So I was at the Virginia Center Commons Mall in Ashland today- as my two year old was very excited about going to get a toy (the Toy Story 2 Jessie/Woody bendable figure set from the Disney Store) as consolation for not joining my five year old on her in-door pool playdate. Now, don't get me wrong. I got no beef with malls, they were an important part of my childhood and teenage years so I don't complain about how gross they can be aesthetically or how pre-fab they are. They actually bring back memories of high school and dating and getting REM import 12" singles at Music Man and the ilk. MYYYYYYYY complaint about malls nowadays is that there were THREE kiosk/booth thingies all performing weird minor surgery/medical testing in the middle of the mall. First, you had that creepy permanent make-up application, then there was the TRIGGER POINT MASSAGE~! therapy going on and then there was the super weird-ass foot x-ray/foot counseling booth. I was waiting for a Mayan Human Sacrifice booth by the Pretzel Time. What the fuq is going on? Does this crap happen at your local mall of choice? Wha..?
And my two year old now has six games of Skee-Ball to her credit. It was precious.
The creepiest thing I've seen lately are those aqua massagers.
Yeah, that's something that I want to do in the middle of a mall.
Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family...Choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol, and dental insurance...Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit crushing game shows, stuffing junk food into your mouth...Choose a future. Choose life... But why would I want to do a thing like that?
Something I've noticed in the rare mall stop I make (which is pretty much limited to Christmas shopping)...If you have a mall with, say, 90 stores, doesn't it seem like 80 of them are selling cell phone service?
Department stores: Supposed to be the big draw, but they're always really empty. (4 Stores)
Hoity Toity Clothes stores: These are the places that I lothe, but my roomate loves them. (4 Stores, 5 Sub-Stores)
Coffee Stores: In just about every mall I visit, there's about 20 of these things. What the hell? I know people like their coffee, but come on. (3 Stores)
"Other" clothing stores: Cool shiny shirts, bathing suits, and that one Victoria's Secret that you never buy anything from, but always make a point to walk past. (8 Stores)
Toy Stores: Not just toy toys, but DVDs, Movies, Music Computer Games, Consols, etc (6 Stores)
Book Store: One. One lousy bookstore at my mall. In Minnesota at least I get a BDalton AND a Walden. (1 Store)
Random other Stores: Includes a jewelry shop a GNC, an Arcade, two candy stores, etc (8 Stores)
Food Court: Standard fare. At some point, I must visit Clucker00s. (7 Stores, 1 Substore)
Booths: We have: An Aquamassage, a jewelry counter, another coffee shop, a customizable clothing stand, two cell phone stores, a hair extension center (?!) and a sunglass store, and a wall climb(?!).
The Internet station: Why do malls have this? Every mall I've been to has this. I've sat down at this thing a few times, but damned if I can figure it out. Of course, I never really tried, either. If my internet at home is out, and I'm really hard up for access, I'll go to the library.
I suppose it's ok, and I hate those aquamassagers, but I'd try it just to do it. Then again the mall I hung out at near my highschool had: BDalton, Radio Shack, Only Deals, a Dots, and a coffee shop (and at one time, about a year before I started high school a theater) So I guess I'm living the high life now.
The wife is addicted to the kiosks that sell those herbal, heated massage pads that make everything smell like feet... I mean a fine herbal aroma. I fully expect to open a birthday present that contains one with her going "You can smell like Rain Water!"
The worst kiosk at a local mall (that I can think of) is the one that sells your name on rice. How dumb is that?
HEY! I saw that "Put Your Name In Rice" stands there too. What is THAT? So what the world seems like it really needs is one of those custom iron-on lettering t-shirt stands, and since it can't have on of those, it keeps garnering these cheap placebos.
We don't have the aqua massagers in the malls in Louisville yet (It IS in Ky after all). I did see quite a few of them in malls/casinos in Vega$, and I bet after walking all day a quick $10 to ease the aches is worth it.
I usually just went back to the hot tub in my hotel room tho ;-)
My mall has no aquawhateveryou'retalkingabout, but outside the store where I work (one night a week), there's a guy who sells hot tubs. The hot tubs have stereos in them. He blasts the fucking stereos every chance he gets. I wanna fucking throttle him.
We also have 5 or 6 cellphone kiosks, a spankin' new Barnes & Noble (just moved over from the strip mall across the street), like 36 jewelry stores, and a Sarku Japan in the food court....mmmmm....chicken teriyaki....
ironcladlou, AKA Cygnet
"I am made from the dust of the stars, and the oceans flow in my veins"
So I was at the Virginia Center Commons Mall in Ashland today- as my two year old was very excited about going to get a toy (the Toy Story 2 Jessie/Woody bendable figure set from the Disney Store) as consolation for not joining my five year old on her in-door pool playdate.
So DEAN, did she get the toy? You didn't say.
He's Rolie Polie Olie - and in his world of curves and curls, he's the swellest kid around.
My mall does have those freaky aqua massagers, but we have no stands where people are performing medical surgery of any kind. Unless you count the eye doctors, but that's just exams. They don't even have the laser-eye dealos.
But every cell phone service know to man is for sale there... Verizon, AT&T, PCS One/Voicestream, and there's another one that I can't think of right now. They don't cell Cingular, though.
I think there's like 8 places to get your hair cut, too, but surprisingly no McDonalds.
Yet we also have FOUR of those FYE stores, b/c before they were FYE they were a bunch of other names, but now they're all just FYE. And there are four of them. Yeesh.
I hate the mall, too. Shop online. Burn the fucking malls down.
Yes, the cell phone thing is very prominent in the malls of southern CA. You can't walk an inch without someone trying to sell you one, even if you're holding yours up and waving it around.
There're also those lovely little spiral-bins. You're supposed to drop a penny in it and see it spin 'round all the way to the bottom. Thing is, they've got a chart there urging you to try out all of your coins to see which one will roll in faster. Good way to get gullible people (like my father) to bring in their giant change jars.
Does anyone else have those horrible "We Make Crappy Stickers With Your Logo for your Car" stands? If I see another 'rip-off Calvin kid pissing on _____' sticker, I might go crazy.
The 7-Eleven I work at - shut up - sells three different - I SAID SHUT UP - kind of cell phones. Well, by "sells" I mean "has some one the counter for people to buy if they want to". If the sept-onze is selling them...
Oh, and I'm only working there until I go to South Korea in April to teach English.
I did this by request several months ago (and presumably after several beers) and then "forgot" to share it with you, but, now, FOR AMERICA.... I start weak but finish strong! You can tell that Kim sends her love as well.