The cold is gone and Toronto was fun. Lets see if I can keep everything else I recap tonight as tight.
THINGS YOU WILL NEVER HEAR ME SAY ABOUT SHANE DOUGLAS: His promo skills are vastly underrated.
LAST WEEK: Father James Mitchell and Shane Douglas attack Raven ally CM Punk, New Jack takes on Sandman in the finals of the HARD 10, Abyss takes on Eric Watts: Kid Kash is at ringside, Tracy and Nurse Veronica make an open challenge, Justin Credible faces Jerry Lynn in a chain match, and Jeff Jarrett confronts Vince Russo.
TONIGHT: Good Friends, Better Enemies. Diesel takes on Shawn Michaels in a street fight whos side will Mad Dog Vachon be on? Oh, wrong tape
TONIGHT: Good Friends, Better Enemies. AJ Styles vs. DLo Brown for the NWA World Title.
Earlier today at 6:38pm, SCOTT HUDSON (rock on!) was at the arena, getting a scoop. JEFF JARRETT arrived, against doctors orders. Jarrett on Russo and Styles: You tell them boys, batter up. Scott Hudson nods and will no doubt deliver that important message.
We are live from the TNA Asylum, with fat chicks abound! MIKE TENAY and DON WEST hold the fort.
We dont even know what the opening match is, but heres a
TALE OF THE TAPE - Gilberti on a mission - AMW: Wrestlings hottest tag-team - Can Swinger and Diamond rely on experience edge?
SIMON DIAMOND and JOHNNY SWINGER (with Glen Gilberti: The Manager Of Champions hey remember The Mamalukes?) vs. AMERICAS MOST WANTED
Chris Harris takes early control causing Diamond and Swinger to tag in and out quickly, to no avail. They come back with a double elbow leading to a 2 from Swinger. Diamond comes back in and meets a Thesz press. He cant tag out though, as Swinger cuts off the ring causing Storm to jump in anyway and pound the shit out of everything in sight. I love random acts of violence. Unfortunately, this causes issues as the ref pulls him out and the heels work over Harris. Cover from Swinger with feet on the bottom ropesoops the ref caught him. Tenay notes the Negro Casas vs. Shocker match scheduled for later has been cancelled as the boys decided they didnt want to show. Well fuck them! However, the open door policy remains. Diamond hits the Simon Series suplexes for 2. Swinger tagged in but Harris suddenly gets a burst of juice and manages to clear the ring. Harrismakes the tag but the ref misses it! Storm held back on the apron, and Harris continues getting worked over. BULLSHIT! If ya smelalalalalalall what Russos cooking. Harris again manages to fight them off and makes a second tag (Tenay: makes the hot tag!) that the ref sees. Storm cleans house. Swinger tries to throw Storm over the top but he hangs on, and as Swinger tries to baseball slide him off the apron, he skins the cat and follows with a crossbody. Storm back in to the top rope, hits a crossbody on Diamond, which gets 2. Heels regroup in time to take a double DDT. Harris gets tagged back in and we have a double team bulldog. Diamond backdrops Storm out to the floor, and Diamond hits a sitdown jawbreaker. It gets 2. Storm crawls back in. Diamond goes to the top but Storm throws Swinger into him to cut him off, and Harris sends him out. Harris a great top rope rana! Thats another 2! Superkick from Storm on Swinger Gilberti leaves his seatand pushes Harris off the top rope to the floor. The ref checks on him Gilberti gets a chair, and smashes Storm. Swinger covers 1, 2, Storm kicks out!!! Harris back in SPEAR! He makes a cover while Storm holds off Diamond 1, 2, 3!!!!! (8:54) **3/4
Lets look at Christopher Daniels package. Errrr, wait, lets look at a Christopher Daniels package. Thats better. A good description is Sean OHaire, except interesting. Say your prayers.
