I’m pretty WCWed out ... between the task of the usual load of shows I do, Uncensored made it 4 shows in 3 days. Coupled with the fact that Uncensored was 3 hours and felt like 23 hours due to the fact it was THAT SHOW, I’m ready to steamroll through Prime like The Gambler through Loch Ness (credit Eddie Famous and his keen RSPW memory for keeping Gambler rumors alive and well!)
Also, heartbreaking as it would have been, this was nearly the very last edition of Prime I was going to recap. I simply didn’t have any more shows. However, after a couple of messages begging for more to the person who’s been sharing the shows on the kind of site GuruZim wouldn’t dare allow me to plug – I am now in possession of April as well. So my gruelling schedule continues, and Chris Cruise’s memory will continue to haunt us for at least another month.
THIS ... is WCW!
Johnny B Badd remains a prevalent face in the opening sequence, but then so does Maxx Muscle. Which is fine, because these shows were taped no less than 27 months earlier, so perhaps we’ll even see a little Stunning Steve Austin.
DUSTY RHODES is all hype for tonight’s main event which features the Nasty Boys against the Public Enemy. He and CHRIS CRUISE call it Clubberin’ Time, I call that nonsense because it’s taped at Universal Studios.
MEN AT WORK vs. MANNY FERNANDEZ and BART SAWYER
Kanyon and Starr share a blue-print of the arena and concoct a plan that will somehow lead them to victory. They’re completely over thinking this, Fernandez and Sawyer haven’t won a match since elementary school, just hiptoss them and you should be fine. Kanyon doesn’t seem to get this, and gets clotheslined by Sawyer and nearly pinned. Cruise chastises Kanyon for that, suggesting if they lose to this nameless team, they may as well hang it up. That sets Dusty off about the “nameless” Manny Fernandez, a personal favorite of his. Fernandez hits a really nice senton by running the corner first, but Kanyon comes back with a uranage backbreaker, and Starr finishes with a super powerslam at 3:25. *1/2
KURASAWA vs. BUCK QUARTERMAINE
Dusty has the nerve to compare Kurasawa to Inoki. You’d think a man who actually wrestled Inoki would have better sense. Kurasawa chops Quartermaine’s chest into hamburger, but it doesn’t deter Quartermaine from getting his 8 seconds of offense with a missile dropkick. Shoulderbreaker sets up the armbreaker at 3:28. 1/2*
DISCO INFERNO is given a little promo time! He’s promoting the Shake Your Booty Tour ’96. He says based on the success of his CD, he’s getting calls from Michael Jackson and the Beatles who are jealous that he’s outselling them all. Call today and get your copy before they’re gone! Sadly we’re not given the phone number to Eric Bischoff’s personal secretary like we were for other WCW sponsored products.
VK WALLSTREET vs. FRANKIE LANCASTER
Dusty gives props to all the young wrestlers trying to get a break, like Frankie Lancaster. Lancaster is of course a 36-year old, 14-year vet who is balding. The fans are chanting for something, but I can’t for the life of me make it out; it sounds like “GOLDBERG”, which would be strange since there’s no one who goes by that name. Stock Market Crash gets the win at 2:58. DUD
HUGH MORRUS vs. BUDDY VALENTINE
Buddy is of course a Greg “The Hammer” clone, except he’s about 50 pounds heavier and 6 inches shorter. Still, he hits a dropkick that gets Cruise off his seat. “With a body like THAT?!?” Dusty says he’s seen 5000 pound guys do dropkicks. Now THAT would be a sight. In a far more impressive sight, Morrus slams Valentine with ease, and then finishes with No Laughing Matter at 2:55. *
TEDDY LONG reminds the world he’s the original godfather of WCW. And with CRAIG PITTMAN, they are now the true flava’ of America. Pittman promises he’s coming to battle with any undisciplined wrestlers. What the hell is this? Go away!
ONE MAN GANG vs. COBRA
Paging Dr. Unlikely – the former secret CIA agent is in the hizzle. Please update your notes, it may come in handy later. Even more curious, he stops to salute the Stunt Granny in the front row, who salutes him back. Are they in cahoots? Do we need weekly Stunt Granny updates to ensure she is not behind any allegedly shady activities with Cobra that may or may not happen in 6 months from now? Cobra is given a clothesline that shakes him right through to his cold black heart. He comes back with an elbow that gets 2. Gang dodges a dropkick, and finishes with the 747 at 2:21. DUD
THE PUBLIC ENEMY vs. THE NASTY BOYS (in the Moo Match of the Week)
I love that WCW had “Prime” outfits for their more “provocative” wrestlers. In this case, TPE is not sporting the number 69 on the back of their jerseys. Rocco fakes an eyepoke from Saggs behind the referee’s back, and sells it like death. While the referee admonishes Saggs for his poor sportsmanship, Rock attacks Knobbs from behind. Grunge claws at Knobbs’ eyes, and runs his face across the top rope. Knobbs comes back with a spinebuster on Rock, and Saggs follows with an avalanche. Grunge is sent packing, with Rock not far behind. Dusty declares the Nastys the best tag-team in the world, and something tells me he’s being genuine here. Blech. Grunge offers the hand of friendship, but reveals his hand too soon when he tries a kick that’s blocked. Saggs goes low, and whips Knobbs at him with a hard double-teamed avalanche. Rock comes in, and Grunge pulls down the ropes to send Knobbs sprawling. All 4 guys wind up brawling on the floor, and while the referee pulls Saggs back to his corner, Knobbs is throws face first to the ringpost. Back in the ring, Knobbs fights TPE off with a double faceplant, and gets the hot tag to Jerry. Both guys are backdropped, and a powerslam on Rock gets 2. Rock goes aerial with a slingshot senton onto Saggs on the outside, then goes to finish on Knobbs. Knobbs moves and Rock hits his own partner, giving Knobbs the pin at 6:58. *1/2
Cruise starts singing “here comes Peter Cottontail” to set up the Easter show. Dusty thankfully cuts him off, and promises more clubberin’ next week. And we sing some more!
Whew, the gruelling run of WCW shows is over for a couple of days. See you Saturday!
Originally posted by cfgbVK WALLSTREET vs. FRANKIE LANCASTER
Dusty gives props to all the young wrestlers trying to get a break, like Frankie Lancaster. Lancaster is of course a 36-year old, 14-year vet who is balding. The fans are chanting for something, but I can’t for the life of me make it out; it sounds like “GOLDBERG”, which would be strange since there’s no one who goes by that name.
Unless there's a joke I'm missing here (entirely possible; I'm sleepy), I assume the crowd was chanting "Irwin."
Thought I'd check out their upcoming events, and this beauty came up: Polar Prosecution. Vince needs to hire their event namer. On a side note, can the photoshopped heads look any shittier? _edit - woah, that thing is huge.