The US navy unveils its revised Uncle Sam, designed to attract more female applicants, to mixed reviews
2)
"You didn't hug her. Tell me.. you didn't just hug her!"
3)
Enzyte can put a smile on anyone's face!
4)
"What, there's a no-smoking policy in the arena? That's okay, this isn't tobacco. 'That's how I roll' isn't just a catchy saying, you know."
5)
"Little Miss Muffet, sat on a tuffet, eating her curds and whey. Then along came Uncle Eddie, and he was quite ready, to take all of it away! Viva la raza!"
6)
Jeff Jarrett goes a step too far in trying to be Sting, dressing up for his Driver License photo
7)
"Alas, poor Yorick. I knew him well. See? I can make a career on stage once I blow these wrestling and rock gigs!"
8)
Paul London turns the WWE Cruiserweight title into a boombox, and no one notices
9)
"I'll get you next time, Edge! Next time!!"
10)
"Why thank you, I do think it matches my suit nicely."
11)
"What's that? I can't hear you booing me yet! I turned heel, damnit, boo louder!"
He took the Big Gold Belt away from Triple H and lived to tell the tale. He can wear ANYTHING he wants.
2)
Chris Benoit was overjoyed to find that, even in heels, Sharmell is STILL shorter than him.
3)
The General Manager was not pleased to see John Cena start ripping off Diamond Dallas Page.
4)
*sniff* "I should have never come to SmackDown. I can't get JBL's ass off my fingers."
5)
"Once upon a time, there were two fabulous wrestlers trapped in a horrible angle..."
6)
Jeff Jarrett thought that he could get away with using his own credit card for the fake Sting promo. Little did he realize that there were thousands of people at home, writing down the numbers...
7)
Chris Jericho practices for a post-wrestling career in proctology.
8)
Paul London bought an imitation WWE Tag Team Championship belt in an ultimately-fruitless attempt to relive the days when people knew who he was.
9)
Security guard (thinking): "Man...how'd his face get that red, while his arms are so WHITE?"
10)
Nobody realized that Rey Mysterio was actually standing behind the microphone.
11)
"Whatcha gonna do...oh, crap. Hurt my back."
"He is the most overrated piece of crap in the league. He bitched and whined after he got his ass beaten in New England last year, so the NFL changed the rules. Then he got his ass beaten in New England again. Every year he's the top MVP candidate. Every year he's supposed to be the best. Every year he's going to carry the Colts to the Super Bowl. And every single year he goes to New England and gets his ass beaten. And his brother's a whiny little bitch." -A friend of mine, on Peyton Manning
Batista shows a look of surprise and appreciation when he sees that the WWE sprung to hire James Brown to sing "Living in America".
2)
Chris Benoit attempts to play catch-up with Edge to reclaim his title of Pre-Eminent Wife Snatcher
3)
"You swapped WHAT at WCW?".
4)
Christian walks to the ring blissfully unaware that he's about to be destroyed by the giant nebula behind him."
5)
"A long time ago in a barrio far far away...."
6)
Jeff Jarrett shows both ways he was able to secure the TNA deal with Spike: 1) An excellent line of credit 2) He tricked them into thinking he was Sting.
7)
Chris Jericho, 10 seconds before he injures himself attempting a spinaroonie.
8)
Paul London responds to Cena's Bling Bling Belt by having an iPod installed in his belt.
9)
Matt Hardy prepares for his inevitable inclusion into the Masterlock Challenge a few months down the road.
10)
"Why YES, it's embarassing to come to one of these Lucha Social events and someone have on the same mask as you do!".
11)
Shawn Michaels has been wrestling for three years not knowing exactly what the magic combo would be to set off his bad back. And in imitating Hogan's pose, he realizes he just found it.
(edited by Blanket Jackson on 29.7.05 0902) "He's too much of gentleman to assume that the lady he is with would have a disease and he's man enough to raise any offspring that should arise. HE IS AL WILSON."[-DEAN~, 7/22/05]
Booker: "Back off, dawg. I saw what you did to Sullivan's wife."
3)
Cena shows off how his teeth match Bischoff's hair.
4)
Christian: "I was being pushed to the moon. What the hell happened?"
5)
Eddie: "Tonight, holmes, I will be reading the first chapter from Chavo and The Chocolate Factory."
6)
When Sting refused to return to TNA, management had to take drastic measures...
7)
"I was *this* close to quitting the damn company, and then fucking Meltzer has to go and leak it to everyone...."
8)
Visit WWE Shopzone: Where anyone can pretend to be a champion.
9)
Flanked by security guards, Matt Hardy does his best to break the MasterLock.
10)
Rey: "So, uh, yeah. We're going to be this angle where Eddie is the father to my son. Why? I have no idea... Look, no more questions. This press conference is over."
