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24.4.18 0010
The W - Movies & TV - Poseidon
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Boston Idol

Since: 17.2.03
From: San Jose, CA

Since last post: 4147 days
Last activity: 3940 days
#1 Posted on | Instant Rating: 0.75
The remake of "Poseidon" got the kind of
bad reviews I love to read about modern
movies where CGI excess is substituted
for character development and dialog
the audience might actually remember.

Having been a fan of the original when
I was twelve and having a son who is
going through a fascination with ships,
particularly sinking ships, I had to go.
If I could survive "Titanic", one of the
most absurd movies ever made, I could
surely survive this Irwin Allen redux.

One of the items that struck me in the
reviews was the notation that the remake
had made Red Buttons' character gay,
relieving us from seeing a middle aged
man trying to take advantage of a young
woman while she was distraught. That
idea got me thinking.

Back in the seventies we knew that some
people were gay, but we generally didn't
know who they were or how many of them
there were. Euphemisms like "confirmed
bachelor" were used to avoid saying "gay."

In "The Poseidon Adventure", Red Buttons
played a single man who didn't look a day
under fifty. In fact Buttons was fifty-three.
When asked why he was single, Buttons
character replied "I guess I haven't found
the right girl."

Back in the seventies, we expected that
every guy, except for Liberace, would
ultimately find that right girl. We were
actually rooting for Red to take advantage
of Carol Lynley's character because that
was the way life was supposed to be.

But truth be told, there really weren't any
romantic sparks between Red and Carol.
The real romance was Pamela Sue Martin's
schoolgirl crush on Hackman's preacher.
Red was simply being supportive, the same
way Dreyfus' gay architect was supportive
of the female stowaway in the sequel.

Speaking of the sequel, the characterizations
are thin and the dialog is banal, but I wasn't
as offended by that as many of the critics.

I grew up in the heydey of disaster films.
I watched Robert Wagner go up in flames.
I watched Chuck Heston leave hot minky
Genevieve Bujold for bloated Ava Gardner.
I don't expect great acting and characters
that make sense. I expect stooging and
overacting and foolish self-sacrifices.

It would be fitting if the genre that became
synonymous with Charlton Heston, Ernest
Borgnine and George Kennedy got passed
down to Dennis Quaid, Emmy Rossum, and
Tommy Lee Jones.

Speaking of which, "Poseidon" would have
been far better with Tommy Lee reprising
Hackman's angry priest. The idea that lone
wolf Josh Lucas was taking all of these risks
to impress Jacinda Barrett wasn't credible,
but then neither was Chuck taking the plunge
to save Ava. Disaster movies need heroes.
Without them we'd drown in the ballroom.

My complaint with "Poseidon" wasn't the lack
of characterization. The dialog was weak, but
no more obvious or annoying than the bad CGI
effects. Apparently Hollywood can't afford to use
real diesel fuel, more fallout from the war in Iraq.

No, what bothered me about "Poseidon" was the
way everyone who wasn't in the ballroom was
immediately killed off or fell through the trap
door outside the disco.

The survival rate in the ballroom looked to be
between 50% and 75%, and that was after being
thrown around a crowded, multi-story room.
By rights there should have been survivors all
over the ship, yet the only people the ballroom
escapees ever found alive were the last three
people to leave the disco. Every other person
they found was badly burned with the device
"flash fire" being rolled out so often that viewers
could be excused for wondering if "Poseidon"
was an uncredited sequel to "Backdraft."

I missed the scene where Hackman's bedraggled
survivors met up with a group of passengers who
were following the ship's doctor toward the bow.
It symbolized people placing their faith in science
rather than religion in the sort of understated way
that goes unnoticed amid the carnage of a good
disaster movie.

The people in the ballroom placed their trust in
the authority of the state, the ship's purser, and
they all died. The people following the doctor
put their faith in science and they all died.

All we have is our faith in something larger to
inspire us to become larger. That's typically
the message in all disaster movies.

That, and disasters are a great opportunity to
hook up, unless you're not into that sort of thing.

Promote this thread!

Since: 17.11.02

Since last post: 295 days
Last activity: 17 days
#2 Posted on | Instant Rating: 0.97
Good review, you should try to get Libby's job in PREMIERE, because her stuff hasn't been even half as entertaining as this was, for the past 5 years at least.

You almost make me want to see this, but I don't think ANYONE can top Irwin Allen.
The Goon

Since: 2.1.02
From: Calgary, Alberta, Canada

Since last post: 168 days
Last activity: 142 days
#3 Posted on | Instant Rating: 8.08
Waitasec, I'm a confirmed bachelor. Uh oh.

Since: 17.11.02

Since last post: 295 days
Last activity: 17 days
#4 Posted on | Instant Rating: 0.97
    Originally posted by The Goon
    Waitasec, I'm a confirmed bachelor. Uh oh.

Yeah, and I'm still waiting on that video of you doing the GoDaddy spin dance. It'll make an awesome avatar!
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It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I just HAD to know... is William Fichtner the Shredder??? Well the dude who was the Shredder was always in the dark or wearing his Transformers Shredder suit so it could've been anyone.
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