Does anyone have advice on what the standard is for giving wedding gifts to family? My sister is getting married soon and I'm not sure how much to spend. A friend suggested I just give cash, which is OK, but the figure he gave me seemed a bit steep. I'm not rich, but I'm not poor, and my sister and her fiance are doing pretty good for themselves. She's my only sibling and 31; I'm 34. Also, I guess I was a bit of a jerk when we were kids if that matters when figuring out something like this.
What do most people give?
'But if one is struck by me only a little, that is far different, the stroke is a sharp thing and suddenly lays him lifeless, and that man's wife goes with cheeks torn in lamentation, and his children are fatherless, while he, staining the soil with his red blood, rots away, and there are more birds than women swarming about him.' Diomedes, The Iliad of Homer
Be sure you check with your sister that she has not set up any kind of registry. If not and your sister and her fiance are paying for the wedding themselves then by far the best gift is cash. A full wedding with a chapel service, diner and reception came out for me to be about $160 a head for a small gathering (about 40 people). You can always write the check during the reception when you see what they paid for.
Why is it so heavy?" "Cause it's so full of mercy"
I'd second checking the gift registry and maybe go with a gift card that is from one of the stores they registered at. I've yet to see someone get even half of the stuff they registered for, and then they can go and buy something they had registered for and REALLY wanted but didn't get.
Holy fuck shit motherfucker shit. Read comics. Fuck shit shit fuck shit I sold out when I did my job. Fuck fuck fuck shit fuck. Sorry had to do it....
*snip*
Revenge of the Sith = one thumb up from me. Fuck shit. I want to tittie fuck your ass. -- The Guinness. to Cerebus
If there's no registry and you don't want to do cash, get her something you think she might need - and make sure the store has a good return policy and include a gift receipt. My fiancee and I registered at places that let us return gifts for cash since we'll probably be getting multiples of some items.
I quite dislike wedding registries: a friend of mine told was registered at a Sears, and when I checked out their list, my eyes nearly popped out of my head. It's incredible how greedy these two were when looking over the fact that they wanted a $200 set of wine glasses, special chinaware, a $300 espresso machine, and other stuff. What struck me as interesting was that they were both living on their own and had most of what they had requested in each others' residence.
If I can suggest something: find out if the bride is taking the groom's name. If so, go to a professional printer, and get one of those "what does my last name mean" and get it printed on very nice paper, and have it framed, and offer that as a gift instead. If not, make two: one for the grooms' last name, one for the brides' last name.
Can't go wrong with a nice clock. Everybody needs clocks. And if you already have a clock in one room, chances are you could fit one in another room. Check out Pottery Barn or other such stores.
Ken Kennedy debuted a new finisher: Jeff Hardy fans will insist on calling it the Swanton Bomb, but it looks WAY more devastating when not performed by a 180-pound fruitcake. -Rick Scaia 06.12.2006
Thanks for the ideas. The gift card to the place she's registered sounds decent. Maybe I can do a gift card plus a couple items on the registry. Anyone have thoughts on how much to spend? I don't want to just cover the cost of the reception cause she's my sister but a friend of mine said give them $500 and I think that's a bit much.
'But if one is struck by me only a little, that is far different, the stroke is a sharp thing and suddenly lays him lifeless, and that man's wife goes with cheeks torn in lamentation, and his children are fatherless, while he, staining the soil with his red blood, rots away, and there are more birds than women swarming about him.' Diomedes, The Iliad of Homer
If they have a lot of stuff already, the gift card is a nice way to go. I think $500 is not completely out of line, but it depends also on your budget. My sister was coming out of a rough financial situation when I got married, and she knew we were taking our honeymoon in Hawaii. She knew we'd need tip money for hotel bellhops, airport valet, etc., so she made us a couple of money leis with $1 and $5 bills tied in a long ribbon. Each was maybe $40 worth, and we knew it was all she could afford. The fact that she took the time to make it was what we appreciated most.
A short stack of $20 gift cards might be a way to make your gift appear more than it cost you. Several restaurants they like, movies, and the place they registered, you'll get them a nice bouquet of something they will use more than crystal
As others have said, the amount you should give really depends on how much you have and how much they have. If you can afford to be generous, do. But if you can't, I doubt they'd expect you to stretch your budget.