11)
Michaels can hear a pin drop after the fans ponder the fact that he's telling the truth about Hogan.
Ladies and gentlemen, introducing first, your champion, the Dancing Destroyer, the King of Sting, the Count of Monte Fisto, the Master of Disaster, the one and only Apoll..... I mean Bastita!!
2)
Outdoing Gene Snitsky's foot fetish, Booker T reveals his secret turn on of watching his wife with short Canadian guys.
3)
Don't you think my shirt is funnier when I'm not wearing pants!
4)
This ass-whooping tonight is being brought to you by the letter "C".
5)
What shall I read to you tonight Dominic? Goldylocks and the 3 Vatos? Julio and the Beanstalk? Or how about my personal favorite.... El Santo vs. the Martian Zombies from Hell.
6)
Don't be a victim of identity theft. Keep your Social Security number and face paint secure.
7)
... and now I shall reinact that classic scene from Evil Dead II where Bruce Campbell wrestles his own hand.
8)
Shh... the belt is telling me secrets.
9)
While watching Matt Hardy on tv, Kevin Sullivan contemplates his return to wrestling by breaking into arenas, interrupting matches, and calling Benoit "poop" .
10)
On behalf of Smackdown, we apologize to all the fans that ordered the Great American Bash.
(edited by waffleking on 29.7.05 0948) "No, this is Bronson, Missouri!"
I don’t want her, you can have her, she’s too phat for me
3)
Yes Siree, Gee Wilikers, I am your Champion! Oh Rats, the camera’s on? WHUT, UP DAWG…BOYYEEEE! SHIZZLE NIZZLE DIZZLE
4)
“Hmm...all I need is a Sting Credit Card!”
5)
CREATIVE ISSUES: Two seconds to plan and write the "secret" angle – five weeks to come up with clever ideas for a book that Eddie can take to the ring
6)
Clown...
7)
Crystal Ball! Tell me: Should I re-sign? “Yes, Christopher –the sheets and Internet already have your obituary in wrestling written. Make them ass-clowns!” Done Deal! MARKS!
8)
“Hey there! I’m someone you should know!” ME: no idea
9)
"So, my love life has been reduced to a black guy going down on me...at least it’s not TNA!"
10)
RICAN? No he ain’t...
11)
”I’ve got five for an autographed copy of Marty’s Rap Sheet – do I hear $10?”
(edited by RYDER FAKIN on 29.7.05 2222) Demonstrations are a drag. Besides, we're much too high
Geez thanks a LOT. You have totally RUINED my "nobody EVER says anything funny EVER in these threads EVER" post that I was working so hard on. Ha ha ha ha ha ha get it hard on ha ha ha. Don't worry, jwrestle, you can still post in this thread.
Dave Batista wears the Patriot Del Wilkes old uniform, which had been planned but never used as part of his proposed team with TAFKA Goldust. Dave conveniently forgets the assless chaps.
2)
On the road, Sharmell is Woman.
3)
John Cena picks his spots. He knows that the time to mock Eric Bischoff is when he has just finished his coffee.
4)
Christian thinks he sees his push floating into the upper bowl, but it was just a fat guy falling off his chair.
5)
Even though it is not a real book, "Eddie Guerrero's Bedtime Stories" manages to debut higher on the NY Times Best Seller list than any of Madonna's kids book did.
6)
Jeff Jarrett finally reveals how TNA pays for everything: credit card fraud. A skill he learned from Steve Corino.
7)
Jericho never showered with Andre the Giant, but that doesn't mean he can't relate an amusing anecdote about the Haiti Kid and one of the Frenchman's testicles.
8)
Paul London reenacts his extensive job interview with Pat Patterson.
9)
Extensive facial surgery cannot obscure the fact that the person who now plays Matt Hardy is actually Playboy Buddy Rose.
10)
Rey Mysterio relates the humiliation of having stolen his attire from Paris Hilton's dog.
11)
Shawn Michaels shows glimmers of his old personality when he thinks his own echo is Jesus.
Hot Virgins-The World's Most Steadily Shrinking Commodity
I've never done one of these before, and I believe these next few captions should prove why.
2)
"Dammit, Benoit! Sullivan warned me about you~!"
6)
TNA takes false advertising to new hights.
8)
Paul: Mr. McMahon, I left the Cruiserweight belt at the hotel. D'ya mind if I just use this Tag belt for tonight? Vince: Uh, who the fuck are you? Security!
10)
"Dominick, I'm gonna' say this just once. I don't think you heard me the first time. I did NOT have sexual relations with that woman -- You're mother..... Eddie did, I'm sorry."
sigh Sorry folks. It's all I got.
(edited by OMEGA on 30.7.05 0040)
The answer to WWE's financial problems...
