LBS#41: Official Results for IWS Blood, Sweat and Beers
This show was a complete Muppet show production. Chaos backstage, things breaking, people not showing up in addition to people who couldn't make it because of weddings and other completely irrelevant things. People have no dedication to their craft anymore. I mean can you believe that someone cancelled their match a week before the show and their only excuse was that they had broken their leg? Do they have any idea of how inconvenient that is for me as a writer?
And yet, the stuff that the fans actually saw worked like magic. There was almost no evidence of the backstage chaos. In a lot of ways, I thought it was our best show yet. We have had better matches. We have had better main events. But we have never had a show that was this solid top to bottom, and where the flow from one segment to another was so smooth.
Also, I have seen our crowd surround the ring and bang the mat in approval. I have NEVER and I mean EVER seen a crowd chant "Match of the Year"
About the only thing that I had issues with was one of the promos which went on a little long and took some weird shoot twists. But the thing with live promos is that to get the energy of the live promo you lose some of the control of something pre-taped. I think that I would rather live with lack of control to capture that live energy.
The Arsenal pinned his nemesis, Sexxxy Eddy, to retain the IWS title Saturday and conclude a red hot Blood Sweat and Beers performed in front of an enthusiastic sold out crowd.
This was the Arsenal’s first ever victory over his former tag team partner. The quest for that victory has consumed three years of the Arsenal’s life and some would suggest his sanity as well. But if the Arsenal is crazy, than he is crazy like a fox, because the One Man War did everything that he could to stack the deck against Sexxxy Eddy, including surprising Eddy by insisting that the main event be a barbed wire board death match. Despite that, Sexxxy Eddy was about to become the first ever three time IWS champion when the Hardcore Ninjaz hit the ring to guarantee the victory for the Arsenal.
Blood, Sweat and Beers started with a tag team match pitting Crazy Crusher and Nightmare Manson of Xtreme Revolution against Don Francesco’s boys, Tomassino and Eric “The Black Stallion” Mastrocola. This match was demanded by both teams, with Xtreme Revolution putting their status as number one contender’s on the line in order to get revenge, and Don Francesco determined to prove that his boys deserved to be tag team champions. Before the match, Don Francesco warned IWS Commissioner Joseph FitzMorris that his continued well-being depended on the right team winning the match. A panicked FitzMorris accidentally nailed Eric Mastrocola with a chair, leading to Crazy Crusher running up a chair to kick Tomassino into a Sunset Flip pin by Nightmare Manson after 6:12.
This match was a showcase for Crazy Crusher’s astonishingly innovative offence. It helped demonstrate why many wrestling observers, including this writer, consider him to be the most dangerous wrestler pound for pound in Canada.
Prior to his ‘Loser Leaves Westmount’ match, Beef Wellington addressed the crowd, apologizing for being too intense at the previous IWS show and promising, “I will never take wrestling seriously again!” When Beef’s opponent and former tag partner, Kid Kamikaze hit the ring in a rage and demanded that Beef show some respect, Beef proved true to his word, removing his trade mark cow pants and IWS shirt to reveal bright green bicycle shorts, bright orange knee pads and a Paula Abdul shirt. The ensuing match proved to be both funny and psychologically compelling. Kid Kamikaze won the match to remain the Westmount Playboy by countering Beef Wellington’s famed top rope ass punch into an arm bar submission in mid air and eventually forcing Beef to tap at 12:58. Kid Kamikaze did, however, need his valet to flash the referee and for Kurt Lauderdale to run in and distract Beef Wellington to ensure his victory.
Brian the Guppie, of Team 990’s Between the Ropes and CFCF-12’s Contact 12 Wrestling Hotline, brought out the Flying Hurricanes for an in-ring interview during Blood, Sweat and Beers. Praising their work during the tag team scramble at the previous IWS show Un F’N Sanctioned, Brian the Guppie called them, “The most under-rated tag team in Quebec. My favourites, I hope they are your favourites, in fact, they are the Fan Favourites, Takao and Kenny the Bastard, the Flying Hurricanes.” But, before Brian the Guppie could start his interview, the Arsenal came to the ring to protest that he and the Hardcore Ninjaz are the Fan Favourites. While the Arsenal distracted the Flying Hurricanes, the Hardcore Ninjaz ambushed them from behind, eventually using the Flying Hurricanes own finisher on them as one Ninja power bombed Kenny the Bastard from the top rope through Takao on a table. Adding injury to insult, the other Ninja finished off the Hurricanes with his patented Pearl Harbour top rope chair and leg drop.
