In a star-making performance, Kurt Lauderdale demonstrated just how violent he could be - sending the Evil Ninja through a flaming table to win the Triple Hell Death Match main event of the International Wrestling Syndicate’s Know Your Enemies. Kurt was fighting in his second match of the night replacing an injured Arsenal.
Know Your Enemies Results – Quick and Dirty
Saturday, April 23rd, 2005
Dark Match: Pornstar Juan beat Twiggy (6:57)
Dan Paysan beat Viking with help from his valet D-Vyn (12:41)
Kurt Lauderdale beat Shane Simmons (4:45)
The Arsenal announced the stipulations for the Triple Hell Death Match. IWS owner PCP Crazy F’N Manny attacked the Arsenal with a broken beer bottle putting him out of the main event and replacing him with Kurt Lauderdale.
Kid Kamikaze upset the Green Phantom with help from Vanessa Kraven (8:50)
2.0 (Jagged and Shane Matthews) beat the Flying Hurricanes (Takao and Kenny the Bastard) and Player Uno in a six man tag, despite their partner Tomassino turning on them and walking out. 2.0 double-pinned Kenny the Bastard (11:47)
Fred la Merveille beat Damian in a Hardcore Lumber-Jack match after the self-proclaimed “God of War” was distracted by footage of Kevin Steen wrestling in Japan (14:38)
Franky the Mobster defended his IWS title and CZW Ironman title beating Sexxxy Eddy with the help of Dan Paysan (14:48)
Kurt Lauderdale beat Evil Ninja in a Triple Hell Death Match. First Fall: Star of Ninja Light Tube – Kurt Lauderdale (5:09) Second Fall: Thumb Tacks – Evil Ninja (7:18) Third Fall: Flaming Table – Kurt Lauderdale (10:33)
In addition to Un F’N Sanctioned 2005, which we would recommend to anyone interested in the IWS, the latest IWS releases are Best of the Fan Favourites and coming soon: Know Your Enemies 2005. They can be ordered from cwww.smartmarkvideo.com or from me by paypal – Llakor@hotmail.com
Best of the Fan Favourites features the best matches from 2003 to 2005 of the the Arsenal, the Hardcore Ninjaz and the Motivator of Madness, the self-proclaimed “Fan Favourites” It includes seven matches as well as bonus material. This is a bit of an experiment for us, diving into the vaults like this. If you would like to support the IWS or you would like to see more titles like this from us, buy Best of the Fan Favourites today! Better still, buy two!
Tickets for Scarred For Life can be purchased for $15 for Regular tickets, $20 for VIP tickets either at Le Break or on-line by paypal from Llakor@hotmail.com We are offering a special right now, if you purchase 5 VIP tickets, we’ll throw in a free signed and numbered booklet of my columns leading up to Un F’N Sanctioned 2005. If you purchase 10 VIP tickets we throw in the booklet and a free Best of the Fan Favourites DVD. For that special the tickets should be purchased by paypal. If they are purchased before May 21st, the tickets, booklet and DVD will be mailed Express-Post in the same envelope.
As many of you know, the IWS will be going to Philly on July 9th to present a show as part of a double-header with CZW. We are organizing a bus trip from Montreal to Philly that would leave late Friday night, arrive in Philly Saturday morning, leave Philadelphia late Saturday night after the CZW show and arrive back in Montreal Sunday morning. The cost for the bus trip is $175 Canadian which includes tickets to the IWS show in a Canadian VIP section and a General Admission ticket to the CZW show. If you are interested in this bus trip, you need to make a $100 deposit by paypal on or before May 14th. Or send a money order to Michael Ryan c/o 233 Labrosse, Pointe Claire, Quebec, H9R 1A3
Know Your Enemies began with a dark match pitting the tiny Twiggy against Pornstar Juan. These two former broom boys proved that they have benefited from their time observing the IWS action, bringing the crowd to their feet using no move more complicated than a wrist lock or a body slam. Twiggy especially impressed. He may be the smallest wrestler in Quebec, but Twiggy is just as smart as he is small. Pornstar Juan may have won the match in 6:57 with a body slam, but it was Twiggy that won the hearts of the crowd.
Dan Paysan opened the show proper, coming to the ring for the first time with his new “chica” D-Vyn, Sexxxy Eddy’s former valet. His opponent Viking continued to prove that, since being betrayed by Damian, he has elevated his game attacking Dan aggressively from the bell on. Unfortunately, Viking allowed himself to be distracted by D-Vyn on several occasions, missing some guaranteed pin-falls in the process. Dan was eventually able to turn one of D-Vyn’s distractions into a win after 12:41.
Since standing toe-to-toe and eye-to-eye with Sid Vicious last summer, Kurt Lauderdale has been a different man. To the delight of the IWS fans, Kurt has punished his opponents relentlessly. Returning to the IWS, Shane Simmons was able to use his speed to thwart the big man… for a little while. But Shane made one simple mistake, a missed elbow drop from the top post to the floor and Kurt took immediate advantage putting Shane away after 4:45.
