I’ll just keep on going until I’m all up to date… I would like to get Halloween Havoc 1995 out of the way before the end of the weekend – but TNA comes first.
LAST WEEK: Jeff Jarrett throws a tantrum at the idea of Dusty Rhodes getting another title shot, especially before him. Meanwhile, the Red Shirt Security was out in full force, trying to cripple Chris Vaughn. D’Lo Brown announces he isn’t happy with the way Callis does business, and leaves. Later, Raven gets hung yet AGAIN by the Church – and is saved by his friends. Mitchell promises an unholy war. Finally, at the end of the night, the World’s Title was at stake while Vince Russo staggered around. Video clips make the match seem interesting and exciting – of which it was neither. Afterwards, Jarrett cleans house and saves the day yet again.
Welcome to the Asylum! MIKE TENAY and DON WEST are far more excited than usual. They quickly run down the card, but you and I both know there are other issues they want to (and we want them to) discuss. Tenay calls it the biggest story in TNA history – and the biggest wrestling story in 2003. This week, Hulk Hogan travelled to Japan to take on former nWoite Masa Chono. The announcers hold up some of the newspaper coverage Hogan was receiving, including an interesting shot of Hogan bloodied. Later tonight, TNA will show some exclusive footage of exactly how Hogan wound up lying in a puddle of blood – and how Jeff Jarrett was involved.
Let’s go backstage, where RAVEN is dragging THE LOUNGE SINGER around with a dog collar. He goes to the familiar stairs and hangs Mitchell, but can’t hold very long before VAMPIRO and SLASH attack. Mitchell scurries away while Vamp puts Raven on a table. Slash wraps the chain around his elbow and leaps off the balcony and through the table – elbow first! CM PUNK and JULIO DENIRO hit the scene – too late, as usual. They brawl with Slash and Vampiro to the ring, and a bunch of REFEREES with BLACK SHIRT SECURITY try to keep them apart. Slash makes faces.
SCOTT HUDSON stands with JUST JOE, THE CHAMP, VIC VENOM, THE SON, TRINITY, and EKMO. Tonight, Russo tags with Siaki and Ekmo, and next week Styles defends the belt against Jarrett. Comments? Russo promises he’s got business to take care of tonight – and asks Legend to take his place. Styles doesn’t want him to do anything stupid, but Russo just asks they all stay out of his business.
THE SON, EKMO, and JUST JOE (with Trinity) vs. AMERICA’S MOST WANTED and DUSTY RHODES
West mentions that America’s Most Wanted may have a slight advantage, since they’ve spent the last few weeks facing a very large, but athletic man in the form of Abyss – and that Ekmo is a similar wrestler. My god! Welcome Don West to the world of wrestling! Please, be seated, stay awhile! The crowd chants for Dusty – so Harris lets him start. Siaki takes a bionic elbow right away, comes off the ropes, and eats another one. Dusty dances for the crowd. Storm and Harris drop bionic elbows repeatedly off the turnbuckle while Dusty holds Siaki in place to take them. Siaki comes back with a knee to Storm and throws him outside. Ekmo chases, but Storm scoots back in and throws Siaki plancha style on to Ekmo! Legend is then punked off the apron – and Harris delivers a plancha onto all 3! Back in, Harris goes to bounce off the ropes, but Ekmo pulls the top rope down and Harris goes crashing outside – meeting a superkick from Siaki on the way. He’s sent back in, and Legend gets 2. Legend delivers more punches, tries another cover, and gets 2. In comes Ekmo, and delivers a scoop slam followed by a kneedrop for 2. Siaki hits a swinging neckbreaker but that’s also only a 2. Ekmo drops a leg – but the pinfall is broken up by Storm. Harris tries to fight out, but he’s dropped with a hairpull. Legend with a butterfly suplex for 2. Moves are coming fast and furious here. Legend puts on a chinlock, but Harris fights out and clotheslines him. Storm is tagged, and the roof…the roof…the roof is on fire! Everyone takes dropkicks, and it’s a pier 666 brawl!!! Everyone takes bionic elbows from Rhodes, and since Ekmo no sells the first, a little flip, flop, and fly does the trick. Ekmo recovers and lays out Rhodes with a punch. He goes up for the splash, but AMW cuts him off, sends him back in and hits a double spear!! Legend sends Harris to the floor while Siaki deals with Storm. That leaves Legend and Rhodes all alone – and Dusty takes him out. AMW head back in, and hit the Death Setence on Legend! 1, 2, 3!!! (8:39) **3/4 Hot opener, and AMW prove once again they’re both the best tag-team in North America today, as well as miracle workers.
