World Heavyweight Title Match
Batista (C) vs. JBL

I'm predicting Batista will retain. JBL might eventually win the World Heavyweight Title, but it's too soon for Batista to drop it.

#1 Contender's Match
The Undertaker vs. [Name Censored by UPN]

Well, it'll be interesting to see how the canning of NCbUPN will affect short-term WWE storylines. The only conclusion I can come to is that 'Taker wins this match, setting up a face vs. face World Title match at SummerSlam. I actually think the buildup to Batista/'Taker could be good, as long as they don't go overboard with Batista saying "I respect you" to the point where it becomes ass-kissing. Nor can they make him afraid of 'Taker, either.

Listen, Do You Wanna Know a Secret? Do You Promise Not to Tell? Match
Eddie "Getting Creepier by the Minute" Guerrero vs. Rey "How many times do I have to beat this guy before I can feud with someone else?" Mysterio

They've built up to this secret for long enough that you know they're not gonna simply have Rey win the match and Eddie not be allowed to tell it. Eddie wins this match via heel chicanery, probably involving a steel chair or other foreign object. He finishes his bedtime story to Dominic, we all groan, but hopefully the WrestleCrap side of this feud ends with the buildup to a hellafide rematch at SummerSlam.

WWE United States Heavyweight Title Match
Orlando "Is he still the champion?" Jordan vs. Chris "Why am I reduced to fighting for the U.S. Title?" Benoit

I can only assume the reason Benoit's in this match is to win it and start the work of rehabbing the U.S. Title, which is even more wasted around Orlando Jordan's waist than it was around The Big Show's waist. Benoit wins, and we start to see the U.S. Title put in a more prominent position on SD. (I mean, it's not as if it could become any less prominent.)

Grudge Match
Booker "One more joke about my wife and I swear to God" T vs. Christian (Owner of WWE's Best Theme Music)

In the darkness, Christian will take Booker to the other side. You'll see it if you just close your eyes.

WWE Tag Team Title Match
MNM vs. Road Warrior "He's not retired yet?" Animal and Hawk... en... Hawk en Reich

MNM retains. They're the only real tag-team on SmackDown right now, anyway. And, yup, Heidenreich busts out the face paint. I wonder if this is just gonna be a one-time thing, or if we're going to have the honest-to-God New Road Warriors running around for awhile.

Bra and Panties Match
"Bet you can't enter the ring the way I do" Melina vs. Torrie "I'm only still here 'cuz I'm eye candy" Wilson

Winner: the fans, naturally! But it's gonna be a horrible match.

Six-Man Tag-Team Comedy Match from Hell (and I mean that in a good way)
Big Stevie Cool, Hollywood "Don't call me Simon Dean" Nova and Da Blue Guy (bWo) vs. Juventud "Don't call me Guerrero" Guerrera, Super Crazy (clap clap CLAP CLAP CLAP) and Psicosis (don't call him Psychosis)

Absolutely no reason to protect the bWo with a win here. They'll be hilarious no matter how many losses pile up. The luchadores need the win to continue to build legitimacy, so they get it here. But it'll be a fun little match, especially if they let Nova do what he's (from what I'm told) capable of doing. And it's always good to see Stevie Richards in a pay-per-view match.

I'm gonna watch this event at the Baker Street Cafe, making it only the third PPV I'll have caught live this year (the other two being WrestleMania 21 and One Night Stand.) I think it'll actually be a pretty good event... we'll see!

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“Great. He spends skill points on Perform (Kazoo), and now I have to make a Knowledge (Limits of My Own Sanity) skill check."
--Roy Greenhilt, The Order of the Stick

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