In the ring stands JUST JOE. Dressed in Yankees gear and wielding a bat, I guess hes impersonating Vince Russo. It would explain the strange New York accent to go along with his Kanyon lisp. Vince wants us to meet his best friend Jeff Jarrett. I dont believe him for some reason. And dressed in 1995 Jeff Jarrett gear comes VIC VENOM. He does the Fargo strut, and the fans chant for Russo. Listen up Slapnuts, Ive got all the stroke around here and the proof is around my waist. Well, not anymore. But Vince Russo, tonight is all about you. Its gonna be a J-E-DOUBLEF J-A-DOUBLER-E-DOUBLET night. Good gawd Russo does a fairly good impression, aside from the blatant New York accent. He promises male nudity tonight just to show the censors. Jeff requests Vince drop his pants so he can kiss his ass. And now THE REAL DOUBLE J hits the ring. He gets in a few shots, but before long we have a deja vous, and its last week all over again! Jarrett and Legend go back and forth all over the arena. Legend tries to dump Jarrett over the stairs, but Jarrett escapes and does it to Legend, who has a few feet to fall. Tenay and West figure 15-20 feet, so that outta make it about 8. Legend recovers quickly enough and smacks Jarrett with a chair. He then drives the chair into Jarretts nutsack, stuffs Jarretts head between the guardrail and kicks. That busts him wide open! Its a fairly nice cut too because his whole face is red in seconds. Back in the ring, Legend sets up two chairs side by side and goes for a powerbomb through them, not seen on TV since the infamous Mexican Hardcore Match on Monday Nitro in June of 1999. Poor Damien. Jarrett avoids this fate however, and backdrops Joe through the chairs. He follows with The Stroke right onto a still standing chair and now he tapes Joes arms to the top rope. Tenay marks out. With Joe spread like an eagle, Jarrett grabs the bat. Russo scoots in to save Joe and takes 5 baseball bat shots to the back/ribs before locking on the Figure Four. Legend gets out of the tape and slaps Jarrett in the head with a chair. Stone Cutter connects, and Jarretts down. Russo holds a prone Jarrett and the baseball bat shots from Legend start. Russo grabs a mic: Keep coming, keep coming, keep coming, theres no title shot for you. SECURITY and JERRY JARRETT rush the ring to break this all up.
Backstage we go! SCOTT HUDSON stands with CHRIS SABIN. Hudson suggests he cant ignore Frankie Kazarian. Sabin says hed love to give Kazarian a shot at his title, but hes on a losing streak and we dont give title shots to losers. Maybe if he wins 10-15 matches in a row, hell get a shot.
Who built this house? Elix Skipper! I think this is the same package we got last week
Speak of the devil, SKIP OVER joins the boys on commentary for our next match.
KID ROMEO vs. MATT SYDAL vs. ALTAR BOY LUKE vs. DELIRIOUS vs. MATT STRYKER vs. FRANKIE KAZARIAN (in an elimination match)
Now were talking! I havent even heard of 4 of these guys. Id suggest that the winners not REALLY in doubt, but this is TNA who gave us Chris Sabin and Frankie Kazarian completely out of the blue. We start with Stryker and Delirious. Stryker takes him down with a spinebuster for 2. Delirious runs around the ring gets in, and gets hiptossed. Kazarian tagged in, goes for La Majistral, and that gets 2. Meanwhile, at the commentary table, Skippers pissed that Tenay doesnt want to talk about him so he takes off to the back. In the ring, Luke has replaced Kazarian, and takes a Delirious missile dropkick. Sydal tags Delirious hits a flying clothesline, and gets a 2. Romeo tags Luke, flying clothesline on Sydal. Drop toe hold standing shooting star press, cover, 1, 2, kickout by Romeo. Romeo comes back with a headscissors takeover and alleyoop. Cover for 2. Romeo tags in Kazarian who hits a slingshot legdrop for 2. Sydal tags out to Stryker. He hotshots Kazarian onto the top rope, taking advantage of the sore ribs. Hes knocked off