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The W - Pro Wrestling - On This (Yester)Day: WCW Saturday Night - March 23, 1996
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Since: 2.1.02
From: Ottawa, Ontario

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#1 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.81
WCW Saturday Night is on the air, via the laboratory of Cyborg Jobbers! We are treated to an opening of ... nope, I have no patience for Zeus. Goodnight everyone!
 
Hrmph. TONY SCHIAVONE and DUSTY RHODES are here, and Uncensored is ... argh, tomorrow. Zeus has been renamed Z-Gangsta, and I can’t handle it.
 
ShippeWreck: This one needs a little video accompaniment, so we can all bask in the glory of Z-Gangsta's painted-on eyebrows and Solution's painted-on handlebar mustache.
 
How dare you ShippeWreck! I’m trying to send out the personal advisories that nobody should ever sit through this, and here you go flaunting Zeus’ eyebrows like it’s a cat wanting a cheeseburger. I can’t handle it. Spoiler: tomorrow is rock bottom. It simply cannot reach levels this low ever again. I mean sure, there’s some recovery, with the abysmal Slamboree ahead if I am even alive through May and I might not be if I have more run ins with Z-Gangsta, but we’re gonna make it ... We just have to believe that Uncensored won’t kill us. I mean, if we were really going for the full sadistic effort, we’d turn things over now to the freakin’ Armstrongs.
 
BRAD ARMSTRONG vs. LEX LUGER (for the WCW World Television Title)
 
I WAS KIDDING – PLEASE MAKE IT STOP!!!! This is a good spot to go to the feedback:
 
ekedolphin: Aw, you forgot a hilarious (and actually, rather important) part of Luger's celebration, Chris...
 
When Luger was in the ring jumping around "like he'd won the World Title" after "defeating" Loch Ness in his Television Title defense, Jimmy Hart ran into the ring and jumped into Luger's arms. Luger embraced him for a brief moment and then quickly remembered that "oh yeah, I'm supposed to pretend I don't like Jimmy Hart," and had Hart vacate the ring post-haste.
 
Admittedly, that’s a pretty huge gaffe on my part, so I appreciate the WCW loyalists having sat through shows featuring Z-Gangsta and the Booty Man to call me on it. It’s pretty incredible to believe there was a period of time where Lex Luger was the best thing happening in WCW, but here we are. Tony Schiavone mentions that WCW has a Cruiserweight Championship that is about to crown its first champion (on two different continents). Dusty declares his intentions to enter, with Tony pretty brashly replying: “you’re NOT even close to the weight class!” Ballsy Tony; I like it. Tony then tells us that Brad Armstrong always gives us 100%, and while I really don’t wish to draw the ire of the Armstrong family, honestly Brad, if that was 100% ... well, maybe it would have been best to hang it up before you got started. Or was it your lifelong dream to play Not-Spiderman, and an even more burned out version of your own more successful brother? This match is given way, way, way, way, too long because of WCW’s continued obsession to make us believe Brad Armstrong is legitimate competition, despite never really letting him win a match unless it is against a Barrio Brother. Luger tries a Rack, but Armstrong slips off the back, allowing him to punch Luger in the gut like you would Bald Bull in Super Punch Out, and Luger wilts like a flower. Russian Legsweep is blocked with the ropes, and NOW the Rack finishes for real at 5:36. No Jimmy Hart is a strange twist, especially this close to the PPV, but maybe Luger’s finally realized “wait, Sting can SEE this stuff”. *
 
Proganda of the day is Arn Anderson kicking the crap out of Johnny B Badd! I whole heartedly approve of this clip; though it shines a pretty obvious spotlight on the “shoot” that is Brian Pillman seeing as how they’ve made zero attempts to bury him to date.
 
STEVEN REGAL (with Jeeves) vs. THE GAMBLER (with deck of cards)
 
Gambler’s new catch phrase: “Always a winning hand, you can bet on it!” If we’re expanding the character, can we watch him try and hustle some of the high stakes regulars at the Bellagio, as well as subsequent clips of him getting buried in the desert; or is that limited only to Ric Flair although not for 3 more years. Regal finishes with the Regal Stretch at 1:41. Regal promises far more is coming for Fit Finlay, because he’s forced him to lose his manners, mobility, and pride (in that order?). He plans on sending Fit back home to his meat and potatoes. AS HE SHOULD! 1/2*
 