THE FOLLOWING MESSAGE HAS BEEN PAID FOR BY THE FRANCHISE SHANE DOUGLAS
He’s sitting here shocked. After putting out his message last week, he’s pleasantly surprised by what’s standing in front of him. The camera pans back to show a couple of nice racks. Nipptacular!
MICHAEL SHANE is holding his Super X trophy – which apparently proves he can’t be beaten. Tonight, he takes on Christopher Daniels, and after he beats him tonight, he’ll prove there’s nobody in the X Division who can take him out.
X FACTORS - Shane’s third title defense - Daniels beats Kazarian for title shot - Can Fallen Angel use his experience edge?
CHRISTOPHER DANIELS (with Mini-Onions) vs. SUPER MICHAEL SHANE (for the NWA X title)
Lockups are thrown around – and Shane winds up in the corner, taking a series of rights. Shane pokes him in the eyes, but Daniels comes back with a headlock. Another heel vs. heel match for the X Title, and quite frankly, other than Jerry Lynn can you think of another top X competitor who’s a face? Shark Boy isn’t even in the running for this belt, Red is out with injuries, Styles I imagine is prepping a face run – but is really above the belt at this point… And where the hell is Juvi? We need some new blood to the Asylum, STAT! Daniels takes down Shane by the hair and gets 2. Daniels chops away and hits the flying Jalapeno for 2. SHANE DOUGLAS appears at the top of the ramp, taking notes on this match. I would guess that means his feud with Raven is done. Shane heads outside and Daniels attempts to follow with a baseball slide dropkick, which is sidestepped. Shane scoots in quickly to hit a slingshot somersault plancha. Daniels comes back with a top rope split legged moonsault to the outside – and poses. Douglas looks impressed with both guys. Back in, Shane sidesteps a charge and sends Daniels shoulder first to the ringpost. He follows that with stomps to the shoulder and throws him shoulder first to the turnbuckle. Shane tries a suplex, but it’s continually blocked by Daniels who then hits a middle rope moonsault for 2. Shane with the flying forearm shot in retaliation gets a 2. Shane works a hammerlock on the mat – and strangely, the Minions all feign pain as well. Daniels applies a sleeper, then turns and hits a short arm clothesline. Shane is up first since Daniels is exhausted – goes up, but Daniels cuts him off and hits a super hiptoss! 2 clotheslines hit from the Fallen Angel – and that’s followed by an enzuigiri. Uranage suplex is good – and the double spring moonsault gets a long 2. Last Rites is attempted – but Shane hooks the top rope. Oklahoma roll from the champ, 1, 2, kickout from Daniels! Shane warms up the band, but gets his legs swept out from Daniels, and gets packaged for 2. They fight over a backslide – a battle neither man wins, and Daniels turns and hits the Angels Wings in the middle of the ring! 1, 2, Shane kicks out! Douglas loves it, but Daniels is pissed. Shane gets in a lowblow, and heads outside to grab the X title. Shane and a Minion fight over the belt on the apron – and Daniels sneaks in a rollup. 1, 2, Shane shoves him off – Daniels goes face first into the belt, Shane hits the Sweet Chin Music, 1, 2, 3. What a stupid finish. Job him clean, Daniels means nothing at this point. (9:55) ** The Minions hit the ring, apparently renamed The Followers – and Shane clears them. He continues the assault on Daniels, but CHRIS SABIN hits the ring and cleans house. The champ takes a rana, and rolls out to collect his belt and trophy rather than face Sabin any longer. Daniels stands and gets in the face of Sabin. Sabin’s response: “Fuck you!” Daniels doesn’t much like THAT and they start barking at eachother.
The biggest event in the history of TNA wrestling… Bound For Glory – coming November 30th
Here’s some Exclusive Video Footage!!! Hulk Hogan returned to wrestling in Japan against Masa Chono, and by god it IS the biggest wrestling story of the year. Stop the presses – Hogan was using “American Made!” Hogan got the win off the big boot, legdrop, and lariat which is his Japanese finisher apparently. After the match, Hogan was addressing the media. He said he’s got some unfinished business in wrestling – having never won the NWA Title. At this point, Jeff Jarrett hit the scene out of nowhere and SLAMMED Hogan with a guitar. He attacks with a chair and works over a large cut on Hogan’s face from the shot. Jimmy Hart screams, so Jarrett takes him out too. Chono yanks Jarrett off and gets in some stiff shots. Jarrett bails. The camera then gets a long look at Hogan lying in his own blood.
