Kevin Steen won his battle Saturday night during Hardcore Heat, but he lost his soul. The Internet Wrestling Syndicate champion fought off a determined challenge by El Generico to retain his title, but to keep his precious gold Kevin Steen was forced to recruit the help of the most hated man in Quebec wrestling - Franky the Mobster. The two men then tried to end the career of guest referee Pierre Carl Ouellet as the three hundred plus fans in attendance watched in horror.
Hardcore Heat began with a "Lista Nera" match pitting the Clown Prince of Canadian Wrestling, Beef Wellington, against Dan Paysan. The high-flying Good Fella was almost too much for Beef Wellington to handle, stunning Beef and the crowd with a picture perfect somersault plancha. The crowd was even more stunned when Dan kicked out of Beef's top rope Ass Punch, but Paysan was not able to survive an E. Coli Pile Driver on a folded chair which gave Beef the win at 7:47. After the match, an irate Dan Paysan attacked Beef Wellington with the chair and announced that next month Beef would have to face his consigliere, the hulking Tomassino.
IWS Ring Announcer, Brian the Guppie, conducted an in-ring interview with former IWS champion Pierre Carl Ouellet in which PCO announced that he had been suffering from concussion-like symptoms and that his doctor had recommended that he not wrestle for a while. PCO said that he had one last bit of business to take care of first: fulfilling a promise to President Seska to act as guest referee in the main event title match pitting Kevin Steen against El Generico. Just as PCO was getting ready to leave, Fred le Vicieux interrupted with his hilarious Sid Vicious impersonation. PCO warned Fred that Sid was his best friend and that Sid had come to the IWS as a personal favour to him, but Fred persisted - ranting about, "Le Big Boot, Le Choke Slam, le Power Bomb..." so PCO gave him the Big Boot, the Choke Slam and the Power Bomb and left Fred flattened in the ring.
With Fred dazed, Nightmare Manson looked to have an easy win for their match, but Fred rallied to make a contest of it. In fact, Fred looked to have the match won after his "Grande Botte" and "Jambe Tombée" but Manson rallied and knocked Fred to the canvas. Manson then grabbed Fred's Quebec flag, blew his nose with it and covered Fred's face with the soiled flag. It appeared that Manson intended to make Fred's connection to the flag permanent with a staple gun, but Fred was rescued, literally in the nick of time, by Damian and Viking. Crusher quickly entered the fray and referee Bakais had no choice but to declare a no-contest after 5:36. It took three referees to seperate the brawl and convince the SLI to head to the back.
Crazy Crusher stayed in the ring for his match with the Triple X "Sex XXXpress" Sexxxy Eddy, a match which many people at Hardcore Heat believe to have been the match of the night. Crazy Crusher had an early advantage thanks to the interference of his partner Nightmare Manson. Once referee J. S. Trudel ejected Nightmare Manson after 2:23, Eddy and Crusher took turns performing death-defying maneuvers in an attempt to put the other man away, including an eye-popping moment where Crusher literally ran up a wall to hit a moonsault on Eddy. Even more impressive was Crusher's second story Death Valley Driver to the apron, a move that would have ended the match right there if Crusher had not stunned himself as badly as Eddy. Crusher attempted one high risk maneuver too many, however, and Eddy was able to counter Crusher's top rope Hurricanerana into a top rope power bomb at 11:46.
There has been some question whether the team of Kid Kamikaze and Kurt Lauderdale, known as the Kid Kamikaze Experience, have been feuding or gelling. Based on last night's results it appears that the two men are gelling as Kid Kamikaze got the win for his team at 9:59 after a hard fought contest. As the Fan Favourites were setting up Kurt Lauderdale for the Total Elimination, Kid Kamikaze was able to ambush the Evil Ninja for a surprise roll-up. Unfortunately for Kurt Lauderdale, the Evil Ninja did not take kindly to being pinned. The Career Killer was held in place by the Arsenal and the Motivator of Madness while the Evil Ninja carved Kurt Lauderdale's arm with a samurai sword.
