One of the biggest weeks in WCW history has finally come to a close, and even the company is so darned tired out from all this booking that WCW Saturday Night has been condensed to an hour this week. Also, the Braves play at 7:05.
TONY SCHIAVONE and DUSTY RHODES welcome us to the show, and I have to assume this is a relatively fresh edition, or else we’re gonna be faced with some really choppy storylines. Tony recaps Hogan’s turn on Brutus Beefcake, but has no time to add anything because we need to head to the ring RIGHT NOW.
ROUGH & READY vs. THE BLUE BLOODS (with Jeeves)
Thankfully, Tony uses the match to finish his thoughts on the Beefcake affair, instead of focusing on any of that pesky wrestling. Tonight’s combo is Dave Taylor and the Earl of Eaton. Regal is nowhere to be seen. Maybe he’s found the missing Fit Finlay, and they’re brawling in a parking lot somewhere. Taylor starts with Enos, and is *really* upset with the USA chants. I mean, this guy is stomping and twitching, those letters really get to him. Enos locks Taylor back to the corner, but a break is forced and Taylor washes himself clean of the swine. Enos goes for a slam, but Taylor schoolboys him for 2. In rushes Dirty Dick to club him in the back of the head, and a neckbreaker drops Taylor. He manages to roll away and tag in Eaton, and drops Enos to set up the Alabama Jam. Slater saves the day, and Eaton is dumped to the floor. A double suplex brings him back in, and Enos scores the pin at 3:00. Rough and Ready? REALLY??? WCW should be ashamed of themselves. *
“MEAN” GENE OKERLUND has tracked down the missing STEVEN REGAL. Regal has a big announcement: He is a dirty rotten scoundrel, and he hates Americans with a passion. He tells everyone not to worry about the nWo, but to focus on himself. He promises to bring WCW back to the top, as its champion, and Hogan best watch out. Then, in case he hadn’t made enough enemies, he promises to rip Luger’s bouncing pecs right off his chest and take the TV Title. Flair too can bring his US title, and “those two bloody tarts”, and he’ll take his gold too. I am really hoping this is a prophetic promo.
HIGH VOLTAGE, JOE GOMEZ, and THE RENEGADE vs. THE FOUR HORSEMEN (with Debra McMichael, Elizabeth, and Woman)
Team Loser spends a lot of time trying to get the fans to react, and while they don’t visually do anything, the canned heat cannot get enough of this quartet of unsustainability. Mongo powerslams Gomez, and hits an awful shoulderblock off the second rope. Robbie Rage is sent to the (heel?) corner, and the Horsemen take turns squaring off on him. Eventually, Benoit is left alone with him, which is never good for your long term life expectancy, and he dragon screws Rage with some serious snap. The knee is driven into the mat, and then Benoit adds a powerbomb because why not? That draws in Flair to finish with the Figure Four, he cheats with the ropes and Woman’s leverage, and Team Moron just stands there watching as Rage taps out at 2:48. *1/2
“MEAN” GENE OKERLUND grabs the Horsemen on their way back to the locker room. Benoit says Hogan hasn’t seen adversity yet. Mongo orders Hogan to go back to Japan and find Godzilla as his fourth man. Hogan would mis-hear this, and eventually go to Korea to bring back Rodzilla. Flair reminds Hogan he hasn’t beat up Arn Anderson, because he can’t do it, and neither can Hogan.
THE NASTY BOYS vs. “HARDWORK” BOBBY WALKER and MARK STARR
NICK PATRICK is the referee here – let’s pay attention kids. Also suspiciously, Starr isn’t wearing his hard hat. Is this a sign he’s turned on the Union, and gone rogue with this so-called “Hard Work” scumbag Walker? Is NOTHING safe here in WCW anymore? Will the union file a grievance? Walker gets some air off the top hitting an axehandle on Saggs, but that’s all he gets as the Nastys run him over like a freight train. Knobbs hits a drop toe hold on Starr, and Saggs follows with a pumphandle slam. Knobbs hits a second rope splash, and that’s all she wrote at 3:03. Well, that seems to confirm Patrick’s on the level, we can stop all the baseless speculation. 1/2*
Meanwhile, “MEAN” GENE OKERLUND” is with SISTA SHERRI and COLONEL ROBERT PARKER. The Steiners tonight will be getting their 5th shots at the belts over the last 2 weeks. The Colonel is sweating bullets, and blames it on Sherri’s heat – oh my. He’s proud of walking down with the hottest woman in the world, and the greatest tag-team in the world. “I OWN HARLEM HEAT!” Is it any wonder they got sued for racism? Christ.
THE STEINER BROTHERS vs. HARLEM HEAT (with Colonel Robert Parker and Sista Sherri) (for the WCW world tag-team titles)
Referee tonight is PEE WEE ANDERSON, so no excuses this time. Tony announces that on Monday, apparently the 4th member of the nWo will show themselves. Elsewhere, there’s a match going on, and Rick Steiner beats on Stevie Ray. Stevie comes back with a slam, but misses the follow up elbowdrop, and an irate Scott Steiner comes in to whoop a sucka. Booker tags in, and takes a hiptoss. T-bone suplex brings Booker back to tougher times on the streets on Harlem, but he shakes it off and drops Scotty with a Harlem sidekick. Versatility! Scott comes right back with a dragon suplex that can’t be good for anyone’s neck, and Stevie understand the repercussions so he breaks it up quickly. Harlem sidekick #2 (or if you’re Tony, “leaping spinwheel kick!”), and Booker goes up. Missile dropkick is blocked with an overhead belly to belly release suplex. That draws in the NASTY BOYS who attack the Steiners for the DQ at 3:24! Is THIS the nWo? They also lay out the Harlem Heat, and then attack SHERRI of all people. Colonel dives in to help his woman, and then demands the camera come over. He insists the Nastys will get their comeuppance for this. *
THE FOLLOWING ANNOUNCEMENT HAS BEEN PAID FOR BY THE NEW WORLD ORDER
The Outsiders are hanging around in Italy, because the nWo spares no expense. Hall comments about the ruins all around them. Nash: “Hey, what’s the Denver Post doing in Rome?” Hall gives WCW the “we told you so” routine. They mock the Giant. Nash says they’re modern day gladiators here in Rome. They want nothing to do with the Booty Man, but Nash wonders if the Booty Babe is willing to talk. They turn their talk to Sting and Luger, for getting their asses whopped for months, and they still can’t win.
THE PRECEEDING ANNOUNCEMENT WAS PAID FOR BY THE NEW WORLD ORDER
JIM POWERS vs. THE GIANT (with Jimmy Hart)
I feel like I’ve seen every variation of Jim Powers boxed in with handicap matches against the Giant, so I don’t understands how we’re supposed to believe he has a fighting chance here, but let’s give it a go. Powers hits Giant with about a dozen forearms, which Giant no-sells. Chokeslam lifts Powers about 10 feet in the air, and Giant wins at 0:42. “HOGAN, I AM NOT GOING AWAY!” DUD
“MEAN” GENE OKERLUND wants a word before we head off the air. Hart says the sleeping Giant is away. Giant says he’s been sending messages all week – and his track record since he joined WCW has been unchallenged. He says if Hogan wants to hit him with a dump truck, he’s cool with that, it won’t stop him. I think I’d like to see that. “When you least expect it, I will be there”. And like that, Gene sends them RIGHT off the air. That’s all until Worldwide tomorrow. Peace!
Really? Where are they? He's been gone from WWE for several months right now -- and before his latest stint, he was out of the company for what, six months? Surely the money marks would have made their million-dollar offers by now, no?