ARN ANDERSON and KEVIN SULLIVAN (with Jimmy Hart) vs. JULIO SANCHEZ and A MAN WITH NO NAME BUT NOT THE MAN WITH NO NAME
 
DDT on the no-name jobber at 0:32. I feel bad for the nameless kid, he has a family too. Perhaps his father is LOCH NESS who seems very irate about this match, and yells about it in the aisle. Though, if Joey Jobberino is his son, he certainly didn’t inherit his genes as he’s about 94 pounds, and that includes his trunks. DUD
 
TONY SCHIAVONE grabs a word with Arn, Kevin, and Jimmy. Sullivan mentions that Brian Pillman will be invited to join the Alliance to End Hulkamania, where Sullivan will be able to manhandle him AND Hogan. Arn tells him to worry about his own business on his own time, Hogan’s the target tomorrow.
 
COBRA (with Teddy Long) vs. RIC FLAIR (with Woman and Elizabeth) (for the WCW World Heavyweight title)
 
Now how in the hell has Craig freakin’ Pittman earned himself a world title shot?!? Are we giving no illusions of needing to win a few matches first? What happens if Ric Flair dies during the match, does Pittman win the World Title? Will we forever remember Craig Pittman as a World Champion? Would it be worse than David Arquette allegedly would have been had he won the World Title 4 years from this show but of course that would never happen ha ha? While we mull over that, the ladies come out with cash in hand ... apparently Macho Man’s cash, and throw it to the crowd. Now that is some serious trolling of your ex-husband. Tony calls this a great match up because he is a liar. Flair jabs a thumb in Pittman’s eye, gives him the Robin Ventura treatment, and tosses him to Woman on the floor who can’t wait to dig her nails into his corneas. Back in, Pittman blindly throws a spear, which hits the mark, and Flair drops. Flair is flipped over the buckle and crashes to the floor. Pittman slams Flair’s face to the guardrail, and sunset flips him back in for 1. Pittman botches a slam and nearly kills Ric – and ... OH GOD, IF HE KILLS RIC ... No no no! Would he have to defend against Z-Gangsta? Would he lose it to Kevin Sullivan based on the pecking order? Woman tries to use the shoe but Teddy Long stops her. Thankfully Pittman misses a spear, hits the buckle, and Flair rolls him up with a handful of camo-pants at 5:47. *1/2
 
TONY SCHIAVONE tries to interview Flair, but he is promptly thrown out of the room. Long is warned to never touch Woman’s shoes again. “They’re mine, not yours!” Flair said he’s heard rumors that Giant wants a piece of him; and he’s cool with that because the bigger they are, the harder they fall.
 
COLONEL ROBERT PARKER (with “Dirty” Dick Slater) vs. TOMMY BONDS
 
This is a warm-up for tomorrow night’s bout with Madusa. Parker is taking this mighty seriously, because he’s got his sleeves rolled up, and has actually taken the cigar out! The referee tries like hell to hold the tiger that is Parker back from Bonds, and behind his back, Slater decks Tommy. Parker applies the Parker Legbreaker, which appears to be ... who the hell knows, he’s mostly grabbing at whatever, but it’s enough at 0:24. DUD
 
LEE MARSHALL meets with the victor, who is mopping his face down from the gruelling fight. Slater calls this the greatest match he’s ever seen. Parker tells us he’s just destroyed a full grown man, so the little bitty lady is doomed. Of course, that draws in MADUSA to attack and Colonel runs off, which Slater sells as “a little leg work before the match, I gotta go!”
 
Here’s a special look at the WCW Cruiserweight Title tournament. Dean Malenko, Mr. JL, Disco Inferno, Koji Kanemoto, Shinjiro Ohtani, Akira Nokami, Jushin Liger, Rey Mysterio Jr., Psychosis, Alex Wright, Devon Storm, Chris Benoit, and Eddie Guerrero are highlighted. Tomorrow night on the Main Event, the first United States Cruiserweight Title match will take place.
 
