The Arsenal and Pierre Carl Ouellet Set to Collide
Pierre Carl Ouellet beat the Hardcore Ninjaz in a two on one handicap match to earn the right to challenge the Arsenal for his IWS title. This concluded a raucous Season's Beatings show in front of a standing room only crowd, and capped off a tremendously successful 2003 for the IWS.
Season's Beatings was a success before the first match started as the hardcore soldiers, the loyal fans of the IWS, answered the call in droves to bring canned goods as a donation for Sun Youth. The IWS collected more than three hundred cans knocking two dollars off each ticket sold when at least two nonperishable food items were donated.
Before wrestling started, Dru Onyx came to the ring and announced that President Seska had punished him, for attacking PCP Crazy F'N Manny at Payback's A Bitch, by suspending him for a month. Rather than staying home, Onyx talked, well threatened, IWS announcer Brian the Guppie into buying him a ringside ticket. When asked by Brian the Guppie, "Aren't you worried that you will be attacked during the show by Manny?" Dru Onyx showed a video clip of Commissioner Joseph FitzMorris paying Onyx to prevent Manny from entering Le Skratch which resulted in Onyx trashing Manny like so much garbage.
In the first match of the night, the Flying Hurricanes, Takao and Kenny the Bastard, faced off against Don Francesco's boys. Because Tomassino was off doing a job for the Don, Kurt Lauderdale was hired for the night to second Dan Paysan. Despite Kurt Lauderdale's strength and Dan Paysan's speed, the Flying Hurricanes' smooth teamwork gave them an advantage. After about eight minutes of back and forth action, Kurt Lauderdale became incensed at the miscommunication with his temporary partner and walked out on Dan Paysan. The Good Fella fought bravely on his own, but the Flying Hurricanes seemed destined to win... until the Hardcore Ninjaz hit the ring and ambushed the Flying Hurricanes and the IWS referee Bakais. The match was officially declared a no-decision.
As the Flying Hurricanes limped to the back, the IWS champion, the Arsenal joined his Ninja goons to announce that he was not going to face Pierre Carl Ouellet for the IWS title saying, "PCO, you'll have to earn your title because tonight you'll have to fight Hardcore Ninja Number One. You'll also have to face Hardcore Ninja Number Two... at the same time!" The Arsenal also announced that since the IWS management had informed him that he had to defend his title that he had hand-picked his opponent, "The only man in the IWS tough enough to face me, Latino Kid. Wait, which is the short one? Latino Mysterio? I want Latino Mysterio."
In the ensuing battle, the pint-sized Peruvian battled bravely and came heartbreakingly close on at least one occasion to the upset of a lifetime. But the sadistic One Man War was too much for Latino Mysterio, putting the match away with a Fisherman's Buster through a table for the win after 6:57.
It is an annual tradition in the IWS for the Green Phantom to bring a tree to the ring and distribute gifts. This year, the Green Phantom presented IWS superfan Mike Rotch with a wrestling magazine autographed by Brutus the Barber Beefcake, and to Colonel Meez of emax tapes ( http://www.emaxwrestlingtapes.com/ ) he gave a big bone. The Green Phantom also received socks from his Mom. As the gift giving was winding down, Dru Onyx, at ring side, announced that he too had a present for the Green Phantom, handing Phantom a small package which the Hardcore Hero opened to reveal a small green... tank. As the Green Phantom was wondering aloud why Onyx gave him a tank for Christmas, Quebec heavyweight and former Jacques Rougeau protege, Tank, tackled Phantom from behind.
In the hard-hitting brawl that resulted, the two men battled in and out of the ring. The Green Phantom finally gained the upper hand dragging Tank into position for a Phantasm. The two men struggled on the ropes, at one point looking like both would spill over the ropes on to the Time Keeper's table. Visibly annoyed, the Green Phantom broke a chair over Tank's head to gain some control over the mammoth. To the cheers of the crowd, their Hardcore Hero showed incredible strength muscling Tank over for the Phantasm and the pin at 10:43.