Back to the Asylum, MIKE TENAY has taken centre stage. He wants to introduce the centre of the controversy, TRIPLE J. A small “Hogan” chant breaks out. Tenay wants to know point blank, what was up with the attack? Jarrett would rather go back 4 months first – and rehash the match against Styles and Raven. He says he didn’t get beaten by Styles of Raven on that night. It was Vince Russo who beat him. Jarrett says he’s overcome every obstacle put in his path since that time – and in one week he has a title shot. Dusty Rhodes last week opened his eyes – that you have to be a self-serving son of a bitch in this business. At the drop of a hat, Rhodes took Jarrett’s title shot – and it was at that point he decided he’d never let it happen again. He bought himself a ticket to Japan because he heard that Hogan was interested in coming to TNA. He calls Hogan the biggest self-serving son of a bitch on the planet, and he’ll be damned if he’ll let Hogan come in and steal his shot. So he chose to take TNA to Hogan rather than Hogan come to TNA. The boos are getting HEAVY at this point – and the fans chant for Hogan. Jarrett says when Hogan comes into a place, he takes all the money, all the glory, all the belts, and all the credit. TNA is a rocket ship ready to explode, and he’s not going to let Hogan come in and steal his spot. When it comes to Hogan, it goes a lot deeper with Jarrett than what’s on the surface, he’s got a lot of personal issues with the man. “You talking about Florida?” Jarrett tells him NEVER to bring Florida up again if he knows what’s good for him. At this point, VINNY RU hits the ring out of nowhere and tackles Jarrett. They brawl to the outside and into the crowd, never letting go of eachother. Russo grabs a chair and starts slamming Jarrett over and over. Russo spears him into a TNA girls’ cage and sets up a table. Russo throws him into the table which doesn’t break. Jarrett tackles Russo and starts in with the chairshots of his own. 3 chairshots connect, and Jarrett throws Russo face first to the guardrail. Jarrett hits a 4th chairshot while the fans chant “1 more time!!!” Make it 5. Now Jarrett removes his belt and starts whipping Russo over and over with it. Back to the chair, we’re up to 7. The belt is grabbed again and more whipping takes place. “You want some more?” Jarrett wraps his belt around Russo’s neck and ties him to the chain link fence at the back of the Asylum. 2 shots with a garbage can, and Jarrett grabs the chair again. We bring the chairshot total up to 9 – and he gets in a couple more with the garbage can. BLACK SHIRT SECURITY attacks – and Jarrett fends them all off with the garbage can. Chair shot total hits 18 on Russo very shortly there after. THE SON and EKMO finally chase Jarrett off while THE CHAMP stands inside the ring, looking REALLY pissed off. Russo’s unconscious from all the shots from everything he took.
In the back, RED SHIRT SECURITY stands with SCOTT HUDSON. Hudson wants to know where Don Callis is. Northcutt says Callis is taking care of some business tonight. As for Erik Watts, Northcutt plans on slapping some respect into him – just like they did to D’Lo Brown and Jerry Lynn. What about the Roddy Piper interview he mailed to TNA? Northcutt has the video tape and says there’s nothing but garbage on it – and breaks it.
KEVIN NORTHCUTT (with Ryan Wilson) vs. ERIK WATTS (with Chris Vaughn and Rick Santel)
The big men trade punches to start – and Northcutt throws Watts face first to the top buckle. Chop – woooo! Watts comes back with a (very slow) rana and boots Northcutt to the floor. I’ll give Watts credit for TRYING out the move…now don’t ever do it again. Watts follows and throws Northcutt into the guardrail. They continue to brawl – but the lighting is bad so they’re hard to see. Northcutt gets whipped into another guardrail. HOLD THE PHONE…
Backstage – SCOTT HUDSON looks on as VIC VENOM gets loaded into an ambulance. THE CHAMP, TRINITY, and a few other of his cronies that I can’t really make out all hold hands and sing songs in hopes of reviving the real fallen angel.
