I decided to partake in the wrestling goodness that is Smackdown this week.My seats were pretty decent as I was in the fifth row, behind Cole and Tazz. Here are the results: DARK MATCH(I think) Ernest HOLY SHIT IT'S THE CAT Miller vs. The Big Valbowski Ernest cut a pretty funny promo before the match. Match was decent, but nothing special. Val wins with the Money Shot Bull Buchanon vs. Shelton Benjamin Nothing too great here, and the crowd didn't care about either guy. Shelton wins with the hammerlock powerslam. VELOCITY Albert vs. Art Car/Barlucci? I have no idea what Tony Chimel said his name was. The highlight of this match was Albert cutting a hilarious promo in which he talked about how all the ladies wanted to stroke his all natural hair. Squash city as Albert puts whathisname away with the baldobomb. Funaki/Kidman vs. Crash/Noble HELL YES! Nidia! Pretty good little cruiser match, with funaki playing #1 announcer in peril for most of the match before Kidman gets the hot tag, cleans house and hits the SSP on crash. Chavo vs. Tyson Dux Tyson Dux is the text book guy who was on velocity last week I think. Apparently his gimmick is being really fruity. Nothing great here, Chavo wins with the brainbuster. Not Gay or Blonde Chuck Palumbo vs. D-Von. Chuck so needs to grow his hair back out and get the natural born thrilla look going again. The match was about as good as a Chuck/D-Von match could be, Chuck wins with the jungle kick. SMACKDOWN! Opening sequence features Steph looking pretty damn hot as a witch. She announces the main event will be Rey Misterio vs. Brock Lesnar. HELL YES! Edge vs. Chris MOTHERFUCKING Benoit God I love Smackdown. Seriously, when this is your opening match, things are going good. This match rocked. The finish being Angle appears on the ramp, Benoit runs out to argue with him, Edge baseball slides both of them, and then hits a top rope clothseline on Angle. They go back into the ring where Edge hits the spear on Benoit for the win. I marked out like a little girl the first time I saw the crossface. Another backstage skit happens with John Cena dressed up as Vanilla Ice. It was actually really funny stuff. Then Al Wilson, middle aged playa, walks in as The Fonz. HEY WHOAAA! Dawn Marie is dressed as the sexiest cop ever. Next segment is Paul Heyman telling Brock that he doesn't think he can beat The Big Show. Because you know, it's not like every midcarder in the the WWE has beaten The Big Show or anything. Big Show vs. Rikishi Total squash. Rikishi gets his token offense, then Show hits the chokeslam. On the plus side, Show traded in his singlet for a slimming black jeans/t-shirt combo this week. Show cuts a promo on Lesnar, Lesnar comes out, Lesnar calls Show a giant piece of shit, nothing happens. Torrie vs. Dawn Marie Trick or Treat match Your standard food match with all the usual. Shockingly, Torrie wins. Wouldn't this whole angle make a little more sense if Dawn Marie actually beat Torrie once? Should I even care? Another backstage segment, this time featuring Matt Hardy. More hilarious stuff as Matt totally rules. Vanilla Cena tells Steph that Vince(!) is waiting in her office. Matt Hardy(version 1) vs. Tajiri They must edit in the movie player part of Matt's entrance after the show, because it was missing tonight. Solid match, with Matt winning with the twist of fate. THE ERA OF MATTITUDE HAS BEGUN!!!!!!! Fuck you HHH, Fuck you Undertaker, it's Matt's time now, daddy! In Steph's office, someone in a Vince mask is waiting for her. He hypes Scott Steiner some, and then takes off his mask to reveal Eric Bischoff. He gives Steph a long, creepy kiss that Steph seems kinda into. Somewhere, Chris Benoit sheds a tear. During the simulated commercial break, they played Lillian's song set to a video of the divas, I don't think Lillian is going to be setting the charts on fire anytime soon. Eddy Latino Jesus Guerrero vs. Kurt MOTHERFUCKING Angle HELL YES AGAIN! I boldly defy the sheep by chanting "You Rule" to Kurt's music. Match rocked. End comes when Benoit hits Kurt with the belt and Eddy hits the Frog Splash for the pin. After the match, Benoit lays everyone out, BECAUSE THE WOLVERINE HAS NO FRIENDS. Angle looks for Benoit backstage, but finds BROTHER LOVE. If he is coming back as Benoit's manager, it would so rule. Anyways, Benoit attacks Angle, and they brawl, culminating in Angle putting Benoit through a table with the angle slam. HE'S HARDCORE! Tazz hosts a costume contest, nothing interesting happens. Brock Lesnar vs. Rey Misterio Match is going along great, until Big Show appears and throws Rey into the audience, causing a DQ. That ending sucked it hard. Anyways, Show chokeslams Brock through the anoounce table, celebrates for like 5 minutes, then Brock gets back up and punks Show out. Brock poses, shows over.
CLOSING NOTES: There were a lot more fine women there than I expected. Oddly enough there were two HOTHOT chicks holding up "Big Show is Hot" signs. Either they were plants or I am rapidly losing faith in humanity. During the Noble match, a redneck fan kept yelling things like " you learn im good Jaime, you's ma hero" it was awesome. Overall, outside of the main event, the show kicked major ass. It was also about 8 billion times funnier than anything on Raw the last couple weeks. I love Smackdown.
It's like a koala bear crapped a rainbow in my brain!
Underwater- how empty was it there? The spoilers on Meltz said half to 3/4ths empty, but they didn't seem to be the most coherent spoilers. I so should have gotten my happy ass out of Lansing to go see Matt vs. Tajiri. Sad face.
BX: I saw her adjusting her bra thingie a coupla times but I did'nt see anything earth-shattering. I did have to watch the whole match on the Titan-tron, so who knows Ubermonkeys: I wouldn't say 1/2 to 3/4's empty, but there were plenty of seats covered up. And yes, Tajiri/Matt rocked. Tom: Both matches went really long and looked really good. I probably will have to watch Smackdown this week to get a good idea how good they really were. Rey-Lesnar could have been really awesome. Hopefully, they'll do it right next week.
As far as Bisch/Steph goes, it's consistent with the WWE logic that old, powerful men are able to get with younger, beautiful women. Either that or Heyman is having some serious mid-life crisis issues.
It's like a koala bear crapped a rainbow in my brain!
So now we either have Uncle Eric and Steph/Steph becoming Joanie Loves Chachi, or they are hinting at McMahon family incest. Well, we all knew eventually the incest angle was going to come up, and after necrophilia, it won't seem as hideous.
I want you to know, I agree with everything I've just said.
Angle got the "You Suck" chant during his music, but then got "Angle" chants during the match and was treated as the face. Angle is the classic heel that the crowd "loves to hate" and that can transfer to "face heat" very easily.
If Austin is smart (and if the Rock is, too), he'll have invested his cash in something. He's been concievably been making $3million per year since 1997, so that's about $15 million he has...JUST FROM WRESTLING.