Pierre Carl Ouellet defeated a resilient EXcesS69 to retain his IWS title last night as the Internet Wrestling Syndicate presented Violent Valentines. Before PCO could celebrate his successful title defence, however, he was viciously attacked by his protege Kevin Steen. In fact, in a frightening moment, PCO was temporarily paralyzed after Kevin Steen gave him the Package Pile Driver onto his own title belt. While preventing PCO from receiving medical attention, Kevin Steen complained bitterly about PCO stealing his spot in the IWS, his shot at the title and his trademark move: the Package Pile Driver. Only after Steen had finished his paranoid ravings, were IWS staff finally able to reach PCO. They were eventually forced to turn the Time Keeper’s table into a make-shift stretcher and carry PCO from the ring as a hushed crowd looked on.
In a happier moment, the fans were already celebrating before the first match as Brian the Guppie of Team 990’s Between the Ropes rocked the NDR center with three announcements. First of all, he was pleased to announce that thanks to the generosity of the fans, the IWS had been able to raise just over $350 for the Montreal Children’s Hospital. Second, Guppie invited the fans to join him for the next IWS show, Know Your Enemies, to take place Saturday, March 27th at the beautiful downtown Medley. Guppie promised that the set-up for the Medley would be the most impressive and technically advanced ever seen at an independent wrestling show in North America. Having primed the more than three hundred hardcore soldiers who filled the NDR Centre, Brian the Guppie blew the roof off the place when he made his final announcement, “We have just made a deal that will see the IWS featured on Pay Per View across Canada.”
The opening bout of Violent Valentines saw upper class Westmount square off against working class Villeray. Originally Kid Kamikaze was scheduled to face Dan Paysan’s consigliere, the hulking Tomassino, but Dan Paysan gave Tomassino the night off, choosing to take on Kid Kamikaze himself after the Westmount Playboy ran his mouth. Dan Paysan had an early advantage after Tomassino booted Kid Kamikaze before the opening bell, but Kamikaze recovered and was able to use his technical wrestling abilities to place Dan Paysan jeopardy. In the end, the grappling good fella came out on top, surprising Kid Kamikaze with his “Last Kiss” neck breaker after 7:53.
The sloshed Scot, Highlander Pat Hamilton, made his return to the IWS after nearly a year’s absence to face Nightmare Manson. Unfortunately for Pat, after dancing to the ring he was attacked by the kendo stick wielding Arsenal. Normally, Pat is strong to the finish because he drinks his Guiness, but in the non-alcoholic environs of the NDR Centre he was at a severe disadvantage. The Arsenal beat the Highlander out of the ring and announced that he was taking the Scot’s place against Nightmare Manson. The ensuing contest was a hardcore clinic as the two men beat each other with chairs, tables and garbage cans. Despite the intervention of the Hardcore Ninjaz, Nightmare Manson was able to reverse a Death Valley Driver to steal the victory at 10:23. After the match, the furious Arsenal challenged Nightmare Manson to a death match at the Medley and invited him to bring two friends, because the Arsenal was bringing the Hardcore Ninjaz with him.
The new IWS tag team champions, le Syndicate de Lutte Internet, Damian Doré and Viking Villeray, announced before their match against the Hardcore Ninjaz that they were renaming the the title to, “Le Ceinture SLI Championnant Par Equipe.” With Fred le Merveille, Marc le Grizzly and Elsa Bangz in the corner of the SLI, and the Arsenal and the Motivator of Madness in the corner of the Hardcore Ninjaz, the tag match was fun but chaotic as the two groups tried to cheat each other out of the title. In the end, Hardcore Ninja Number Two threw his own brother over the top rope onto a table to the outside hoping to crush Damian, who was saved in the nick of time by Marc le Grizzly. While the Evil Ninja looked horrified at the wreck that he had made of his own brother, Viking ambushed him with the title belt and got the pin, with his feet on the ropes, to successfully defend his tag titles after 8:25. After the match, Quebec City’s New Breed attacked le SLI.
Kevin Steen is known to the fans of the IWS as Mr. Wrestling, but his fight with Kurt Lauderdale was just that, a fight. A no holds barred, drag down brawl that saw the Career Killer Kurt Lauderdale deliver a viciously intense beating on Kevin Steen. It seemed that all hope was gone for Kevin Steen, but in a quick offensive flurry the technical wizard was able to weaken the Career Killer leg’s enough to apply the Sharpshooter and bring the crowd to their feet. Kurt was just able to make it to the ropes, however, and he stunned Kevin Steen with his Career Killer Power Bomb. The big man foolishly pulled up Kevin Steen at two in order to deliver another Career Killer Power Bomb, but this gave Kevin Steen a chance to reverse the move into a flash roll-up for the pin at 9:00. After the pin, Kurt Lauderdale retaliated by levelling Kevin Steen with two devastating Dragon Drivers.