Never 'Wiener of the Day', and is actually quite bitter about it.
...with the end result being that the first wrestling game for the PlayStation3 is titled WWE SmackDown!: LOL Look at My Hat.
2)
Three weeks of 'Jungle Fever' jokes later, Chris Benoit made a point of tracking down and punching everybody on the writing staff.
3)
No matter how much you want feedback on your new haircut, there are some people that you just shouldn't ask.
4)
"Wait a minute," Christian thought to himself, coming to a dead stop halfway to the ring. "What if Edge isn't my real brother?"
5)
"Oh, sure, you laugh now -- this shit bought Foley a second house!"
6)
Good News: there is, despite previous claims to the contrary, documented evidence of Jeff Jarrett having once been entertaining. Bad News: this picture is five years old.
7)
Seven years later, Chris Jericho finally adds the Tongan Death Grip to cap his arsenal off at 1,005 moves. Take that, Dean Malenko!
8)
As a cost-cutting measure, the WWE has abandoned the practice of personalized nameplates for lower-card belts in favour of simply glueing each belt to the current champion's face. Despite the move, morale remains high.
9)
"Guys--ack--seriously, you're cutting off the circulation t..."
10)
Yes, Rick Moranis will be reprising his role as Dark Helmet for the Spaceballs sequel, and yes, slamming the brakes during Ludicrous Speed is still a bad idea.
11)
Well, he's wearing nice suits and he's started dropping elbows on nothing during interviews -- guess a feud with Flair is next on the list.
(Sung) "...'Cause there ain't no doubt I love this LAAAAAAAAND!"
6)
There are some wrestlers who would step out of the main event picture so their company can have a fighting chance to succeed. For everyone else, there's Mastercard.
7)
Jericho regrets saying that if they settled the strike in time for the start of the season, he'd eat a puck.
"OK, try again. Remember Dave, finger not thumb..." "Right, sorry...I want YOU!" "No dammit! Take 26!"
3)
"Well it's been thirty minutes now and I have to admit it Eric, you may just get that job at Buckingham Palace security."
4)
Problems I have with today's fashion #1: Look, you're hot or you're cold, make your damn mind up!
5)
The latest WWE book tie-in/biography decided to capitalise on another red hot market... "They weren't booked for anything the next day, so Hector, Rico and Heriberto had a good time, drank a few too many Telchino Tequillas that night and . . . you know kids, shit happens in this industry."
7)
"Oh man, I've been spewing these black balls out for a few minutes now. Quick! Somebody call the guy who played Leslie Nielsen's part in Soul Plane!"
9)
After the Edge feud ended, WWE decided to ditch Matt Hardy again, and he set up a school to try and make ends meet, but his mental state was still hanging by a thread.... "Look can ANYONE here pull of a full nelson? IT'S BEEN FIVE MONTHS PEOPLE!!! CHRIS FREAKIN' MASTERS CAN DO IT!!!"
(edited by Nardo on 1.8.05 0328) "Hardy Boys, Boyz with a Z. Is that Z supposed to scare us or something?" -Christian
"Hey, I'm just like Apollo Creed beating the Russians!" offscreen: "Um, Dave, that wasn't what happened..."
2)
"No, Booker, I can still feel her underwire."
3)
Cena: "Who told you the Net wouldn't like the McMahon-Austin angle done over again?" Bischoff: "You don't have to rub it in."
4)
"Hmm...does Christian start with a C or a K?"
5)
"And now, I'll tell you the story of how I wasted all the credibility I had worked so hard to regain in one really lame angle - the WWE version."
6)
"This is the MasterCard I'm using to fund TNA by laying off the charges on Sting - people really ought to look closer at the picture."
7)
"And I looked at the card and I thought, 'Hey, it looks like Sting - what's the harm in lending him $500?'"
8)
Paul London tried to capitalize on the popularity of Cena's "spinner" belt with his "cell phone" belt. Unfortunately, the keypad was too far down the belt for it to be useful.
9)
Matt sees Tatanka hogging all of the fried shrimp on the buffet table and has to be physically restrained.
10)
Rey: "I can't tell you why I though it would be a good angle - or why I involved my son in it." Reporter: "Do you mean Eddie Guerrero's son?" Rey: stares at reporter, then leaves the stage
11) Deafened by old age, Shawn can't hear the screams of the crowd warning him about the knife-wielding Bret Hart entering the ring.
I'm going twenty-four hours a day...I can't seem to stop - "Turn Up The Radio", Autograph
Wiener Of The Day - June 10th, 2003 W Of The Day - September 11th, 2004 (add spooky music here)
Is it just me, or do the RAW and SmackDown tapings seem pretty blase this week. I mean, they're not bad shows. It's just that, considering they were done over in the UK, I expected them to do something special on the shows.