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The W - Random - The vengeance scale
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Matt Tracker
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Since: 8.5.03
From: North Carolina

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#1 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.95
Now I know a good number of us here like Bill "The Sports Guy" Simmons, and we quote him or outright steal his stuff day and night.

This new column The Vengeance Scale is a marvelous encapsulation of pop culture, sports, and wrestling with the theme of measuring how badly people dished out payback or resolved themselves to do so. A fascinating read filled with all the "oh yeah" moments VH1 wishes it could arouse with their "I Love The" series.

It's compiled from reader suggestions and stems from the theory that Shaqamania will run wild on the NBA next season for the insulting trade consideration.



"To be the man, you gotta beat demands." -- The Lovely Mrs. Tracker
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JayJayDean
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Since: 2.1.02
From: Seattle, WA

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#2 Posted on | Instant Rating: 7.04
I'd have put Michael Douglas going nuts in "Falling Down" pretty high on this list. And Leonard shooting the drill sargeant in "Full Metal Jacket".



“To get ass, you’ve got to bring ass." -- Roy Jones Jr.

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The Lurk
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Since: 7.6.04

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#3 Posted on | Instant Rating: 1.46
Man, Simmons just makes life a little easier to live every day. This is his fourth idea will be part of my vernacular from here on out along with the Pantheon, the Faces, the UCS.

I won't even start to argue or gripe or try to add-to....



You got to cry without weeping

Talk without speaking

Scream without raising your voice
BWT
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Since: 27.1.04
From: Philly

Since last post: 6635 days
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#4 Posted on | Instant Rating: 2.46
This may be the best thing the Sports Guy has ever wrote and thats saying something. Missing was the Radicals going to the WWF in 2000.
estragand
Summer sausage








Since: 18.6.02

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#5 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.40
Good read. He sticks to mainly "realistic" movies...like "Good Fellas" and "Rocky". Otherwise, you'd have to include Mad Max hunting down Toecutter's gang. Especially handcuffing Johnny to a burning car and leaving him a hacksaw. What's the line? "It'll take you 10 minutes to cut through that axel..or 6 minutes to cut through your leg"



-ES
Visit ES online- it's "Internet Entertainment"!
spf
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Since: 2.1.02
From: The Las Vegas of Canada

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#6 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.94
This was one of the best things I've read in forever. He is our pop culture cuisinart. Only things I'll say is that:

- Lennox Lewis destroying Hasim Rahman should have been higher

- Chuck Liddell finally getting ahold of Tito Ortiz would have been nice on there

- MJ ending LaBradford Smith definitely needed to be higher. In all my years as a Bulls fan, I never saw him more ramped up than that.

- Any of the evil acts that Beecher and Schillinger pulled on each other in "Oz" could have rated.



johnkerryisadouchebagbutimvotingforhimanyway.com

JayJayDean
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Since: 2.1.02
From: Seattle, WA

Since last post: 2984 days
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#7 Posted on | Instant Rating: 7.04
    Originally posted by spf2119
    - MJ ending LaBradford Smith definitely needed to be higher. In all my years as a Bulls fan, I never saw him more ramped up than that.


Will someone refresh my memory on that? I can't remember it for the life of me.



“To get ass, you’ve got to bring ass." -- Roy Jones Jr.

"Your input has been noted.
I hope you don't take it personally if I disregard it."
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BOSsportsfan34
Pepperoni








Since: 2.1.03
From: MA

Since last post: 1390 days
Last activity: 1389 days
#8 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.82
    Originally posted by JayJayDean
      Originally posted by spf2119
      - MJ ending LaBradford Smith definitely needed to be higher. In all my years as a Bulls fan, I never saw him more ramped up than that.


    Will someone refresh my memory on that? I can't remember it for the life of me.


I'm a little bit sketchy on the exact details, but this is pretty close to how I remember it happening.

It was around the early 90's I believe. Washington and Chicago were playing a home-and-home series. The first game was in Washington, with the Bullets beating the Bulls and LaBradford Smith scored like 30 points with Jordan guarding him, and Smith was talking smack about it during the game. Jordan also had an off shooting night.

The next night they were in Chicago and the Bulls beat Washington going away. Not only did Jordan score something like 40 points, but he held Smith scoreless the whole game.

(edited by BOSsportsfan34 on 20.7.04 2118)


"Once you've seen a woman's cum face, you've seen her soul."

