Atlanta topped New York 6-3.

Simon was booed by many fans when he came up as a pinch-hitter in the seventh inning. He grounded out.

Later, the two women inside the costumes and Simon were interviewed at the stadium.

Rick Schlessinger, the Brewers' executive vice president for business operations, said he was in contact with Larry Silverman, vice president/baseball legal counsel for the Pirates.

Schlessinger called Simon's action "one of the most despicable things I've seen in a ballpark in a long time."

Ryan Borghoff, portraying the bratwurst, said Simon "just hit the costume and she fell over."

"These things are so top-heavy that it doesn't take much," he said.

With the Italian sausage and hot dog down and out, Borghoff went on to win the race.

"Somebody had to, I guess," he said.

The Brewers won the game after Richie Sexson drew a two-out walk in the 12th and took third on John Vander Wal's single.

Helms, who like Vander Wal was 0-was-5 until the last inning, followed with a slow grounder. Third baseman Aramis Ramirez charged the ball but failed to come up with it cleanly.

"I didn't like it because it was probably a pitch I should not have swung at 2-1," Helms said. "I can't complain about a game-winning single."

Joe Beimel (1-2) took the loss.






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Big Bad
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Since: 4.1.02
From: Dorchester, Ontario

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#2 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.54
Well, at least people will now remember Simon for something other than the butt of John Rocker's racism.



Over 1650 posts and still never a Wiener of the Day! But I'm not bitter!


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Since: 11.12.01
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#3 Posted on | Instant Rating: 8.21


Just goes to show that Simon will swing at anything!



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JayJayDean
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Since: 2.1.02
From: Seattle, WA

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#4 Posted on
My favorite thing two things on this:

John Clayton: "Simon's hitting .272, by the way. 1.000 against the sausage."

Current ESPN.com link verbiage (bold added by me): "Sausage beater Simon booked for battery"

I didn't think it was that bad and I certainly think the Milwaukee authorities are WAAAY overreacting.





Washington Huskies, 2003 Pac-10 football champs. Coming soon.
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Since: 2.1.02
From: Getting Rowdy

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#5 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.00
That was the most excellent piece of SportsCenter footage in a long time. I mean... where does that come from? Who decides to plunk the mascot with a baseball bat? Comic brilliance.



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James F'n X
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Since: 2.1.02
From: Seattle, WA

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#6 Posted on
John Clayton's a friggin genius. This has been the best morning show in quite a while. The Salt Lake City luge quote = uber.




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The Thrill
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Since: 16.4.02
From: Green Bay, WI

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#7 Posted on


"America may have some problems, but it's our home. Our team. And if you don't wanna root for your team...then you should get the hell out of the stadium. Go America." --Stan Marsh, South Park


Speaking as a lifetime Wisconsinite...you DO NOT f*ck with the sausage race. It's an old tradition in Milwaukee. Some Brewers pitcher should've beaned this dude straight in the mush...or at the very least have Bernie Brewer drag him up to the chalet and pull a Taker/Mankind HItC spot. Hell, same city.

Of course, I kid...but it seriously is old-school tradition up here. Besides, here in Wienerville, shouldn't a sausage race be sacred?

(EDIT: Sure didn't take ESPN.com's Page 2 long to hop on this thing.)

(edited by The Thrill on 10.7.03 1638)


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Since: 24.7.02

Since last post: 481 days
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#8 Posted on

    Originally posted by The Thrill
    Speaking as a lifetime Wisconsinite...you DO NOT f*ck with the sausage race. It's an old tradition in Milwaukee. Some Brewers pitcher should've beaned this dude straight in the mush...or at the very least have Bernie Brewer drag him up to the chalet and pull a Taker/Mankind HItC spot. Hell, same city.

    Of course, I kid...but it seriously is old-school tradition up here. Besides, here in Wienerville, shouldn't a sausage race be sacred?








Its tough to bean Randall Simon though, because he still will find a way to swing at the pitch.



If Vince would just hire Dick Dastardly and Muttly and tell them to Catch the Pigeon, it would draw at least an 8 rating.
Chico Santana
Boudin rouge








Since: 2.7.02
From: Jaaaaamacia Mon, No Problem.

