With WCW Nitro cancelled due to the NBA playoffs, we’ve only got Prime this week. And not at a moment too soon; because we have five shows coming in a 3-day span next weekend, PLUS I’m headed to Florida in two weeks meaning I need a little bit of time to put these recaps in the can.
Unfortunately, it also means your Monday is Booty Man free. I know you’re all as heartbroken as Hulk Hogan is.
But first; our discussion surrounds one Johnny B Badd.
ekedolphin: On April 26, 2000, Johnny B. Badd made one final appearance on WCW television, confronting Tank Abbott from the audience on an episode of Thunder. Due to his physical condition, however, he decided against a full-time return to WCW at that time.
JustinShapiro:Man. I have no recollection of that and I have recollection of a lot of odd stuff. Wasn't that a whole year after Sable sat in the crowd on Nitro "of her own volition" right after she left WWF and Bischoff was like "I saw her naked, y'all."
Well for starters, it’s completely understandable that you’d have forgotten this moment in time seeing as how Mero did not settle the score with Tank Abbott in The Block as was the style at the time. Further, we were a little distracted that night considering the company was literally writing its own obituary.
We’re live on the prime, and CHRIS CRUISE can’t help but hype all the big names we have coming, like Jumping Joey Maggs! No, I’m not even making that up. DUSTY RHODES is looking forward to our main event, which sees the Public Enemy against American Males. I’m glad one of us is!
THE FACES OF FEAR vs. BUCK QUARTERMAINE and MIKE WINNER
Since all tag-teams need a name, I recommend Winning Mullets. The Faces of Fear are a guilty pleasure for me, because when they were on, they were war machines that wouldn’t stop brawling. What little they did, they did well. Or at least Meng did, I don’t have much use for the Barbarian and his 15 inch tongue. Barbarian kills Quartermaine with a clothesline, and Meng calls for the Torture Rack for some reason. Nasty backbreaker from Barbarian, but he doesn’t go for the pin because he has more pain ready. Meng kicks him in the face, and tries to claw his eyeballs out. Quartermaine is sent packing, where Barbarian slams him hard on the exterior mats. Back in, an atomic drop allows for a Kick of Fear for the win at 3:06. ** Cruise: “Bobby Walker and a whole lot more in a minute!”
JOEY MAGGS (with Teddy Long) vs. MAXX MUSCLE
When the hell was THIS taped, Maxx Muscle hasn’t even been on TV since last summer! This would only be made better if DDP and Kimberly were at ringside giving him 10’s. Maggs goes for a German suplex, but Muscle casually removes the grip and pounds Maggs to the mat. A sidewalk slam, with Muscle awaiting the academic count only gets 2, much to his shock. Maggs hits an enzuigiri that stuns Muscle, but it’s temporary, as a clothesline sends Maggs back to the ground. Muscle chokes Maggs out in front of Teddy Long, who points it out to the referee. The referee takes the time to carefully listen to the complaint (that’s illegal!) – before coming in for action. A dropkick gets the upset at 2:43. 1/2* Dusty: “This is what Prime is all about!”
“HARDWORK” BOBBY WALKER vs. SGT. BUDDY LEE PARKER
Parker’s got a Bob Backlund thing going on today. He’s way slimmer here than he’d be after he discovered steroids was put in charge of the Powerplant. Scoop slam sets up a kneedrop, but Parker only gets 2. Walker is choked in the ropes while Lee screams at the camera. I can’t hear what he’s saying, but it’s undoubtedly racist. Walker hulks up, blows some super move he was trying on the ropes when he falls backwards, and wins with a slingshot shoulderblock at 4:36. *
JIM DUGGAN vs. CHRIS KANYON
Duggan nearly takes Kanyon’s head off with the US flag, so Kanyon rolls to the outside where he decides to measure Duggan’s 2x4 to ensure it’s regulation. It all checks out, and Kanyon informs the referee. Duggan pitches a fit for some reason, and smashes Kanyon’s hard hat with his board. Kanyon winds up stealing the 2x4 which draws Duggan’s ire, and Kanyon pays the price with a twirling scoop slam. 3 Point Stance finishes at 2:14. 1/2*
PAT TANAKA vs. BRAD ARMSTRONG
There is comedy, and then there is the high comedy to Pat Tanaka entering to the music that would later become a big part of Goldberg’s identity. Much to my dismay, he is NOT escorted by Doug Dillenger and 14 cops, nor does he stand in a shower of pyro and breathe smoke like a dragon. Thinking of that entrance; WCW completely missed the boat on not having Roddy Piper feud with Goldberg. They were natural partners; during every entrance you could have an annoyed Piper tell him “I told ya not to blow smoke in my face!” before putting it out with a Fire Extinguisher. Considering they’ve recycled the coconut bit no fewer than 80 times, this should have been a clear direction that would have turned the ratings war back in favor of WCW forever. Tanaka hits a sit down powerbomb, but refuses to go for the pin, likely because he’s never successfully performed one before. Armstrong comes back with the Russian legsweep for the win at 4:20. These truly are high times for WCW. Remember, when you’re losing to Brad Armstrong, there is no hope. Ask Alex Wright. *
THE PUBLIC ENEMY vs. AMERICAN MALES (in the Match of the Week)
Bagwell insults the Enemy by saying “it’s American Males time, we gonna be the ones with our hands in the air” – which is right up there for insults with the time I kept referring to my classmate in Grade 2 (spring of 1990 represent!) by the horribly offensive name of “Marquis Grissom” that got me sent to the principal’s office when I refused to drop it. I was a beast, what can I say. Bagwell tries a wristlock so pitiful it makes me want to call him Marquis Grissom out of sheer anger. Grunge takes a hip toss followed by a splash for 2. Rock CHEATS by kicking Bagwell illegally, allowing Grunge to clothesline him, and we have our softcore pornstar in peril. Rock hits a leaning tower that gets 2. Rock: “WE ARE THE MACK DADDIES OF VIOLENCE!” What I wouldn’t give for him to bump into Tupac in a dark alley and repeat the same. Riggs gets the hot tag, and it’s dropkicks for everyone. Flying jalapeno gets 2, and Rock dumps him to the outside. Back in, he comes off the top with a crossbody, but Rock rolls through. Bagwell breaks it up, and gets admonished by the referee. Behind the back, Grunge hits an illegal elbow, and Rock gets the pin with his feet on the ropes at 5:26. *1/2
It’s aired a number of times, but one of the most hilarious commercials that is showing during this timeslot is for “Pro Performance 2200 Weight Gain” – aimed at high school students trying to get noticed by their high school football coach. What’s in it? Just 2200 calories per serving. Just drink it, and blam – you’re getting the chicks.
It’s all hype for next week. Shark will take on Evad Sullivan, and Renegade returns. That sounds terrible; I can’t wait and I bet you can’t either. Goodnight.
Upon further research, and knowing the NBA playoffs never start this early, the 3/4/96 edition of Monday Nitro was preempted for part 2 of Andersonville, based on Andersonville prison in the War Between the States.
Learn something new every day. Nature Boy always sounded like a polite term for a nudist to me, but in the back of my mind I knew that probably wasn't right (and in the front of my mind: ick, naked old man).