Pierre Carl Ouellet, one of Canada’s great veteran wrestlers got into the ring with two young men, Kevin Steen and El Generico, who are already considered the future of Canadian wrestling. The result of this three way dance was nothing less than spectacular. After 15:14 of furious action, PCO hit Kevin Steen with his top rope cannonball for the win with El Generico diving just too late to break up the tag. Immediately afterwards, the IWS fans showed their appreciation by surrounding the ring to bang the mat and chant “Match of the Year!”
On the eve of leaving the country on his quest to become an international wrestling superstar, Dru Onyx was summoned to the ring to explain why, at Un F’N Sanctioned, he power bombed Sexxxy Eddy on the entrance ramp after losing to the Sex XXXpress. Rather than apologize to Eddy, Onyx tore into the crowd, announcing that since he had been signed to wrestle in the UK by NWA (UK) Hammerlock that he no longer needed the approval of the IWS fans. This brought out PCP Crazy F’N Manny, who accused Onyx of only caring about money. Declaring that the IWS and its fans had been the ones to make Onyx famous, Manny challenged Onyx to a match on the spot. Onyx, protesting that he was wearing $2000 sunglasses, backed down and meekly offered an apology to the fans and to Eddy. Time will tell if his apology was sincere.
The IWS Odd Couple, EXcesS69 and the Green Phantom retained their IWS tag team titles in a wild and stiff battle where they battled not only their scheduled opponents, Viking Ville Marie and Damian Decarie, not only the head of le Syndicat de Lutte Internet, Fred le Merveille and the newest member of le SLI, Marc le Grizzly, but also, inevitably, EXcesS69 and the Green Phantom battled each other.
The climax of the match saw EXcesS69 holding a chair torn between hitting his own partner, the Green Phantom, and the head of le SLI, Fred le Merveille. Wearing a pumpkin on his head to celebrate Halloween, Fred had entered the ring urging EXcesS69 to acknowledge his French heritage and ditch the Green Phantom with whom he was always fighting anyway. In the end, EXcesS69 chose to stand with his partner and he brained Fred le Merveille, the so-called ‘cerveau’ of le SLI, splattering pumpkin all over the ring. EXcesS69 then won the match by spearing Damian, hooking his leg for the pin in the same motion, and when Damian lifted his shoulder at two, EXcesS69 used that momentum to pick up Damian over his neck by the hooked leg. As EXcesS69 applied pressure to Damian’s leg, he also bent Damian’s neck into the mat forcing Damian to tap at 18:45.
As a wrestling writer for Quebec web-site http://www.info-lutte.com has noted recently, when the Arsenal smiles it usually means that something very bad is about to happen to someone. During the main event, a barbed wire board death match, the Arsenal was doing a lot of smiling. And with good reason. In an environment where the human flesh can be torn and ripped, a performer like Sexxxy Eddy, who wrestles practically in the nude, is at a huge disadvantage. Things took a turn for the worse for Eddy when the Arsenal brought out a water pitcher filled with thumb tacks.
It became clear as the main event wore on that the Arsenal’s aim was not just to beat his former tag partner, it was to maim and scar him as well. The Arsenal’s twisted attempt to prove that he was the better man was nearly the champion’s downfall, however, as Sexxxy Eddy rallied, tore the Arsenal’s layer of protective shirts off, covered the One Man War in a layer of barbed wire and executed a picture perfect springboard shooting star press. Sadly, before the referee could make the count, the Hardcore Ninjaz hit the ring giving the Arsenal the chance to finish Eddy off with a Death Valley Driver onto the outside apron and the pin at 26:33.
After the match, the IWS nurse hit the ring to tend to Eddy’s wounds. The Arsenal, annoyed at being upstaged, demonstrated why he is considered the most deplorable, misanthropic sociopath ever to set foot in the ring by attacking the IWS nurse and giving her a Death Valley Driver to the shock and horror of the crowd. Now that the Arsenal has finally beaten Sexxxy Eddy, the one man who could always humble the One Man War, one has to wonder who will step up to stop the reign of terror of this so-called ‘Fan Favourite.’
The IWS presents Payback’s A Bitch scheduled for Saturday, November 15th, at Le Skratch, 965 Cure Labelle, Chomedey, Laval, Québec. Doors open at 8:30 pm. Tickets are twelve dollars. For information about the show e-mail email@example.com or visit the Internet Wresting Syndicate at their web-site: http://www.syndicatewrestling.com/. For information about IWS merchandise & DVDs, our wholesale prices or our customer referral program e-mail firstname.lastname@example.org or order from http://xrv.com/iws/.
Definately one of the funniest Satires in a long while ... and they're always chuckilicious, so that's saying a lot. The HBK-marries-Lita twist had me laughing my ass off, and I liked the "That's so Maven" gag.