After Kurt’s match, the Arsenal came to the ring to announce the stipulations for his main event Triple Hell Death Match against the Evil Ninja: Star of Ninja Light Tubes, Thumb Tacks and Flaming Tables. Barely finished announcing these stipulations, the Arsenal got jumped in the ring by IWS owner PCP Crazy F’N Manny. Still pissed over the stitches and concussion that he received in the Fans Bring the Weapons match during Un F’N Sanctioned 2005 at the hands of the Arsenal and Kurt Lauderdale, Manny carved the face of the Arsenal with a broken beer bottle. Kurt Lauderdale came back out to rescue the Arsenal only to be ambushed from behind by the Evil Ninja. Manny announced that, since he had just taken out the Arsenal, Kurt would have to take his place in Hell… Triple Hell that is.
Kid Kamikaze has declared that 2005 will be his year and after adding the hulking Vanessa Kraven to “The Kid Kamikaze Experience” he may very well be right. (My hospital insurance carrier requires me to add that Vanessa Kraven is astonishingly beautiful as well as strong.) Facing the Green Phantom, Kid Kamikaze pulled off an amazing upset, pinning the IWS Hardcore Hero after 8:50.
Jagged and Shane Matthews, 2.0, missed a golden chance to win the tag belts at Un F’N Sanctioned when Takao called in sick and Kenny the Bastard defended the titles by himself. The supposedly “Undefeated in the IWS” 2.0 got some small measure of revenge against Kenny, double pinning him at 11:47 during a six man tag where the Flying Hurricanes teamed with Player Uno. I do have to (very grudgingly) give 2.0 some respect for winning the match despite their partner, Tomassino, attacking the Sultans of Smirk and walking out on them mid-way through the match.
(It’s hard to blame Tomassino. The only reason that Jagged is not the most annoying man on the planet is that Shane Matthews is even more annoying. Still, in his time with the IWS, Tomassino has feuded with every man that he has ever teamed with including, according to rumours, kicking Chris Wells out of the car on the Trans Canada halfway between Toronto and Montreal the day of Know Your Enemies. I mean who in the blue hell is Tomassino going to tag with now?)
(I should probably also mention that the Pop of the night happened during this match and oddly is was not for a wrestler, but for a referee. 2.0 have made a habit of attacking IWS official Bakais, before, during and after their matches. At the end of their match at Know Your Enemies, 2.0 looked to do the same thing again, but Bakais ducked their attack and took out both men with clothesline. As Bakais prudently ran from the embarrassed 2.0, the crowd went NUTS.)
Before his Hardcore Lumber-Jack Match with Fred la Mervielle, Damian announced to the crowd that they should now refer to him as “The God of War”. He also complained that he should have been the first IWS wrestler to go to Japan and compete, not Kevin Steen.
This contest was the first Lumber-Jack match that the IWS has ever put on. In retrospect, putting two guys in the ring who flat out hate one another, surrounding the ring with wrestlers who mostly all have issues with one another, and then handing all the “bucherons” weapons… Well, it was a recipe for chaos – entertaining chaos – but still chaos. Damian was just about to take advantage of this chaos to pin Fred la Merveille when the IWS projector system malfunctioned, playing a clip of Kevin Steen’s Zero-One match from Japan… giving Fred la Merveille all the distraction that he needed to give Damian the “101” pedigree for the pin at 14:38.
Sexxxy Eddy and Franky the Mobster have fought each other from one end of Quebec to another, but never in the IWS and never for stakes as high as the IWS title or the CZW Ironman title. IWS fans were expecting a wild, outrageous match and these two old rivals did not disappoint. Franky proved that he will do absolutely anything to keep his titles, ripping off Eddy’s thong halfway through the match, to the delight of most of the ladies in the crowd and some of the men. Unfortunately for Franky the Mobster, there are no count-outs in the IWS (unless 2.0 are involved) so Eddy was able to run to the back, grab another thong and come back out to continue the match. (Eddy is always prepared – like a hardcore boy scout.) It appeared that Eddy was about to win back the IWS titles and become a three-time IWS champion when Dan Paysan and D-Vyn came to the aid of their fellow Italian Franky the Mobster, costing Eddy the match at 14:48.
(Oddly, Franky was not very appreciative, attacking Dan and D-Vyn after the match.)
Despite already wrestling Shane Simmons and being ambushed by the Evil Ninja earlier in the night, Kurt Lauderdale rose to the occasion in the Triple Hell Death Match putting the Evil Ninja through his own “Star of Ninja” light tube construction at 5:09 to win the first fall.
Looking for revenge after Kurt dropped a 27 inch TV on his head during the Fans Bring the Weapons match at Un F’N Sanctioned, PCP Crazy F’N Manny helped the Evil Ninja pin Kurt Lauderdale on ten thousand thumb tacks after 7:18.
