Guys, I know you have been waiting ALL WEEK since I spoiled at the tail end of last week’s edition that both Maxx AND High Voltage would be here. I don’t want to leave you salivating for these huge appearances any longer.
TONY SCHIAVONE and “SOBER” BOBBY HEENAN welcome us to Disney. And they waste NO time in setting us up for our opening match, which could main event any arena in the country!
THE ROCK N ROLL EXPRESS vs. SOUTHERN POSSE
I am fairly sure this is the first appearance of Southern Posse, which is made up of Bill Payne and Butch Long. Singles matches have not been kind to these two – so let’s see how they fare against the former tag-team champs. Morton single-handedly whoops both members of the Posse, but he grows bored and goes to Gibson. We have some heel miscommunication, and Gibson works over Long. Morton throws a running elbow while Long is perched on the shoulders of Gibson, and gets 2. Payne trips up Morton, and uses an assisted moonsault to get 2. Long comes back in, and Payne slams him onto Morton with a legdrop for 2! Tony and Heenan start talking about cheating in the match. Heenan: “You know a lot about cheating don’t you Tony? You’ve had 8 very successful marriages.” Long misses a top rope legdrop, and Morton makes the hot tag to Gibson who cleans house. An enzuigiri flattens Payne, and a double dropkick scores the win at 5:06. Even against these losers (who gelled quite well actually), the RnR can’t help but follow the usual script. **
MAXX (with Jimmy Hart) vs. TODD MORTON
There’s something kind of spectacular about a show that features jobbers whose gimmicks are to rip off old stars of the past, except that the person he’s impersonating appeared in the LAST MATCH. Even Bobby can’t ignore this fact, by pointing out that he looks like Ricky, but is of no relation. Also, he’s a “ham and egger”, Bobby’s not-so code word for jobber. They’re not even pretending to be trying at this point. Of course, that’s made clear the minute RON THE LEPRECHAUN starts running around the ring, and gnaws at the leg of the cameraman before returning to wherever he came from. No continuation of his ongoing feud with Todd? SHAME, WCW! Maxx wins with the full nelson at 2:25. Bobby shamefully compares this goon to Ken Patera. DUD
“MEAN” GENE OKERLUND is joined by Hart and BIG BUBBER. Maxx can’t even get interview time. I think it’s time to find a new stable, geez. Bubba calls Hogan the mastermind behind the nWo. Is this actually a topic of conversation, trying to deduce who’s behind it all? Do you figure Sting and Luger having late night conversations in their hotel room while staring at the ceiling unable to sleep, trying to put their finger on who came up with the nWo idea? That’s quickly brushed aside, the real story is that Bubba wants his picture on Jimmy’s tie. Jimmy promises the whole sportscoat. We’ll need to keep our eyes on this story.
JIM POWERS vs. MANNY FERNANDEZ
From what pits of jobber hell did THIS emerge from? Is the match ever going to end if neither guy is paid to win? This has the potential to make Chris Hero look like he lacks stamina. Tony calls Powers a “great addition to WCW!” Christ, next he’ll be selling Joe Gomez as “one upset away from being a World Champion!” Fernandez hits a forward Russian legsweep – that’s PROBABLY his move – but Powers kicks out at 2. Powers slams him head first to the buckle 10 times, and the fans count-a-long because that’s what the sign told them to do. Powerslam gets the win for Powers at 3:13. 1/2*
HIGH VOLTAGE vs. PRINCE IAUKEA and LEROY HOWARD
