Taped from the Davis Arena in Louisville, KY 4/13/05
Our Hosts are Jim Cornette and Dean "The Prince of Pronunciation" Hill
In a shocking swerve, let us take you back to last week before the titles even roll. Some confused people are going to think this is part of the Twilight Zone episode that was on earlier.
We pick up the end of BRENT ALBRIGHT vs. SEVEN in progress. Albright is clubbing away on Seven's arm. He finally locks in the crowbar, Seven quickly taps out! A winner is Albright
Albright says you tapped out. He says don't be ashamed, since you just tapped out to the best damn wrestler on OVW TV today, “The Shooter”(tm) Brent Albright.
LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR!!!!
Hello and welcome to Ohio Valley Wrestling. This show is the WWE tryout edition if Internet rumors are true. Tonight Matt Morgan vs. Elijah Burke, M-N-M vs. Skyfire/Johnson, we talk to the new Southern Tag Champions, the Blonde Bombers... but first...
"Beat the Champ" TV Title Match "The Shooter"(tm) BRENT ALBRIGHT v.s. KEN ANDERSON
Someone asked me a couple weeks if Anderson was in OVW yet... well here he is wrestling for your entertainment. Like all of Albright's matches lately, this should be pretty good.
Albright is announced as "The Shooter" Brent Albright, but his graphic says Brent "Shooter" Albright. Even OVW can't escape logic holes. Anderson gets no entrance or music. Anderson does a little hoppy thing back and forth. Dean Hill does his “Ray Ramsey your referee, kickin things off on the WB.
Circle around, lockup, waistlock takeover. Albright rolls him around on the mat, and there's some mat work. Anderson gets up, another waistlock. Overhead Tazzzzplex on Anderson and Anderson decides it's time to leave the ring.. Inaudible chant from the crowd. Anderson decides to head for the exits but Albright punches him to stop him from leaving.
Back on the apron, into the ring. Crowd chants “Make him tap!”.. Anderson throws him through the ring ropes. but Albright holds on and clocks Anderson. He pounds Anderson on the apron, and shove him back in the ring. Punch, whip to the buckle, runs in, caught with an elbow, Albright comes back with an elbow. Whip to the ropes and a belly-to-belly overhead suplex! Clubbing forearm to the back of the neck, whipped into the corner. Spear in the corner misses. Anderson hops around and catches him in the gut with a stiff kick and stomp. Forearm, forearm. Albright comes back with the forearm. punch, kick to the gut.
Backdrop suplex by Anderson gets a 2. Punch to the head. Albright and Anderson trade shots, Anderson stomps Albright in the gut Austin style as Dean Hill puts him over. Whip into the corner. Albright blocks, catches w/ elbow, clothesline, clothesline, whip into the ropes, big back bodydrop. goes for a German suplex. Anderson blocks, bounces off the ropes, but Albright catches him with a release German for 2.
Armbreaker by Albright. Albright locks in the crowbar, and Anderson kicks out.
Your Winner: "The Shooter" Brent Albright. Albright collects another thousand dollar check which he won't report to the IRS.
Fans chant you TAPPED OUT. Albright says “KEN ANDERSON YOU TAPPED OUT, DON'T BE ASHAMED. You just tapped out to the best damn wrestler on OVW TV today, the Shooter' Brent Albright”.
Decent match, but Anderson really showed nothing here.
We'll be back with the Blonde Bombers
-- OVW in London... KENTUCKY. April 30 and 7:30 pm. The Thrillseekers, Elijah Burke, Matt Morgan, SEVEN big MATCHES OVW ! LIVE! LIVE LIVE!
OVW in E-Town, Friday April 22 and 8 PM. 7 Live matches. The above plus the Heartbreakers and Brent Albright, plus Hollywood Dale Duncan. This will be about 3 times shorter than any IWA:MS card and not booked by Cornette so why bother.
We have new Southern Tag Team Champions, The Blonde Bombers (The Tolands)... before we talk to them in the ring, let us take you back to last week.
Chad has Matt in a crossface (n. Crippler). Matt hulks up punch, punch and whip to the ropes. Matt makes the tag to Jeter. I'm amazed on how there's rarely a proper race to tag in tag team wrestling anymore. Dropkick, whip, reversed, flying forearm, backdrop. Sleeper neckbreaker. 2 count. Whip into the ropes... spinning kick gets TWO before being broken up by Tank. Matt in, and accidentally knocks Tank into the ref. They set up for a double superkick on Tank... wait a minute it's Jillian hall... she breaks it up by tripping Matt. Tank hit the Tank Turret (spinning Polish Hammer) on Jeter. Ref recovers, Chad Covers, 1-2-3 and Cornette is all "OH NO MY GAWD DAMNEST THING I'VE EVERSEEN FOR GAWD'S SAKES" etc as the Bombers have won the Tag Titles.
