The biggest independent wrestling event of the Canadian wrestling calendar is less than a month away and only one thing disturbs International Wrestling Syndicate owner PCP Crazy F’N Manny. The fly in his ointment, the one doing the backstroke in his soup is the IWS champion, Viking. Manny has big plans for Un F’N Sanctioned 2007, March 24th at the downtown Montreal Medley, and they do not include Viking as champion.
To solve this problem, Manny has turned to the shovel-waving maniac, “Paranoid” Jake Matthews, and given him a title shot for Violent Valentine 2007 on February 17th. Normally a champion has a built-in advantage in a title defence, but in this case Viking will be fighting uphill. His only ally, “Canadian Dynamite” Maxime Boyer, will be a thousand miles away, sent by Manny to represent Team IWS with 2.0 (Shane Matthews and Jagged) in the CHIKARA Trios tournament.
Jake Matthews, on the other hand, will be backed up by Manny, by his manager, Joey Soprano, by his valet, Lollipop, not to forget his trusty shovel. In addition, the title match will be fought under a mystery stipulation chosen by Manny and kept secret from Viking. Jake Matthews has been training all month to prepare for the match with full knowledge of the stipulation. Viking will find out the same time as the fans, at the beginning of the main event, next Saturday.
As the IWS historian and timekeeper, I am supposed to be unbiased and objective. So without bias and objectively, let me say that this situation sucks. Viking has done nothing less than bleed for the IWS. He, rather famously, was once set on fire in the IWS. For his loyalty, for his passion, for his sacrifice, Viking is rewarded by his boss with a knife in the back. As for Jake Matthews, how do I REALLY feel about him…
Violent Valentine Preview Quick and Dirty Saturday, February 17th, 2007 Montreal, Quebec, CANADA Bogey’s World, 3250 Cremazie East, (Corner of Cremazie and St-Michel, Near Metro St-Michel)
IWS Title Match (Mystery Stipulation): "Paranoid" Jake Matthews vs. Champion Viking
IWS Tag Team Title Match: Number One Contenders Rock N' Cock Express (Twiggy and Pornstar Juan) vs. Champions Mean and Green (Dru Onyx and the Green Phantom)
IWS Canadian Title Match Stupefied vs. Champion Dan Paysan
EXesS Open Challenge Match: EXesS vs. Stefany
Hi-5 (Beef Wellington & Kid Kamikaze) vs. Team Checkmate (Chris Bishop & Lionel Knight)
Violent Valentine Detailed Preview
With the IWS’ biggest show of the year just around the corner, many wrestling fans are excited to attend Violent Valentine 2007 if only to find out what part NWA World Heavyweight champion, Christian Cage, will play at Un F’N Sanctioned 2007, and what other guests and matches that they can expect at the Medley on March 24th. They will also be lining up to buy tickets for Un F’N Sanctioned 2007, the one time that they can buy VIP tickets without paying taxes or service fees.
IWS trainer EXesS has been indulging in an open display of his sadistic nature in the IWS of late, dragging rookies to the ring and putting them through a humiliating open try-out in front of the IWS audience. EXesS’ latest victim, excuse me opponent, is scheduled to be Quebec female wrestler, Stefany. She may be one of the most popular Joshi’s in the province of Quebec, but I notice that when EXesS decided to challenge a woman to fight him in the ring, that he did not challenge Vanessa Kraven who is taller, more massive, and arguably stronger than EXesS.
Despite losing a match to Vanessa Kraven for the “Kustody of Kid Kamikaze”, Beef Wellington was able to talk IWS management into booking him and his “Best Friend Forever” into a match against Ontario’s top tag team, Team Checkmate, Lionel Knight and Chris Bishop. A fuming Kid Kamikaze made it quite clear that he has no interest in a reunited Hi-5, but he also intends to win the match, and fully expects to do so without any help from Beef Wellington, “the same way that I used to win all of our matches when I was dumb enough to team with Beef by choice.”