the apron and Stryker gets kicked out by Sydal. Here comes the spots!!!! Delirious hits a tope suicida onto the two on the floor. Alter Boy Luke dives onto everyone with a tope con hilo! Double springboard press by Romeo follows which leaves Sydal to hit a top rope moonsault onto everyone. Kazarian sneaks in with Stryker, tries a pin, but only gets 2. Stryker back in Sydal tries a dropkick that misses by 6 feet, but Stryker sells it anyway. Sydal only gets 2. He misses another dropkick by 6 feet and Stryker doesnt sell that one. Stryker catapults Sydal onto Kid Romeos shoulders Romeo plants him with something that Tenay calls Last Chance and that eliminates Sydal. (6:15) Luke gets in hits the Holy Driver, and trips on his way to the outside to try something. Moonsault from the OUTSIDE back in called the Halo, and it gets 2. Romeo with a bulldog for 2. Kazarian tags in, as does Delirious and poor Luke winds up on the receiving end of a German suplex. Delirious tries a weird pin thing that even the ref isnt sure about before counting 1 and Kazarian rolling away. Yakuza kick from Kazarian, followed by a backdrop into a bridge, which eliminates Delirious. (7:59) Stryker in with a Thesz press, followed by moonsault but Kazarian gets the knees up and tags in Romeo. A powerslam gets 2 from Stryker. What the hell happened to Luke? He seems to have up and disappeared. Romeo and Stryker wind up on the top rope, where Romeo hits a super Last Chance, and that finishes off Stryker. (9:15) Kazarian leaps in with a dropkick followed by a springboard back elbow. Romeo goes for his move again but Kazarian sneaks away, nails Back To The Future and scores the pin to become the #1 contender to the X Title. (9:52) *** Luke wuz robbed!
CHRIS SABIN wanders out to ringside immediately after the match. Hes got a microphone. Alright Frankie, you proved something to me tonight. You proved that youre a worthy contender. So I tell ya what son, you will get a title shotand its gonna be right now.
FRANKIE KAZARIAN vs. CHRIS SABIN (for the NWA X title)
Sabin attacks before Kazarian even knows what the hells going on. Sabin throws Kazarian into the ringpost ribs first then wraps him around, and yanks on the injured ribs. Whip into the rail followed by a hotshot on the railing, and double axehandle shot. Back in the ring, Kazarian comes back with an overhead belly to belly and the challenger isnt dead yet. Twisting neckbreaker, Sabin rolls to the outside and Kazarian decides to go airborn. Dumb move Sabin gets a knee out and Kazarian crashes in ribs first. Back in, Sabin tries a springboard sunset flip, but Kazarian sits down and gets 2. They fight to the top rop Kazarian tries a Flux Capacitor, but Sabin shoves him off, comes back down and hits a crucifix RIGHT into the corner turnbuckle head first. Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow! Future Shock, cover, Sabin retains! (3:07) *1/4 I love this feud!
Backstage, JEFF JARRETT lies on the floor, while SCOTT HUDSON reports on the fact thatwell, Jarrett is lying on the floor. VINNY RU and JUST JOE charge the scene and beat on him again.
LOLLIPOP takes up valuable time. She cant keep a straight face while calling out Bitchslap. And heres NURSE VERONICA to answer the challenge. APRIL PENNIGTON jumps in, and security breaks it up faster than last week. Thank god.
MIKE TENAY sits with JAMES MITCHELL. He hates Raven for being a whiner, so he called the nearest black pot he could, and invited Shane Douglas into the fed. He brings up the fact that Ravens always found a reason to bitch and complain, be it losing a couple matches, or having an argument with a promoter. Meanwhile, 3 years ago in ECW he had a device blow up his hands, costing him part of his finger and put a hole in his abdomen. He lost his wife, his home, his cars, his family, his pets, but he didnt whine about it. Mitchell laughs at the idea Raven even knows what the dark side is.
