Folks, I’m not much of a shill, because lord knows I have enough to worry about without ensuring rich enterprises around the world get their plugs. But if you are going to try one new snack this year, make it the Wasabi and Ginger kettle cooked Lays chips. As a big sushi fan, this stuff hits the spot. A MILLION VOTES FROM ME!
LIVE from the Disney MGM Studios for the 5th consecutive week, THIS is Monday Nitro. TONY SCHIAVONE and LARRY ZBYSZKO are here to hate on Hulk Hogan, and a whole lot more (not really). New World Odor is dropped immediately.
Tonight, the WCW WRESTLERS will act as protection against the nWo. BIG BUBBER, SCOTT NORTON, MENG, and THE BARBARIAN are spotted. I’m sorry, I’m not sure I’d hire this motley collection for protection much above an invasion of WCW Prime jobbers. So don’t even think about it, Cobra and Bill Payne.
ROCK & ROLL EXPRESS vs. HARLEM HEAT (with Colonel Robert Parker and Sista Sherri) (for the WCW world tag-team titles)
Tony hypes the rest of the show, but I won’t even repeat it because I’m embarrassed. Morton starts with Booker, while the attention stays on Sherri patting down the constantly sweating Colonel. Perhaps he’d have fewer problems with perspiration if he stopped dressing like a plantation owner in JULY in ORLANDO, FLORIDA. The Express hit a double team clothesline that sends Booker to the floor, and draws the ire of a cane wielding Colonel, who shakes it viciously at the dang white boys who be messin’ with his property. Commercial break is taken.
Upon return, Stevie is getting double teamed, while Booker nods his appreciation for some reason. He escapes, and tags out. Booker smokes Morton with a superkick (“Harlem Sidekick!” crows Tony), and the axe kick gets 2. Morton gets in a cheap shot and almost steals the win, causing an irate Booker to head to the outside and scream at Colonel for not paying close enough attention (as Sherri fans him with the handkerchief). Booker misses an elbowdrop, but a Spinaroonie has him right back up and the Harlem Sidekick gets 2. Middle rope kneedrop misses, and Morton gets the hot tag (to no reaction). Enzuigiri drops Booker, and a double dropkick almost has Stevie – but Sherri saves the day. Parker gets on the apron, but gets DECKED (yeah baby!). That’s enough for Booker to hit a Harlem Sidekick on Gibson in the melee, and the champs retain at 8:27. Everything surrounding Harlem Heat is a mess – can we please move Booker to singles action sooner so I can stop the rest of this crap? *1/2
THE NASTY BOYS get a little interview time with “MEAN” GENE OKERLUND. Knobbs says that Hogan’s always going to be his friend, and whatever he wants to do is cool cuz it’s a free country. That draws the ire of STING and LEX LUGER. Sting demands to know which side of the war they’re on? Saggs declares his loyalty to Nastyville.
New Glacier promo shows him moving his fists a lot. AND HE IS COMING!
MALIA HOSAKA (with Sonny Onoo) vs. MADUSA
Malia is filled with contempt for stupid Americans because she is Asian and that’s what good stereotypes do. Hosaka is one of those fantastic jobbers who only appeared a handful of times on TV, but did so for just about every company on a national stage over a 15 year period. This is NOT the infamous “hair pulling” match, that comes later, by which point I’ll have likely flaked out and stopped recapping again. Madusa drops Hosaka with a spinning heel kick, but Hosaka just sweeps Madusa’s feet right out as soon as she hits the mat and applies a figure four. The hold is released as Madusa approaches the ropes, but she moves to a spinning toe hold and drops her weight back on it repeatedly. Madusa fights back, but it doesn’t matter because …
A limousine has arrived! Tony promises to keep us abreast, which makes sense since he’s a bit of a tit.