EDDIE GUERRERO vs. STEVE DOLL
 
Steve Doll is no joke, as we will allegedly discover in May, he is a central plot point in the greatest debut in professional wrestling history. How can Eddie Guerrero handle the challenge of a man who is clearly one of the five wrestlers, in the entire world, who most closely resemble Van Hammer. Apparently, with a great deal of difficulty, as Eddie is thrown around with suplexes with the kind of intensity only David Flair could tell us about. Eddie comes back with a clothesline which I find hilarious since Doll is about 4 feet taller than him, but it’s sold nevertheless. A dropkick misses, allowing Doll the opportunity to stand around and wait for Eddie to recover and hit a brainbuster. Frog Splash finishes at 4:55. *1/2
 
THE STEINER BROTHERS vs. CHRIS KANYON and MIKE WINNER
 
Where on earth is Mark Starr? Is he hurt? Did he refuse to do the job against Scott Steiner? Did Kanyon pull his groin? And unfortunately, Mike Winner is left alone with Scott, who flattens him with a belly to belly, and rolls him over to Kanyon to tag out. Rick tosses Kanyon with an overhead release German, and demands a piece of Mike Winner. He eats a Tigerbomb from Scott, and is finished with a top rope double team DDT at 2:04. Jesus, did Winner poop in Mom Steiner’s brownies? 1/2*
 
“EARL” ROBERT EATON (with Jeeves) vs. STING
 
Sting hiptosses Eaton, which probably sets the theme for the next 3, maybe 4 minutes tops. Eaton hits a neckbreaker to set up the Tower of London, but Sting moves out of the way. A snap suplex levels the Earl, but now DAVE TAYLOR interferes on the top rope. What the hell does he think he’s doing up there, you can’t hit no European Uppercut from the top rope! LEX LUGER saves his partner by shoving Taylor into Eaton, and Sting gets the roll up victory at 3:11. Sting shares a little love with his bestie. 1/2*
 
TONY SCHIAVONE gets a word with the tag-team champions. Sting says he was nearly at the point of not being able to trust Luger, but tonight proved his loyalty, so he’s fully redeemed. Luger finds it a shame and an atrocity that he can’t wrestle with Sting at Uncensored, as he’s tried to find every legal loophole to be allowed, but he simply can’t. Sting smiles and nods, because he completely understands this law stuff. If you look really closely, you’ll see Sting’s facepaint spells out “stupid”.
 
THE PUBLIC ENEMY vs. THE ROAD WARRIORS
 
Haven’t TPE already wrestled tonight? No? It FEELS that way. In fact, I’m willing to bet in the 37 shows I’ve recapped since I started this project, TPE have appeared roughly 84 times. Dusty calls this a “bring yo own pludah” match, and the teams are definitely game for that, as they proceed to punch each other sometimes, and suck wind at other times. Rocco hits a flying body attack off the top which is promptly no sold and both members of TPE are clotheslined to the floor. Hawk beats the snot out of Rock, and gives the referee a dirty glare because he had the audacity to stand nearby. Fistdrop gets 2. Hawk charges blindly, and winds up going shoulder first into the post. He fires right back with double clotheslines, before Animal powerbombs Rock. Grunge is dumped, and Rock is thrown through the table they set up at ringside drawing a DQ at 4:56. TPE insist on getting their hands raised anyway. Match of the night at a whopping *1/2
 
LEE MARSHALL talks to the Warriors. Animal blames Luger for the current mess at Uncensored, and calls him a no good piece of ass?!? What the hell?!? Hawk suggests Booker T isn’t from Harlem, but from Greenwich Village, and is in fact one of the Village People. Are they on drugs??? (Don’t answer that)
 
And because we need one last hard sell of the impending pay-per-view that I have no desire to recap, here’s THE MEGAPOWERS. Hogan says he saw fear for the first time when he first laid eyes on Z-Gangsta and The Ultimate Solution. Savage blames Hogan for this mess, as he was the idiot who put “The Megapowers” on the contract instead of Hulk Hogan, but Savage says he’s always got Hogan’s back, and if anyone wants a piece of the Hulkster, they’ve gotta go through him first. “LET’S DO IT, YEEEEAAAHHH!”
 
Yeah ...



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Dr Unlikely
Frankfurter








Since: 2.1.02

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#2 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.30
    Originally posted by cfgb

    COBRA (with Teddy Long) vs. RIC FLAIR (with Woman and Elizabeth) (for the WCW World Heavyweight title)
     
