I’m a simple man with simple pleasures. It’s that moment every night, when I arrive home from work, and kiss my sleeping wife on the cheek, who proceeds to wake up from her deep sleep because it is the middle of the night, headbutts me in the chin and screams bloody murder even though this is exactly the same thing that happened LAST night. It’s the sudden rush of excitement when I wake up mid-afternoon and realize “hey, it did not snow and I do not need to shovel the driveway!” It’s watching midcarders beat up on Jobbers. WCW Prime ... it’s a way of living!
Feeling much like me, DUSTY RHODES and a hyper CHRIS CRUISE can’t talk enough of Superbrawl – where Hulk Hogan single-handedly defeated the Dungeon of Doom. Hey, this is a jobber show – I like my Hogan talk kept to a bare minimum.
HAWK vs. SCOTT D’AMORE
Chris Cruise warns the fans to stay clear of Hawk’s sharp, steel spikes, despite the fact they appear to bend like a cheap rubber with every step. Continuing our angle from last week, KENSUKE SASAKI and SONNY ONOO stand at ringside, while Hawk hits a top rope clothesline for the win at 0:58. What did Canada ever do to Hawk? Hawk looks at Sasaki, and points to himself, while Onoo smiles and nods a lot. I love the way wrestlers interact – lots of hand gestures, and evil nodding. You know, if they sat in the back and discussed things rationally, we might get conclusive endings to these “feuds” a lot faster. DUD
EDDIE GUERRERO vs. DAVE DALTON
Dave Dalton hasn’t been the same since Sting squashed him in his WCW debut, and to be honest, when you acquire a superstar the calibre of Dalton, that was maybe the most offensive and inappropriate way WCW could have used him. Honestly, if he had quit or intentionally breached his contract through a cocaine and hooker binge, I truly don’t think anyone would have blamed him. Still, he hangs here with Guerrero for no fewer than 3 moves, and even accuses Eddie of pulling the hair. Eddie retaliates to these false allegations by hitting a slingshot senton. Dalton blows a top rope jump with no apparent purpose by getting dropkicked in the stomach, and Eddie finishes matters with a brainbuster followed by the Frog Splash at 4:10. *1/2
VK WALLSTREET tells the people why he came back to WCW. The answer? The finest wrestlers are here, like Hulk Hogan, Macho Man, and Shark. Wait, what?!? Wallstreet feels it’s only a matter of time before he wins the World Title. Well, I don’t know about that, Hogan and Macho are one thing, but I seriously doubt he could beat Shark.
THE BARRIO BROTHERS vs. CHRIS BENOIT and BRIAN PILLMAN
Pillman heads into the crowd and threatens to attack the fans. Please note; that this is airing AFTER Pillman had turned up in ECW. Cruise wonders if this is the last time we’ll see Brian Pillman in WCW, but WCW likely has at least another 6 months worth of canned footage so don’t count him out just yet. Honestly, this is just ineptitude, WCW could have easily replaced this with a pre-tape with any other wrestler, but somebody decided “nah, we’ll just air it as is, forget what’s happened on TV”. Maybe later tonight we’ll see Hulk Hogan defend the World Heavyweight Title. Pillman lures Fidel into the Horsemen corner outside the ring, where Benoit is crouched and attacks. Pillman then hits him with a tope. Ricky sees that, and dives at Pillman with a tope of his own. And since he’s nuts, Benoit shrugs and goes tope con hilo on Ricky Barrio. Back in, Benoit hits a belly to back overhead on Fidel. A double Horseman dropkick sends Fidel to the floor, and a dropkick assisted dragon suplex with a bridge finishes Ricky at 6:37. **
SHARK (with Hugh Morrus) vs. BOBBY STARR
WCW’s top stars don’t often make appearance on this show, but here’s VK Wallstreet’s worst nightmare, Shark. He goes through all the biggest offensive moves, including the lazy step on the jobbers’ stomach, and the big fat leg drop. Avalanche splash sets up a sidewalk slam for the win at 2:32. He’s not a man, he’s a shark. DUD
EVAD SULLIVAN (with Ralph The Rabbit) vs. MANNY FERNANDEZ
I can’t believe this clown was still around at this point. Sullivan sets Fernandez on the top rope, and gently pats him on the head, which elicits a smile from Fernandez, before he attacks because he’s EVIL! Fernandez slams Sullivan into the turnbuckle head first, and then Sullivan slams his own here there a dozen times to show ... I don’t even know what he’s trying to prove. An upside down bearhug uncles him at 1:45. If Jim Duggan is secretly Eugene’s father, than this guy is his long lost uncle. -*
SGT. CRAIG PITTMAN vs. STING (in the Match of the Week)
This is a little early for the match of the week – so either we’re in for a bit of a marathon by Prime standards, or Dusty Rhodes has a lot of time to fill in the last segment. Pittman is without Teddy Long this week, but that’s not a surprise because Sting’s hair is quite blonde. A little research shows that this was taped in November 1995, so I’m going to stretch a bit and suggest that nobody’s career gets ended here. Sting hits a tornado headlock thing, that doesn’t do very much. And with that, we need to take a commercial break, here on the PRIME!
Upon return, Pittman appears to be doing VERY unsanitary things to Sting on the ropes. This is a family show, not a prison documentary! Pittman does pushups (NOT on Sting!) and then chokes Sting with his military boots in the corner. Pittman threatens Code Red, but opts instead for ... I don’t even know what he’s doing to be completely honest, but the Canned Heat is beside themselves about whatever he’s doing. Of course, the fans themselves appear sedated, but I’m sure deep down inside they’re cheering as loudly as the sound effects suggest they are. Pittman paintbrushes Sting, which infuriates Sting so much he promptly blows a sunset flip. Cruise goes into an unfortunate story about this one time he tried to kip up at home; and really, it’s more interesting than this match that I can’t believe is still going. Honestly, this feels like a Chris Hero marathon, why hasn’t Sting hit him with the Deathdrop about 10 minutes ago? Sting tries an elbowdrop, but Pittman moves and goes back to boring everyone. Cruise laments this isn’t the match he expected to see, and I have to agree with him. Pittman misses a pair of blind charges that sets up the Sting comeback. Deathlock finishes this stupid affair at 11:46. Dusty calls this one of the finest matches they’ve had here on The Prime. I suspect like most of the moves he calls, he’s mistaken “finest” with “longest”. DUD
After a break to hear more about Karate Fighters, the boys wrap this baby up like a Christmas present.
Speaking of good matches with Cena that might not lead anywhere, I miss Sandow. And speaking of Sandow, this IC three-way is a slow death. Ziggler should be going Shawn Micahels here, gloating and swaggering about taking Lana from Rusev.