Hierarchy of Deities: Sarah Vowell > Roger Ebert > Albert Pujols > God
So, um, I don't want you to believe everything you hear at the parent-teacher conference, okay, 'cause...they lie. And they exaggerate. That's why they're teachers, right? Those who can't, right, Mom? Those who can't.
The only thing that would have made that situation better (for me, as a casual observer who was only watching to see the Cubs celebrate), would be if the fan caught the ball, and then ripped off his Cubs jacket to reveal a Marlins jersey.