    Now how in the hell has Craig freakin’ Pittman earned himself a world title shot?!? Are we giving no illusions of needing to win a few matches first? What happens if Ric Flair dies during the match, does Pittman win the World Title? Will we forever remember Craig Pittman as a World Champion? Would it be worse than David Arquette allegedly would have been had he won the World Title 4 years from this show but of course that would never happen ha ha? While we mull over that, the ladies come out with cash in hand ... apparently Macho Man’s cash, and throw it to the crowd. Now that is some serious trolling of your ex-husband. Tony calls this a great match up because he is a liar. Flair jabs a thumb in Pittman’s eye, gives him the Robin Ventura treatment, and tosses him to Woman on the floor who can’t wait to dig her nails into his corneas. Back in, Pittman blindly throws a spear, which hits the mark, and Flair drops. Flair is flipped over the buckle and crashes to the floor. Pittman slams Flair’s face to the guardrail, and sunset flips him back in for 1. Pittman botches a slam and nearly kills Ric – and ... OH GOD, IF HE KILLS RIC ... No no no! Would he have to defend against Z-Gangsta? Would he lose it to Kevin Sullivan based on the pecking order? Woman tries to use the shoe but Teddy Long stops her. Thankfully Pittman misses a spear, hits the buckle, and Flair rolls him up with a handful of camo-pants at 5:47. *1/2
Was this Pittman...or Cobra in disguise as Pittman? I ask because, obviously, I'm keeping a close eye on Cobra's activities during this period so that I can unveil the secret behind TRUE MASTER PLAN OF THE NEW WORLD ORDER when we reach the right point in this journey.
ekedolphin
Scrapple








Since: 12.1.02
From: Indianapolis, IN; now residing in Suffolk, VA

Since last post: 5 days
Last activity: 20 hours
#3 Posted on | Instant Rating: 3.20
    Originally posted by cfgb

    Now how in the hell has Craig freakin’ Pittman earned himself a world title shot?!? Are we giving no illusions of needing to win a few matches first? What happens if Ric Flair dies during the match, does Pittman win the World Title? Will we forever remember Craig Pittman as a World Champion?


Heh. Reminds me of a story in Mick Foley's book, Have a Nice Day, in which he was booked to fight (and of course lose to) Vader for the world title. Foley kidded around backstage that "hey, we may see a new world champion."

Arn Anderson, described affectionately by Foley as "the king of the put-down" (because that's just the way he socializes), put it pretty succinctly: "Mick, I don't care if that fat son of a bitch has a heart attack and dies in the middle of that ring, you will roll him on top of you." [paraphrased].

Incidentally, I didn't sit through the entire last Nitro; I just found the whole idea of Luger's 10-second title defense while the challenger was getting his ass kicked on the entrance ramp, hilarious, so I pulled it up on YouTube just to look at that match specifically.

(edited by ekedolphin on 24.3.13 1602)


"I'm sorry, I'm not much of a hugger."
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Scrapple








Since: 20.6.02
From: I am the Tag Team Champions!

Since last post: 9 days
Last activity: 1 day
#4 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.37
    Originally posted by cfgb
    LEE MARSHALL talks to the Warriors. Animal blames Luger for the current mess at Uncensored, and calls him a no good piece of ass?!? What the hell?!? Hawk suggests Booker T isn’t from Harlem, but from Greenwich Village, and is in fact one of the Village People. Are they on drugs??? (Don’t answer that)

Whatever Droz had Hawk on at that time sure must have been strong that night.




WE are the tag team champions!
BigDaddyLoco
Scrapple








Since: 2.1.02

Since last post: 8 hours
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#5 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.24
What was the deal with Pittman? He was always on tv, had a shitty gimmick and had no talent.

Bischoff's buddy? Power Plant graduate? Filling the need of black singles wrestler in an awfully pale landscape?

He might have been my least favorite reoccurring character at this point.
Stefonics
Bockwurst








Since: 17.3.02
From: Queidersbach

Since last post: 6 days
Last activity: 56 min.
#6 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.84
I can't thank you enough for writing these. They have quickly become my favorite weekly internet reading.

And like ShippeWreck, I needed the video accompaniment. Such an amazing sight and the selling of the two painted-facial-hair monsters by the announcers was top notch. Although, there's not much that will beat the sound of Kevin Sullivan saying the name "Z-Gangsta". Brought tears to my eyes when thinking about what might have been.

(edited by Stefonics on 25.3.13 1003)
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Morrison's last Tweet is "humble pie tastes like crap", which is a weird thing for a guy leaving the company he supposedly hates to say. Has he done a U-turn and gone crawling back to the 'E?
Related threads: On This (Yester)Day: WCW Prime - March 18, 1996 - On This Day: WCW Nitro - March 18, 1996 - On This Day: WCW Saturday Night - March 16, 1996 - More...
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