Back to the match, Madusa hits a superplex, and turns her attention to Sonny who’s suddenly on the apron. She nails him, but Hosaka uses this lapse to pin Madusa at 4:50 for a MASSIVE upset! **
ALEX WRIGHT vs. CHRIS BENOIT (with Woman and Elizabeth)
Important Update: The Booty Man is still to come. Another Important Update: We’re going to spend vast amounts of this match focusing on the plot device we have come to know as The Limo. Deal with it, Workrate Nerds. Benoit hits a shoulderblock takedown, but Wright snaps off a couple of headscissors takeovers and locks on an armbar. He releases, and misses a blind charge going face first to the buckle. A backdrop from Benoit gets 2. A hotshot leaves Wright pretty gassed, but he manages to block a gutbuster with a schoolboy for 2. Larry drops a pile of New World Odors. Benoit applies an abdominal stretch in the centre of the ring, releases, and applies a camel clutch. JIMMY HART comes bouncing down to ringside, and talks to Woman’s chest. Hart’s goal, talking Woman away from the Horsemen. “There’s someone in the back that you’re driving CRAZY, and you know who it is” – as he points viciously to his Kevin Sullivan tie. Then, DEAN MALENKO enters the scene and attacks Woman. What the hell is the point of having all these wrestlers act as anti-nWo security? How do they know Jimmy Hart or Dean Malenko isn’t the fourth man? Benoit hits Malenko with a tope, and runs him face first into the set as he’s counted out at 8:21. All plot. Awful, awful plot. *1/2
“LORD” STEVEN REGAL (with Jeeves) vs. RANDY SAVAGE
Oh HELL yes. Everyone’s rabid for Mach, except Regal who is fairly disgusted with the entire thing. Regal hiptosses Savage, and points to his guns. Now that’s a man! Mach comes back with armdrags that get squeals from the Brit, but Regal counters with a legsweep and walks around just KNOWING he’s the smartest man in the room. Savage goes to get up, so Regal stomps on his hand and lectures the fans. Savage explodes with rage, and runs Regal’s face across the ropes – which could cause some fairly serious rope burn. This is immediately overlooked, because there’s only 1 minute left in the first hour. Tony says he’s getting mixed signals, which is about par for the course for the modern WCW viewer. Bischoff and Heenan are reportedly nowhere to be found. Tony bravely stays to work a second hour. Regal pounds on the Macho Man, while STING and LEX LUGER come out to ringside. Now how do we know THESE guys aren’t nWo?!? They sit in the vacant seats at ringside that are presumably there for the nWo 4. Well CHRIST, get ON it Meng! What’s your hold up Scott Norton? Regal takes a powder, but Savage is right behind him and he throws the Lord into the nWo seats. Is Regal the fourth man? Before we get answers, Savage rolls him back in to the ring, and finishes with the elbow at 6:18. This was actually a pretty great match that I didn’t give the appropriate attention to. Neither did WCW. **1/2
Sting and Luger storm the limo, and LOOK INSIDE! And what is it? A wreath, with condolences on the death of WCW. Hah! Tony shows his anger by never changing his demeanor, but insisting he’s mad.
“MEAN” GENE OKERLUND hits the ring (is HE the fourth man???), and starts a conversation with Savage. Savage basically promises to commit murder on Hulk Hogan. Well, it would probably get the highest ratings in the history of wrestling. Meanwhile, Sting and Luger have carried the wreath back to the ring. Sting then cuts one of the most awkward sad promos I’ve ever heard, by suggesting the nWo get their money back because WCW is going to live a long and healthy life. It’s not just the irony that they didn’t (out of business in less than 5 years), but the actual delivery came out incredibly lame. Then they destroy the wreath. Just awful. Siding with WCW at this point is siding with a gang of losers. It’s a no-upside play.
THE BOOTY MAN (with Kimberly) vs. RIC FLAIR (with Woman, Elizabeth, Debra McMichael, and Arn Anderson w/ chair) (for the WCW United States title)
Arn joins the ringside enforcers just in case the nWo makes an appearance. I can only hope this is short and sweet, but I imagine there’s virtually no chance of being so lucky. As Flair takes Booty to school, including a ballshot right in front of the referee, CHRIS BENOIT and MONGO MCMICHAEL lurk nearby, watching alertly. Flair claws at the eyes of Booty, and chops away. BOBBY HEENAN joins the announce booth, and Tony demands to know what the hell is going on. Heenan tells the guys he refused to join the booth unless he was guaranteed security. Bischoff was nowhere to be seen in the back, and he hasn’t been seen all day. Hmmmmmmmm … Meanwhile, Flair locks on the Figure Four, and cheats like crazy with the ropes. Booty refuses to tap, so the Horsemen attack drawing the DQ at 3:00. *
The Dungeon of Doom watches on while Booty gets destroyed. Tony puts together that Beefcake is a Hogan ally, so the company is taking no chances. Arn slams the chair into the leg, and Benoit stomps away. “MEAN” GENE OKERLUND rushes in, while Flair re-applies the Figure Four, AND Mongo chokes him out. Gene demands everyone leave Booty alone, so Arn takes the stick. Anderson said a light went on the week before, remembering that a New World Order signals the end of time. “If you’re gonna take a baseball bat to a Horsemen, finish the job!” He iterates that if you send a Horsemen to the hospital, they’ll send one of theirs (pointing at Booty) to the morgue. Gene tries to get a word with Flair, but he just steals the mic and beats up Booty some more. “HOGAN, YOU WANT OUR ATTENTION? YOU JUST GOT IT! You think because you woke up one day, you became a bad man? You’re so wrong. You have made a mistake. This is my best friend, and you crossed the line pal. And now, wherever you are, you’re gonna pay the price. There’s your best friend, come get him big boy.”