The IWS Canadian Champion, Dan Paysan, or as Joey Soprano refers to him, “the IWS Italian Canadian Champion,” will be laying his collection of gold on the line against the 2006 IWS Rookie of the Year, Stupefied. Dan, presently the champion of four different wrestling promotions across Canada, decided to give the rookie the chance for gold that Dan never had when he was the IWS rookie of the year in 2004. That does not mean that Dan intends to make it easy for Stupefied to take his belt away. “I’m a fighting champion,” declared the Dapper Don, “Not a losing champion!”
The Rock N’ Cock Express, Twiggy and Pornstar Juan, registered a miraculous win at Praise the Violence 2007 to qualify for a title shot against the IWS tag team champion, Mean and Green, Dru Onyx and the Green Phantom, causing some fans to compare Twiggy and Juan’s victory to the Mulkeys’ famous victory over the West Coast tag team champions, the Gladiators, to qualify for the Crockett Cup tag team tournament.
I am supposed to believe or profess to believe that on “Any Given Sunday” or Saturday, that any team or individual can win any match in the IWS. Yeah. Twiggy and Juan are not going to win. In fact, they will be lucky to survive the match.
All my belief is too busy tied up in the chances of our IWS Champion, Viking. I believe that he can overcome the many hurdles that Manny has placed in front of him, beat Jake Matthews and defend his IWS title, yet again. I believe that he can. I fear that he won’t, but I believe that he can.
Also in action during Violent Valentine 2007 will be Pierre Carl Ouellet, Fred la Merveille, Sexxxy Eddy and many other IWS stars.
For more detailed information on the matches announced for Violent Valentine 2007, consult my daily announcements for the gala: Strong Style Typings. It can be found here: http://the-w.com/thread.php/id=31971
The IWS presents: Violent Valentine 2007, Saturday, February 17th, 2007 at Bogey’s World Bar & Billiard, 3250 Cremazie Est (corner of Cremazie and St-Michel near the St-Michel metro), Montreal, Quebec, CANADA. Doors open at 7:30pm, show starts at 8:30pm, tickets are $20 for VIP, $15 for Regular. 18+, card and times subject to change. For more information go to www.syndicatewrestling.com or e-mail Llakor@hotmail.com .
The IWS proudly presents: Un F’N Sanctioned 2007, Saturday, March 24th, 2007, at the beautiful downtown Medley, 1170 St-Denis, near the Berri-UQAM Metro. Montreal, Quebec, CANADA. Already signed for Un F'N Sanctioned 2007 is "The Battle for 2.0" between tag partners Shane Matthews and Jagged. NWA World Heavyweight champion Christian Cage will be wrestling in Montreal for the first time in years. Doors open at 7:30 pm, show starts at 9 pm. VIP tickets are $30, Regular tickets are $25. VIP ticket holders admitted first. No reserved seating. Tickets can be purchased online at http://www.ticketpro.ca or in person at the Medley box office or live at our next show Violent Valentine. On tickets purchased at Violent Valentine, the IWS will pay the taxes. 18+ Card and times subject to change. For more information go to www.syndicatewrestling.com or e-mail Llakor@hotmail.com .
Our retarded little step-brother, Inter-Species Wrestling, will be hosting a show called Slamtasia, Saturday, March 3rd, 2007 at Bogey’s World Bar & Billiard, 3250 Cremazie East (corner of Cremazie and St-Michel near the St-Michel metro), Montreal, Quebec, CANADA. Doors open at 7:00pm, show starts at 8:00pm, tickets are $10. No reserved seating. 18+, card and times subject to change. For more information go to www.beyondthebarn.org or e-mail email@example.com .
There was one point where Larry was saying that Vince Jr. WANTED so bad to be a wrestler but couldn't. Did anyone else hear someone in the croud say "YA. BUT HE CAN KICK YOUR ASS." I was like, umm who couldn't.