President Seska held an in-ring signing for the team of 2.0 to officially welcome them to the IWS. No sooner was the ink drying on the contracts, than 2.0 showed their true colours, verbally attacking the rest of the IWS roster calling them "Garbage Wrestlers!" The "punks", as Brian the Guppie called them, then announced that they were from a real wrestling federation that promoted real wrestling and they brought out their tag team title belts from another Montreal Wrestling federation declaring that these belts made them the only true tag team champions in Quebec.
Once, the Green Phantom and EXcesS69 were friends and tag partners. Their tag partnership ended in November when they lost the tag titles to Extreme Revolution. Last night, their friendship may have ended. The match between the two men was not a friendly contest to see who was the better mat technician. It was a neck-bending, head-dropping test of endurance as the two men tried to kill one another to get the pin. In the end, the Green Phantom secured the win after 9:24, but he needed to drop EXcesS69 on his head with a Ganso Bomb to do it. EXcesS69 had to be carried from the ring after the match.
Le Syndicat de Lutte Internet retained their IWS tag team title last night in a stiff three-way dance against Quebec City's New Breed and the Flying Hurricanes. The six men beat the hell out of each other with Viking of the SLI raising the match to a new level of violence by chopping opponents to their knees and tearing off his own shirt to dare his opponents to do the same to him. In fact, Viking won the match for the SLI, pinning Hellstorm of the New Breed at 16:16 with his "Tueur des Policiers" finisher.
The main event of Hardcore Heat pitted the current and reigning champion of the IWS, Kevin Steen against the man from whom he stole the belt, El Generico, with Pierre Carl Ouellet, the man that El Generico pinned for the belt, acting as special referee. PCO had his work cut out for him as neither man paid much attention to the rules fighting a pitched battle from one end of the Spag to the other. Both men had chances to win. Steen blew his best chance for victory when he knocked out PCO with a chair-shot just before hitting El Generico with a package pile driver on to the turn buckle. By the time senior official P-Nut hit the ring, El Generico had recovered and after a fierce struggle, the Latin Luchador had the match as good as won after planting Steen with a thunderous brain buster and following up with a beautiful 450 splash. But before El Generico could get the pin and get his title back, a muscle bound lout wearing a Generico match hit the ring to save Kevin Steen and help him win the match at 25:06.
As it turned out, the man in the mask was Franky the Mobster, already disliked by IWS fans for his behaviour during inter-promotional shows like those organized by famed Quebed trainer Marc le Grizzly. And if IWS fans disliked him before, they positively loathe the man now, as Franky and Steen's attacks on PCO left the fans hissing in rage.
Kevin Steen was once Pierre Carl Ouellet's best friend. It can only be called tragic to see Kevin Steen, a man with a limitless future, trying to end another man's career in a jealous rage. How else can you explain Kevin Steen hitting PCO in the head with his title belt? Or ordering Franky to hit PCO with a chair so hard that Franky knocked a tooth clear across the ring? Or dropping PCO on his head with a Package Pile Driver into the IWS title? PCO said his career might be over; Kevin Steen seems to be determined to be the man who ended PCO's career. And Steen may have done just that. Certainly for those of us at Hardcore Heat who watched PCO in horror fall out of the ring and in a daze climb to the second level of the Spag so that he could ride the railings like a surfboard, while blood poured out of his forehead - we have to ask: Is this the last we will see of Pierre Carl Ouellet?
The IWS presents Body Count, Saturday, August 21st at La Spag, 2915 Ontario Est, two blocks from Metro Frontenac. Doors open at 8:00 pm, IWS Bloodstream begins at 8:30 pm, show starts at 9:00 pm. Tickets are fifteen dollars. For information about the show e-mail firstname.lastname@example.org or visit the Internet Wresting Syndicate at their web-site: http://www.syndicatewrestling.com/. For information about IWS merchandise & DVDs, our wholesale prices or our customer referral program e-mail email@example.com or order from http://xrv.com/its/. For details on La Spag please visit http://www.unites.uqam.ca/spag/.
Welcome to a very special edition of “Satire”. Don’t expect all sorts of columns about Smackdown from here on out, because RAW is enough for me. But without DEAN this week, I figured I might as well. (Opening Credits…) Brock Lesner is backstage!