"Jackie Robinson lynched for stealing second" ... so funny and so sad at the same time.
You put on your brave face and slip over the road, for a jar. Fixing your grin as you casually lean on the bar. Laughing too loud at the rest of the world, with the boys in the crowd. You can hide, hide, hide ... behind petrified eyes.
I was using a quote from the WDYT page in my .sig for most of the past week, until I (compusively) changed it. (I must've had fifty avatars/signatures/bios since I registered on this board.)
"I know they say we get the government we deserve, but I don't remember knife-raping any retarded nuns."
I love the 'Ray Charles signs Def Leppard album' spot.
The Onion has always ruled.
These commercials are superfine because they pay for the production costs of putting CHRIS MOTHERFUCKING BENOIT on my GODDAMN TV SCREEN! I will GO GREYHOUND! I am thinking OUTSIDE THE BUN! – Dean Rasmussen 8/1/2002 Smackdown Workrate Report
Hey, they must have followed me when I moved from Madison to New York.
Seriously, as some one who's been reading since 93 (I even worked downstairs from them for a while, and played on the same softball team), I can honestly tell you they are funnier now than they've ever been. They also stopped recycling old stuff, which they did every once in while a few years ago.
The only thing that's slipped off a bit is "Justify Your Existence." Pre-web, the artists would totally be taken by surprise by the "why should anyone buy your record" question, and much funny shit would result. Now, with it being done by e-mail, and everyone knowing the question, it's totally lame. They should drop that column.
Expressing myself EVERY day - but especially on July 22, 2002!
I totally miss "Drunk of the Week". There went my 15 words of fame. Of course, the Onion officially discouraged the disgusting practice of consuming alcohol.
Fashion Reporter Extraordinare
My life is like one big masturbation joke. Which explains the laughter. And, of course, the masturbation.
Those statistics are terrible. Does it say how many of those 52 people were criminals or average citizens? Does it give details of the shootings; accidental, during a crime, O.K. Corral style gun fight?