Cornette is in the ring with his scummy E-Town promoter, “Hollywood” Dale Duncan, who's so lame he won't even get CAPS. They $hill the rematch for the tag team titles between the Bombers and the Thrillseekers, which will be live Friday Night in E-Town. Cornie asks how you can get tickets. You can't even tell what this Duncan clown is saying between the 5-packs of cigs and the accent.
It's the BLONDE BOMBERS (Tank and Chad Tolland) out to interrupt. Apparently they "aren't scheduled for this time".Tank goes “Whoa... are you kidding, Hollywood Dale Duncan, nobody wants to see him.” “Hollyweird Dale” says Chad. Tank says you're talking to the new Southern Tag Team champs. Hollywood, really. If you're worried about selling out E-Town on Friday, he doesn't have to worry. The Bombers will be dropping the bomb on the Thrillseekers.
Cornette asks them about Jillian Hall. The Bombers decided they needed a bombshell with fine natural blonde hair, a chiseled body, and a natural smile. Tank says all the women here in Kentuckiana are fat skanks. Cornette says you can't talk that way. I have to agree with Tank. Tank says they needed a "real women" to fight all the Kentuckian skanks off... so without further ado, let him introduce the Bombers new Bombshell...
It's... Holy TAMMY SYTCH Batman. Well upon further examination it's JILLIAN HALL and we know that she's toxic (Britney Spears - "Toxic"). This is too weird as she's not far way from being a dead ringer for Sunny the way she's dressed up. Cornette gushes about how she's "about ready to pop out of her shirt" and wonders if OVW will be liable.
She hugs both Tolands and then raises their hands and does the Sunny head bob thing, and everything clicks. Everyone watching has a huge Bodydonnas flashback. The Tolands being short with dyed blonde hair doesn't help either.
Well Cornette's finally done it. He beams like Scottie Ferguson looking at Judy Barton for a second. I smell money, anyway.
Jillian rocks the mic. “I have got to be the like the luckiest woman ever to have been ringside on the legendary night when the Blonde Bombers win the tag team titles... I am SO proud of you guys. I know it was my beauty (more Sunny mannerisms here) that inspired them to work harder... after all I am the bombshell (yet more mannerisms). Who is the greasy, disgusting (loud "Blond Bimbo" chant) sorry excuse for a man in my ring?”
Cornette apologizes to Duncan. Duncan says I hope you get your ass beat on Friday. Tank roughs him up, which brings in THE THRILLSEEKERS who clear the ring. Matt says nobody puts their hands on Hollywood Dale Duncan.. next week, Jeter and I have a surprise for you and I got a feeling you midgets ain't gonna like it.
Next: Elijah Burke vs. Morgan.
-- 4th Annual Six Flags Super Summer Sizzler Series with Six Big Events and Sally Selling Sea Shells by the Seashore.
ONLINE POKER AD... PERSONAL LINES AD... Yoplait Yogurt ad... Online poker ad.... one of these things is not like the others...
Let us take you to the crowd where ALEXIS LAREE and SOME JOBBER TRAINEE are begging for money for the WHAS Children's Crusade. Hey, it didn't work in 1212 so let's not be trying that stuff again. Ah... I remember the segment with Matt Morgan and Elijah Burke like it was last week...
MATT MORGAN is dressed up like he's going to be in Evolution and ELIJAH BURKE is dressed up like he's Booker T. Morgan says when he beats Elijah Burke.. Burke says “Don't stand there and run your trap like I'm not standing here. All this talk about how when you beat me, take my title, the question should be if you beat me.”.
Dang, Burke is showing tons of charisma here unlike his backstage promo a couple weeks ago. Morgan takes his jacket off. “Granted, you may be one big locomotive, last time you when head to head with the Eiljah express, you got ran over”. Morgan says he's in with the Bluerpint of the industry.
Burke says he beat Morgan 3 times. “All of a sudden, you think you're going to walk in here take my title, destroy my dream. Don't home in hear like a cabbage, all head no ass. The Elijah Experience will be in full effect next week”.
Many refs are in the ring now. Morgan says he's sick and tired of hearing about your dream, and “it's about time someone woke you up”. Morgan kicks Burke in the gut and gives him a powerbomb.
“Burke, you can dream all you want, but next week you're going to feel my wrath.”
OVW Heavyweight Title "The Blueprint" MATT MORGAN vs. ELIJAH BURKE
It's time to get down with the hossness (Disturbed - “Down with the Sickness”) as Matt Morgan comes out. He's now got black hair and a goatee and no mask. He's definitely going into Evolution at some point soon.
Burke slaps everyone's hands in the front and comes out to a huge pop. Robert Briscoe is your referee. Cornette says the gold is on the line in one minute. next!