JULIO DENIRO and ALEXIS LAREE stand in the ring. He wants a piece of Shane Douglas RIGHT now
JULIO DENIRO (with Alexis Laree) vs. MY LEAST FAVORITE WRESTLER
Julio dropkicks Douglas and chokes him with his own t-shirt. Vertical suplex, and back to the shirt choking. Belly to back suplex, nicest Flatliner Ive EVER seen, cover, it only gets 2. Julio works over Douglas in the ropes, with more choking. Douglas comes back with an eyepoke but Julio no-sells (HAH!) and hits a full nelson slam, and gets 2. Douglas rolls outside, and stands around until Julio leaps over the top and crossbodys him. Alexis wanders over and slaps Douglas, before kicking the shit out of him. Man who got Shane to actually sell for someone beneath him tonight? Julio leaps off the stairs and nails Shane. Douglas comes back by knocking Julio into the guardrail and whips out a firemans carry onto the ringsteps. Back in, Douglas hits a powerslam for 2. Julio comes back with a back elbow, followed by a senton splash and backdrop. Flying Jalapeno connects cover, 2. Shane sent abdomen first into the corner superkick and a Julio chant breaks out! Man alive, put him over NOW! SQUASH DOUGLAS! Douglas starts the inevitable comeback but then Alexis shocks me by coming off the top with a tornado DDT and keeps the momentum in the corner of the The Gathering! Julio covers, 1, 2, FUCK! Alexis stays on the apron, Julio gets whipped into her knocking her down he turns, belly to belly suplex, 1, 2, 3. Go right to hell. (5:52) **
JAMES MITCHELL comes to the ring to burn us all further. Alexis tries to make the save, but Douglas slams her and she takes the fireball. The heels have a good laugh.
Backstage, Russo continues to beat down Jarrett, now on a stretcher. TNA meet overkill.
SKULL (with 8-Ball) vs. DEAN ROLL
I got an e-mail asking me who the heck Dean Roll is and why do I keep referring to him in Shark Boy matches. You mean to tell me YOU missed that one episode of Thunder about 4 years about when he wrestled without a mask and under his real name? And so continues the exciting adventures of acquiring Shark Boys mask will Heavy D get the job done? Don pounds away, but DON LARGE SHARK SMALL! HURT LITTLE MAN! GRRRRRRR! Shark Boy comes back with 2 dropkicks, escapes a snake eyes, rolls up Harris, and gets 2! Off the ropes clothesline doesnt work because DON LARGE SHARK SMALL! Ron pulls Shark Boy to the floor and launches him into the guardrail. Shark Boy back in corner to corner clotheslines hit. He goes for the mask, but Shark Boy rolls out to the floor. This feud could REALLY use one important element to interestwell, anyone. That element being would SOMEONE (Tenay is fine honestly) play up the fact that the mask is important to Shark Boy? No ones said it so what the hell am I supposed to care that someone is trying to take it off? It hasnt even been implied by anyone. Shark Boy is not Kane. Hes not Rey Jr. Hes some dude in a mask, having some fun. Shark Boy comes back in, and nails a jawbreaker, followed by a neckbreaker. He mounts the turnbuckle and does the 10 punch count-a-long, and bites Heavy D. Momentum does not last chokeslam, bye. (5:23) 1/2*
The beating is not over. Ron in H-Bomb! The fans in what appears to be a 20 foot radius topple over and die, as usual. Don grabs the mask and shows off his prize. Meanwhile, that wiley Shark Boy shows everyone that hes wearing another mask. See everyone wins! They get the mask they wanted (they never said they wanted to show off his face) and Shark Boy remains a mystery. The Harris Brothers are apparently upset though and try to unmask him again. Shark Boy escapes to the back before doing so
Its TNA Weekly Update with THREE STONERS. They make their usual jokes. The Kobe Bryant alleged sex scandal making headlines this weekthe rumors that the 19-year old in question is Juventud Guerrera are completely unfounded. Juventud isnt 19, hes 21 years oldbesides, you know who hes datingKid Romeo. They riff on Dusty Bakers comments, as BG James nearly collapses from the heat of the lights, while Ron Killings finds it nippy. And the finale comes from BG On a more serious note, ladies and gentlemen we sat around earlier in the writers meeting to find something funny to end off the show, and we found this at Vengeance, this coming up Sunday, Stephanie McMahon vs. Sableladies and gentlemen, it doesnt get any funnier than that.