Back to this most exciting main event anywhere in the country! Watts delivers a big boot and Thesz press before crotch chopping Wilson. The brief description allows Northcutt a chance to recover to hit a drop toe hold sending Watts into the turnbuckle, followed by a neckbreaker. Northcutt hits an overhead pumphandle suplex for 2! I don’t even want to know how he managed to pick Watts up in that way. Northcutt drapes Watts’ head across the bottom rope and drops a leg drop from the apron – and gets another 2. Back to the middle of the ring – Watts fights back and gets a forearm shot. The Chokeslam hits! Wilson distracts, so Watts knocks him off the apron. In the meantime, Northcutt’s grabbed a pair of handcuffs from his pants and decks Watts. 1, 2, 3. (4:28) 1/2* I can’t believe the referee didn’t see that since he was looking RIGHT AT NORTHCUTT as he hit Watts AND put it back in his pants. BLACK SHIRT SECURITY members attack – and take powerbombs and chokeslams. DON HARRIS in a black shirt attacks – and the level of suck just went up 15 notches. Jesus Heavy D, can’t you and your brother EVER stay gone??? He cleans the ring of the Red Shirts. Now to add to the confusion, GOLDILOCKS re-appears and is still at the side of Erik Watts. I have no idea what the hell any of this means, nor do I particularly care.
The biggest event in the history of TNA wrestling… Bound For Glory – coming November 30th
NOT DAVID YOUNG and SONJAY DUTT vs. EL FUEGO and JERELLE CLARK
Hey – that fake David Young is back again! And other than him, I’ve never seen any of these guys go, but my MLW guy Gary Holmes seems to think he’s good, so we’ll see. Dutt gets taken down and hit with a rana from Clark right off the bat. Dutt comes back with a headbutt and rana of his own. Lightning fast dropkicks are hit – and we trade off partners. Eric Young POINTS at his opponent. Ooh, you know HE means business. Young hits a dropkick on Fuego. Tenay promises an interview with AJ Styles later tonight. He does not let us in as to whether or not it’ll be coherent. Belly to belly suplex plants Fuego, but Clark drags the arm across the top allowing Fuego a chance to regain the momentum. Flatliner connects from Fuego, and Clark follows with a nasty looking belly to back suplex that lands Young on his head. Clark hits an overhead pumphandle slam and follows with a standing stardust press (yes, you read that right…) for 2. Fuego is back in with a hammerlock belly to back suplex and Clark puts on a cross armbreaker. Shades of Jerry Flynn!!! Using his arm – Young powers out and manages to slip Clark onto his shoulders! Fuego goes up, but Young cuts him off and puts Fuego on top of Clark on his shoulders!!!!! DOUBLE DEATH VALLEY DRIVER! Holy mother of god. Young tries to make a tag – but Fuego cuts it off and belts Dutt. Young still manages to tag out and Dutt hits a double missile dropkick! Springboard rana on Clark! Tilt-a-whirl backbreaker from Fuego is reversed in midair into a jumping DDT!!! Young hits Fuego with a baseball slide dropkick and hits him with a neckbreaker. Clark hits Young with an Asai moonsault knocking his head into the ramp. Fuego follows with a suicide dive onto Young, and Dutt says “enough of this shit, here’s how it’s done” hitting a springboard corkscrew plancha onto all 3 of them! Young and Clark get back in. Clark takes him down and sets him up in the corner. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST – he hits a “630” which is exactly what he says it is! 450 splash + 180 meaning he hits it senton bomb style!! 1, 2, Dutt breaks it up! Dutt hits a running kneelift and plants him with an inverted Diamond Cutter. It’s known as the Calcutta Cut apparently. The Calcutta Cut only gets 2 before it’s broken up by Fuego. Fuego sets Dutt on the top – but Dutt fights him off, and hits a…no words in the English language could possibly describe that, but I’ll try! Two somersaults in mid air off the top with a full body twist into a splash – and you can wipe Fuego off the mat because he’s dead. To keep things easy, we call it the Hindu Press. 1, 2, 3! (7:01) *** That was fun.
KID KASH bounces around in front of SCOTT HUDSON. Kash says he beats women, he beats legends, and shortly he’s going to beat a giant. Hudson wonders what he was thinking – but Kash just sits back calling Hudson all sorts of names and blocking him out. RED SHIRT SECURITY appears and says they were speaking to Don Callis. Kash doesn’t care, and pushes them aside.
