Somehow through the fog of mayhem that was my work week, I COMPLETELY forgot there was an episode of Prime on Monday. So, I’m now left with a hole in my archives, and I am NOT okay with this. I’ll try and squeeze that one in as part of a double Prime edition this week.
With that in mind, it’s still busy as hell at work – and I’m left with an insane schedule of WCW shows this week. Slamboree is of course tomorrow, we’re going Double Prime, and then next Saturday there’s a very special World Peace Wrestling Festival that was co-hosted by WCW. Couple that with the fact I would like to tackle TNA’s Joker’s Wild AND it’s my wedding anniversary TODAY (Happy One Year, Emily!), I’m headed for burnout AND divorce! Please think about me when I’m in court arguing to a judge that “WCW” is not a “mistress”.
DUSTY RHODES and TONY SCHIAVONE finally believe Lex Luger, despite his shady past. Dusty’s hoping for revenge from Sting tomorrow night. Luger won’t be at Saturday Night. ALSO, Dean Malenko is your new Cruiserweight Champion having defeated Ohtani, and he’ll be here tonight. You know what would be nice? Having a single title match AIR on television. (WCW Worldwide is NOT a television show if nobody is WATCHING it)
MENG (with The Barbarian) vs. STING
Meng starts with the clubberin’. Sting’s look has completely transformed at this point. He’s still wearing the bright face paint (today’s look: Smurf Juice) – but his hair is long and dark, and he’s only ever wearing long dark pants with a scorpion logo anymore. Must be a teenage mood thing, and I’m sure he’ll get over it. Barbarian tries to interfere and accidentally gives Meng the old Kick of Fear right in the mush, and the referee lets it GO, so Sting gets an easy win at 2:13. 1/2*
“MEAN” GENE OKERLUND wants Sting’s thoughts en route to Slamboree. Sting apologizes to Luger for not being able to save him on his way through the table. LEX LUGER enters the scene and says he doesn’t need an apology from his best friend. Tomorrow night, Luger knows he’ll be shaking hands with his best friend, the new World Champion.
Here’s a Very Special Look at The Giant – the most depressing video package EVER thanks to choice of music being “Dungeon of Doom”.
STEVE DOLL vs. JUSHIN “THUNDER” LIGER (with Sonny Onoo)
Liger’s got a US Title shot tomorrow night against Konnan. Always good to see the UNITED STATES title being fought over by the likes of Kenzo, Liger, and Konnan. Steve Doll runs over Liger with a clothesline, and gets a forearm shot for 2. Dusty actually yelled out “OH NO” which translated is “you stupid jobber idiot, this is Liger’s shot”. Liger puts Doll up top for the superplex, and hits the top rope splash for the win at 2:05. *
WCW Propaganda replay is Sting beating on Cactus Jack.
OH MY GOD MY WORLD IS ABOUT TO CHANGE, BUT WHEN???? HOW WILL THE BLOOD RUN COLD???? I NEED ANSWERS!!!
CHRIS BENOIT and KEVIN SULLIVAN (with Jimmy Hart) vs. RICK FARGO and MIKE HAYNER
I think we’ve run out of jobbers, and are now working over random audience members. This is of course a prelude to Slamboree, to see if Sullivan and Benoit can co-exist. Though, it’s probably not going to be hard to get along when working over these tomato cans. Sullivan bearhugs one of the losers, while Benoit clotheslines him. Loser #2 tags in, and Benoit chops him into a Carolina BBQ. Sullivan comes in, and the pair just tear into Loser #2. Seriously, I think this might be Benoit’s wet dream. Dragon Suplex drops Loser #2 on his head and the Crossface finishes at 2:32. Benoit and Sullivan opt to ignore each other after the match, while Hart gives us the old hyena. *
Joined by ARN ANDERSON, “MEAN” GENE OKERLUND interviews the loose alliance. Sullivan says Benoit’s never been as vicious as tonight, and “the kid” reminds him a little of himself. Benoit rages about being referred to as a “kid”, and tells him he’s in a league of his own. Sullivan reminds us the last time he hit a Horseman, he ran away with his tail between his legs. Benoit fires back with Sullivan’s bark is worse than his bite, and Benoit’s gonna put him in his place. Arn plays peacemaker by reminding Sullivan down the line they’re gonna run into Guerrero and himself, and it’s over at that point anyway. Benoit gets in Sullivan’s face, and Gene breaks the party up.
BILLY KIDMAN vs. DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE
This is DDP’s return to wrestling, thanks to his mysterious benefactor. Page: “BETTER … THAN … EVER! EAT YOUR HEART OUT!” Humbled as ever. Page pinches Kidman’s baby face while paying him Grandma style compliments before kicking him in the stomach. Abdominal stretch is moved into a backbreaker. Pumphandle slam is blocked by Kidman, and a roll up gets 2! Tornado DDT is tossed aside by Page, and he appears to be out cold. Page drags him to his feet, hits the Cutter, and gets the win at 1:55. Tony calls him a scumbag. *
SHARK, BIG BUBBER, and DOUG DILLENGER watch the show from ringside. Oh.
We recap Malenko’s Cruiserweight Title win from Worldwide this last weekend. Boy, you’d think a match of this magnitude would at least get top billing on PRO!
THE BARBARIAN (with Meng) vs. JIM DUGGAN
Duggan makes sure his 2x4 is set aside, resting in a corner of the ring. That seems like something the referee would let him know is not ok, but we let it slide. Relaxed rules! Precursor to relaxed DQs I’m sure. Duggan hits 3 straight clotheslines to send Barbarian to the outside, where Meng offers these words of encouragement: “oooooh wah”. Inspired, Barbarian gets in, and Meng trips Duggan up. Barbarian though, due to a complete lack of moveset, has no idea what to do. So he distracts the referee while Meng gets in some cheap shots. Duggan tries hulking up, but his headbutt to Barbarian’s forehead is like headbutting a brick wall, and Duggan goes down. Duggan tries to tape his fist, but Meng clotheslines him in the back of the head to stop it. Meng holds Duggan hostage, but Barbarian accidentally clotheslines Meng. Duggan hits both guys with his 2x4, drawing a DQ at 3:27. 1/2*
ARN ANDERSON gets more interview time with “MEAN” GENE OKERLUND. Arn says he’s not going to babysit Benoit and Sullivan, they’re on their own. He doesn’t care about Savage. Regarding Flair however, Arn mentions that the winner of Battlebowl gets a World Title shot, and he’s not going to sacrifice himself anymore. Flair has 13 titles, Arn doesn’t have any. Gene reminds us to call our cable companies!
Match of the night topped out at *, and that’s all I have to say about this show.
That's still 28 guys. One (we'll say Mankind) was number 28, one (we'll say Dude Love) was number 29, and one (cactus jack) was number 30. "A lot of guys on this team have a lot of bark, but no bite. Guys have to just shut up and play.