If possible, I'd avoid cash. When you don't know the person well, it's often the best way to go, but when it's your own sister you might be able to find something that others wouldn't think of. I got my brother the Sports Night DVD set for his wedding; not a lot of money (I'm poor, he's a lawyer) but it was something he personally would enjoy and others wouldn't have thought of it.
As for Oliver's comment on registries, I think people want to offer as many possibilities as they can; I don't think it's greedy to register for expensive stuff *if* you put more inexpensive items on the list, too. Anyway, for those who don't know the couple all that well, a registry can really be useful.
Cash is great, it beats the gift card if done right. Example; my brother.
My brother knew we were going to London and Paris for our honeymoon. He gave us $200.00 wrapped in a piece of white printer paper. On the paper he wrote "use this to purchase Lion King tickets at _________ Theater in London" (I can't remember the name of the damn place right now. August 2003 if anyone wants to research it.)
The money didn't get us the greatest seats though (pound to U.S. dollar conversion didn't help). We added a few pounds to get better seats but the gesture will never be forgotten. He actually took some time to research our location and timing of our honeymoon.
He blew the gift card away by giving what I label "Cash With a Purpose".
Originally posted by Peter The HegemonAs for Oliver's comment on registries, I think people want to offer as many possibilities as they can; I don't think it's greedy to register for expensive stuff *if* you put more inexpensive items on the list, too.
For those of you who haven't actually been engaged before, when you register they pretty much just let you pick whatever you want. Please try telling your giddy fiancée that she can't put the eight $60.00 plates on the list because it's not practical and tell us how well that works for you. I've never drank wine in my life but we registered for some serious crystal wine glasses, I'm sure. A bridal registry is no time for practicality or levelheadedness from the dude.
She ends up being more practical when you register for baby stuff.
Holy fuck shit motherfucker shit. Read comics. Fuck shit shit fuck shit I sold out when I did my job. Fuck fuck fuck shit fuck. Sorry had to do it....
*snip*
Revenge of the Sith = one thumb up from me. Fuck shit. I want to tittie fuck your ass. -- The Guinness. to Cerebus
Yow -- I'd say $500 is way overboard, particularly for the circumstances you describe. I'd think $100-$150-ish would be a much more reasonable neighbourhood.
I'm with Peter about "gift vs. cash" -- if you can't come up with something special for your sister, go with something in the registry. Or, be obnoxious & get something for the hubby-to-be. :-) Classically the gifts are always bride-centric, but I've occasionally gone off & gotten something that's much more for the guy -- so long as she doesn't hate it.
Its OK to have some expensive stuff on the registry. I have one foodie friend who had a $300 smoker on her list. Ten people from the couple's work chipped in $30 each & made it a group gift. I've got another friend who really wanted to complete place settings of the really expensive china she inherited from her mom -- a number of people got her one plate or a couple of salad plates or whatever. That worked out fine.
There was another one where I just hated her china & stoneware patterns. I decided to get a serving platter that was "coordinated" with her stuff, but that I still liked. So, take inspiration from the stuff on the registry.
Thanks for the ideas everyone. I think I ended up making out OK. There were some ideas here I really liked and I wish I had asked the question a few weeks in advance instead of a few days.
'But if one is struck by me only a little, that is far different, the stroke is a sharp thing and suddenly lays him lifeless, and that man's wife goes with cheeks torn in lamentation, and his children are fatherless, while he, staining the soil with his red blood, rots away, and there are more birds than women swarming about him.' Diomedes, The Iliad of Homer
Originally posted by Bizzle IzzleI think I ended up making out OK.
Yeah so what did you get???
I ended up going with a bathroom set from Bed Bath and Beyond and a gift card to BB&B since that where most of their stuff was registered.
At the reception she went this fancy box thing for people to drop their gift cards in, rather than make the rounds with a little bag and accept the gifts from people. That robbed me of the chance to quote Paulie from the Godfather. I was slightly disappointed. "Madonn' if this was anyone else's wedding..."
'But if one is struck by me only a little, that is far different, the stroke is a sharp thing and suddenly lays him lifeless, and that man's wife goes with cheeks torn in lamentation, and his children are fatherless, while he, staining the soil with his red blood, rots away, and there are more birds than women swarming about him.' Diomedes, The Iliad of Homer
Anyone want to work out a trade? I'll take a bag of each in exchange for a four-pack of the Canadian flavours* when they come out in August. (Do you guys get them in small bags too, or just the bigger ones?)