Rage promises to bring it, Powerplant Style. I kind of love the idea of a Powerplant invasion. Braun the Leprechaun leads the charge of High Voltage, Kanyon, Lodi, The Renegade, David Flair, and Chuck Palumbo as WCW’s Saviors against the nWo. In fact, why ISN’T this exactly what’s happening? Friggin’ Luger and Sting aren’t doing much good, it’s time to try anything. Heenan compares Iaukea to a Chia Pet, and complains about the lack of shoes. Tony points out that Jimmy Snuka also worked without shoes. Heenan: “Of course not, he couldn’t afford them!” Leroy Howard might be the blackest of black names that the man could come up with – but it wasn’t racist enough for ol’ Leroy, no sir. He’d go on to work on the indy circuit as “Rastaman” and “Black Navy Seal”. WCW really should have used him as a key part of their defense against Sonny Onoo’s lawsuit, by pointing out they refused to let him work as Black Navy Seal. Sure, that was negated the minute they allowed GI Bro, but I digress. No, I REALLY don’t want to recap this match, and I won’t. Howard nearly kills Kaos when Rage clips him in the middle of a powerslam, so he just drops him on his head instead. A springboard Hart Attack finishes at 6:56. *
Meanwhile, HUGH MORRUS has been granted a little interview time with “MEAN” GENE OKERLUND who is cleaning the dandruff off Gene’s shoulders. Gene tries laughing along with him, but Morrus gives him the stink eye. This continues throughout the interview. Okerlund asks Morrus if he gets along with Sullivan, and Morrus starts laughing which sets Okerlund off and Morrus gets pissed at him asking what the hell he finds so funny? Gene apologizes. Morrus pats him down and tells him maybe they’ll see each other later, which gets Gene to relax, and promise no more liberties with levity. I wish I could link to this interview, my words are not doing justice to how great this was.
THE FACES OF FEAR (with Jimmy Hart) vs. THE NASTY BOYS
If you like the Dungeon of Doom, you’ll love this edition of the show. NICK PATRICK is your referee, and with the controversy surrounding the Nasty’s loyalties, maybe we’ll get some answers. Or not, it’s frickin’ Worldwide. Meng and Knobbs start, and we got CLUBBERIN’ TONY! Of course, Dusty’s not here, but I’m trying to pinch hit. Saggs jumps in for the double team, and everything’s throwing fists! Saggs headbutts Meng in the pooter, and with Knobbs they run him over with a clothesline. Barbarian comes in for some reason, despite no tag, and he gets clotheslined. They regroup, where Hart gives them words of wisdom: “WE ARE THE DUNGEON OF DOOM! OOKA BACKA! OOKA BACKA!” Back in, the Nastys hit a beautiful chop block / clothesline combo on Barbarian, and Saggs works the leg like he’s Ric Flair or something. RON THE LEPRECHAUN makes another appearance, this time to bite Jimmy Hart before disappearing again. Heenan: “We need to get him to lay off the Maxwell House.” Somewhere in that, Meng came in and now he’s clotheslining the last tooth out of Saggs’ head. Both teams spill to the floor, but nothing develops. Tony starts trying to figure out where Nastyville is, eventually settling on the fact that it’s a place in their mind – that the ring is Nastyville, and wherever they are, as long as they are brawling, they’re home. Let’s get Sigmund out of the booth, hmmm? Tony calls out Bobby on his Nasty Boys hate, by asking “they’re not on your Christmas card list, are they?” Bobby smartly replies: “Are they on yours?” and Tony is stuck tripping over his hypocrisy with a meek “well, we’re not that close!” Meng slams Saggs, but misses the follow up elbowdrop and in come Knobbs to clean house. Of course, the only selling Meng’s ever done is for David Maus Toyota, so the hot tag is pointless. Hart winds up causing a distraction, and Meng tosses Knobbs over the top for the STUPID over the top DQ at 8:58. They haven’t called that rule in months, what the hell WCW? Faces of Fear kill Saggs with the double swandive headbutt, just to remind us they’ve been the best thing in the tag-team division for the last year. *1/2
Tony signs us off, without even a reminder to watch Nitro. Which is good, because my recap on that one is LIKELY to be late since I’m headed to the New York State Fair Tuesday. Assuming I re-enter Canada without the assistance of an Ambulance after consuming 3-weeks worth of calories and more transfats than anyone should put back in a lifetime – then I’ll be back with that on Thursday.
When I read bad ratings news like this, part of me is distressed when WWE shows dont do well, but the other part of me hopes WWE sees the bad news as a sign that it's time for them to try something different.