DIAMOND and SWINGER (with The Midnight Cowboy) vs. DANNY DORING and ROADKILL (in a non-title match)
Too many tag-team matches tonight – especially considering we’ve got another one later on in what appears to be our main event. Doring’s got his old look back, and Roadkill hasn’t changed. Swinger flips off Doring and shoves him back to the heel corner. Doring manages to fight his way out, and everyone this the ring! Pier 1492 brawl explodes! They set up Swinger and Diamond in the corner, and Doring throws Roadkill with an avalanche onto the both of them. Gilberti is busy no-selling the whole mess on commentary. Tenay: “Aren’t you familiar with their history? Aren’t you familiar with what they accomplished in ECW?” Gilberti: “Simon Diamond and Johnny Swinger told me they never heard of these guys.” Swinger and Diamond roll outside, and Doring flies off the top rope hitting them both with a plancha. Roadkill goes up to do the same thing, but everyone SMARTLY moves and he flattens the guardrail. Back in, Diamond hits Doring with a jawbreaker over the top rope and the champs follow with a double side slam for 2. AMERICA’S MOST WANTED show up on the top of the ramp and watch intently. THE REAL DAVID YOUNG stands at ringside, overlooking Gilberti. Simon starts in with the Simon Series for 2. West notes the bandage from Swinger’s surgery a few weeks ago, but Gilberti assures us each of his internal organs are fine, taking the time to list each of them. Diamond attempts a double leg slam which is blocked by Doring – and turned into a Wham Bam! (Double arm DDT!) Hot tag to Roadkill is made, and he’s got clotheslines for everyone. Dirt Road Slam for Swinger! Side slam for Diamond! It gets 2 before Swinger breaks up the fun. Roadkill heads to the apron and flies back in with a springboard double clothesline! AMW love it – and Roadkill gets 2. Gilberti: “You’re not gonna beat my guys with a frickin’ clothesline, show some respect Don West!” Running powerslam is hit on Diamond. Gilberti: “We’re supposed to be squashing these jobbers!!!” Top rope guillotine legdrop hits Diamond from Doring. Roadkill goes up, but David Young distracts the ref and Gilberti nails Roadkill with the chair. AMW hit the ringside area and cut off Gilberti! In the ring, Swinger puts on a full nelson, but Doring slips out and rolls him up, 1, 2, 3!!!!!!! (6:10) **1/2 Gilberti throws a fit! We cut away far too quickly…
SCOTT HUDSON has found himself in the dark – along with THE GATHERING. Because of the earlier attack – Raven can’t fight Slash one-on-one. Raven thanks Punk and Julio for their help, but says he doesn’t need them. He’s doing this by himself.
Here’s a look back at the relationship between Abyss and Kid Kash, from their beginnings as The Big Scary Dude in the cage, to Kash’s continued abuse until Abyss snapped. Nice little history package.
KID KASH vs. ABYSS
Kash doesn’t back down from Abyss, and Abyss sure as hell doesn’t back down from Kash. Boot to the midsection from Kash – but he can’t Irish whip Abyss, and gets taken down. Kash tries to mount Abyss in the corner, but gets thrown off. Kash rolls out to the floor, Abyss follows – and we run around until we’re back in the ring. Kash slaps Abyss – and we run around the ring again. Kash throws a chair in Abyss’ face, and Abyss no sells. Back in Abyss elevates Kash WAY into the air and slams him down to the mat! Slap from Abyss into an overhead belly to belly suplex!!! Kash tries to crawl out, but Abyss pulls him back to the middle of the ring and slams him. In the corner – we slap the chest! Kash does the only thing he can do…poking Abyss in the eyes. He chops back, but Abyss no sells. Overhead windup slam from Abyss – and he goes up. Big splash MISSES, so Kash goes up, but gets caught and powerbombed! Kash shoves the referee aside, rolls out, and grabs a chair. With the ref down, he SLAMS Abyss in the head/face two times then throws it hard in the face!!! Problem: He can’t roll Abyss’ limp body over. After struggling, he does manage to roll him over – but Abyss kicks out with authority at 2. Kash grabs the chair again, but Abyss kicks it right back in his face, tries his Torture Rack thing, but Kash escapes, so Abyss goes to the Black Hole instead. 1, 2, 3!!! (5:35) ** I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again and again and again, Abyss is AWESOME and is going to be huge. I’d pay big money to see Hogan vs. Abyss quite frankly.
