No change to the opening credits, so we’re still stuck seeing Johnny B Badd and Hulk Hogan despite the fact neither guy will ever appear on this show again (or in Hogan’s case, for the first time).
CHRIS CRUISE welcomes us to a very exciting edition of the show, because we’re prepping for the Lethal Lottery by airing matches that were taped in 1991. DUSTY RHODES can’t wait to see what happens when Ric Flair and Randy Savage mix it up.
THE NASTY BOYS vs. THE GAMBLER and FRANKIE LANCASTER
Gambler starts, because every time he allows his partner to start, they lose, so it’s time to MIX UP THE GAME! He gets clubbered immediately, and sent to Pity City. Gambler is blinded by Saggs’ stank, so he stumbles into Lancaster who wastes no time in getting beat up. Saggs nails him with a gutwrench powerbomb, and Knobbs finishes with a second rope splash for the pin at 2:15. 1/2*
THE BLUE BLOODS (with Steven Regal) vs. THE ARMSTRONG BROTHERS
Brad and Steve make up this week’s version of the Armstrongs. The Blue Bloods talk strategy with Regal, and eventually come to the consensus that at some point during the match, Dave Taylor will use a European uppercut. Eaton starts with Scott, where he is monkey flipped and dropkicked right to the outside. Scott takes a cheap shot at Regal; the old bear clap which Regal sells like a cartoon character attacked with a giant pair of cymbals. Taylor has seen just enough of this, gets Brad in the ring, and, YES, hits the European uppercut! That causes him to dust off his hands as a job well done, then HE DOES IT AGAIN! What a man! What a beast! Unbelievably, this doesn’t finish the match because Armstrong’s a no selling piece of trash. (RIP) Taylor armdrags Brad around, but Brad whips out a headscissors takeover. Taylor kips out of the hold, but is placed in a headlock. He escapes, and throws two more European uppercuts!!!! Good lord man, is there no end to his talent? Eaton drops a couple of knees right to the face of Brad, but Taylor can’t finish, and Scott gets the hot tag. Dropkicks for you, dropkicks for me. Eaton is dumped during a melee, but a monkey flip when Regal trips up Scott, and Taylor scores the pin at 5:07! A half star for each European uppercut. **
More of the DDP Expose. I think the sign he’s holding says it all:
CHRIS KANYON vs. DEVON STORM
Storm enters the ring with his back to Kanyon, and gets clubbered! Storm retaliates with a rana that sends Kanyon to the floor, and he follows suit with a top rope senton backsplash. Kanyon goes back to the safety of the ring, but Storm nails him with a headscissors takeover, then puts Kanyon on the top rope for a Frankensteiner. Kanyon charges, but Storm backdrops him all the way to the floor – and then attacks with a moonsault from the buckle onto Kanyon! Sidewalk slam sets up a triple jump moonsault, but Kanyon gets his foot on the rope. Back elbow sets up a reverse Buff Blockbuster, and unbelievably Storm scores the massive upset at 2:41. A lot of the moves were sloppy, but this was unlike any Cruiserweight style match we were seeing in WCW in quite some time (outside of the occasional Jushin Liger appearance) ... It was the first sign that things were about to change on the undercard, and for the better. ** for the effort.
ICE TRAIN vs. BUNKHOUSE BUCK (with Colonel Robert Parker)
Well well well, look who came crawling out of the swamp he grew up in. Buck certainly doesn’t appear to have showered in his time off, so nothing’s changed. Train locks Buck in a full nelson, positions him on the ropes, and releases causing him to fall backwards right on his head. And when I say on his head, I mean full on bouncing off the mat like a basketball. Concussion anyone? Parker distracts Train, allowing Buck to get in a cheap shot. It matters not. Train Ices Up, and locks Buck in a bearhug. Buck gets to the ropes, and so Train clotheslines him to the outside. Naturally, he is not DQed. Buck gets back in, and Colonel tries to smack Train with the boot but he ducks and hits Buck. Pin is academic at 3:47. This was, by all definition, absolutely terrible. Buck needs to retire immediately, perhaps starting as soon as 1984. 1/2*
SCOTT NORTON vs. BUCK QUARTERMAINE
Norton is less interested in wasting time than a 15 year old with a chance to touch his first boob. Shoulderblock, clothesline, one-sided brawl all over the floor, Dusty somehow working in a discussion about “Bubber”, another short clothesline, shoulderbreaker, and pin at 2:23. DUD
SHARK vs. STING (in the Moo Match of the Week)
Judging by Sting’s hair, I’ll say this was taped in early February. Shark gets the early advantage, “rag taggin’” Sting. Big fat elbow drop sets up the big fat legdrop for 2. Shark walks on Sting’s chest, and gets 2 before pulling Sting up. I’m gonna bet he regrets that. Sting recovers and tries a slam, but Shark is far too fat for that and falls on Sting for 2. Back to the well, big fat elbow sets up the big fat splash for 2. Sting punches away as best he can and jumps on Shark’s back with a sleeper. Shark escapes and hits a belly to belly for 2. Shark stands on Sting’s neck, and is forced to break. Sting starts sweeping at the legs over and over like an amateur Mortal Kombat II player, and takes the Shark down. Shark charges, but misses and winds up across the top ropes like a hammock. Sting carries him out and hits a Samoan drop for the win at 5:41. *1/2
Cruise, with his rapist good looks, offers Dusty a present – a neckerchief from Lubbock, Texas. Dusty’s so happy he immediately blows his nose in it.
THIS ... is WCW.
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