Since last post: 4057 days
Last activity: 4054 days
#9 Posted on
LMFAO last night when I watched it on sportscenter! I thought it was a joke. Simon is a dumbass, but it was somewhat funny, though totally uncalled for. The biggest joke is him getting arrested and the Brewers spokesmen acting like the guy was a "Sausage Serial Killer". Since the girl is okay, they should just drop any charges. I could settle the lawsuit(if there is one), give the girl season tickets, and let her play with my sausage!

Are fans in the "Sausage Race" or are the people in the costumes empoyees of the Brewers? Fans right? What happened to Bernie Brewer's beer bath, now it's just a slide? What's up with that!



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Sec19Row53
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Since: 2.1.02
From: Oconomowoc, WI

Since last post: 5 days
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Y!:
#10 Posted on
Generally, the sausages are Brewer employees (various grounds crew members or hospitality workers).

As for the slide, they decided not to bring the whole chalet/beer mug, and Bernie ended up with a modified chalet and a waterpark-type slide. It's just not the same.

Last I saw, he was charged with disorderly conduct. He's not in the lineup today. There's a stunner for you.



Booked to be Wiener of the Day May 16-18, 2003
Quezzy
Knackwurst








Since: 6.1.02
From: The Moon

Since last post: 4 days
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#11 Posted on

    Originally posted by Sec19Row53
    Generally, the sausages are Brewer employees (various grounds crew members or hospitality workers).

    As for the slide, they decided not to bring the whole chalet/beer mug, and Bernie ended up with a modified chalet and a waterpark-type slide. It's just not the same.

    Last I saw, he was charged with disorderly conduct. He's not in the lineup today. There's a stunner for you.



I was just listening to this on Sportscenter and somebody said that Randall Simon should be prosecuted because baseball players should be treated the same as fans.

So how come players are allowed to peg people with 90 mile per hour fastballs when a fan would be arrested for it.



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THAT IS AWESOME!
darkdragoon
Bockwurst








Since: 26.8.02

Since last post: 3699 days
Last activity: 3699 days
#12 Posted on
because in-game matters should be handled by in-game people and non-game crap should be handled by the cops, security etc.

So actually, the Pirate Parrot should have taken care of the sausage run, he's got quite an enzuigeri.
Big Bad
Scrapple








Since: 4.1.02
From: Dorchester, Ontario

Since last post: 6 days
Last activity: 2 hours
#13 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.54
Conan O'Brien had a hilarious bit about this incident tonight, when a guy in a Pirates jersey was chased by the costumed characters from his show (i.e. the Masturbating Bear).

Conan also pointed out the funniest part of the whole situation; the guy in the bratwurst costume sort of pauses after the sausage is knocked down, but then the bratwurst "thinks he can win this thing, and takes off."



Over 1650 posts and still never a Wiener of the Day! But I'm not bitter!


Q: If you could have one superpower -- the strength of 100 men, invisibility, or the ability to fly -- which would you choose and why?

Michael Vick: Oh man, invisibility. If I was in a bad situation or something or I said something or you know, caught with two girls I could just disappear. I could be gone just like that -- no trouble.


"I don't understand the creative process. Actually, I make a concerted effort not to understand it. I don't know what it is or how it works but I am terrified that one green morning it will decide not to work anymore, so I have always given it as wide a bypass as possible."-- William Goldman


J.T. Dutch
Pickled pork








Since: 3.1.02
From: SoCal 4 Life

Since last post: 2674 days
Last activity: 935 days
Y!:
#14 Posted on
... In about 25 years of watching Pro Baseball, this is probably one of the five funniest things I've ever seen on a baseball field. It was comic brilliance by Randall Simon ... I've watched so many of those cornball "sausage races" on ESPN or wherever, and I've always commented to friends that "Wouldn't it be great if someone took a bat or stuck their leg out and tripped one of those 'racers' and knocked the whole group off balance? Wonder if anyone has the balls to do it."

Well, Simon had the balls, and the video of this moment of sheer comedy will be forever kept on my computer. Simon needs to go into the All-Star game on this ALONE. This ranks up there with Tommy Lasorda trying to choke out the Philly Phanatic one time (or more) in the early 80's.