Normally, Kurt Lauderdale would have the advantage in a (Flaming) Tables match since the Evil Ninja would find it difficult to lift the big man. But with Manny to do the heavy lifting, it appeared that the Ninja was about to barbecue the Career Killer… until a bloody Arsenal charged the ring to even the odds. As the crowd chanted “Burn, Ninja, Burn!” Kurt Lauderdale drove the Evil Ninja through a burning table for the win at 10:33.
The next IWS show is “Scarred for Life” Saturday, May 28th at 20 Blvd Cremazie, corner of St-Laurent, Montreal, Quebec, CANADA, Saturday April 23rd. Doors open at 7:30pm, bell rings at 9:00pm. Card subject to change. Tickets are $20 for VIP, $15 for Regular. To purchase tickets in advance e-mail Llakor@hotmail.com or go to Le Break. For further information about the IWS, go to our website www.syndicatewrestling.com
The IWS on Tour
Jersey All Pro Wrestling Aftershock Saturday, April 23rd, 2005 Rahway Centre, Rahway, New Jersey
Before Aftershock kicked off, in a Jersey World Wide taping, Beef Wellington beat Danny Demanto in 2:26 with the Ass Punch/E. Coli combination. Reportedly, it was hilarious watching the stocky Demanto plod to the back trying to rub his head and his ass at the same time.
Azraiel successfully defended his JAPW Light Heavyweight championship against EXesS in 14:12 but the “Baby Oil Phenom” took Azraiel to the limit including a spinning variation of his stretch muffler submission. Before the match, EXesS cut a promo telling the crowd that to be sure to be understood he would speak slowly and then cut a S… L… O… W… promo in French(!)
In what has been called the best match of the night, Lo-Ki beat El Generico in 12:54. Despite losing, El Generico looked good, getting a lot more offence in against Lo-Ki than most of Lo-Ki’s opponents normally do. Lo-Ki had rather famously stolen El Generico’s mask at an earlier JAPW show and that was referred to in the match as Lo-Ki’s stole El Generico’s mask again and El Generico rolled under the ring to emerge wearing another mask.
Jack Evans and Teddy Hart beat the Odd Couple team of Kevin Steen and Beef Wellington in 14:19. Whatever chances the IWS pair had were nullified by the continuous bickering between the two men. Steen kept insisting that Beef stop clowning around and wrestle properly, which as anyone who follows the IWS knows aren’t really Beef’s strengths. Eventually, Beef was on the top rope with a chance to leap on Teddy Hart… or Ass Punch Kevin Steen. Two guesses what happened. Afterwards, Kevin offered to shake hands with Beef and forget the whole thing if Beef promised never to Ass Punch him ever again. Beef replied that he couldn’t promise that.
(Sounds like JAPW is setting up for a Beef/Steen match which as IWS fans know is a hellaciously good match.)
Times cheerfully stolen from Green Lantern Fan.
Upcoming Events for IWS stars on tour
Beef Wellington and Kid Kamikaze will be representing the IWS at UWA Hardcore Wrestling in Mississauga, Ontario. I had the distinct pleasure of chewing the fat with some of the UWA management who came to our Know Your Enemies show next Saturday. From the sounds of it, their promotion has a lot in common with ours. I would urge any of our IWS fans who live in Ontario to check out their promotion and the Beef Wellington/Kid Kamikaze match. This match between two former tag partners by the way has only be done twice that I know of, once in the IWS in a “Loser Leaves Westmount” match that Beef lost and in a CZW under-card match where Beef lost as well. These two men still have a lot of unresolved issues, so I expect this to be a great match.
(That would be wrestling code by the way for: They hate each other and any time that you bring the hate in a wrestling match it’s a good thing.)
Combat Zone Wrestling
CZW’s fifth annual Best of the Best tournament (which is considered by the fans to be one of the most important CZW shows of the year) is scheduled for May 14th at Viking Hall in Philadelphia. This year, it will feature a strong IWS contingent. Representing the IWS will be IWS tag team champion, Kenny the Bastard, former IWS champion Kevin Steen, and former IWS champion El Generico. The other 13 competitors will be: B-Boy, Brandon Thomaselli (earned his spot by beating Damian and Hallowicked at Trifecta 3, pinning Damian), Chris Hero, Derek Frazier, Ebessan, Super Dragon, Sabian, Claudio Castognoli, Excalibur, Chris Bosh, Mike Quackenbush, Nate Webb, and the final entrant Arik Cannon.
(edited by Llakor on 3.5.05 0636) "Don't Blame CANADA, Blame Yourselves!"
Chapter One: “Where Do I Start?” -Where do I start? -It’s been my experience that is usually easiest to start with the beginning and then if you can muddle your way to the end, the middle usually takes care of itself. -Now, see that’s my problem.