After last night’s absolutely horrendous crock of a main event, it is clear WCW needs a completely fresh direction. And tonight, we’re going to start taking babysteps in a better direction. Let’s turn things over to ...
ERIC BISCHOFF, BOBBY HEENAN, MONGO MCMICHAEL, and PEPE. Mongo’s excited for tonight’s main event with Flair and Giant, as they figure it might fracture the Alliance to End Hulkamania. We have 3 title matches all together, with Sting and Luger defending against the American Males, while Konan defends the US title against Mr. JL. A worthy competitor based on his 0 wins in the last 2 months for sure!
FIT FINLAY vs. RANDY SAVAGE
I really shouldn’t even be shocked that this company would do something this stupid on the heels of the Doomsday Cage, but really, they take the MVP from the night before in Fit Finlay, and book him against a perennial main eventer, instead of having him beat the snot out of another midcarder. Finlay ain’t no Brock Lesnar, so don’t be placing your bets on having him protected here. Finlay works a sleeper, but Savage powers loose. Savage is elbowed to the face, and hit with a pair of European uppercuts – albeit with nowhere NEAR the force Regal was the night before. They head to the floor where Finlay drops Savage throat first across the guardrail. He then takes it a step further, sending Savage into the first row of fans, and only the efforts of Pee Wee Anderson are able to keep Finlay from committing a homicide right then and there. Back in, Finlay misses a blind charge in the corner, and Savage hits the big elbow for the win at 5:06. More good stuff from Finlay against a pretty unmotivated Savage. I certainly do NOT agree with the decision to pin the unbeaten Finlay when you’re sporting a roster of 325 wrestlers. **
It’s already the shank of the evening, because “MEAN” GENE OKERLUND awaits RIC FLAIR, WOMAN, and ELIZABETH. Flair’s still feeling good, despite the loss last night, and is looking forward to taking down a real life walking breathing Giant. He then trashes Luger’s effort from the night before, and has the women profess he has a better body than Lex. Queue the face-turn for Luger.
MR. JL vs. KONAN (for the WCW United States title)
See, I might have been tempted to reverse the participants in the last two matches; with Finlay getting a US Title shot and squashing Konnan like a bug. And why not, it’s not like he’s less qualified for a title shot than Konnan, One Man Gang, or Kensuke Sasaki were. Apparently Bischoff cares about this match about as much as I do, because he decides to spend the time talking about the fact that in the back, Savage has allegedly gone ballistic and is trying to kill Ric Flair. Security is reportedly trying to remove him. Could they take Konnan with them? I’m not opposed to losing Jerry Lynn either, if I’m being completely honest. JL hits a dropkick that Bischoff sells like a gunshot wound, but Konnan comes back with a gutwrench powerbomb for 2. Bischoff updates us on the Cruiserweight tournament via the results from Japan, allegedly the following wrestlers advanced: “dsfiusdgoihwerojewproqapfdhp!” I also think I heard Benoit in there, but I was only able to make that out after I slowed down Bischoff’s speech to 1/16th of the original speed. Konnan wins with a Flashback into a bridge at 6:21. *1/2
DISCO INFERNO vs. THE BOOTY MAN
Disco declares his hatred for the Booty Man stealing his gimmick, stopping only to hawk his CD. The man has a clear argument, and unlike last night, Disco actually gets a lot more heat than Booty does. Bischoff tries like hell, going on about the great reaction for the Booty Man, but he’s getting nothing tonight. Booty goes to the atomic drops, while KIMBERLY appears looking like an orange meringue. Bobby goes with feather duster, and I’ll accept it. Kim slaps Booty’s ass and squeals. High knee finishes at 1:28. Kim and Booty make out. You can repackage Brutus Beefcake all you want, it’s not happening. DUD
THE AMERICAN MALES vs. STING and LEX LUGER (for the WCW World Tag-Team titles)
