Big show this week! Renegade! VK Wallstreet! Hold on to your hats!
Taped from Disney, your hosts are TONY SCHIAVONE and “SOBER” BOBBY HEENAN.
THE RENEGADE vs. THE GAMBLER
How was the Gambler left out of the hype? Shame on you, WCW! Gambler is carrying a massive deck of cards, which he uses to throw in Renegade’s face – which could possibly cause an eye contusion, or a vicious papercut. Still, Renegade is all over him, because WCW sucks. We move to an extended armbar for some reason. Heenan does a good job of selling the PPV, by suggesting that after this year’s Wargames, officials will never allow it to happen again due to the bloodbath we are likely to see. Then he goes off on a tangent about Gambler’s deck of cards. Because he doesn’t bring all his cards, you have no idea how many cards he actually has, and as a result you have no idea if he’s drawing, or is ready to level you with his full house. Tony asks if we’re playing Crazy 8’s? “No, Crazy Renegades.” “Will you stop?” “No, you folded.” Gambler runs Renegade’s face across the ropes, and applies a head vice. Renegade tries to fight loose, so Gambler chokes him instead. Renegade fights back with some wild punches, and follows with a handspring back elbow. Running bulldog gets the win at 7:26. Renegade announces he’s back and better than ever. I disagree. DUD
VK WALLSTREET vs. JOHNNY BOONE
That’s future referee Johnny Boone. Probably a better career path, since he’s such a scrawny little thing. The white tights and pink boots make him look like a ballet dancer. NICK PATRICK is your referee. The fans chant “WALMART” because the applause sign told them to. Wallstreet rakes the eyes, leaving Boone to swing wildly. An abdominal stretch is applied, with a little rope leverage. Patrick doesn’t catch him. Wallstreet drops a leg on Boone’s pooter, and turns to jaw with the fans. Boone scores a cheap roll up, but it only gets 2. Stock Market Crash finishes at 2:52. 1/2*
“HACKSAW” JIM DUGGAN vs. STEVE STORM
Tony says he’s gotten to know Duggan a lot over the last year, and on top of being a great champion, he’s a very intelligent man. That sends Heenan into a laughing fit that lasts the ENTIRE match. Every time he seems to have his breath back, Heenan collapses again. Tony calls for the hook, because Bobby has lost himself. As it progresses, everything Tony says makes it worse. “He’s a former US Champion”, “he was a college football player”, it doesn’t matter, Heenan is DYING. “COLLEGE?!? HAHAHAHAHA!” 3 point stance wins at 3:00. Post-match, Duggan tapes his fist and clocks Strong, because he’s a poor sport. ***** for Heenan’s commentary. Even during the reply. “HERE’S YOUR COLLEGE GRAD, FOOTBALL PLAYER, INTELLIGENT MAN, PFFFFFFFFFFFFTTT HAHAHAHAHA!”
SCOTT NORTON vs. BUDDY VALENTINE
Heenan: “That’s not Greg Valentine, that’s just somebody who bought a robe and wants to look like him.” THIS is why I love jobbers, they are there to be buried, and it doesn’t matter. Norton throws some meaty chops, and follows with a powerslam. Clothesline finishes at 1:55. I guess the shoulderbreaker was out on that guy. DUD
SGT CRAIG PITTMAN (with Teddy Long) vs. CHRIS BENOIT
This is your main event, and there’s lots of time left in the show. Heenan mentions that by hooking up with Teddy Long, the bank account grows. Heenan: “Teddy Long’s, not yours. He’s scamming off his wrestlers. This stays between you and me though, I don’t want this getting out.” Tony: “I don’t believe you at all.” Heenan: “Really? What was I saying about Hogan 6 months ago? And how do you feel about him now?” Tony: “He’s a dirty rotten human being right now, Brain.” Heenan: “Exactly. Long is scamming his wrestlers, believe me.” Pittman stands on Benoit’s throat while working the arm, which I’m pretty sure is against the rules. Benoit comes back by sweeping out the legs, and working it over, setting up a surfboard. The fans chant USA, which makes Benoit scream at them to shut up. Pittman goes behind, but Benoit hooks the ropes and elbows the Sarge in the eye. Benoit with the chops, but Pittman reverses and mounts the corner. He gets off 6 punches before Benoit has enough and hits an atomic drop. A back elbow gets 2. Belly to belly overhead with a bridge gets 2. Benoit works a headlock, which Heenan feels is a bad move. He’s found that anytime you hold Pittman’s head for an extended period of time, within an hour, you want to go bowling. Pittman elbows loose, tries a sunset flip but Benoit is in the ropes. Pittman gets something going with an overhead belly to belly, but Benoit has enough energy to kick out and keep going. This breaks down to a punchfest, but Pittman goes to the Battering Ram. Code Red is threatened, but Benoit’s in the ropes. Back up, Pittman hits a crossbody for 2. In the corner, Benoit throws both knees to Pittman, and pins him with his feet on the ropes at 11:22. It’s official, Pittman can’t be carried. I’m disappointed Benoit didn’t finish with the 69. **
Tony and Heenan discuss Benoit/Mongo stepping back at Fall Brawl. Heenan says it’s because Mongo understands being a team player as a former NFL champion, and figures it’s a sign the nWo is on their way out. And are they? Tune into Nitro tomorrow to find out! (edited by cfgb on 1.9.14 1240)
The late 90s gave us many wacky wrestling-related comics. The Nash comic? All the Chaos stuff? For someone interested in good comics with a wrestling theme, I'd recommend: - Whoa Nellie by Gilbert Hernandez - Sonambulo by Rafael Navarro