To see the Milwaukee GM (whatever that idiot's name is, I don't care) go on and on about it like Simon stabbed the girl or something only made the moment that much more hilarious. And the video I have shows the local news going on with a big production about "breaking news" in relation to this -- I swear, my sides are almost splitting from laughter. This is right out of The Onion; almost surreal.

It was completely harmless ... all the girl in the costume suffered was scraped knees -- nothing else. If that's "assault", then this country is more fucked up than I've ever seen. The lengths that many in this country will A)go to point a finger, B)act self-righteous and utterly humorless, or C)find a reason to sue somebody, is beyond comprehension.

Simon does not = "supermoron". What he did was funnier than anything I've seen on TV in at least three years. Bravo, Randall!!





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ges7184
Lap cheong








Since: 7.1.02
From: Birmingham, AL

Since last post: 47 days
Last activity: 9 min.
#15 Posted on
To be fair, I've seen the girl in question on TV, and she couldn't contain her own laughter over this. Granted, she seems to think what Simon did was wrong (of course, she threw out the word "accident" and then quickly retracted it, making me wonder if even this was just because the boss put himself so far out on the limb condemning this act). But she didn't think that this warranted all the attention that his gotten, and didn't think it should be pursued any further. She asked for charges to be dropped, and they have been. And it was pretty clear that no lawsuits are coming, as she is on record as saying this is no big deal, and laughing about it.

(edited by ges7184 on 11.7.03 1003)


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Since: 2.1.02
From: The Las Vegas of Canada

Since last post: 13 days
Last activity: 9 hours
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#16 Posted on
According to ESPN.com the woman had one condition for letting the whole matter pass away peacefully. She wanted the bat she got clunked with auto'd by Simon. And the Pirates promised her best seats in the house if she ever goes to Pittsburgh. So I'd say it all ends easily enough. And Randall has hopefully learned to use fake bats like Vince Russo does.



and maybe I should open up my sensitive side/but really, the sensitive side sucks./I've been there./You can only imagine the kinds of sweaters they make you wear.

blogforamerica.com
fuelinjected
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Since: 12.10.02
From: Canada

Since last post: 3264 days
Last activity: 3264 days
#17 Posted on
Randall Simon just earned himself immortality. That thing is going to be played and replayed forever in every blooper type show.

He didn't hit the girl with the bat anyways, he just hit the top of the sausage costume and because it's so top heavy, she tripped. That's what she said anyways.

The bit on Conan about the bratwurst pausing then getting back in the race was hilarious.
Big Bad
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Since: 4.1.02
From: Dorchester, Ontario

Since last post: 6 days
Last activity: 2 hours
#18 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.54
MLB has done the impossible....it's made us care the next time Pittsburgh plays Milwaukee.

If you want a punishment for Simon, make him compete in the race during the next road trip.



Over 1700 posts and still never a Wiener of the Day! But I'm not bitter!


Q: If you could have one superpower -- the strength of 100 men, invisibility, or the ability to fly -- which would you choose and why?

Michael Vick: Oh man, invisibility. If I was in a bad situation or something or I said something or you know, caught with two girls I could just disappear. I could be gone just like that -- no trouble.


"I don't understand the creative process. Actually, I make a concerted effort not to understand it. I don't know what it is or how it works but I am terrified that one green morning it will decide not to work anymore, so I have always given it as wide a bypass as possible."-- William Goldman


JayJayDean
Scrapple








Since: 2.1.02
From: Seattle, WA

Since last post: 52 days
Last activity: 9 hours
AIM:  
Y!:
#19 Posted on

    Originally posted by Big Bad
    If you want a punishment for Simon, make him compete in the race during the next road trip.


If I were Randall Simon, I'd say "You want to punish ME? I've been a PITTSBURGH PIRATE all season! Go ahead and top THAT!"



Washington Huskies, 2003 Pac-10 football champs. Coming soon.
TheCow
Landjager








Since: 3.1.02
From: Knoxville, TN

Since last post: 2452 days
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Y!:
#20 Posted on
I thought the most amazing part of this story was that Simon managed to hit something this month - although I wasn't too surprised that he only threw off the girl's balance.

Maybe if they give Simon a giant bat next time he comes to town .... and put DeJean in a sausage suit .... nah.







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