OVW at the Derby Park Expo for Five Big Matches, then STEAL WWE Backlash along with OVW.
Online Poker Ad!!! (Count: 3). Well, the scam artists have to stick together
Another ad for the Louisville Singles line... Cornette lies again as the ad break goes to about 1:21
Back in the ring, it's match time. Can't you tell the tag teams are the main eventers of this promotion? They circle around a bit to start. Dueling chants between the fans and the ring rats. Burke kisses up to the crowd. Lockup, but Matt is too roided and pushes him back and poses like hogan. “YOU STILL SUCK” chant. Waistlock by Burke, elbow by Morgan breaks it. Whip into the corner. Burke moves out of the way, Morgan hits turnbuckle. Burke goes for a rollup and Morgan attempts a stomp to stop it but Burke moves out of the way, and goes after the knee. Whip, reversed, Elijah slides under the legs and punches Morgan, but Morgan regains control. Whipped into the buckle again, Morgan runs into a boot, shoulderblock by Burke to Morgan has little effect. Burke ducks a Morgan clothesline, another shoulderblock to little effect.. Burke goes upstairs and a shoulderblock off the top rope finally brings Morgan down for a 1 count. That was a boss little/big man sequence. Burke up top again. Morgan crotches him on the ropes and sets up for a superplex. Burke blocks it and shoves Morgan off the top. He goes for a big elbowdrop which misses by a mile. Big lariat turns Burke upside down. Morgan rubs Burke into the mat.
“Go Matt go” chant from the ring rats. Morgan whips Burke into the buckle and Elijah collapses from the impact. Morgan stands on him near the ropes. He goes for the pin and gets 2. Stomp, goes outside and does the a legdrop on the apron. 2 count. He gets frustrated and chokes Burke, then he locks in a dragon sleeper (~!). Burke tries to punch out, reverses into a DDT! Both men down.
ELIJAH chant. Burke hits some punches and dodges several of Morgan's shots. Morgan goes for a clothesline but Burke ducks, dropkick to the leg, dropkick to the face, and finally a flying forearm brings Morgan down again for a 2 count. Burke goes up top. Sunset flip off the top and Morgan kicks out. Elijah signals for the facebuster, kick to the gut, facebuster, 2.9999 count. Burke is shocked. He signals for another facebuster, but when he runs back to Morgan, he walks into a BLACK HOLE SLAM for a close 2 count. Morgan signals for a chokeslam and hits it. 2.9999 count. Morgan is really pissed at this point and complains to the ref. Burke crawls up and hits a schoolboy for another real long 2 count. Kick to the gut by Morgan... here it comes... Vertical suplex and drops him down into a STO... that's his finisher! 1-2-3. We have a new OVW Champion.
Winner: Matt Morgan
The ringrats pop big for this. Burke tries to get up, still trying to fight Morgan.
Up next, Danny Inferno...
-- Ad Break -
Let us take you back to last week when this trainee/wrestler is getting coached on cutting ad advertisement to watch OVW in London Kentucky. Suddenly there's a commotion and the camera pans over to see Beth Phoenix and Aaron "The Idol" Stevens running by in the hallway (“let's get the hell outta here”), followed a few seconds later by Danny Inferno (“come back you son of a btich”). The cameraman follows down the hallway and outside. Hilarity ensues when Inferno has trouble getting one of the doors open. We see Inferno chasing a SUV out of the parking lot There's how you book a backstage segment that makes logical sense.
Back to live action (which is really taped a few days ago), here comes DANNY INFERNO to the ring. Cornette says there must be some bad feelings and bad blood over what happened to Trudi.
Inferno says Stevens is a women-beater and a coward. He ran away like a scalded dog and didn't show up here tonight. Stevens is a self-centered spoiled brat. He had to go after his girlfriend with a piledriver and crack her neck. Inferno says he doesn't know if she ever ever will wrestle again. Inferno says Phoenix better keep her nose out of Inferno's business or he's going to start treating her like a man... because he knows Phoenix has a bigger set than Stevens. And he's not talking about breasts. Inferno doesn't care if it's in the parking lot, the locker room, or Denny's. There will be a fight and a fight Inferno is gonna win. He's going to kick his ass, not for himself or for Trudi, he's going to kick his ass for every person who hates Stevens' guts... by the sound of that he says, he's going to be kicking his ass for all of us.
Here's hoping they book a Denny's Jersey Shore Streetfight with yet another set of rules in the next few weeks.
-- Ad break
OVW Fundraiser SCAM... call 502-473-0660 and do your best Ian Rotten or Vince Russo imitation and see how long you keep them on the phone.
MNM (JOEY MATTHEWS and JOHNNY NITRO w/ MELINA) v.s. SETH SKYFIRE AND MAC JOHNSON.