THE FOLLOWING ANNOUNCEMENT HAS BEEN PAID FOR BY THE NEW WORLD ORDER
The usual mocking of Luger and Sting, wielding baseball bats. Hogan can’t believe that Nash and Hall beat up everyone in WCW by themselves. Hall wants them to call Ted Turner to send a couple of real home run hitters to the Atlanta Braves. The Outsiders serenade Hogan with Happy Birthday in honor of his big day that happens to fall on Hog Wild. Hogan’s mock touched crying is hilarious. Nash promises to send them out of a job. Before, the promo finishes though, the tape is stopped and …
The voice of CRAIG LEATHERS takes over and tells the announce crew Sting and Luger forced them to stop playing the footage. Backstage, STING interrogates Leathers about his motivation for playing this tape. He wonders if Leathers is pro-nWo himself? Sting then tells LEX LUGER it’s time to go, because there’s “free Pot Pie and Mountain Dew in our trailer!” Luger: “Sounds good!” What the hell?
CRAIG PITTMAN (with Teddy Long) vs. THE GIANT (with Jimmy Hart) (for the WCW world heavyweight title)
There’s a whole lot of Don’t Care going on for me right now. The same goes for Tony and Larry, thankfully, who are wondering where the hell Bischoff is, and talking as usual about the New World Odor. Giant no-sells Pittman’s spear-style headbutts, and gives him the Chokeslam at 2:33. DUD Post-match, Long begs Giant not to keep chokeslamming his wrestler, so Giant agrees and chokeslams Teddy instead!
“MEAN” GENE OKERLUND is aghast at Giant’s behavior, and demands answers from Jimmy. Before we can get an appropriate answer, the limousine is MOVING! Everything stops. Then Hart tries to resume, but he’s without sunglasses now and looking panic stricken. The fans completely turn on WCW at this point, and start chanting for Hogan. Giant defies Hogan to show up at Sturgis, if he has any guts at all. The fans boo him out of the building.
THE NASTY BOYS vs. LEX LUGER and STING
Sting is dressed in purple and gold, which are WCW’s trademark colors. THE STEINERS join the ringside area now. Tony recaps it’s been an uneventful night featuring the nWo. Except all the wrestlers standing guard, the constantly moving limo, the flower wreath, and the missing Eric Bischoff. Besides that, NOTHING. The Nastys get early control, with Knobbs dropping a pile of elbows on Luger for 2. Knobbs misses a blind charge, and Luger levels him. In comes Sting, who sends him face first to the buckle a few times before hitting the bulldog and getting 2. Saggs trips up Sting from the outside, giving control back. An avalanche from Knobbs gets 2. Knobbs hits a drop toe hold, and Saggs drops an elbow. Knobbs locks on a camel clutch, but it’s not a very good one and Sting crawls towards the ropes. Knobbs drops his weight down to stop him, and the Nastys start a series of quick tags hitting one move at a time to wear Sting down. Knobbs heads to the second rope, but the splash is blocked with Sting’s knees and he gets the hot tag to Luger. Lex hits a slingshot dropkick(!), and starts the clotheslines. Saggs eats a powerslam, and heads to the Rack, but Knobbs saves (him from a hernia). Stuff spills outside, and Saggs accidentally hits Rick Steiner so Rick retaliates with a stiff clothesline. Lex rolls Saggs in, and Sting finishes with the Deathlock at 7:08. **
Back from the break, “MEAN” GENE OKERLUND joins Sting and Luger, with TWO YOUNG CHILDREN who are flexing. That ends fast, so that must have been a Make a Wish thing or something that went a little beyond the commercial break. Sting asks the fans if they believe that the Outsiders are in the limo this time? They think so, so Sting talks Lex into checking it out. Sting opens it … and he’s handed a Turner Briefcase, before the limo tears out of there! And just like that, we are out of time!
Was … that a PPV sell? I don’t even know what to say. Back later with Prime.
UPDATE ON WCW AND THE WWE NETWORK By Mike Johnson on 2014-08-06 11:53:44 One of the biggest questions we have received since the launch of the WWE Network is when will WCW Monday Nitro be added to the Network.
Yesterday, WWE's George Barrios, Stephanie McMahon and Triple H took part in a discussion about WWE's business at the Needham Fireside Chat event in NYC.
While discussing the Network, it was noted that WCW Monday Nitro episodes would begin to be added to the Network this Fall alongside the Monday Night War documentary series. WWE will also be posting Raw episodes from that era at the same time.
During the discussion, it was also noted that the company has already prepared 40,000 hours of their library for digital consumption via the Network and they have been slowly rolling it out. -----------------------------------------------------------
You KNOW the biggest question W's have: When is Saturday Night, Pro, Worldwide, Main Event and Prime going to be added? You wanna talk $9.99 worth? There you have it.