Dr. Christian Troy, from "Nip/Tuck"
rockdotcom_2.0
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Since: 9.1.02
From: Virginia Beach Va

Since last post: 4025 days
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#9 Posted on | Instant Rating: 3.42
Brilliant Column. I really think he is the most entertaining guy on the internet. Yes even more than Hyatte ;).

My personal favorite from the piece:


    Originally posted by Bill Simmons the Sports Guy


    8.0 -- Justin Timberlake's "Cry Me A River" video.


    (Note: The most underrated example of vengeance on this list. After Britney cheated on him, not only did he dump her, he put out a best-selling album fueled by a song about their breakup in which he basically destroys her with the lyrics. Just an unbelievable piece of work. It's devastating. I can't even imagine what she did when she first heard it. And if that wasn't enough, he made a well-received video about the song, starring a Britney look-alike. And if THAT wasn't enough, he immediately started going out with Cameron Diaz. By the time he was done, Britney's career was in the tank -- she was chain-smoking and hanging out with backup dancers and white trash guys from her hometown. Now that, my friends, is vengeance. Bravo, Justin. Bravo.)




Fucking Brilliant.



"I could be wrong, but I doubt it"---Charles Barkley
spf
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Since: 2.1.02
From: The Las Vegas of Canada

Since last post: 3069 days
Last activity: 404 days
#10 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.95
    Originally posted by BOSsportsfan34
      Originally posted by JayJayDean
        Originally posted by spf2119
        - MJ ending LaBradford Smith definitely needed to be higher. In all my years as a Bulls fan, I never saw him more ramped up than that.


      Will someone refresh my memory on that? I can't remember it for the life of me.


    I'm a little bit sketchy on the exact details, but this is pretty close to how I remember it happening.

    It was around the early 90's I believe. Washington and Chicago were playing a home-and-home series. The first game was in Washington, with the Bullets beating the Bulls and LaBradford Smith scored like 30 points with Jordan guarding him, and Smith was talking smack about it during the game. Jordan also had an off shooting night.

    The next night they were in Chicago and the Bulls beat Washington going away. Not only did Jordan score something like 40 points, but he held Smith scoreless the whole game.

    (edited by BOSsportsfan34 on 20.7.04 2118)


IIRC Smith scored something like 34 on Jordan in the first of the home and home. The next night, with Smith guarding him, Jordan dropped 35 in the first half on Smith.



johnkerryisadouchebagbutimvotingforhimanyway.com

Reverend J Shaft
Toulouse








Since: 25.6.03
From: Home of The Big House

Since last post: 1438 days
Last activity: 21 days
#11 Posted on | Instant Rating: 2.74
    Originally posted by JayJayDean
      Originally posted by spf2119
      - MJ ending LaBradford Smith definitely needed to be higher. In all my years as a Bulls fan, I never saw him more ramped up than that.


    Will someone refresh my memory on that? I can't remember it for the life of me.


Actually, it's pretty close to what spf2119 and BOSsportsfan34 said but Smith had scored 37 on MJ one night in Chicago. MJ said afterward that Smith had trash-talked him and that he would score just as many points the next time in the Cap Centre in the first half. Well, he scored 36, and he admitted sometime in the late 90's that he had made the whole story about Smith trash-talking him up.

So it's actually a little self-created vengeance on MJ's part. Which shows to me as I always thought: MJ is a petulant bitch. Oh jeez, did I say that out loud?


(edited by Reverend J Shaft on 22.7.04 1643)


2004 WORLD CHAMPIONS!!!
That's not a riot, that's 20,000 fans telling the rest of America to kiss our asses.
ShotGunShep
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Since: 20.2.03

Since last post: 5981 days
Last activity: 5868 days
#12 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.74
"9.5 -- Rocky Balboa holding a dying Apollo in his arms as Ivan Drago sneers, "If he dies, he dies."


(Note: This led to Rocky fighting on Christmas Day in Russia for no money; nearly losing his unfeeling wife; climbing a 55,000-foot mountain in snow boots; singlehandedly ending the Cold War; and possibly ending up with brain damage, although we will never know for sure since "Rocky 5" never happened.)"

Hahaha, but why does he say (twice) that Rocky 5 never took place(besides the fact that it was the worst movie that ends in a freaking street fight).
Battlezone
Potato korv








Since: 27.2.03
From: Seattle, Washington

Since last post: 5588 days
Last activity: 321 days
#13 Posted on | Instant Rating: 4.36
    Originally posted by ShotGunShep
    Hahaha, but why does he say (twice) that Rocky 5 never took place(besides the fact that it was the worst movie that ends in a freaking street fight).