MNM totally do their Smackdown entrance note for note, which means some of their stuff has been cut by the WWE. The fur jackets this week are the boss ones from Smackdown. We get a perfect splits shot this week that the PTC would complain about if they knew about it. Skyfire and Johnson run out and start fighting immediately. They clear the ring. This should rock. Chris Kay is your referee.
MNM stall outside the ring, talking their time in taking their jackets off. Cornette says they're now in the WWE. Matthews is blowing invisible blood out of his nose Matthews in the ring, slaps Mac Johnson with a cheap shot and then rolls out of the ring. Johnson chases Matthews around the ring. Matthews back in and cuts him off. Head to the buckle. Punches to Johnson. Johnson fights out of the corner. Whip, reversed, spear to Matthews. Nitro in, fits a fury on Nitro. atomic drop to Matthews. Fist, 2 count. Skyfire tagged in. Double whip, double elbow. 2 count. Matthews fights out with punches. Head to the buckle, rakes eyes over the ropes. Nitro in, punch to the gut. punch. Skyfire comes back with multiple punches, goes for a monkeyflip which he hits.. Dropsault sort of now. 2 count. Johnson in.. punches to the gut. kick to the gut on Matthews... double noggin knocker. Nitro/Johnson legal men. Whip to the corner. shoulder tackle in the corner. Johnson hits a field goal kick on Nitro. Skyfire tagged in. Nitro hops over Johnson but gets hit with a kick by Skyifre.
Skyfire is now face in peril as Nitro/Matthews doubleteam Skyfire. Punch by Matthews to Seth Skyfire. He throws Skyfire outside of the ring. Matthews poses but Skyfire pops back up and climbs the top rope. Crossbody off the top for 2! Punch, punch, punch, whip, reversed, slide underneath the legs, rana by Skyfire, punches. Matthew comes back with an uppercut. Whip to the corner, Matthews runs in with a STIFF clothesline... nice. Punch, whip to the buckle, Skyfire ducks over the rope so Matthews eats turnbuckle. Skyfire fights Nitro on the apron, then Matthews in the ring, then Nitro on the apron again until Matthews comes running over and knocks Skyfire into the guardrail! Nitro grabs him and knocks his head on the apron. rolls him back in the ring for Joey. 2 count. We have one more timeout... we'll be back. Nitro tags in
-- OVW in London
OVW in E-town
Skyfire hits a sunsest flip on Nitro, but Nitro makes a blind tag to Matthews before it happens. Matthews breaks it up. gets a 1.5 count on Skyfire. Matthews hits a half-hour, delayed vertical suplex. 2 count and Johnson breaks it up. Joey goes for another suplex, but Seth blocks it, reversed into a rollup but Nitro distracts the ref... finally a 2 count. Neckbreaker on Skyfire. 2 countt after the cocky cover. Nitro in, frames him and hits a boot to the gut. Breakdancing into a spinning legdrop on Skyfire... VERY nice!! This gets 2 count. European uppercut, kick, Grabs Seth Skyfire by the hair and hits another uppercut. Melina slaps Skyfire. Stomp to the head, 2 count. Grabs in a headlock, holds him and tags in Matthews. Short-arm clotheline, shades of Jake Roberts. 2 count. Cravate, correctly called by Cornette. Skyfire punches out. Elbow on Skyfire.
Matthews calls for the snapshot and tags in Nitro. Matthews picks up Skyfire, Nitro goes for the DDT but gets punched off. Skyfire slides off and hits a shining enziguri on Matthews (~!) He goes to tag in Johnson, Nitro grabs his ankle but Skyfire gets over to the corner anyway. Johnson is a house of fire, punches, clotheslines... big dropkick. Gets two. Matthews eats a flying forearm... Nitro in and he telegraphs a backdrop, Johnson tries to reverse into a backslide but Nitro flips over.... Johnson turns it into a fisherman's suplex! Matthews breaks it up at the last second. Skyfire back up, punches Matthews. Kicks Matthews in the corner. Johnson to the top, missile dropkick on Nitro but the ref is distracted... Melina sprays something in Johnson's eyes. Skyfire thrown out of the ring. Snapshot on Johnson and Nitro gets the pin!
Melina stands on Johnson's throat with her boot. They knock Skyfire off the apron again and take out the ref. They're going after Johnson's injured gut Kick, knee to the gut... double gutbuster. Johnson sells the injured gut... we'll see you next week.
Good show this week... nice to know we haven't seen the last of MNM. Both interview segments were good and the matches were all solid, although nothing grabbed me enough to bother giving it a star rating to any of it, although the last two matches were pretty fun.
1. Who exactly did you have in mind that was going to talk about how great this new is? 2. That's the worst comma placement I've seen this month. 3. Which kinda makes "think for a moment" awfully ironic. 4. I'm almost done 5.