Post match – Kash throws powder in the eyes of Abyss and slams him with the chair again. Big boot to the midsection from Kash, but that doesn’t last. Abyss scoops him up with his Torture Rack Drop and kills him dead.
SIMON DIAMOND flips out about his loss – stating they didn’t lose, they go robbed. THE MIDNIGHT COWBOY says they embarrass themselves, while JOHNNY SWINGER can only drop his head in shame. Gilberti promises a rematch for Doring and Roadkill, as well as a mystery team for AMW.
SLASH and VAMPIRO (with The Lounge Singer) vs. CM PUNK and JULIO DENIRO
This just in: I still hate Vampiro. Raven’s boys rush the ring – and Slash flies at them over the top before the match starts, but Julio catches him in midair and slams him on the hard ramp! In the ring, Punk meets up with Vampiro who chokeslams him. Punk comes back with a rana and they brawl out to the floor. In the ring, Julio hits Slash with a Diamond Cutter for 2. Punk and Julio set up a Doomsday Device on Slash – but Vamp cuts Punk off and Slash sends Julio to the floor. Slash and Vampiro double team Punk and he’s already bleeding. Slash points to the cut and says “Raven – these are your boys!” Punk hits a full nelson Russian legsweep and tags in Julio, apparently in a hot tag just minutes into the match. Slash takes a full nelson slam, but the ref was busy and misses it. Vamp with a scoop slam on Julio – but misses a twisting moonsault from the top. Julio and Punk manage to hit the Doomsday Device this time on Slash, but Mitchell’s busy winning over the referee with his sweet vocal chords and he can’t count. Nail In The Coffin from Vampiro on Julio, 1, 2, 3. (4:22) * Well, that was certainly quick. RAVEN hits the ring and takes everyone out, including a bulldog on Slash while clotheslining Vampiro. Mitchell takes off – but Raven catches him at the top of the ramp. He’s stopped by Slash, and everyone brawls backstage.
NEXT WEEK: More info on Bound For Glory, Diamond and Swinger get their rematch against Doring and Roadkill – this time for the belts, AMW faces a mystery team, Raven and Slash do it for real, the X title is on the line with Chris Sabin, Christopher Daniels, and Michael Shane, and Jeff Jarrett gets his World Title shot some 4 months after losing it.
MIKE TENAY stops the hype to announce he’s got a phone call. The high pitched voice of JIMMY HART makes my ears bleed. He wonders if Jarrett really thought he could fly to Japan, sneak into a press conference with Hulk Hogan, bust him open with a guitar giving him 35 stitches in a puddle of blood? Well, yeah Jimmy, he not only thought he could, he kinda DID. Hart says Jarrett should have finished the job – and offers some advice. Find the biggest bodyguards he can find, and make sure they stand by him 24/7. Make sure they check under the ring at events, make sure they scout every area he’s headed to because you never know who might pop up. Sooner or later, he’ll be face to face with Hulk Hogan. Tenay wonders if that means Hulk Hogan’s coming to the Asylum? Hart says Hogan’s armed, and when he’s armed he’s very dangerous.
TRIPLE J hits the scene at this point. He says that if Hogan wants to show up on his turf, that’s fine. Next week, nobody isn’t getting in his way – the World Title is his. He’s walking in the challenger, and walking out the champion. THE CHAMP rushes down at this point, having had enough of Jarrett’s mouth – and we’ve got a brawl. EVERY NOBODY FROM BACKSTAGE hits the ring to break it up – but that won’t stop them as Jarrett and Styles jump over anyone in their paths to get in some extra shots. DUSTY RHODES walks slowly down the ramp, looking on while the fans chant “LET THEM GO!!!”
Huge piece of credit goes out to TNA for making next week’s title match, which was already a foregone conclusion, at least feel like it’s important.
His look has been done by Foley. His gimmick has been done by Kane. However, if the booking for Kane was this *solid* and they didn't fuck around with "one week he wins, the next he's too depressed to win" and had him just him win, then you'd have Abyss.
A *** rating means the match was about ***. A ***** rating means the match was about *****. That's what I take into account. ;-)
It's mostly based on my enjoyment, the work involved, the booking, and all those other stupid factors I can compact into a rating rather than More Long Paragraphs.