You just answered your own question there, Shep.



"It's the four pillars of the male heterosexual psyche. We like naked women, stockings, lesbians, and Sean Connery best as James Bond because that is what being a [man] is." -Jack Davenport, Coupling
spf
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Since: 2.1.02
From: The Las Vegas of Canada

Since last post: 3069 days
Last activity: 404 days
#14 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.95
A couple of things:

1. When did Jordan say he made up the Smith thing? I never saw that, and here in Chicago during the 90's Jordan sneezing merited 3 pages.

2. "Jordan is a petulant bitch" Someone still hasn't gotten over the 4-0 sweep in 91 have they?

3. As for why Rocky V doesn't exist, because Sports Guy has the power of time and space to make bad movies never happen. I believe "The Next Karate Kid" is also one of those things that never actually got made in his universe.



johnkerryisadouchebagbutimvotingforhimanyway.com

Reverend J Shaft
Toulouse








Since: 25.6.03
From: Home of The Big House

Since last post: 1438 days
Last activity: 21 days
#15 Posted on | Instant Rating: 2.74
Originally posted by spf2119
A couple of things:

1. When did Jordan say he made up the Smith thing? I never saw that, and here in Chicago during the 90's Jordan sneezing merited 3 pages.


I found a column by Wilbon here. I remember hearing about it somewhere around that time.

Originally posted by spf666
2. "Jordan is a petulant bitch" Someone still hasn't gotten over the 4-0 sweep in 91 have they?




I wouldn't know. I started drinking around 2-0, and in my little world, the Pistons lived happily ever after and Jordan lost his power and became a garbage man... in Hong Kong.

Originally posted by spf5318008

3. As for why Rocky V doesn't exist, because Sports Guy has the power of time and space to make bad movies never happen. I believe "The Next Karate Kid" is also one of those things that never actually got made in his universe.


I thought I remembered him saying that he wanted to buy the box set of Rocky at the video store just so he could take Rocky V out and stomp on it right there in front of everyone.




(edited by Reverend J Shaft on 22.7.04 1648)
whatever
Bierwurst








Since: 12.2.02
From: Cleveland, Ohio

Since last post: 1456 days
Last activity: 1416 days
#16 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.75
    Originally posted by Reverend J Shaft
    ...and Jordan lost his power and became a garbage man... in Hong Kong.


TESTIFY. "The Shot" in '89 missed, too.



"Lita holds a Stone Cold Steve Austin home pregnancy test. What will the Bottom Line say? “Hell Yeah” or “Eh-EH”?"


- Raw Satire, 6/15/04

spf
Scrapple








Since: 2.1.02
From: The Las Vegas of Canada

Since last post: 3069 days
Last activity: 404 days
#17 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.95
J Shaft...that post made my day.

whatever...to steal one of the DJ Frosty Freeze's tricks...



Please Believe It






johnkerryisadouchebagbutimvotingforhimanyway.com

Jaguar
Knackwurst








Since: 23.1.02
From: In a Blue State finally

Since last post: 1903 days
Last activity: 1903 days
#18 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.90
Apparently I don't watch enough 90210. But the rest of it was okay.

-Jag



Pat Tillman, rest in peace.

"It's almost as if they waited for him to die so he couldn't go ... `Shut the fuck up, that's not what I think!' "
-Jon Stewart commenting on the sudden wealth of questions such as "Would President Reagan approve of the war in Iraq?" being posed by conservative pundits.
redsoxnation
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Since: 24.7.02

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#19 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.38
I would have put Russell and the '69 Celtics higher on the list, as that was the ultimate F.U. with Jack Kent Cooke's staff having a choreographed list of what was going to occur after the Lakers finally knocked off the Celts in a Game 7: balloons, USC Marching Band, etc. lying around, and (if I remember right) Jo Jo White finding it and bringing it to Russell in the dressing room before the game. That has to be mid 5.
Nice to see Kerry's brain scrambled by the Freebirds being high on the list.
With all the Godfather references, Luca Brazi getting double crossed on his double cross and getting sent to sleep with the fishes is at least a 3.
dwaters
Bierwurst








Since: 16.10.02
From: Connecticut

Since last post: 1399 days
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#20 Posted on | Instant Rating: 2.25
I think Alanis Morisette's "You Outta Know" should rank higher, Dave Coulier or not. I really thought she'd keep going after "Jagged Little Pill", but all she's put out seems to be tuneless stream-of-conciousness ramblings that only make sense to her. I guess being cast as God in a movie (Dogma) can give you a big ego.
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