DLO BROWN shouts about getting a chance, while SCOTT HUDSON holds a microphone. AJ STYLES attacks and we have ourselves a 10 second brawl. Quick, we have to cut away to
LOLLIPOP dancing. Quick, cut away to
KID KASH (with Mankind) vs. JERRY LYNN
Lynn takes control, by riding Kash for the first minute or so. He lets Kash up, and throws him around. Kash heads out to the floor, where Abyss comforts him. Kash informs the referee that Lynns been pulling his hair, so the referee issues a warning. Kash heads back inand promptly gets beaten up with various takedowns. Kash with the great equalizer the rake of the eyes! Kash tries to follow up but takes a tilt-a-whirl slam, into a cover, and thats a 2. Kash again rolls out, while Tenay notes that Abyss was part of the IWA and held all 3 major titles in the past year. Back in Lynn rolls Kash up, and gets 2. Kash throws Lynn to the outside Abyss catches him in the Torture Rack dropdown thing he does. Lynn rolled back in slingshot suplex gets 2. Kash uses the Hand In The Face (Kashs name for the iron claw) but Lynn breaks it and hits a neckbreaker. Front suplex, cover, 2. Kash tries a double jump moonsault but misses and Lynn hits the TKO. The referee is bumped in here and here comes Abyss. DDT from Lynn takes Abyss down, and he follows it with a top rope rana on the big man! Nice!!! Sets the cradle piledriver HEADBANGER JUSTIN hits the ring with a kendo stick, and whacks Lynn while the ref chats about breeds of kittens with Abyss. Referee turns, Kash covers, we have a winner. (7:07) *1/2 Smarks will eat me alivebut man, Jerry Lynn sucks.
Heres an exciting video package. Sonny Siaki is an Ace In The Hole, and Samoan. Shooting Star Press writer Bryon Frazier suggests he call himself The Son and get it over with.
MIKE TENAY talks about hardcore legends. The Sheik, Terry Funk, Abdullah The Butcher, and Hard Ten winnerTHE SANDMAN. He slowly staggers down to ringside, where a trophy waits, Sandmans name etched on the first nameplate. 2-3 odds says it gets smashed, 2-1 odds says it gets stolen. On how it feels to be champion: Im hurtin. Hes starting to look old Budweisers are poured into the cup and Sandman goes Stanley cup on it, before inviting the crowd. Tenay gets excited on the house mic, while Sandman pours beer into the mouths of the TNA faithful. WE WANT BEER! SOME REALLY FAT GUY IN A SUIT attacks during this celebration and is joined by (YES!!!!!!!!) DON CALLIS! I missed the fat guys name, it sounded like Edward Chastain or something. I need a graphic with helpful spelling. Callis declares hardcore wrestling and Sandmans career over with. Man this guy is the gift that keeps on giving! The fat guy goes to smash Sandman with the trashcan, but Callis asks that we keep things corporate, puts on a latex glove, and trashes the hardcore cup. Awesome segment.
BEHIND THE PAINT: PART 2
Favorite opponent: Ric Flair
Favorite match: Great American Bash 1990
Dusty Rhodes: The most charismatic man ever.
Eric Bischoff: Gotta give credit where credit is due he got Nitro going, and he was a huge part of its success.
Roddy Piper: Talented character.
Bret Hart: Great finishing hold.
The Ultimate Warrior: Very bizarre.
Vince McMahon: Best chess player of all time.
Hulk Hogan: Best chess player of all time. The Michael Jordan of wrestling.
Randy Savage: One of his favorite characters of all time.
Impact of the Internet on wrestling: Good and bad Doesnt pay attention to it even though people say really nice things about him, some people will tear you apart, and he doesnt need to hear it. Feels the people that do that are doing it because its all they know how to do. Why are they watching in that case? Theyre watching because they love it and know it so they oughta start talking positive.
NEXT WEEK: Final edition of Monday Nitro discussed!
SCOTT HUDSON stands with the incredibly naked TRINITY. On Scotts mind? Wheres AJ Styles? Yeahthats what youre thinking Scott. She calls him Scotty Not 2 Hotty (HAR, THE WIT!) and says she doesnt need to prove herself to anyone. Its all about the Trinity.