Fans of the IWS will long remember the Gauntlet match that followed which mixed power with skill, and comedy with drama. To detail fully how this match got the crowd on their feet and kept them there for nearly an hour would be impossible, but in brief the results were as follows:
Number one entrant Green Phantom pinned number two entrant FoD with the Phantasm after 4:36. The IWS Hardcore Hero pinned number three entrant Twiggy after 3:22 (7:58). Phantom continued on to pin the number four entrant Motivator of Madness with the Green Mist and the Garvin Stomp after 1:42 (9:40). Number five entrant Kid Kamikaze fell to the Phantom Menace Ganzo Bomb after 3:26 (13:06). At this point, Kurt Lauderdale, who was not entered in the Gauntlet, charged in and attacked the Green Phantom. A two on one beat down ensued, leaving the Green Phantom easy prey for entrant number six Marc le Grizzly who pinned the Green Phantom with a scoop and slam after 1:28 (14:34). Marc pinned entrant number seven Chris Stevens with a slam after 5:04 (19:38). Fred le Merveille, who was already at ringside, was announced as entrant number eight. As the crowd chanted “Injustice”, Fred refused to fight his fellow SLI member, until IWS senior official Peanut informed them that if they didn’t fight they would both be eliminated. A reluctant Fred pinned Marc le Grizzly with the Big Boot and the Leg Drop after 2:42 (22:20). Entrant number nine Beef Wellington pinned Fred with the Ass Punch and E. Coli Pile Driver after 4:30 (26:50). Declaring himself the winner, Beef announced that he was heading to Euro-Disney, but his victory celebrations were cut off by the music of entrant number ten... El Generico. The two room mates fought a pitched battle before Elsa Bangz, Fred le Merveile and Marc le Grizzly interfered. Marc nailed Beef with the Québec flag and flattened him with a Power Bomb while Elsa and Fred distracted El Generico and the ref. El Generico eliminated his room mate with a 450 top rope splash after 7:12 (34:02). Afterwards, Fred le Merveille challenged the man he calls “Boeuf Wellington” to a “Quebec Rules” match at the Medley, March 27th. El Generico eliminated entrant number eleven< Alex Price, with a Brain Buster after 5:48 (39:50). A cocky Matt Classic, star of British Columbia’s Extreme Canadian Championship Wrestling, was the twelfth entrant. He pushed El Generico to the limit, but in the end his confidence proved his down fall as El Generico surprised him with a flash roll-up after 6:04 (45:54). Two time former IWS champion, the Triple X “Sex XXXpress” Sexxxy Eddy, was the last entrant in the Gauntlet entering with D-Vyn. A beaten and exhausted El Generico desperately tried for a quick win, ambushing Eddy with a roll up during his strip routine, but to no avail. The Latin Luchador fought as long as he could before finally surrendering to Eddy’s Total Sexxxtacy Senton Bomb for the pin after 5:06 (51:00). This victory makes Sexxxy Eddy the Number One Contender for the IWS title.
In the main event, EXcesS69 brought his speed, his agility and his technical skill to bear against Pierre Carl Ouellet, but the veteran PCO was equal to every challenge, despite the interventions of Commissioner Joseph FitzMorris, unwanted by both PCO and EXcesS69. In turn, PCO brought a punishing offence to bear, literally beating EXcesS69 from pillar to post using moves that rocked both EXcesS69 and the crowd including a ferocious Jack Knife Face Plant. But PCO was never quite able to put way the resilient EXcesS69. In fact, when the two men brawled into the crowd, EXcesS69 stunned both PCO and the crowd by jumping and grabbing a metal rod eight feet up, swinging himself up to a rod twelve feet up and jumping off in a picture perfect moonsault, decking PCO and landing on his feet. When the two men made their way back to the ring, Commissioner Joseph FitzMorris tried to interfere one last time only to be attacked by Kevin Steen. PCO finished off EXcesS69 with a Samoan Drop off a table balanced on the top rope and the pin at 20:17. Before PCO could celebrate his victory, Kevin Steen attacked him with tragic results.
The Internet Wrestling Syndicate presents Know Your Enemies, Saturday, March 27th at the beautiful downtown Medley. Tickets are seventeen dollars at the door. Doors open at 8:00 pm, show starts at 9:00 pm. For information about the show e-mail firstname.lastname@example.org or visit the Internet Wresting Syndicate at their web-site: http://www.syndicatewrestling.com. For information about IWS merchandise & DVDs e-mail email@example.com or order from http://www.xrv.com/iws.
"Edwin R. Shuster: Pay your taxes, motherfucker!" THAT is the moment I just lost it. I could not contain my laughter any longer. And, being a gut-busting laugh, you can imagine the carnage that ensued.