In one of the greatest entrances I’ve ever seen, Luger runs around giving some of the most over-dramatic high fives to kids in history when Sting is looking, and as soon as he looks towards the ring, Luger stops and ignores all of them. This is a gimmick that needs a second kick at the can. We’ve done the “wacky tag-team partners that hate each other” gimmick to death in recent years, but the “tag-team buddies who love each other despite one of them being a total sleezeball” is so innovative that I can’t understand why it hasn’t been recycled even once. Luger’s all fired up, and tells his buddy to hang back, he’s got this. Riggs promptly flattens him with a pair of dropkicks. Luger tries to slam Riggs’ head to the buckle, but Riggs hits the move instead. Luger cheapshots Bagwell, so he pulls Luger to the floor and gives him a beating. Sting brings Luger back to their corner, and lectures him. Back in, Luger refuses to lock up with Bagwell, cowering away, and tags in Sting – then promptly leading the crowd in a standing ovation for him. They trade slams, and Bagwell gives Sting the thumbs up. Wieners, all of them. Sting works over Riggs and tags in Luger, who is all but happy to take over. Of course, Riggs slams him, and Bagwell tags in with a splash for 2. Luger comes back with some serious intensity, firing in punches faster than I’ve EVER seen him move – and Sting looks kind of disgusted at Luger’s insanity here. Bagwell comes back with a flying jalapeno, so Luger tags out. Riggs cradles Sting for 2. Sting hits a crossbody and gets the win out of nowhere at 6:31. Luger celebrates in the aisle with both belts, refusing to share the other one with Sting. Sting meanwhile holds up the arms of the Males, because everyone’s a winner in Sting’s books. *1/2
THE GIANT (with Jimmy Hart) vs. RIC FLAIR (with Woman and Elizabeth) (for the WCW World Heavyweight title)
Liz tosses away Macho’s money again, but this time it draws out RANDY SAVAGE, who is being held back by DOUG DILLENGER, JIM DUGGAN, and EDDIE GUERRERO. I’m kind of touched that Duggan has that much regard for the safety of Ric Flair, actually. Flair gets all up in Giant’s ... well, manboob, because he’s about a foot shorter than the big man. Bischoff announces that Savage has been arrested. God knows what for, but I’ll bet it involves the Booty Man. Giant tosses Flair around like the plate of vegetables he’s supposed to be eating. Flair runs out, but Giant catches him and hauls him back. Flair goes to the knife edge chops, which fail miserably, and Flair begs off. Vertical suplex sends Flair into uncontrolled spasms, and Woman seems really concerned. Flair recovers enough to head up top, where Giant catches him and hits a back breaker. Now Giant goes to the top, and misses a diving headbutt! That was kind of unreal actually. Flair tries chops again, which are like mosquito bites. Giant charges, but Flair side steps and he flies over the top to the outside. Flair gets some wire, and chokes Giant out on the floor. Giant gets on to the apron, where Flair strangles him some more, before hiding the evidence in his pants. Though, I bet you’d find a lot of evidence to a lot of Ric’s crimes in the front of his pants. Flair goes low, and Giant topples like a tree. Woman uses the wire to choke the Giant additionally while Flair rambles on with the referee. Again Ric goes up, but Giant slams him across the ring and drops the straps. Chokeslam middle of the ring, but before he can get the pin the girls are in the ring pleading to stop. ARN ANDERSON rushes in and slams Giant with a chair. KEVIN SULLIVAN is right behind, so Anderson hands him the chair and Giant catches Sullivan with the evidence. Giant chokeslams Sullivan now!! Arn’s second, and he takes one too. We’ve seen enough for a disqualification at 8:56. Giant, pissed off, skulks to the back, likely reconsidering his entire alliance with these clowns. *1/2
Bischoff wonders if Giant’s a lone wolf going forward, calling it a “whole lot of friction”. I figure it’s a whole lot of “hey, that’s a nice new direction”. Though, Bischoff ends with “a reminder, the immortal Hulk Hogan, right here next week on Nitro!” One can hardly wait.
My apologies to those who tried to access the "SMARTASS" site toward the end of the league, but coupling with both Zac's and my business with our careers, and some problems I had with my webspace provider, I/we were unable to update the settings...