NEXT WEEK: More hype. Ravens back, Justin vs. Jerry part 4, Shark Boy will team up with New Jack against Harris Brothers, Jeff Jarrett will take on Joe, and more!
TALE OF THE TAPE
Brown Styles 6'3" Height 5'11" 280 Weight 215 9 Years Pro 4
- Teacher vs. Student - Russo vs. Equalizer - Styles Clash vs. Lo-Down
DLO BROWN vs. AJ STYLES (for the NWA world heavyweight title)
Russo doesnt come out with Styles. JEREMY BORASH does the intros. Before we get started DLo brings out his equalizerRUSSO IN A CAGE. Thats about as lame an equalizer you could deliver. Styles runs down to try to get Russo out so DLo attacks and throws him down the ramp. Back in DLo knocks AJ down, and powerslams him. Shaky shaky legdrop, and a shove follow. Russo shakes at his door. Styles works a headlock for awhile but takes a nasty looking belly to back suplex. He rolls out and DLo spears him back into the guardrail! He tries a whip to the guardrail, but Styles smartly slides underneath it. He stands and meets a DLo clothesline, before getting rolled back in. Slingshot senton, cover, only 2. Styles stands charges DLo and he gets elevated like hes going for a Sky High but hits a Stunner on the way back down! Cover gets 2. Whoever told DLo to wrestle WWF style for the past 7 years can go to hell. Styles dropkicks at DLos knee, and quickly follows with a standing Frankensteiner, and spinning heel kick. DLo falls outside, and Styles poses. Mother of god Styles stands next to the apron and jumps OVER the top rope with a moonsault and crashes into DLo. Theres a white man that CAN jump! Back in, Styles tries a leapfrog in the corner, but gets caught with a double leg slam. Slugfest DLo wins. Clotheslines, a backdrop, and a shaky shaky legdrop follow. Thats only a 2. TRINITY heads on down and climbs right up to the top. She hits a somersault splash on DLo referee paying no attention. Styles scoots in to coverand gets 2. DLo gets whipped into the corner stopping short of nailing the ref, turns, and ducks an enzuigiri that doesnt miss the ref! Styles turns around, and meets a Sky High, followed by the Lo-Downbut the referee remains dead. THE SON hits the ring, and belts DLo with a baseball bat. He hits the Siakalypse, and gets out of the way so Styles can hit a frog splash of his own. Referee wakes up, 1, 2, 3. Tenay: Damn! (7:24) **
Russo and his clan lock DLo in the cage and shove it over. Styles beats on the cage with the baseball bat as Tenay announces we are desperately out of time.
The first half of the show was great but everything after the Sabin/Kazarian match went right down hill. It felt like I was watching 2 different showssounds familiar.
And of course, every couple months, someone wanders over to my now defunct page and finds something they don't like and e-mails me to inform me how stupid I am. Those are fun! (For example, did YOU know that "Big" from Tough Enough really ISN'T Vader's twin brother - and how dare I suggest such a thing???)
Thanks for responding though, it always makes me feel squishy.
Recently I had traveled over to www.nwatna.com reading their POS reports (which I don't understand why are a month behind). Yesterday night, in a fit of boredom, I was checking out recent posts made by CRZ since he's been back (why? Because well, i'm a loser like that), and ran into your neglected recaps. Ask and ye shall receive...
Well, he's Konnan, I mean, that's plenty right there.
Konnan burned every bridge possible on his way out of Mexico, by jumping twice and raiding wrestlers to take with him. He's not just blackballed by the biggest lucha promotions, he's prohibited from entering CMLL's main arena and everyone in Mexico is warned not to do business with him.
So, when the people in charge of CMLL realized that Konnan was probably involved in the Negro Casas/Shocker deal to NWA-TNA, they pulled them from the show. He was the deal breaker.
(They were going to a Rey Bucanero/Ultimo Guerrero vs AMW match down the road)
* I'm so Canadian I had to Google that to see what it's from **I was laughing so hard I was hyperventilating. Seriously. ***I don't think I even know Nathan Jones HAD music, but I'll assume that was to the tune of it and nod politely.