In October, during Blood, Sweat and Beers, Fred le Merveille offered EXcesS69 a place in le Syndicat de Lutte Internet, enticing him to turn his back on the Green Phantom and embrace his French heritage. The man that Fred calls "Mathieu Soixante Neuf" rejected Fred, splattering the brains of the "cerveau du SLI" with a wicked chair shot. At Season's Beatings, the two men finally met one-on-one.
During the ensuing contest, Fred le Merveille was ably assisted by Mark le Grizzly. EXcesS69 used his speed and technique to avoid the two on one beat down that Fred was looking for. Time and time again, EXcesS69 maneuvered Fred into his pretzel like variation on the Stretch Muffler submission hold, and time and time again, Fred escaped by the skin of his teeth. Finally, after 14:42, EXcesS69 caught Fred in the centre of the ring and the leader of le SLI tapped out. After the match, Fred furious and embarrassed, declared that since it was obviously impossible that he had tapped out, the referee must have made a mistake and the match was a no-contest due to an error by the official.
El Generico and his reluctant room mate Beef Wellington teamed up to face off against le Syndicat de Lutte Internet, Viking Ville-Marie and Damian Decarie. This highly anticipated match-up was a showcase for three men considered to be the stiffest wrestlers in Quebec, not to forget Beef Wellington, Master of the Ass Punch. In the end, after a hard-hitting bout, it was Beef Wellington who stood triumphant having levelled Damian with an E. Coli pile driver onto a garbage can. But, rather than cover Damian for the pin, Beef chose to gain some small revenge on the SLI's valet, his former girlfriend Elsa Bangz. Unfortunately, while Beef was delivering the Ass Punch to Ms. Bangz, Viking was preparing to ambush Beef with "Le Tueur des Policiers" on the trash can, which got Viking the pin at 12:05.
Kevin Steen, who turned down a WWE dark match because he was asked to cancel his IWS matches to get the try out, was greeted with a hero's welcome by the fans of the IWS. His opponent, IWS veteran and locker room leader Sexxxy Eddy, also applauded Steen's sacrifice and promised to give Kevin Steen WWE calibre competition. The two men delivered in spades as the match ranged from technical mat wrestling to crisp high flying to spine bending throws. Eddy is called the most pliable man in Canada, and on this night he proved how resilient he is, taking Kevin Steen's best shots and struggling back to his feet for more. In the end, the IWS technical wizard was forced to break out a top rope Package Pile Driver to keep Eddy's shoulders down for the win after 15:19.
After the match, Kevin Steen shook Eddy's hand and thanked him for giving him the match of his life. The crowd refused to let Kevin Steen leave the ring, clapping their hands, stomping their feet and chanting, "Mr. Wrestling, Kevin Steen!" Sadly, this extended applause gave Kurt Lauderdale a chance to attack Kevin Steen and batter him to within an inch of his life. The beat down culminated in Kurt destroying Steen with his Career Killer fireman's carry power bomb across two chairs. Afterwards, the big man enigmatically told Kevin Steen's limp body, "Jacques says hi."
In the main event, despite the best efforts of the Hardcore Ninjaz, Pierre Carl Ouellet was able to fight off their cheating, underhanded double team tactics with a slight assist from the Flying Hurricanes. PCO won the match after 8:49 by putting Hardcore Ninja Number One through a table with a top rope power bomb. After the match, Arsenal tried to welsh on giving PCO a title shot if he beat both Ninjaz, but President Seska came to the ring to announce that the main event of Praise the Violence would be a match between the Arsenal and PCO for the IWS title.
The Internet Wrestling Syndicate presents Praise the Violence scheduled for Saturday, January 17th, at Unison Bar et Billiard, 3500 Boulevard Cote Vertu, Montreal, Québec. Doors open at 8:30 pm. Tickets are fifteen dollars. For information about the show e-mail firstname.lastname@example.org or visit the Internet Wresting Syndicate at their web-site: http://www.syndicatewrestling.com/. For information about IWS merchandise & DVDs, our wholesale prices or our customer referral program e-mail email@example.com or order from http://xrv.com/its/.
I always love the Satire, but words cannot describe how much this one ruled! The wait was worth it... BTW, Matt, judging from the Teaser, or montage, I get the feeling you watched a bit of Nickolodean in your younger days. Am I correct?