Brock Lesnar vs. Roman Reigns vs. Braun Strowman vs. Samoa Joe, Fatal Four-Way Match for the Universal Championship: Is this one of those elimination 4 way dealies, or one of the title change without the champ getting pinned 4 way dealies? Eh, fuckit. Brock wins.
Jinder Mahal vs. Shinsuke Nakamura, WWE Championship Match: I reckon this one might have sportz entertainment involved, Schmozz style. Lets go with Jinder Mahal winning via countout.
A.J. Styles vs. Kevin Owens, United States Championship Match, with Shane McMahon serving as guest referee: Let's say A.J. in tubby blokes don't draw, part I.
John Cena vs. Baron Corbin: LOL Cena wins
Finn Balor vs. Bray Wyatt: Finn wins in tubby blokes don't draw part II.
Alexa Bliss vs. Sasha Banks, Raw Women's Championship Match: Bliss
Naomi vs. Natalya, Smackdown Women's Championship Match: Naomi
Cesaro & Sheamus vs. Seth Rollins & Dean Ambrose, Raw Tag Team Championship Match: Shield lite win and take the belts.
New Day vs. The Usos, Smackdown Tag Team Championship Match: NFI. Tipping the other tag team title to change, so New Day wins here.
Randy Orton vs. Rusev: Poor Randall, so much losing of late. It all changes here. Orton wins
Akira Tozawa vs. Neville, Cruiserweight Championship Match: This Tozawa rooster has to win here, right? no point just putting the title back on nifty.
Big Show vs. Big Cass, Enzo Amore suspended above the ring in a shark cage: Could be a real chance they forget to lower Enzo after the match and just leave him there. Big Cass surely? I thought Big Show had retired? Or certainly retired from doing meaningless matches anyway.
Samoa Joe Jinder Mahal AJ Styles John Cena Finn Balor Alexa Bliss Natalya Cesaro & Sheamus The Usos Rusev Akira Tozawa Big Cass The Miz & The Miztourage
Samoa Joe needs to win here. He can be chased by Strowman and Roman while Brock pursues his other stuff.
Nakamura Styles Cena Balor Bliss Naomi Seth n Dean New Day Orton Tozawa Big cAss Jordan and Hardyz
"As you may have read in Robert Parker's Wine Newsletter, 'Donaghy Estates tastes like the urine of Satan, after a hefty portion of asparagus.'" Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock