I have a headache. Let’s see if that is capable of influencing a recap.
The FBI sez DO NOT STEAL THIS BROADCAST OF NWA TNA. They need your money!
LAST WEEK: AJ Styles and D’Lo Brown fight three times! Tie goes to the champion. Sonny Siaki sees fit to interfere regularly – will likely feud with D’Lo as a result. And really, when I think TNA, I think “not enough Sonny Siaki”. TNA Senior Official Rudy Charles defends his decision. Here’s some footage from Xplosion. Vince Russo comforts AJ Styles, letting him know he’s a winner.
SCOTT HUDSON sees an exciting limo! Rushing over, he opens the door and out steps TRINITY and AJ STYLES. Styles has a comment – “no comment”. THE SON exits the limo with a cameraman, because apparently a documentary is being shot about the Next Big Ace In The Hole. Intently, Hudson turns to the camera: “D’Lo Brown – AJ Styles, we’ve got questions, will we get answers? The next chapter begins now.”
MIKE TENAY and DON WEST are live from the Asylum, because travelling costs money! Wasting no time, here’s a match…
SKIP OVER vs. JERRY LYNN
No talking, just fighting. This is a match to determine who really is the best pound for pound athlete. Play Of The Day is blocked, turned into La Majistral…and SCORES THE PINFALL??? (0:26) DUD What the fuck are they thinking???
Elix grabs the microphone and says that Lynn’s not half the man that he is. He fails to add “and I have half the brain that you do”, which makes me sad. Elix adds that if Lynn doesn’t commit to a 2 out of 3 falls match, he’s a chicken. If I’m Lynn, I walk RIGHT NOW and spend the rest of my life tormenting him with the fact I beat him in 26 seconds and there’s nothing he can do about it. Alas, Lynn is a “real competitor” or something, and stupidly accepts.
SKIP OVER vs. JERRY LYNN (in a 2 out of 3 falls match)
Belly to back from Lynn. Mount the corner – but Elix sidesteps and drops Lynn snake eyes! Skipper backdrops Lynn nuts first on the top rope, then scales the turnbuckle and tightrope walks across the top holding NOTHING – before leaping and giving Lynn a rana. A cover is good for 2. Lynn backdrops Skipper to the apron – pulls his head between the ropes, and tries a legdrop. However, Skipper moves – so Lynn trips him up instead. Skipper tries to suavely re-enter using the ropes to propel himself over, and trips. POUND FOR POUND BABY! He was supposed to follow through with a clothesline, but blows the move so bad Tenay actually calls it “a variation of the clothesline”. To no surprise, that’s 2. Using the corner to elevate himself, Skipper does a 180 legdrop, covers, and gets 2. Skipper goes outside, pulls Lynn headfirst to the apron, and axekicks him on the apron. Back in, Lynn escapes a headlock and backdrops Skipper. Swinging neckbreaker, tornado DDT, 1, 2, kickout! Lynn calls for a cradle piledriver, but Skipper reverses into a catapult. Lynn winds up on Skipper’s shoulders and kicks the ref – knocking him out…in the opening match. Good lord. Skipper grabs Crash Holly’s scale – swings, Lynn ducks, and dropkicks it back in Skipper’s face. The ref is awake, 1, 2, 3. (6:07) ** Two straight falls for Lynn, there’s something you don’t see every day. Especially with someone you’re pushing.
Would someone please bring an “I’d rather be at Nitro” sign?
TONIGHT: Ricky Morton will teach Kid Kash a lesson in respect. Chris Sabin defends the X Title against Michael Shane. Raven allows 6 people into the Clockwork Orange House Of Fun. Jeff Jarrett takes on Legend in a baseball bat guitar on a pole match.
THE SON fails to see the comparisons to The Rock apparently. I tend to agree, The Rock never had TRINITY as his manager. Siaki goes through about 900 nicknames right off the bat, including “the past, the present, and the future”. How in the hell is he the past??? Perhaps it’s in reference to his dated mic work. Siaki calls out AJ STYLES, for whatever reason. AJ enters the ring, unhappy with the fact Siaki helped him win last week, and adds that he’s the champ because he’s the best the sport has to offer. HAH, the fans start chanting “KNOW YOUR ROLE” at Siaki. Styles reminds Siaki that Siaki rides coattails. Siaki calls Styles “kid”, and informs him while they’re in the same deck of playing cards, AJ’s the joker. So Styles slaps the taste right out of Siaki’s mouth. Trinity holds the boys back from eachother, and it’s time for an interruption from D’LO BROWN. Tenay feels this should be interesting. D’Lo tells Styles he doesn’t need Siaki, Trinity, or Russo. D’Lo spent the last week sitting on his ass, re-watching the tape of last week over and over, trying to figure out who won the match. As a result, he wants one more match. Styles says he can’t accept the fact he could very well be an ex-champion, so he takes one more match. AJ offers The Hand Of Friendship, D’Lo takes it…and Siaki nails D’Lo from behind. Styles hesitates, and joins the beating! ERIK WATTS hits the ring and chokeslams everything in sight. If they book this guy like 911, they may have found a role for him. Watts books the match for next week – and Legend, Trinity, and Siaki are barred. Not Russo however, who’s going to be handcuffed to Watts at ringside. And just to ensure no run ins, it’ll be inside a cage. Okay, THAT could rule. They worked really well together in the 4 minutes they got last time inside the cage.
My cat informs me she is hungry, by yelling and ramming her head into me. Stupid cats.
There, she’s fed and locked out of the room.
SCOTT HUDSON enters Raven’s Lair – to speak to THE GATHERING. Raven and Julio have no idea where the heck CM Punk is. It’s not bothering Raven however, because he’d drag his ass across the pits of hell to get his hands on Shane Douglas. Without the help of CM Punk however, Alexis Laree volunteers to be the third…person.
EDWARD CHASTAIN (with Don Callis) vs. THE SANDMAN
Callis promises to give the people what they want – a non-hardcore corporate match pitting Sandman against Chastain. And sure enough, Sandman returns, still looking old. He brings a kendo stick, which I thought was illegal. Doesn’t matter, Chastain ducks a stick shot, knocks Sandman down, and drops the elbow. Scoop slam, legdrop, and Sandman is tossed to the outside. Chastain gets to the apron, and attempts the Quarter Ton Senton from there!!!! It’s completely ignored by the announcers, who are too busy arguing with Callis. Sandman comes back with a bulldog, and grabs his kendo stick. The referee gets bumped, Chastain is belted, followed by the White Russian Legsweep, and Sandman wins. (2:11) *1/4 Man alive, they’re not wasting any time tonight are they? Sandman gets his trophy back, fills it with beer, and offers a drink to the fans.
Meanwhile, in the ring, Callis has entered. Chastain has apparently disappointed the customers, so Callis slips on a latex glove, shakes Chastain’s hand, and informs him he’s been let go. Chastain is a victim of corporate downsizing – which is the FUNNIEST way to do the “YOU’RE FIRED” bit I’ve ever seen.
EARLIER TODAY: Poolside, SHARK BOY sulks. NORMAN SMILEY sees him, and promises to put some glide in his stride, volunteering to be his new tag-team partner. I can’t quite figure out exactly why ATHENA is bouncing around in Hulk Hands, unless she’s the new manager.
LAST WEEK: Simon Diamond and Johnny Swinger whip America’s Most Wanted with bullropes.
SIMON DIAMOND and JOHNNY SWINGER (with the Manager Of Champions) vs. SHARK BOY and NORMAN SMILEY
Does this mean the quest to steal the mask is FINALLY over? New Jack is suspended until further notice for violence and bad language – and West immediately notes that Diamond and Swinger are still here despite their violent attacks over the past few weeks. Shark Boy starts the match stuck in a double team, taking a sidewalk slam/bulldog for 2. Diamond stays in, and nails the Simon Series, covers, and gets 2. Shark Boy whips Diamond off the ropes – puts up the “Talk To The Hand”, and does the Big Wiggle. Diamond knocks him on his ass. Tag out to Swinger, who cuts off the ring and clotheslines Shark Boy. Shark Boy finds himself in the tree of woe, and chokes him out from the floor while the referee discusses fine English cooking with Norman. Running knee to the head of Shark Boy, and Swinger rakes the eyes. Choke in the ropes – Smiley runs in to try to break things up, and the referee chases him away. Swinger with a series of knee lifts, followed by a choke – and Shark Boy’s in a bad way. He tries to fight Swinger off, who no sells and laughs. Sleeper from Swinger is reversed into a belly to back suplex – and is followed through with a jawbreaker. Tag to Norman! Smiley clotheslines Diamond and follows with a Mini Wiggle. Diamond runs in, and meets the butt bump. Wind up slam for Swinger, Smack My Bitch Up for Diamond! Norman rolls up Swinger all around, stands in a VERY prone position, and prepares for a Big Wiggle. Diamond has enough of being sodomized and superkicks Norman to the floor. Shark Boy comes out of nowhere with a missile dropkick, covers Swinger, and gets 2 before it being broken up. The heels immediately regroup, hit the Problem Solver (version of a 3-D, but it’s finished with a DDT instead of a Diamond Cutter), and score the pinfall. (5:04) **1/2 Excellent little match.
Gilberti hits the ring right away following the match – and says that AMW got whipped last week, which means there’s only one guy left…JEREMY BORASH! AMERICA’S MOST WANTED hit the ring immediately before Borash is attacked. Storm says he was beaten far worse as a child by his own mother compared to last week – and offers Diamond and Swinger a Raw Hide Strap Match. Gilberti accepts for his boys. I smell a title change.
MIKE TENAY had a sit down interview with VIC VENOM earlier today. Here’s some highlights.
Vince Russo on AJ Styles: “AJ is the champion simply because AJ and I are a team. If you think I’m not looking out for AJ Styles, then maybe you need to get your values examined, because I am looking out for AJ. Ever since AJ has been by my side, AJ has been the champion.”
Vince Russo on SEX: “The division is alive and well, but right now Sports Entertainment Extreme is on the backburner. But it’s on the backburner for one reason, and one reason only, and that person’s name is Jeff Jarrett. Because let me tell you something, for as much as I once loved Jeff, I hate him even more now. You can’t feel my hate for Jeff Jarrett. For him to parade my kids out on TV, that the lowest level he could possibly stoop to, I will do whatever I have can to get rid of that pimple on my ass. I know I’m not allowed to curse on TV anymore, but I just did. But my obsession… You’re damn right I’m obsessed with Jeff Jarrett. He parades my kids on TV, Jeff Jarrett began to make things personal. For me, it was strictly business. I had a vision, Sports Entertainment Extreme, Jeff just happened to be in my way. But for him to stoop to where he stooped, we’re not going to get anything started until I’m rid of Jeff Jarrett.”
Vince Russo on the NWA World Title: “I got all the power, okay. I said when I get this belt there would be changes around here. Obviously, there have been some changes. Anyone see Goldilocks anymore? You see Goldilocks, Mike? Because the bottom line is I’ve got the power. And now what happens is Mike, and now I go into the offices at TNA, and I play the AJ Styles card. I might go in there next week and I might say I don’t like the way Mike Tenay scowls at me, I don’t like the way Mike Tenay looks at me. TNA, whaddaya think, Mike Tenay, or AJ Styles? AJ Styles or Mike Tenay? You make the decision. What do you think they’re gonna say? I think YOU need to start showing me the proper respect, because this right here says I earn your respect whether you like it or not.”
SCOTT HUDSON has caught up with CHRIS SABIN. Sabin reminds him it’s “The Future” Chris Sabin, and some would say “Hail Sabin”. Hudson wants to know when Frankie Kazarian gets another shot at the belt? Sabin says Kazarian gave it a good shot, but it’s over. ERIK WATTS hits the scene, and makes Kazarian the special referee in his match against Michael Shane tonight. Hudson and Sabin argue.
TALE OF THE TAPE - Sabin: 2 ½ months as X Division Champ. - Challenger makes TNA debut - Shane: In biggest match of career
MICHAEL SHANE vs. CHRIS SABIN (for the NWA X title)
FRANKIE KAZARIAN enters first, as the referee. Tenay notes Shane comes from the TWA, along with other wrestlers like Spanky and Paul London. They fight over wristlocks, then trade hiptosses. Shane takes the early advantage with a Frankensteiner, followed by a dropkick. He hooks Sabin, and draws a 2. Sabin comes back with a knee and springboard dropkick sending Shane to the floor. Sabin tries a baseball slide dropkick, but Shane scoots back into the ring quickly and flies with a tope con hilo!!! Back in – Shane heads up, but Sabin cuts him off and launches him crotch first over the top rope, and finishes the sequence by dropkicking Shane to the floor. Sabin charging – leaps – and a SPRINGBOARD PLANCHA hits, impressively! In the ring, Sabin hooks a surfboard bodyscissors, adding a chinlock for fun. Sabin puts Shane up top – wants to go for a bulldog, but he’s fought off, and Shane hits a twisting neckbreaker from the middle rope. Beautiful. Flying jalapeno, clothesline, clothesline, and a Flatliner all hit…and get 2. Sabin stands, leaps off the middle rope – and hits a swinging DDT!!! That’s only a 2, which is a shame. SWEET CHIN MUSIC from nowhere, Shane covers, 1, 2, NO! Sabin picks up Shane in a crucifix position – spins him around 180 and drops him with a DDT. I imagine it has a name, but Tenay hasn’t been let in on it. That’s again only 2, which is the biggest problem with these matches, because all these impressive moves ultimately are nothing more than transition. Sabin gets frustrated, grabs his title belt from the table, and Kazarian intercepts immediately. This gives Shane a chance to roll him up for 2. Sabin picks Shane up and nails him with a big boot, and goes to argue with Kazarian. Kazarian has enough of the mouth and knocks Sabin cold with the Wave Of The Future on the title belt. Shane pulls Sabin to the middle of the ring, 1, 2, RUDY CHARLES breaks things up, telling Kazarian to get out. In the ring, Sabin’s got his title back, decks Shane, Charles slides in, and counts the pinfall. (8:59) ***
Here’s a video promo for Mad Mikey. He’s mad at his roommates, and beats them up. He’s mad at his boss (apparently he works in an office), and smashes the computer. He’s mad at fast food restaurants, specifically Fat Mo’s. They put cheese on his hamburger you see – so he leaps through the drivethrough window to beat up the guy at the counter. Inside the TNA Asylum, he beats on random people. And he returns next week. I go back to last week’s recap, and again beg the question, who was the dumbass who gave Crash Holly a job?
LAST WEEK: Kid Kash and Ricky Morton exchange words.
RICKY MORTON tells SCOTT HUDSON that while he may have taught Kid Kash everything Kash knows, he didn’t teach him everything that HE knows.
KID KASH vs. RICKY MORTON
No Abyss? No Robert Gibson? Morton encourages a Rock N Roll chant, to no response. Poor guy. Oh good lord, SARA LEE has wandered down to ringside. If we’ve learned anything from Russo over the years, old people are “hilarious”. Count the days until Hugh Morrus’ dad is signed. Morton drops Kash with a punch, and follows with a couple of hiptosses. Kash is thrown to the ropes – he hooks the top, so Morton clotheslines him to the outside. HOLY JESUS FUCK, OLD MAN FLYING!!!! TOPE SUCIDA from MORTON! Kash is thrown back in – who dropkicks Morton off the apron on his way back in. Kash tries a baseball slide, Morton hooks the leg and yanks Kash out. He turns to the camera, says something, goes back to Kash and gets thrown into the steps. Back in, Kash goes off the top with a clothesline, covers, and gets 1. Kash moves to the reverse chinlock, driving the knee to Morton’s back. Morton escapes – and the boys exchange chops. Facebuster to the knee from Kash, and applies a hammerlock on the mat. Sara Lee DOES manage to get a “ROCK N ROLL” chant going – and Morton backslides Kash for 2. CORSECA JOE has escaped the retirement home, and plants himself ringside while Morton is powering out of a pin using a BRIDGE (honest to god, this guy is HOW OLD and pulling this stuff off???) – before Kash levels him with a kick to the ribs. Kash springboards off the top rope, attempts a senton, but Morton avoids it. Overhead belly to belly from Morton, dropkick, cover, 1, 2, Kash kicks out. PERFECT sunset flip from Morton, 1, 2, argh. Kash gets in a couple of 2 counts, stands, and pokes Morton in the eyes. Kash heads to the top, and gets cut off. Morton climbs…and HITS A RANA!!!! The referee feels something’s wrong, checks on Kash, while MANKIND hits the ring. Sitdown Torture Rack from Abyss, Kash miraculously recovers, covers, and gets the pin. (6:10) **3/4 I’m getting REAL sick and tired of the bullshit finishes, ruining otherwise excellent matches… That’s 3 lame finishes tonight. Kash goes on a rampage after the match, throwing a chair at Morton before BLACK SHIRT SECURITY chases him off.
3 LIVE CREW are continuing their wacky adventures. This week – they head to get some Mexican food. Konnan talks BG James into drinking salsa, who promptly throws up. Killings meanwhile is asking the bartender for orange juice, and the bar tender misinterprets this for tequila. In the bathroom, James has a case of explosive diarrhea. Konnan is disgusted by the smell. Killings is completely wasted, wearing a sombrero and needs to be escorted home.
NEXT WEEK: 3 Live Crew hit the trailer park! The joke is growing old REAL fast.
Back live in the arena, LOLLIPOP and APRIL PENNIGTON have whips and call out Bitchslap. Sure enough, NURSE VERONICA, VALENTINA, and TRINITY arrive. Veronica and Valentina hit the ring first, and promptly get spanked by the whips. They run to the back as quickly as they hit the ring. The whole segment lasts about 1 minute. Weird.
Another Christopher Daniels promo. He’s returning next week, so say your prayers.
Here’s a quick recap of the feud between Shane Douglas and Raven, which has been going on for about 2 months now if I’m not mistaken. Last week, some guy in white bloodied Raven, which eventually led to him getting pinned. And that brings us to the clockwork orange match this week.
SHANE DOUGLAS and THE DISCIPLES OF THE NEW CHURCH (with Father James Mitchell) vs. THE GATHERING (in a clockwork orange house of fun match)
The Gathering clears the ring immediately, hitting ANYTHING that moves with their weapons. Alexis is feeling ballsy, and tries a top rope plancha on the church, and gets planted as a result. Julio tries the same, to no avail – so Raven baseball slide dropkicks Julio, which sends the church back to the guardrailing. Douglas seats Raven crotchfirst on the guardrail, and clotheslines him into the crowd. Douglas slams Raven’s head into the guardrail, while Slash throws a trashcan lid at Alexis. Slash busts open Julio with punches to the head. He grabs a crutch and slams Julio. Raven’s also been busted open, presumably from the guardrail. Slash keeps working over Julio with the crutch. In the ring, Slash and Alexis meet, while Lee destroys Julio on the ramp. Raven takes a trashcan shot to the head from Douglas. Julio crawls to the ring, and gets smashed in the face with a trashcan shot. Raven gets knocked off the apron, and Slash hits the whirlee bird on Alexis HARDER than I’ve ever seen the move hit before. Lee knocks down Julio, while Slash rolls Raven back into the ring. Belly to belly from Douglas on Raven, Doomsday Device from Slash MISSES, and Julio rolls through the shoulders, getting 2 on Lee. Douglas sends him out to the floor and spits on Alexis. He holds her up for a Brian Lee big boot – but she ducks and Douglas takes it to the face, sending him out to the floor. Slash tries to powerbomb Alexis, but she rana’s him to the floor! She can’t escape Brian Lee however, who drops her with a right. Another shot, down she goes again. She’s whipped into the ropes – ducks through his legs on the rebound, Lee turns, and there’s Julio and Raven waiting to superkick him simultaneously! Douglas is back in, and gets slammed with a trashcan lid. Slash gets the same fate dealt. Both heels are held in abdominal stretches – and Alexis is more than happy to wail on them with kendo stick shots. Bulldog from Raven on Slash! Conchairto with trashcanlids on Douglas! Alexis tries a sleeper on Lee, but is shrugged off. Julio takes him out regardless with a Cactus clothesline. Raven sets up Douglas on a table outside – and Alexis in the ring plants Slash with a jumping DDT! Raven from the middle rope drops an elbow on Douglas through the table. THAT KLAN MEMBER is hiding under the ring this week, and drags Raven under it with him. Lee chokeslams Alexis. Slash goes to do something from the top, but Julio shoves him off of it and to the floor. He comes off the top with a trashcan lid shot to Lee, and now everyone’s down. Raven’s emerged from under the ring, Douglas drapes an arm on the floor, 1, 2, 3. Fuck. (9:48) ***1/2
Brian Lee and Slash have their niche in these hardcore brawls – as demonstrated last winter in their nasty feud with AMW. Douglas remains useless, and thus is the most likely guy to get a push from the group.
Backstage, D’LO BROWN stands inside a 15 foot high cage. SCOTT HUDSON wants a word. He’s wondering if he can top the Best Of Three and win the belt? D’Lo could care less about topping the matches, all he wants is the belt. D’Lo wants Hudson to see how tough the cage is, by rubbing his head against the cage. Hudson refuses, so D’Lo whips out a potato and grinds it into freedom fries.
NEXT WEEK: D’Lo Brown, AJ Styles, part 4. Chris Sabin, Frankie Kazarian, part 4. America’s Most Wanted, Diamond and Swinger, part 3.
AJ STYLES is willing to give an interview with SCOTT HUDSON, but very quickly. He says he’s the best in the business, and will not be losing the belt.
Here’s a video package about the feud I wish would end, Legend vs. Jarrett.
JUST JOE vs. TRIPLE J (in a guitar and baseball bat on a pole match)
Jarrett hits the dropkick, mounts the corner, and hits 10 punches. Legend comes back with a knee to the midsection, and stomps away. He goes to get the baseball bat, way too early, and gets shoved off the top to the guardrail. Legend tries to take a swing, but he’s way out of it, and misses. Back in, Jarrett backdrops Legend, and goes to get his guitar. Legend cuts him off and tries a powerbomb, but Jarrett hammers away and falls on Legend. Legend recovers, fireman’s carry position…into a flapjack. He slaps on a rear chinlock/surfboard, lets him out, tries a Stinger splash, and gets booted in the face. Jarrett comes off the second rope – he’s caught, and dropped into the backbreaker for 2. Legend targets the ribs, slapping away at them and dropping a knee. Legend goes for the guitar – but he’s stopped by Jarrett, and hit by a Liger bomb! Both men stand – trade punches, and Jarrett gets powerslammed. Legend again goes for the guitar, and gets press slammed from the top by Jarrett. The Stroke hits, and Jarrett wants the baseball bat. THE SON hits the ring, and Jarrett gets the bat. Siaki takes away the bat – but Jarrett stops him, makes him drop it, and sends him to the floor. Meanwhile, Legend stands, grabs the bat, smacks Jarrett between the eyes, and what would end 99% of matches in TNA, Jarrett kicks out at 2. Siaki tries to get involved again, but BLACK SHIRT SECURITY stops that. Jarrett takes the bat and swings at Siaki – but before he can do anything to Legend, RED SHIRT SECURITY is in to stop Jarrett, despite all of this being completely legal. Jarrett again gets into a shoving match with Kevin Northcutt, which gives Legend a chance to hit the Stonecutter. The referee returns, but superman kicks out once again. Legend heads up – but Jarrett stops him and superplexes him back in. Jarrett wants the guitar, but can’t get it before Legend cuts him off. Both men climb up, and Jarrett hits a superStroke. He grabs the guitar, tries to jump and slam Legend, but Legend ducks and superkicks Jarrett. He grabs the bat, heads up – jumps, and Jarrett slaps him with the guitar on the way down. From the second rope, guitar shot, cover, 1, 2, 3. (9:05) ** And hopefully that ends THAT once and for all.
Out of NOWHERE, CHRISTOPHER DANIELS hits the ring, clad in his suit. He nails, Jarrett, sends him to the floor, and and hits a top rope split legged moonsault from the apron. Tenay puts two and two together, figuring that the tradition he’s out to eliminate is Jarrett. Back in, Legend hits a Stonecutter while the bell rings five hundred million times. AND WE’RE OUT OF TIME!
Decent little show tonight, nothing overly offensive, and thankfully Jarrett seems poised to get the hell away from Legend and move on to a real feud with Daniels which is NOTHING but a good thing. And with any luck, next week we’ll also finish up with D’Lo and Styles, which means we’re in for a crop of new main events in the near future. Yes, there is some good ahead.
Originally posted by cfgbProblem Solver (version of a 3-D, but it’s finished with a DDT instead of a Diamond Cutter)
Another good description of a move I haven't seen.
Originally posted by cfgbThey put cheese on his hamburger you see
I have no problem with Mad Mikey on this; actually I am on his side. There are some people who *don't like cheese* (not all cheese, but some cheeses anyway), and don't want it on anything. But it seems even if you tell them that, they put cheese on it anyways. They deserve the beating they get. Why do people assume that everyone likes cheese?, can I get a *hamburger* please. Sorry for the mini-rant.
Again, a very good recap, one of the best around.
Murphy's Law "The odds of the bread landing buttered side down are directly proportional to the price of the carpet."
I've had dozens of horror stories. When I was younger, I couldn't stand cheeseburgers. (I've since grown a taste, and love for them.) I always needed regular non-cheese HAMBURGERS. McDonalds always had their list, the hamburger, and the cheeseburger. So often I'd ask for a HAMBURGER, and lo and behold, the cheeseburger would find its way to me.
That's not the worst though. It's the places with the special sauce.
I cannot stomach mayo, or ANY form of special sauce. It makes me vomit on location.
These days, I ALWAYS make sure the burger doesn't have anything. "You don't put mayo or special sauce, right? Please don't!" This is apparently a MUST since places are always trying to scrape it on.
A few years back, some place, Wendy's or something, had a new burger. I should note I was in Quebec at the time, so I was dealing with a French cashier, and I rarely think to speak French to them, though obviously I should... I asked if it had mayo or whatever, they said no. I said "good, please don't put any on."
She misinterpreted this for PLEASE PUT IT ON!
I threw up in the parking lot moments later.
Moments after that, I re-entered the restuarant with blood shot eyes, pissed off. They KNEW they'd fucked up, so what did they do?
ALL GO TO THE BACK!
It was the evening so no one else was in there. I couldn't believe it, they just took off.
So perhaps I shouldn't be so hard on Mikey afterall.
That was quite a bit longer than I intended it - but it sure feels good to blow off some burger steam.